by Lexi Blake
Sweet, subby Jane. He hadn’t loved her, but he’d liked her. “She was my frequent lover. I topped her on a regular basis.”
“Was Basil Champion in love with you?” Tag sounded softer, more sympathetic than Damon had ever heard him.
He stood there for a moment, wishing Tag wasn’t so damn good at reading people.
“Yes.” Damn it.
“Were you lovers?” He held his hands up when Damon shot him a nasty look. “I’m not judging. I’m asking. I couldn’t care less who you fuck, though in this case it might be important.”
It was important, though Damon had tried to avoid it for years. “No, we weren’t lovers. I never even acknowledged that I knew he was attracted to me. And yes, we shared some women. I suppose in the back of my mind, I thought he should really see me as I am. I was never going to return his admiration. I like women.”
Women like Jane. God, he was crazy about women like Penelope. No. That was wrong and he needed to stop pretending to himself. There were no other women like Penelope. He was simply crazy about Penelope, and it would get her killed.
Because he’d never dealt with it. Never wanted to. Preferred to avoid the confrontation.
“That explains things. I need to know this shit, Knight. It changes how I deal with the op.”
“How so?”
Tag put his beer down and crossed his arms over his chest, a sign of his stubborn will. “It means my main job will be to protect Penny. She’s innocent in all of this. Ten wants me to bring Baz in, but I won’t do it at the cost of her life. I got out of the Agency so I wouldn’t have to make decisions like that ever again.”
Things were happening far too quickly. Taggart was pushing him. He needed time to think so he tried to direct the conversation back to something that would get Tag off his back. “I thought Charlotte got you kicked out.”
“Hell, no.” Tag’s gaze was steady. “But she taught me I wasn’t really that man. I was becoming something before I met Charlie, something dark, something like Ten. Something like you.”
“Like me?”
“You’ll make the hard decisions, Knight. You’ll send your men in to die if you think it serves the bigger purpose. Here’s the honest truth. I don’t want you to take me up on the New York job. Charlie’s pushing me to give it to you. I don’t think you can handle it. We’re a team and we don’t leave our men behind no matter fucking what. It’s why I’ll watch after Penny. You have your job to do. You have to take him down. I’ll consider Penny part of my crew. I talked to Adam and he can switch up the paperwork. Let her go in with Simon. They’ll pose as the couple and you’ll do his job on the ship. You can concentrate on what you do best. You can still meet with Baz and she’ll go with you, but we’ll protect her.”
His whole body went hot with rage at the thought. “You want her fucking Weston? You think he’s so much better than me? You think he doesn’t fuck up?”
“I thought you wanted her out of this.”
He wanted so many things but he wasn’t going to get them. “I want her to never get on the boat. I want her to forget she ever knew me, but it won’t matter to Baz, will it?”
“Nope. It would be worse if you tried to leave her behind. Then he would know how much you care about her. Even if she doesn’t. Come on. Let me take over when it comes to her.”
It was probably the right move. He couldn’t tear her apart if she was with Weston. He wouldn’t have to make the hard decisions Tag had talked about. He could shove her to them, give her over, and just worry about himself.
He could become everything Tag accused him of being.
But just for a while, he’d been something more.
“No. Watch out for her, but she stays with me. If you try to go above my head and get Nigel to move her, I’ll remove you from the operation altogether. Are we understood?”
A smirk curled Ian’s lips up. “Good to know. Maybe I was wrong about you not being right for the New York job. You know you don’t always have to accept the long, slow slide into crap, Knight. Sometimes it’s all about finding the person who won’t let you go dark. When you find that person, you can’t let them go.” He shivered a little. “God, that was gross. Can we be done with this now and you tell Charlie that I’m a perfect angel and you’re the devil who broke her friend’s heart?”
“Sure.”
“Charlie’s the one who set her tits free, though. By the way, they look good. Totally real. It’s the only way to go. See, I feel so much better talking about your girlfriend’s tits than the emotional crap.”
He ignored the idea that Penelope was his girlfriend and concentrated on the fact that she was apparently being allowed to run wild. “What the hell is your wife doing?”
A grimace took over Tag’s face and he ground the word out. “Makeover.”
Damon didn’t understand. Penelope was lovely the way she was. Yes, she was understated, but he liked her that way. Perhaps a better grade of clothing was called for but nothing more than that. “She doesn’t need to be made over.”
A long sigh left Tag’s mouth. “Apparently when a chick gets her ass dumped, all the other chicks swarm in and there’s tears and tequila and makeup and really low-cut shirts. That’s why you should avoid her tonight. Although her tits looked good.”
He was losing his bloody mind. “You are going to have to explain that to me.”
Tag cupped his own chest in a deeply juvenile gesture. “Tits. Breasts. Women have them. They’re fun to play with.”
“Why would you know what Penelope’s breasts look like?” Damon asked through gritted teeth.
“Cause she’s naked downstairs. Charlie’s makeovers can get out of control. Did I mention the tequila?”
He forgot about the glass and just took a swig from the bottle. It was going to be a long damn night.
