In later life Egger couldn’t remember ever having talked as much as he did the day Marie first visited his cabin. The words simply tumbled out of him and he listened to them in astonishment as they lined up, seemingly of their own accord, to create a meaning that became apparent to him with surprising clarity only after he had spoken them.
As they descended the narrow, winding path to the valley, Egger fell silent again. He felt strange and a little embarrassed, without knowing why. They stopped for a while at a bend in the path, sat in the grass and leaned their backs against the trunk of a fallen beech. The wood had stored the warmth of the last days of summer and smelled of dry moss and resin. All around them the mountaintops rose up into the clear sky. Marie thought they looked as if they were made of porcelain, and although Egger had never seen porcelain in his life he agreed with her. You’d have to be careful walking there, he said; one false step and the whole landscape might crack, or shatter straight away into thousands of tiny landscape-splinters. Marie laughed. ‘That sounds funny,’ she said.
‘Yes,’ said Egger. Then he bowed his head, not knowing what to do next. He would have liked to stand up, grab a rock and fling it somewhere at random, as high and as far as possible. Suddenly he felt her shoulder against his shoulder. He raised his head and said, ‘I can’t stand it any longer!’ He turned towards her, took her face in both hands and kissed her.
‘Goodness,’ she said. ‘Aren’t you strong!’
‘Sorry,’ he said, alarmed, and drew back his hands.
‘It was nice, though,’ she said.
‘Even though it hurt?’
‘Yes,’ she said. ‘Very nice.’
He took her face in his hands once more, this time as gently as you would cradle a hen’s egg or a newly hatched chick.
‘That’s right,’ she said, and closed her eyes.
He would have liked to ask for her hand that very day, or the following day at the latest, but he had no idea how to go about it. For nights on end he sat in front of his house on the threshold he had built, staring at the moonlit grass at his feet while his thoughts revolved around his own inadequacies. He wasn’t a farmer, and he didn’t want to be one. But he wasn’t a craftsman either, or a woodsman, or a herdsman. In truth, he made his living as a kind of labourer, a hired hand for all seasons and occasions. A man like that was good for pretty much anything, but not as a prospective husband. Women expected more from a husband-to-be: this much Egger thought he did understand about them. If it were up to him he would spend the rest of his life sitting beside a path somewhere, hand in hand with Marie, leaning against a resinous tree trunk. But it wasn’t just up to him now. He knew his responsibilities in this world. He wanted to protect Marie and take care of her. A man needed to lift up his eyes and look as far as possible beyond his own small, limited patch of ground. That was what he had told her, and that was what he intended to do.
Egger paid a visit to the camp of Bittermann & Sons, which by now had expanded to cover the whole of the sloping meadow on the other side of the valley, and had more inhabitants than the village itself. He asked his way to the hut of the general manager, who was responsible for hiring new workers, and entered his office with unaccustomed hesitancy: he was afraid his rough boots might damage the carpet, which covered practically the whole of the floor and muffled his steps as if he were walking on moss. The general manager was a heavy man whose bald, scarred head was fringed with a crown of short-cropped hair. He was sitting behind a black wooden desk wearing a leather jacket lined with sheepskin, despite the warmth in the room. He was poring over a stack of files and seemed not to have noticed Egger’s entrance, but just as Egger was about to make some sort of noise to attract his attention he unexpectedly raised his head.
‘You limp,’ he said. ‘We can’t use someone like you.’
‘There’s no better worker around here than me,’ Egger answered. ‘I’m strong. I can do anything. I’ll do anything.’
‘But you limp.’
‘In the valley, maybe,’ said Egger. ‘On the mountain I’m the only one who walks upright.’
The general manager slowly leaned back. Silence filled the room, settling like a dark veil over Egger’s heart. He stared at the whitewashed wall and for a moment he could no longer remember why he had come here at all. The manager sighed. He raised his hand and made a gesture as if trying to erase Egger from his field of vision. Then he said, ‘Welcome to Bittermann & Sons. No alcohol, no whoring, no unions. Start tomorrow morning, half-past five!’
