by Barbara Gee
“Hmm,” I said, not convinced. “I guess we’ll see.”
“Don’t say anything to embarrass me when he gets here,” she begged. “I’ve already warned Jude and Ava. I appreciate everything he’s done so much, and I don’t want him to feel uncomfortable or to think I’m expecting his attention to be ongoing.”
“I won’t say anything, but I seriously wonder if he’s as indifferent as you seem to think. Did you guys talk at all on the way here?”
Another soft smile curved her lips. “We did, actually. He asked all about my family and stuff. He even seemed interested, but I think it was just his way of trying to keep my mind off what might be going on with you. Seriously, Myla, he’s got that whole protector thing going on so strong. He’s been amazing.”
I chuckled. “Not real helpful when you’re trying to stop crushing on him, huh?”
“You got that right,” she groaned. “But I’m still glad he was here because he’s been such a big help to Jed.” She let her head loll to the side against the back of the couch and her eyes met mine. “My big brother loves you more than life, and then some. I saw that firsthand. So don’t ever, ever doubt it, okay?”
Tears filled my eyes. “Was it really bad?”
She nodded. “I mean, it’s not like there was weeping and gnashing of teeth. He’s the strong, silent type, but his eyes—he was in agony, Myla. Jed doesn’t do worried and helpless very well.”
I rubbed my forehead, fighting the headache that told me I needed more sleep.
“I’m so sorry for what I put him through, but I also can’t help thinking it will be worth it if we can use what I heard to protect Lily from Haley and the people she surrounds herself with. I can’t bear to even think about that little girl being around the likes of Willard Tusk.”
Janna squeezed my knee. “All I’m saying is if a man ever feels that way about me, I’ll feel like the luckiest girl in the world. I hope that’s how you feel.”
“I do. Believe me, I do. I can’t wait for him to get here, but—” I broke off and scrunched up my face. “I imagine he’ll have a few things to say about what I did.”
Janna laughed. “Oh, I imagine he will, but only because he’ll want to make sure you never risk your life for him again.”
We sat in silence for a moment, then I raised my brows at her. “And yet, a man like Beckett risks his life on a regular basis for people he doesn’t even know. At least I assume he does, if our guess that he works undercover is correct.”
She winced. “Don’t remind me. I’m already dreading when he leaves again. What if it’s soon?”
“I don’t suppose you can ask him?”
“I could ask,” she said on a sigh, “but I doubt he’d answer.”
“Isn’t it worth a try, though?”
“Maybe.” Her eyes narrowed thoughtfully. “Maybe I should do it on the way home tonight. See what he says. I could tell him I’m just trying to get a handle on how soon the house might be finished, and since he’s our best volunteer it would be helpful to know how long we’ll have him.”
“The worst he could do is say he doesn’t know.”
She wrinkled her nose. “No, the worst is that he’ll see right through me and know I’m asking because I’m totally infatuated with him. Then he’ll avoid me and the house, and without his help, we’ll get behind schedule.”
We discussed Beckett for a little while longer, both of us yawning regularly. Janna really was taken with the guy, and I felt bad that she didn’t see much hope for anything more than to see him when he volunteered. I hoped she was wrong and that his bringing her here was because he wanted to help her specifically, and not just assist a fellow human in her time of need.
Ava’s coffee gave me a bit of a second wind. Or maybe it was JP’s imminent arrival that was amping me up. We still hadn’t spoken. I figured it was because he was with the deputies and Beckett and he didn’t want to call me with them listening to every word. That was fine, it was better to talk it all out in person. I just hoped he hugged me first. I ached for his touch.
Ava’s phone rang and she looked at me. “It’s your mom.”
“Oh my gosh, I completely forgot I was supposed to call her.” I held out my hand for the phone. “I’ll talk to her.”
I went back to Lily’s bedroom where it was quieter. It took me a while to assure Mom I was fine, and I was patiently answering her questions when I heard the front door open followed by a chorus of greetings.