Chapter Eleven
Penny woke up warm and happy, cuddled up next to Damon, his arm wrapped around her as he cradled her against his chest. She breathed in his scent, loving the masculine, woody smell that seemed to cling to him.
Without moving her body, she lifted her eyes up to look at him. He seemed younger sleeping, as though his cares had all fallen away. She wanted so badly to reach up and brush her hand against his jaw. It was covered in the beginnings of an inky black beard. He would get rid of it as soon as he woke up and showered, but she liked how it looked. Less civilized.
So ridiculously gorgeous it made her heart skip a beat.
He’d been passed out in bed when she’d finally made her way upstairs. Charlotte had enlisted the aid of the other women of The Garden, and her makeover had turned into a party with Chelsea and the Dom in Residence’s two subs, Lora and Anita. Penelope found them charming and open and more than willing to talk about the lifestyle and everything involved. It had been such a difference from the bland discussions she’d had with other women. They had laughed and talked about sex.
After a couple of tequila shots, Simon and Jesse and Ian had escorted them all to the nearest clothing store where Penelope had bought a bunch of clothes she would never have thought to even try on before.
It had been such fun. By the time she’d used her keycard to let herself into Damon’s rooms, she’d been ready for a fight. She’d come up with all her reasons for staying close to him.
He’d been asleep wearing nothing but a pair of boxers and his socks, a half-empty Scotch bottle next to him. Some super-agent he was. She’d pulled his socks off and tucked him into bed, then got ready and climbed in next to him.
It hadn’t been more than two minutes before he was rolling over and cuddling up to her and murmuring her name.
At least he was honest when he was asleep and drunk. She rather thought she would get a fight out of him this morning.
His hand moved along her side, and she felt a little moan leave his chest, though his eyes didn’t open. He sighed and Penny looked down. Sure enough, there was his morning mate. His cock was tenting up the sheet admirably.
Brave
. Bold. That was the way she was now. Penny, the Brave. Penny, the woman who boldly stroked the cock she wanted to keep forever.
She let her hand run down his ripped abs to feel the tip of his dick as it stretched out of the top of his boxers. It reached almost to his navel and was so thick she could barely get her hand around it. Would it fit in her mouth? She wanted to try. She’d loved the way he’d licked and sucked her pussy. She wanted to pay back the favor, to learn his taste.
She wanted so much more, but she doubted he would let her have anything other than the physical for now. If he would allow her even that.
She wouldn’t know until she tried.
“What are you doing, Penelope?” His voice was a sexy rumble.
She forced herself not to move. Calm. Patience would win this battle. Patience and playing her part. Except she was beginning to understand it wasn’t a part. It was who she’d never known she was. “I was thinking about playing with your cock, Master.”
He hissed a little. “I meant what are you doing in my bed.”
He hadn’t moved an inch, hadn’t shifted away from her or pushed her back. He simply lay there, waiting for her answer.
It was an easy one. He hadn’t spoken much to her after the episode in Nigel’s office. “I did what you told me to. You told me I was to sleep in your bed, and I wasn’t allowed clothes.”
His eyes closed briefly. “Naturally, you’re naked.”
“It’s what you commanded, Master.” Charlotte had explained that men like Damon grew deeply aroused with the idea of command and obedience. He needed to think he was in control of her and the situation. To a point.
“And if I ordered you to leave me alone?”
That was exactly what she was afraid of. “I would leave you alone, though I fear it wouldn’t help in our mission.”
“I want you out of the mission.”
She sat up. This was exactly what they should have done yesterday. He’d been an arse, speaking in front of everyone, but then it was obvious to her that he didn’t know how to handle simple emotions and allowances had to be made. “I have to go with you.”
He turned on his side, his eyes so serious she wondered if he wouldn’t simply toss her out now. “You don’t. You can quit and go somewhere else. Tag’s crew can have new identification for you and you can be out of this entirely.”
Such an idiot. She didn’t bother to pull the sheet up. The instinct was there, to cover herself, to hide from his view, but she’d started to think she did that a lot. If she always hid, how could anyone ever really know her? “I’m not giving up my whole life, Damon.”
“It would only be for a while.”
She knew what that meant. “Until you kill Baz or he kills you.”
“Yes.” His eyes weren’t on her face now. He was watching her breasts, and it wasn’t with distaste.
She felt her nipples peak and not from the chill. “And if he kills you? You don’t think he’ll still come after me?”
“I think it would be less likely.” He cursed softly under his breath and turned on his back again, his forearm covering his eyes. “I don’t know. I don’t intend to allow him to kill me. It would be easier to do this alone.”
“I don’t see how.”
His hand fisted in obvious frustration with the entire conversation. “Because I’ll spend all my time trying to keep you alive. Can’t you see that?”
“No. I’m trained, Damon. I’m sorry I’m not your perfect partner, but I’m the only one you have and you need me. This is about more than me. We could spend the next few days arguing and fighting and wasting time.”
His eyes came open again and there was something nasty and predatory in them. “Or we could do what? We could fuck? You want to fuck the arsehole who humiliated you yesterday? I thought you had more spine than that.”
She let the words roll off her. She reached out and soothed back his hair. “Not particularly. I’m hoping I can find the Damon who made love to me before.”