Egger helped to cut timber and erect the massive iron girders that threaded their way at fifty-metre intervals along a dead straight line, further and further up the mountain. Each one towered several metres over the congregational chapel, the highest building in the village. He carried iron, wood and cement up the hillside and back down again. He dug foundation trenches in the forest floor and drilled holes in the rock as big as an arm for the chief blaster to lay his sticks of dynamite. During the blasting he squatted at a safe distance with the others on the tree trunks that lay to the left and right of the wide forest aisle. They covered their ears and felt the detonations, which made the mountain tremble beneath their backsides. Because he knew the area like practically no one else, and also had an excellent head for heights, he was usually sent on ahead and was first to arrive at the drill site. He scrambled over scree, climbed between rocks, and hung on the steep mountain face secured only by a thin rope, his gaze fixed on the small cloud of dust his drill raised in front of his face. Egger liked working on the rock. The air up here was cool and clear, and sometimes he heard the scream of a golden eagle, or saw its shadow glide noiselessly across the rock. He often thought of Marie. Of her warm, rough hand, and her scar, the curve of which he traced over and over again in his mind’s eye.
In the autumn Egger was overcome with restlessness. He believed the time had finally come for him to ask Marie for her hand, but he still had no idea how to go about it. He sat on his doorstep in the evenings and surrendered himself to hazy ideas and dreams. Of course, he thought, his proposal could not just be any old proposal. It had to be one that somehow epitomized the magnitude of his love and would engrave itself for ever on Marie’s memory and heart. Something in writing, he thought; but he wrote even more seldom than he spoke, which meant almost never. On top of which, in his opinion, a letter wasn’t really up to the task. How were all his thoughts and feelings in their profusion supposed to fit onto a single sheet of paper? Ideally he would have liked to inscribe his love on the mountain, in huge letters, visible for miles around to everyone in the valley. He explained his problem to his colleague Thomas Mattl, who was pulling recalcitrant rootstocks out of the earth with him at the edge of the forest aisle. Mattl was an experienced lumberjack and one of the company’s longest-serving employees. For almost thirty years he had been travelling with different teams throughout the mountain regions, clearing the forests in the name of progress and planting iron girders or concrete pillars into the ground. Despite his age, and the pains that he said had sunk their teeth into his lower back like a pack of rabid dogs, he was light on his feet and moved nimbly through the undergrowth. Perhaps there really was a way of inscribing something on the mountain, said Mattl, running his hand over his bearded face: with the devil’s ink, which was to say, with fire. In his youth he had spent a couple of summers chopping wood for bridges in the north. There he had encountered the ancient tradition of the Sacred Heart Fires, huge fire pictures that were lit on the summer solstice, illuminating the mountain by night. If you could draw with fire, he said, you could write with it, too. Some kind of proposal for this Marie, for example. Three, four words, no more than that, of course, you couldn’t do more than that. Will you have me? or Come, sweetheart; whatever it is women like to hear.
‘That could work,’ Mattl added thoughtfully. Then he reached behind his head and pulled out a slender, budding twig that had caught in his collar. He bit off the little white buds one by one and sucked them like sweets.
‘Yes,’ Egger nodded. ‘That could work.’
Two weeks later, in the late afternoon of the first Sunday in October, seventeen of the most reliable men in Egger’s team were clambering around in the scree above the Adlerkante. They were laying out, according to Mattl’s hoarsely barked instructions, two hundred and fifty little cloth bags, filled with sawdust and soaked in paraffin, each weighing one and a half kilograms, at approximately two-metre intervals along a line marked out with hemp ropes. A few days earlier Egger had gathered the men in the canteen tent after work to explain his plans and persuade them to play a part. ‘You’ll get seventy groschen and a quarter-litre of Krauterer,’ he said, looking into the men’s dirty faces one by one. Over the preceding weeks he had saved the money from his wages, collecting the coins in a little candle-box which he had deposited in a hole in the ground beneath his threshold.
