by CM Foss
I started by shoving a Popsicle in my mouth as I rifled around for something to actually cook. I groaned as the ice touched my lips, dousing the fire in my throat and soothing my chapped lips. Before I could finish it, I threw it in the sink, not willing to waste the calories and fluids on something as unsatisfying as frozen juice. Still, I licked my lips in appreciation and longing.
Next I grabbed a hard-boiled egg and peeled it over the trash can. I tried to take little bites to make it last longer, but it was gone in seconds and sitting like a stone in my gut. I think my stomach forgot how to work for a second, until it started up with a rumble. I’d unleashed a beast and it wanted more. At least I’d earned a decent meal for the night, if I could just stop myself from munching everything in sight long enough to prepare it.
I couldn’t.
I wound up eating an apple, a grapefruit, and another egg before stripping to shower. At that point my stomach was satisfied. Not full, but satisfied. It was all I could afford because tomorrow was a race day.
As I stood under the stream of water, scrubbing a washcloth over my skin, I thought back to Jace doing the honors. His touch was so sure; he knew how to excite me instantly when I needed it hard, and when to tease and coax.
If he were in here with me, his shaggy blond hair would be slicked back and darkened. The water would drip down his chest and through the trail of abdominal muscles to the vee. I loved the vee. I would lick the vee. I would lick every last droplet off him, and then I’d let him do the same to me.
My hands wandered my body, lingering where I could still feel him. I ached in the best possible way, but my own touch was empty, unsatisfying. So I turned off the heat and let the cold water shock me out of my thoughts.
Afterward, I slumped on my couch and flipped through four hundred channels to find nothing on. I grabbed my phone to text Chrissy, but she was probably with Jeremy doing engaged-couple things and wouldn’t answer. Scrolling through my contacts, I realized I hadn’t kept in touch with anyone enough in the past few weeks to drop a line without seeming weird. I hadn’t done anything but ride, run, race, and… um, Jace. That was about all I had time for anyway. So it seemed like it could be a rather handy arrangement.
Except, of course, for the fact that we couldn’t tell anyone. Because I was pretty sure that if my family found out I was using my brother’s best friend—the boy who practically grew up at our house and used to tease me about my braces, my hair, my small stature, and whom I’d had a crush on for as long as I could remember—as basically a fuck buddy, they would kill him.
Or me.
Or both.
I was too cute to die.
So was he.
Chapter 26
“You have to come.” Chrissy had her hands on her slim hips, one dark and sculpted eyebrow raised as her blue gaze narrowed.
I sighed loudly, blowing my bangs out of my face. “You do understand what Sunday supper entails, right?”
“Dinner?”
“Right. Dinner. Do you know what I usually eat for dinner?”
“No.” She shook her head furiously, the black mixing with the deep purple streaks. “And I don’t want to. But you also know you can only avoid the institution for so long and with so many excuses. I’m sure one evening won’t derail your entire career.”
I chewed the inside of my lip as I thought. One dinner with my family would not ruin my career. But it could bury my resolve. It was getting harder to keep up my lifestyle, and the thought of my mom’s cooking almost made me faint with want. I couldn’t afford the indulgence though. Or the fluids. It’s why I’d been putting them off the past few weeks.
“Come on, Tess. Jeremy’s parents are coming. I need as much backup as I can get. They already think I’m crazy.”
“You are crazy.”
“Not as crazy as you. You’ll take the heat off. Plus it’s just one night. And I know you’re not racing Monday. Good, right?”
She held her hands out innocently, completely unaware of how un-good it could be. However… one night…?
How come one night kept turning into more?
“I’ll come. But you have to promise to deflect any weird comments or promises of leftovers, okay?”
“Deal.”
Nothing fit. The tailored dresses my mother had purchased over the years, specifically for me to wear to supper with the family, hung off me awkwardly, like a child playing dress-up. Apparently the extra normal-person pounds I used to carry had filled up a lot of space, mostly in my boobs.
Resigned to facing sideways glances and disapproving looks over champagne flutes, I tossed aside the dresses and grabbed a pair of dark jeans, checkered Chucks, and an oversized, off-the-shoulder T-shirt. They ticked none of the appropriate boxes, but I was tired and they were comfortable, and that was all I could handle at the moment.
