“Do you mean a fake hotel?” he asked. “And funny you would ask today.”
They were sitting in the conference room, waiting for Richard to be bathed and dressed. He was still basically the same, still quiet. For some reason, though, today he’d agreed to get up and come out to the main room, but he wanted privacy in the meantime. He had been on an antidepressant for a few weeks now, and Hannah was hopeful this was the beginning of his feeling better.
She raised her eyebrows as if to ask why, and he handed her a steaming mug of coffee. The mug was pink, and she turned it to see what it said. Shack Job was written in script letters next to a tiny cabin surrounded by hearts. She almost dropped it.
“What the heck?” she said. “I can’t drink out of this. What does it even mean? What if someone else gets it by mistake? Does this mean what I think it means?”
“Oh, come on, let me have a sense of humor,” he said. “I am nothing if not discreet. And yes, I think it does mean what you think it means. By the way, the coffee is a new blend, still that Joffrey’s from Orlando, and I did go a little more Disney this time: this is the Prince Charming blend.” He batted his eyelashes and put on a silly smile.
Hannah rolled her eyes and took a sip. It was rich and deep and good coffee. She shook her head and smiled. He walked over to her and elbowed her.
“I deserve it,” she said, giving in. “All of it. But can I switch the mug? I’m afraid Richard is going to see.”
“Richard will not see it,” he said, but he walked to the shelf and scanned the mugs, choosing one with a big red heart but nothing else. He held it up.
“Fine,” she said. “Real subtle, by the way, but at least that one doesn’t look like it was bought at a sex shop.”
Reuben smirked. “So tell me about this hotel,” he said as he expertly poured the coffee from one mug to the other and handed it to her.
“Well, we would go for one night. And it would be my treat,” she said. Reuben raised his eyebrows. “I don’t mean in that way. But I have to go for work. It’s the Dogfish Inn in Lewes, Delaware, an old motel converted into a hip boutique hotel with a beer theme and a local twist.”
“You had me at beer theme,” he said.
“I thought so,” she said. “From what I’ve been told, it has a lot in common with the hotel I’m helping design. I think I can get some good ideas from it. So we’ll go, Joel will presumably think I’m on a sleepover with my affair mate, and you, my friend, can keep me company and enjoy the Dogfish Head beer and a fireside chat with the founder and president of the company, Sam Calagione.”
“No way!” he said, looking truly excited. “I have admired him from afar.”
“I know you have,” she said. “You’ve mentioned him a few times.”
“So when do we leave?”
“That’s one possible complication. The chat is on Saturday, and I know that’s Shabbat,” Hannah said, as usual not at all sure how Reuben dealt with that. She thought she had seen him at Saint Martha’s on a few Saturdays here and there, but she wasn’t absolutely sure.
“That’s okay,” Reuben said quietly. “Thank you for being aware of that. There was a time I wouldn’t have considered traveling on Shabbat, but as I mentioned, I’m reevaluating and trying to figure out what works for me. I’m in!”
She was so relieved she didn’t even think as she put down her coffee and leaned in for a hug. She relaxed into him more than she had expected to, letting her head rest on his chest, and when she pulled away, Richard was there in his wheelchair, looking right at them, a nurse behind him with her hands on the chair handles.
“Richard,” she said, pulling back and trying to appear normal.
Richard looked at them for a moment too long before turning back and saying something to the nurse. She nodded and wheeled him away, back down the hall toward his room. Hannah followed, not at all sure what he was thinking, not sure how much to explain. But in the end, she didn’t have a chance to find out. The nurse was moving fast—he must have been encouraging her to pick up the speed—and when they got to his room, the door closed firmly and decisively in her face.