“Where is she?”
That was JP’s voice and it sent shivers through me from head to toe. “Hey, Mom, JP just got home. I have to go. I promise I’ll call you back this evening, after I get some sleep. Okay? Bye.”
I’d taken only one step away from the bed when JP filled the door frame. My heart squeezed tight and my knees went weak. He looked haggard and exhausted—and so incredible.
His bloodshot eyes raked over me, assuring himself I really was whole and unhurt. When his gaze met mine I saw emotion so intense it brought tears to my eyes. I threw the phone on the bed and went to him, reaching for him, reveling in the feel of his arms dragging me close. So close I could hardly breathe.
I welcomed it. Every cell in my body needed this man and I gave myself up to the heaven of his body against mine. We needed to talk and we would, but right now all I wanted was to feel the strong, solid bulk of him warming me from the outside in.
He buried his face in my hair and breathed slowly in. I knew he was trying to banish the memories of last night just like I’d done, and I clung to him and let it happen.
Eventually we had to part—there were people in the other room waiting to go home and get some rest as soon as they knew we were okay. When I felt his arms loosen I lifted my head from his chest and looked up at him, blinking away the remnants of the tears that had wet his shirt.
“I’m so sorry,” I said thickly, but he stopped me with a shake of his head.
“Later. We’ll talk later, Myla. Right now I’m going to tell everyone they can leave and then I’m going to hold you until the feel of you is more real than the fear. That okay with you?”
I smiled. “You know it is.”
He pressed his lips briefly to my forehead, then took my hand and led me out to the living room where he did just what he’d said. He sincerely thanked everyone for being there for us and told them it was time we all got some sleep. We gave them all hugs—even Beckett—and then they left.
JP walked me over to the couch and it was like he knew exactly what I’d longed for last night in the woods. He lowered his long body onto it and drew me down beside him. My back to his front, his arm tight around me, just as I’d pictured it. He was warm and strong. Safe.
“I’m beat, Myla,” he said, his voice rough. “I feel like I just ran a hundred miles and have no reserves left. I need to sleep and I need to know you’re right here with me. After that I’ll be ready to talk. I want to hear everything that happened.” He inhaled a long breath and let it out slowly. “I’m so glad to have you back, baby.”
My eyes were already closed. I managed a slow nod, and then I was out.
***
I woke up slowly, unsure of where I was until I felt the solid, familiar warmth behind me. JP was still sleeping soundly and I lay there for a few contented minutes, listening to his deep, even breathing. I closed my eyes again, but not to sleep. This time I prayed, thanking God for keeping me safe and for reuniting me with the man I loved with all my heart. Then, as usual, I asked for His guidance and wisdom as we navigated our rocky path.
After a whispered amen, I carefully lifted JP’s arm from my waist and sat up. I started to stand, then stopped, unable to resist watching him sleep for a moment. It felt good to see his handsome face totally relaxed, the haggardness gone.
I wanted to smooth my fingers across his cheek, along the stubble on his jaw, down the column of his throat. I wanted to wake him and kiss him, feel him come alive under my touch. But judging from how soundly he was still sleeping, it
would be best to let him stay as he was.
The fire was out and the house felt a little chilly, but I didn’t want to make noise rebuilding it. I went to the kitchen instead, found a bag of coffee that was already ground, and quietly brewed a half pot. Then I curled up in a chair by a window and drank a cup, letting the caffeine hit my system slowly but surely.
By the time my mug was empty I was fully awake and hungry. Not surprising since it was eight o’clock and we’d missed lunch and dinner. I suspected JP had missed breakfast as well, whereas I’d had two.
I went to the fridge and found a package of frozen hamburger, then rummaged in the cupboards for ideas on what to do with it. Since it was chilly I decided on chili—and wished JP was awake so I could share my “punny” inspiration with him. He appreciated my somewhat corny sense of humor—or at least he pretended to. It was one of the many reasons why I loved him.