‘We want eighty groschen and half a litre!’ said a black-haired engine fitter, who had joined the firm from Lombardy just a couple of weeks earlier and, thanks to his pressure-cooker temperament, had quickly acquired a certain authority within the team.
‘Ninety groschen and no Krauterer,’ countered Egger.
‘There has to be Krauterer.’
‘Sixty groschen and half a litre.’
‘Done!’ shouted the black-haired man, and banged his fist on the table to confirm the deal.
Thomas Mattl spent most of the time sitting on a spur of rock, keeping an eye on what the men were doing. Under no circumstances should the bags be more than two metres apart, otherwise there would be gaps in the writing. ‘We can’t let love perish because of a gap in a letter, you fool,’ he shouted, flinging a fist-sized stone in the direction of a young scaffolder whose spaces had come out slightly too big.
All the bags were laid out just in time for sunset. Night was settling over the mountains and Mattl crawled down from his rock towards the first bag of the first letter. He surveyed the hillside and the men spread out evenly across it. Then he slapped the dust off his trousers, fished a box of matches out of his trouser pocket and ignited a stick wrapped in paraffin-soaked rags that was planted in the ground in front of him. He took the torch, brandished it above his head, and gave the clearest, loudest whoop he had ever come out with in his life. Almost simultaneously sixteen torches flared across the scree and the men began to run along the lines as fast as they could, igniting the bags one after another. Mattl chuckled quietly. He thought with pleasure of the schnapps that awaited him, while at the back of his neck he sensed the cool breath of the night as it descended ever deeper over the mountains.
At this precise moment, down in the valley, Andreas Egger was putting his arm around Marie’s shoulders. They had arranged to meet at sunset on the tree stump beside the old footbridge, and to Egger’s relief she had arrived on time. She was wearing a pale linen dress and her hair smelled of soap, hay, and also, Egger thought, a little of roast pork. He spread his jacket over the tree stump and indicated for her to sit. He wanted to show her something, he said, something she might never forget. ‘Something nice?’ asked Marie. ‘Could be,’ he said. They sat beside each other and watched in silence as the sun disappeared behind the mountains. Egger heard his own heart pounding. For a moment it seemed to him to be beating not within his breast but in the tree stump beneath him, as if the mouldy wood had awakened to new life. Then they heard Thomas Mattl’s whoop far away in the distance, and Egger pointed out into the darkness. ‘Look,’ he said. A second later sixteen lights flickered high up on the opposite side of the valley, moving in every direction like a swarm of fireflies. As they moved, the lights seemed to lose glowing drops which joined up, one by one, to form curving lines. Egger felt Marie’s body next to his. He put his arm around her shoulders and heard her quiet breathing. On the other side of the valley the glowing lines swooped across the hillside in arc after arc, or closed in rounded shapes. Right at the end a single dot lit up above the I on the top right, and Egger knew that old Mattl himself had clambered across the scree to ignite the last bag of paraffin. FOR YOU, MARIE stood inscribed on the mountain in huge, flickering letters, visible for miles around to everyone in the valley. The ‘M’ was rather crooked, and there was a piece missing, too, so that it looked as if someone had pulled it apart in the middle. At least two of the bags had apparently failed to catch fire, or hadn’t been set at all. Egger took a deep breath: then he turned to Marie and tried to make out her face in the darkness.
‘Will you be my wife?’ he asked.
‘Yes,’ she whispered, so quietly he wasn’t sure he’d understood her correctly.
‘Will you, Marie?’ he asked again.
‘Yes, I will,’ she said, in a firm voice, and Egger felt as if he was about to keel backwards off the tree stump; but he stayed on his seat. They embraced, and when at last they let each other go the fires on the mountain had gone out.
Egger’s nights were no longer lonely now. In bed beside him lay his quietly breathing wife. Sometimes he would contemplate the outline of her body beneath the blanket: although over the weeks he had got to know it better and better, it still seemed to him like an incomprehensible miracle. Officially, he was now thirty-three years old, and he knew his responsibilities. He would protect Marie and take care of her: that was what he had told himself, and that was what he wanted to do. And that was why, one Monday morning, he came once again to stand in front of the general manager’s desk in his cabin. ‘I want more work,’ he said, turning his woollen hat in his hands.