She tried not to think about anything as she packed up, not about Joel lingering just outside the room, not about what Richard was imagining he had discovered. She had tried to call him, but he wouldn’t take her calls. She also tried not to think about Kim, even though she generally thought about her all the time. They had seen each other twice, once when they’d run into each other at Whole Foods and once when they’d had to follow through with an already-planned activity with the kids, and both times Kim had been cool and made Hannah feel she was tolerating her but nothing more. She never would have thought their friendship was so fragile, but she never would have thought a lot of things that were proving to be true lately. At this point a night away with Reuben sounded pretty good.
Hannah told Joel she was going to Delaware partly for work—the other partly just sort of hung there, unexplained—and that she could be reached on her cell at any time. She’d meet Reuben at his house, where she had never been despite their ongoing pretend affair, and he would drive to Delaware. Last they’d talked, he’d said he was already packed and had a long list of questions he hoped to be able to ask at the beer chat later that evening.
Reuben was waiting for her in his car when she got there.
“Hi,” she said as she got in and put on her seat belt.
“Hi yourself,” he said.
He had the Waze app set, so he started driving, the soundtrack to La La Land playing quietly, and she tried to relax. Ridley hadn’t been feeling well, and it had been hard to leave, but Joel had promised they would be okay. She’d been a little surprised by his assurance, really his kindness, but she also knew he was probably doing it for the kids, who were watching their exchange. Just before she’d walked out, Lincoln had wrapped his arms around her legs.
“Mommy,” he’d said, “I don’t want you to go.”
“It’s just for one night,” she’d said, leaning down. “I’ll be back tomorrow.”
“Well, I hope when you come back, you will be here more,” he’d said seriously. “You’re here, but it’s like you aren’t really here.”
She’d pulled back. Had Joel said something like that in front of the kids? It seemed way too sophisticated for Lincoln to come up with by himself, but then again, he did often surprise her.
“I’ll be here more,” she’d said, standing up. She’d been going to add something like That’s my goal or That’s what I’m working toward, but she hadn’t—it was too much. It would raise questions. And really, she should have known there was no such thing as an easy exit.
Now in the car, she put her head back and tried not to think about her house and what her kids were doing and if she was damaging them in some permanent way. She spent a lot of time trying not to think of things these days.
“You can sleep,” Reuben said soothingly. “Just rest if you want to. You look tired.”
She didn’t think she would actually sleep, but when she opened her eyes, they were off the highway on a much smaller road.
“Where are we?” she asked, feeling groggy. “I was really out.”
“We’ll be there in about fifteen minutes,” he said. “I’m glad you woke up; I was thinking of waking you. It’s pretty here. I didn’t want you to miss it.”
She looked around. It was pretty. There were lots of open fields and quaint houses. She stretched and sat up, expecting to feel the pull of the kids behind her, but she didn’t. She felt surprisingly peaceful.
“Thanks for driving,” she said. “I really feel like I’m away. I haven’t felt that in a long time.”
“Happy to,” Reuben said. “While you slept, I updated my list of beer questions—I can’t believe I’m going to get to meet the founder of my favorite beer company. He’s my idol. What he does—it’s my dream job. It’s like . . . in all the world I can’t think of something that I would want to do more. What would your dream job be, if
you could choose anything, like literally anything in the world?”
“Well,” she said slowly, trying to shake off the groggy feeling. “I mean, I actually really like my job and this project. It is a dream project.”
“Yeah, but you know, like astronaut or pirate or something.”
“Pirate? I don’t think that would be much of a dream job. I think it would be scary with probably not a lot of showering opportunities, not to mention the illegal stealing aspect to it.”
Reuben laughed. “You know what I mean.”
“Well, I guess I always wanted to be on Broadway,” she said. “But I would call that more of a fantasy than a dream job.”
“And if I had to pick a second, okay, I’ll call it a fantasy job, I would want to be a professional football player—an Eagle, to be specific,” he said. “Speaking of which, I really want to see the game tomorrow—home or out, but I don’t want to be driving. Is that okay?”