I tried to be quiet, but I had to get pots and pans out of the cupboard, so a bit of clanging was inevitable. He slept through that and also the chopping of the onions and sizzling of the meat as it browned. When the chili was finished and simmering, I went and sat down in a chair across from JP and tried to read a book. I wished I had my phone so I could check in with Ava and Janna, but thanks to Willard’s bullet, that wasn’t happening.
When JP began to rouse I switched my attention to him. He was much more interesting than the book.
He was lying on his back and his arms moved first, stretching up over his head, then his back arched as the stretch lengthened. I grinned, enjoying the sight of him transitioning from such a deep sleep to wakefulness. His shirt rode up, exposing a few inches of flat, muscular stomach that my palms itched to touch. It was all I could do not to pounce on him.
His eyes opened slowly, then his head turned toward me and his sleepy gaze locked with mine.
“Hey.” His voice was low and husky.
I smiled. “Hey. Feeling better?”
He stretched again, giving me another glimpse of his oh-so-tempting torso. “Much better. Did you sleep?”
I nodded. “Until about an hour ago. It’s almost nine o’clock, in case you’re wondering.”
He rolled onto his side, his eyes still on mine and considerably more alert. “Smells good in here. Did you cook something?”
“Mmm hmm. Chili and cornbread. It’s ready whenever you are.”
His lips curved up. “Is there a lot of it?”
“A whole pot. You haven’t eaten yet today, have you?”
“I remember Beckett getting me a donut this morning. I don’t remember if I ate it.”
I felt my smile falter and I sighed. “Will you let me tell you how sorry I am now?” I asked quietly.
He pushed himself up until he was sitting and held out a hand for me. I got up and took it, letting him pull me down until I was on his lap facing him, my knees pressed into the couch beside his thighs. I put my hands on his shoulders while his settled on my waist.
“Tell me how it happened,” he said softly. “Tell me what you were thinking when you decided to follow those guys.”
I swallowed hard, took a deep breath, and told him everything, starting with when I’d realized the man in the rusted SUV was the one in Ava’s photos from Starbucks. I explained how I thought if I could follow him, he might lead me to Haley. Maybe then we’d know where she was staying and what she was up to. At the very least, if we could show she was hanging out with bad dudes, that could only help JP’s custody case.
JP cringed when I described following the tracks on the dirt road into the community of hunting cabins. He cringed more when I told him about looking in the window and seeing the meth operation. He’d heard Ava’s recording, so he knew what came next. I filled in a few details, describing how the rodent had given me away, and then I told him about escaping into the woods where I’d spent a long, cold, lonely night.
“That’s pretty much it,” I said after the part about the four-wheeler rescue. “I really am sorry for what I put you through, JP. I can’t tell you how much I hate it. I was trying to help but I took unnecessary risks and I shouldn’t have.”
“No, you shouldn’t have,” he agreed softly. “I understand why you did it, Myla, and if I’m honest I’ll admit I’d have probably done the same if I was in your shoes. But I have to know you won’t do anything like that again. I want to get custody of Lily, but not at the cost of any harm coming to you. That’s not an acceptable trade-off.”
I nodded, looking down at his chest. He took my face in his hands and made me look at him again. “Promise me, Myla. Promise me or I’ll worry about you every second we aren’t together and I can’t live like that.”
“I promise,” I said earnestly, releasing a shaky breath. “I don’t want to experience anything like that again either.”
His eyes crinkled at the corners when he gave me a crooked smile. “You really did a number on Willard’s knee, you know. He was in agony when I saw him.”
“Good,” I said, remembering how I felt when he’d pulled his gun. “He’s a bad guy. I can’t feel sorry for him.”
“He’s going to go away for a long time.”
I smiled grimly, then looked down again, twisting my fingers in the cotton of his shirt. “JP…what Haley did to you…Jude said you suspected it, but I can’t even imagine how hearing that recording made you feel.”