“He doesn’t exist. I told you what I was doing.” But even as he said the words, he was still under her hands, allowing her to comfort him.
“I know. I understand. You don’t love me. You don’t really want me.”
His lips turned down in a fierce frown. “Fuck. Penelope, I do want you. Damn it. I enjoyed fucking you, but that’s as far as it goes. Do you understand that I’m likely to get you killed? Why do you want to screw the man who’s going to cost you everything?”
She couldn’t help but roll her eyes. He really did love a good drama. “We need to work on your pessimism.”
“We need to work on your realism. Do you think he won’t kill you? Do you think he won’t do that to try to hurt me?”
“Would it hurt you?”
His hand moved so quickly she was shocked when his fingers clamped around her wrist like a manacle. “Is that what you’re looking for? You’re looking to see if there’s anything under here? You want me to love you, Penelope? You think if I love you then anything that happens to you would be worth it because some man loved you.”
It was really hard not to slap him silly, but she had to remember why he was doing it. He’d never been loved before. His parents had died when he was so young, and he’d been raised in boarding schools. He’d lost his unit. He didn’t trust anything or anyone. Patience. She couldn’t tell him that some man loving her wasn’t worth her life, but loving him just might be. He wouldn’t understand. Loving him had made her stronger. “I was just wondering if my partner would give a rat’s arse if I died in the field. I was trying to figure out what my position is. Do you want me to leave because you don’t trust me to help you or because you’ll feel guilty if I die? You were very plain to me. You don’t love me. You will never love me. My ears work, Damon. I’m very good at understanding what words mean. So no, I’m not looking for you to love me.”
If he called her on it, what would she say? Her mind was racing, trying to keep up with the drama she found herself in. He was being stubborn and obnoxious.
And quite fast. He rolled on top of her, pinning her down, making a cage of his body.
“Then what do you want?” He growled the question, pressing down on her, forcing her to take his full weight.
God, she wanted that. She could feel the length of his cock pressed to her pussy, only the thin material of his boxers between them. This was what she really wanted. He wouldn’t listen to words, but somewhere in the heat of sex, he might find the connection she was offering him. “I want to do my job and serve my country, Damon.”
“You’re going to fuck me for Queen and country, then?”
She tilted her hips up, forcing his cock right against her clit. “No. I’m going to fuck you because it feels so damn good. You’re an excellent tutor. You taught me to crave it. I want to make a deal with you.”
His chest rubbed against hers. “I’m listening.”
“Teach me. You have to anyway or we’ll blow our cover. I like this lifestyle. I think I fit into it. I think I could be happy here. Consider me a submissive you’re training. From what I understand, you didn’t have to love them. You just had to want them.”
“I can want a lot of women. I like a variety.”
She didn’t like the faintly cruel way he said it. Her insecurities rose up. “So you like fat women, too? Is that what you’re implying, Damon?”
He was off her and turning her over in a heartbeat. She felt cool air against her backside and then the sharp sound of flesh smacking flesh. She screamed into the pillow because he meant business with that slap. Two and three came in rapid succession. She would likely have moved to get away from him, but his big hand was on her back, holding her down.
“If there is one thing I will teach you, it’s that you will not denigrate yourself in my presence. You know your safe word, but you should think before using it.” Four and five and six.
It was a breakthrough. He was touching her, taking her in hand the way a Dom would with his wayward sub. But why di
d his breakthrough have to blister her poor bottom? “You said it yourself just yesterday.”
Seven and eight. He spread out the smacks, lighting up every inch of her bum. “I never said that.”
“You said you weren’t attracted to me.”
“I bloody well lied and you know it. I like you. I even admire you. I don’t want you to mistake that for love. I don’t want you to sacrifice yourself when what I can give you isn’t bloody well worth it.” Nine and ten and then she lost track. She’d pushed his buttons and he was showing his true colors, and if he needed to spank her to do it, then she would take it.
Besides, it wasn’t so bad. The first couple hurt—they all hurt really—but somewhere along the way she felt herself getting wet and excited even as she gritted her teeth against the flare of pain.
“You won’t protect yourself so I have to. Do you know what he’ll do to you? You’re putting yourself in danger, and I won’t have it.”
He finally stopped, the smacks ceasing suddenly. He put his hand on her arse cheeks, softly this time, as though soothing away the hurt. A long moment passed where she cried softly into the pillow, allowing the experience to wash over her.
“Penelope? Are you all right?”
She was better than all right. The tears felt freeing somehow. She bottled so much up, but the two times Damon had spanked her had been a revelation. “Yes. I need this. I just realized how much I need this.”
He’d been honest with her—as honest as he knew how to be.
“I can’t convince you to leave me?” The question came out with very little hope, just a sad sigh from him.
She couldn’t give him all the reasons why. He wouldn’t accept them, but she could be honest about one piece of the truth. “No. You of all people should understand. My job is all I have, too. I know it seems dull to you, but I feel like I mean something because of it. I don’t mean anything to anybody. Even when my mum was alive, god, she didn’t recognize me at the end. She actively fought me trying to help her. If I run away from this, I have to give it up. I won’t leave this job. It’s the only thing that makes me feel alive.”