“Yeah, totally okay,” she said. “We can leave right after breakfast. I wouldn’t mind seeing it, either, and I know Lincoln is counting down to it. It would be nice to watch it with him. He’s such a funny kid. He will wear only Eagles gear at this point in the year. We keep having to go out and buy more.”
She stopped for a minute when she said we. She didn’t talk about Joel too much to Reuben, even though she could. She guessed that was the beauty of a fake affair. You didn’t have to hide anything or pretend.
“He thinks the Eagles can go all the way this year; he says he’s sure of it,” she continued. “I worry he’s going to be disappointed.”
“Well, I’m hopeful too,” Reuben said. “You just never know.”
“That’s true,” she said. “You never know.”
They drove through a charming town and finally turned right into the parking lot of the inn. There was a main building with two floors, the doors facing the outside corridor like a motel, and a smaller building with an outdoor firepit surrounded by seats.
“Cool,” Reuben said.
“It’s smaller than I expected, but it looks nice,” Hannah said.
They got out and walked to the office, which was decorated with colorful signs, rugs, a nice couch, white lights, and magnetic letters. To the right were a tiny store and a small kitchen with a big wooden picnic table. Hannah took it all in. When it was their turn, she walked up to the desk.
“Hi! We’re checking in,” she said. “My last name is Bent.”
“Welcome, Mr. and Mrs. Bent,” the young woman said. For a second it seemed like everything stood still, like somehow at the mention of those words Joel was going to appear next to her and Reuben would magically disappear.
“Oh, we’re not married,” she said quickly. “We’re, um, business associates, and in fact we have separate rooms.”
“Oh, I see that here now,” the young woman said. “I’m so sorry to be presumptuous.”
“No problem,” Hannah said.
“You are in side-by-side rooms,” she said. “On the second floor.”
“Great, thanks,” Hannah said, reaching over and accepting the keys, which she noticed were real keys, not electronic cards like you got at most of the chain hotels these days. Nice touch, she thought.
“What if I lose it?” she asked, holding it up.
“That’s not a problem,” the woman said. “And if you do and you find it after you get home, just drop it in a mailbox. It will find its way back to us.”
“Good to know,” Hannah said. “Oh, and what time is the chat? My friend here is very excited about that.”
“Great! It starts at around six. Come a little early if you want a seat. And you’ll find a growler in your room—it’s empty now, but bring it down, and we’ll fill it.”
“Cool,” Reuben said, and Hannah thought to herself that that was the only word he had uttered since they had arrived.
“Should we go see our rooms?” Hannah asked Reuben. “Thanks!” she called over her shoulder. They walked out and to the left, climbing the concrete stairs to the second floor. They didn’t talk as they looked at the room numbers. They were right next to each other, as promised. On each of their doors WELCOME was written in colorful magnetic letters. On the other side of Hannah, the message on the door said Happy Anniversary. Hannah turned away. She handed Reuben his key, and they both opened the doors at the same time. The room was nice, with blond wood and modern platform beds. Hannah could see that the far wall held a big sink, and the bathroom was probably just off to the side. She came back out.
“How is it?” she asked. His door was open, so she walked in. He had a king-size bed to her two queens, but other than that they looked the same.
“Really nice,” he said, holding up the previously mentioned growler. “I’m going to head back down. I don’t want to miss the chance to get a good seat.”
“Sounds great,” Hannah said. “I’ll just hang out in my room and take a look at the details, which is why I’m really here. After the talk we can walk around the corner and get some dinner.”
“Okay,” he said. “I’m happy to be here. Thanks for bringing me.”
Hannah looked at him. He was wearing a Dogfish Head T-shirt, which she thought was adorable, his hair was brushed back, and his yarmulke was pinned on as usual.
“Have fun,” she called as he closed his door and went back the way they had come.