He grunted. “I’m actually glad to have it confirmed.”
I swallowed hard and addressed my renewed regret. “I left you because of that night, and as it turns out, the only thing you did wrong was not protecting your drink from her. You probably weren’t even drunk.”
“I honestly don’t know,” he replied. “I had at least two drinks. Maybe three. I do know I didn’t feel drunk.”
“I hate what she did,” I said bitterly. “I’m trying not to hate her because my mom always told me it’s wrong and puts you on the same level as the one you hate, but I’m awfully close.”
He rubbed my back soothingly. “We can’t let it pull us back into the past,” he said gently. “Don’t give her that power, Myla. Just focus on the fact that she admitted it, you heard her say it, and your firsthand account will make a powerful statement if she tries to get Lily. Combine that with the company she keeps and her involvement in the meth operation, and there’s no chance a judge will give her any kind of custody, or even visitation.”
I took a shaky breath and pressed my face into the curve of his shoulder. “I’m so glad to be here with you, JP. I’ve never wanted anything as badly as I wanted you last night when I was in the woods. Do you know how dark it is in the middle of a forest? When it’s really cloudy and there are no stars or moon? It was pitch black, and that kind of dark messes with you, you know?” I sat up and looked at him. “I sat there most of the night trying to convince myself I hadn’t gone blind. And of course my auditory sense was exaggerated so I heard every noise. I think I even heard slugs crawling.”
He raised a brow, his lips twitching. “Is that what slugs do? Crawl?”
I laughed. “What would you call it? Slithering along on their slime trail?”
He grinned, then sobered. “We should have looked for you. If I’d known—” He exhaled slowly, his hands sliding down my hips and along the sides of my thighs, then back up to my waist. “We thought you might be in the cabin,” he said, his voice raspy. “I got there right after the deputies. They called the fire department, but the place was fully engulfed by that point. They said the chemicals used for the meth had exploded, and then the propane tank, and that’s why it went up so fast. There was nothing they could do.”
“I’m sorry. If I’d known Bobby wasn’t going to come after me I would’ve stayed closer and come out when they were gone. As it was, I just ran as far and as fast as I could.”
“Escaping was the right thing to do.”
“How long did you have to wait before you knew I wasn’t inside?”
“It was almost five hours until it was cool enough to go through
the rubble. It wasn’t long after that when the fire chief told us he was certain there were no bodies. Which was a huge relief, but then we assumed you were with Willard and Bobby, and that was pretty awful too. We had no idea where they’d gone. All Sheriff Talbot could do was put out an APB and hope. Thank goodness you’d described the vehicle and given the plate number to Ava.”
“Were Jude and Ava with you by then?”
“Oh yeah. They got to the cabin while it was still burning. We were going to go back to the sheriff’s department to wait for word, but Talbot said it would be hours and we should go home and wait for his call. So we went to Jude’s. Janna and Beck met us there. Talbot called late afternoon to let us know the cabin was clear. Then he called again at four o’clock this morning to let us know they’d found Tusk’s vehicle at a hotel. He said local cops were going to break into the room to find out if you were with them. If not, they’d question them and see if they’d tell them where you were. In the meantime, Talbot was sending his guys up to bring them back here for more extensive questioning. I was sure you were with them, and I wanted to go along to bring you back.”
“Ava said Beckett made it happen.”
JP wiped a hand down his face. “Yeah. He was a huge help to me. Kept me sane.”
“I’m glad. And can I say one more time that I’m really, really sorry for everything?”
He gave me a tired smile. “No more apologies. You’re okay and you’re here, that’s all that matters.”
I searched his eyes and saw no lingering worry or resentment. He didn’t like what I’d done, but he understood and was willing to move past it.
“I won’t do something that dumb again. I promise.”
He gave a slow nod. “I’ll hold you to it.”
I rolled my lips together and gave him a hopeful look. “Can we be done talking about it, at least for now?”