The general manager raised his head and gave him a weary look. ‘No one wants more work.’
‘I do. Because I’m going to have a family.’
‘So you want more money, not more work.’
‘If that’s how you see it, I expect that’s right.’
‘Yes, I think that is how I see it. How much do you earn now?’
‘Sixty groschen an hour.’
The general manager leaned back and gazed out of the window, where the white tip of the Hahnenzinne stood out behind a layer of dust. Slowly he stroked a hand across his bald head. Then he exhaled heavily and looked Egger in the eyes. ‘You can have eighty, but I want you to work your backside off for every single groschen. Will you do that?’
Egger nodded and the general manager sighed. Then he said something that, although he didn’t understand it at the time, Egger was to remember all his life: ‘You can buy a man’s hours off him, you can steal his days from him, or you can rob him of his whole life, but no one can take away from any man so much as a single moment. That’s the way it is. Now leave me in peace!’
* * *
The Bittermann & Sons construction teams had now worked their way well past the tree line, leaving behind them a scar through the forest one and a half kilometres long and up to thirty metres wide in places. It was only about another four hundred metres to the planned top station just below the Karleitner peak, but the terrain was steep and inaccessible. The final stretch had to span an almost perpendicular wall capped with an overhanging rock known to the locals, on account of its shape, as the Giant’s Skull. For many days Egger hung directly beneath the chin of the Giant’s Skull, boring holes in the granite and twisting in mounting screws the size of his forearm, which would later support a long metal ladder for the maintenance technicians. He thought with secret pride of the men who would one day climb up and down this ladder, never knowing that they owed their lives entirely to him and his dexterity. During the short breaks he took to catch his breath he squatted on a ledge of rock and looked out over the valley. For some weeks now they had been gravelling and tarring the old road, and through the foggy vapour he could make out the silhouettes of men working the hot asphalt with pickaxes and shovels, so distant that they seemed to be doing so in utter silence.
In winter Egger was one of the few workers who remained on the company payroll. Along with a handful of other men, including Thomas Mattl, whose lifelong forestry experience had proven extremely useful to the company,
he continued to widen the aisle and clear it of stones, waste wood and rootstocks. Often they would be standing up to their hips in snow, hacking a root out of the frozen ground, while the wind blew flakes of ice in their faces like grains of shot until their skin began to bleed. While working they spoke only when necessary, and in their lunch breaks they would sit in silence beneath a snow-covered fir tree, toasting their breadsticks over the fire. They crawled after each other through the brush, or sat in the lee of a rock during a storm, blowing on hands lacerated with cold. They were like animals, Egger thought; they crawled over the earth, relieved themselves behind the nearest tree, and were so filthy they could barely be distinguished from their surroundings. Often, too, he thought of Marie, who was waiting for him at home. He was no longer alone, and although this feeling was still an unaccustomed one, it warmed him more than the fire into whose embers he thrust his rock-hard, frozen boots.
In the spring, after the onset of the snowmelt, when a mysterious dripping and burbling had begun all over the forest, there was an accident in Egger’s team. They were working on a Swiss stone pine that had buckled under the weight of the snow, when the tension in the wood released itself with a sharp crack. A splinter the height of a man sprang from the trunk, ripping off the young lumberjack Gustl Grollerer’s right arm, which, as bad luck would have it, he had raised high above his head again ready for the next blow of the axe. Grollerer collapsed to the ground and stared at his arm. It lay on the forest floor two metres away, its fingers still gripping the hatchet. For a moment a strange silence settled over the scene, as if the whole forest had frozen and were holding its breath. In the end it was Thomas Mattl who was first to move. ‘Jesus,’ he said, ‘that looks bad.’ He went to the toolbox, fetched a wire loop for scraping off bark and, using all his strength, pulled it tight around the stump of Grollerer’s arm, which was gushing dark blood. Grollerer bellowed and thrashed from side to side, then lay still, unconscious.
A Whole Life Page 3