Hannah spent the next hour chronicling the details of the room—including a well-appointed minibar with items, all local, that were not too expensive, which she liked, as well as things to buy or use, like a beach chair and a beach bag, which made sense since they were close to the beach. The shampoo and conditioner were in their own small bottles, and she could see the appeal, but she wasn’t going to back down on that one. And the soap was amazing—a big bar made of the same grains used to make the beer. She sniffed it, taking the wrapper off, and decided to try it all. She stripped down and got in the shower, which had that rainforest feel that she hoped to be able to install in the Philadelphia hotel. She took her time, sniffing the products, and loved the soap so much she thought maybe they could stock the new hotel with it, deciding that this was still local enough. Honestly it was the best hotel soap she had ever encountered.
She got out and used one of the big, fluffy white towels—another must—to dry off. She brushed her hair and was just wrapping the towel around her torso when there was a knock at the door. She moved closer.
“Hello?” she called.
“It’s me,” Reuben said. “The talk was so great. I brought you some ice-cold beer. Open up.”
“I can’t,” she called back. “I’m not decent.”
“You are always decent,” Reuben said. “Too decent.”
Was he drunk? She doubted it, but he did sound—what was the word? Robust?
She eased the door open but kept her foot there so it wouldn’t go beyond three inches or so.
“Hi!” he said, smiling. He held up an icy glass of beer. She sighed and opened the door just enough to grab it. He stood there while she took a big sip. It was truly delicious. She took another. She hadn’t realized she was so thirsty.
“Can I come in?” he asked, gently now.
“In?” she asked.
“Yeah, in, to your room,” he said, moving a little closer. Crazy thoughts went through her head—she was already naked, she basically had signed permission, and there was no question Joel already assumed she was having sex, which she decidedly was not, at least not with someone other than Joel himself. She guessed that was the downside to having a fake affair. Plus, she had never quite seen Reuben take charge like this. She took another sip of the beer, drinking it down. It was cold and smooth and really the best beer she had ever had, but she figured that was the point of coming to a beer-themed hotel.
“Sure,” she finally said. She stepped back so he could open the door all the way, and he came in, closed the door behind him, and smiled again. Now the beer was going to her head. She felt light headed and excited. Had
she even eaten anything today? She’d had a tiny bit of a cast-off cinnamon Pop-Tart this morning when she’d been cleaning up breakfast, but that had been it. That explained the buzz she was feeling.
“Do you have any more beer?” she asked.
“Actually, I do,” he said, taking her empty glass and filling it with beer from the growler in his other hand. She drank some and put the glass on the desk and turned to him. He leaned in, slowly at first, and then, once he knew she wasn’t going to say no, more forcefully. His lips touched hers, and she moved toward him. He smelled like the good beer she had just had and something else behind that, cedar, maybe. Whatever it was, she liked it. She responded to his kiss, then made it even bigger, opening her mouth to tell him it was okay, and he clearly liked that. He kept his mouth on her as he eased her over to the bed, where they sat on the edge, her damp towel still wrapped around her. At first she tried to hold on to it so she could keep covered, but eventually it was too much, and she wanted to put her hands on Reuben, so she let it drop. He moved even closer, still fully dressed, and pressed into her in a way that made her crazy. They kissed deeply now, not holding back at all, and she was reaching for his T-shirt, wanting to feel his skin against her skin—it seemed like the most important thing in the world—when her phone rang. For the briefest second, she thought she could ignore it, she would ignore it, but she felt Reuben hesitate just the slightest bit, and then somehow the spell was broken. They pulled away from each other, breathing heavily, the towel now across her lap, her breasts totally exposed, his T-Shirt pulled up to his neck. The phone stopped ringing.
“I don’t even know how that happened,” Reuben said, averting his eyes.
“I know, I wasn’t expecting that. I feel so, I don’t know what the word is, aroused and confused,” she said. When she said the word aroused, her phone began to ring again. “This wasn’t . . . I guess I want you to know I didn’t plan this.”
“Of course you didn’t,” Reuben said, looking at her now as he yanked down his shirt. “I didn’t either. I lost control, I guess. I couldn’t resist you.”
Beside Herself Page 21