I dabbed concealer over my dark circles and swept on blush and mascara, enhancing what I could while trying to make it look like I wasn’t actually trying. Not trying was exhausting.
I only lived a short drive from my parents’ farm, but far enough away that no one would regularly drop in on me. My sisters lived in houses on the property, and it was like a fucking commune over there. No locked doors, no knocking, no thank you.
I pulled up next to the fifth Ford truck. The odd one out was a Dodge that belonged to Chrissy’s soon-to-be in-laws. It wasn’t a point in their favor. But Jeremy was a good guy, and he put up with my sister and all of her overbearing oddities. Okay, he downright adored her. It was almost disgusting, unless you were into that whole lovey-dovey scene.
A dark Mercedes pulled in beside me and I sighed in irritation. Drew stepped out, looking extremely dapper in slacks and a sports coat. His dark hair was combed back and he was smooth-shaven. I kind of wanted to suggest he grow a five-o’clock shadow. He’d probably have a better social life.
“You’re uncomfortably good-looking,” I said as I slid down from my seat.
He looked at me curiously and shook his head. “What are you wearing?”
“Wow. You know how to make a girl feel good.”
“I get paid for my honesty.”
I snorted at that. “I’m tired.”
“Still. Jeans?”
“I need to go shopping, I guess. Everything was too big or too fancy.”
He gave a tight-lipped nod. “I’ll take you next week.”
“Isn’t that outside the realm of your job description?”
“Nothing is outside that realm.” He gestured toward the house. “Case in point.”
I shrugged. “Hey, I didn’t invite you.” He’d become a bit of a fixture around the family and was frequently invited to functions without my knowledge or consent.
We walked up the front steps, and like the gentleman he sometimes was, he held the door for me and followed me in. I paused when we reached the entrance to the living room, glancing around at everyone dressed up like they were at a country club. I really did need to go shopping.
Drew pushed at my lower back to encourage, or maybe force, me in. But he did lean over and whisper, “I’m taking you shopping. Like, tomorrow.”
I elbowed him sharply in the ribs, and it made me feel better.
My parents stood as we approached, greeting Drew warmly. In his history as my agent, he’d gotten to know my family pretty well. The relationship between jockey and agent is a funny one. In addition to his actual job of getting me rides, he was my full-time therapist, sometimes date, and sort of my best friend. Okay, when we first met, we totally slept together. He’s really hot and, well, why not? We quickly decided it was bad for business. Plus he was a little too serious for me. And kind of a dick.
“Bill, Melody”—he shook my dad’s hand and kissed my mom on the cheek—“thanks for having me.”
My mom smiled, a little flush on her cheeks. She had a bit of a crush on him. “You’re always welcome, Drew. Anyone who takes such good care of our girl.”
I barely concealed my snort, and he discr
eetly winked at me.
My dad led Drew to the bar and eagerly engaged him in racing conversation, leaving me to my mother’s scrutiny.
“Honey. You’ve missed too many Sundays.”
I gave her a small smile. “I know. I’m sorry. It’s been so busy and I’ve just been tired. I’ll do better, I promise. Things are calming down.” That was a lie.
She regarded me through narrowed eyes. The mom look. But I was saved from further questioning by being wrapped in the embrace of my oldest sister, Jeanine. I turned in her arms and squeezed her back as she danced on her toes.
My other sister, Julie, spun me around next. “Seriously, where have you been?” she asked, pulling away and placing one hand on each of my shoulders as she looked down at me. For fuck’s sake, she was wearing heels. I was so small.
“Just down the road.”
“That’s bullshit.”
“Hey”—I held up my hands—“I’ve been busy. Where are the runts?” I glanced around to look for my niece and nephew. You didn’t usually have to search too hard for them.
“Home with a sitter,” Jeanine said. “They were too tired to make it through this.”
I barely concealed my eye roll. I could identify with them.
“They miss you, you know.”
“I miss them too. I’ll plan a day. I really was hoping to see them tonight.”
She slung an arm over my shoulder and ruffled my hair in an irritating and also endearing fashion. “I know, runt. We’ll make a plan. And we’ll all get out to a race soon too.”
“Thanks.”
“Now, are you ready for some close time with the in-laws?” She turned me toward Chrissy and Jeremy, embroiled in conversation with his parents, along with my brothers-in-law.
“They’re not my in-laws. I don’t have to impress anyone.”
“Oh, come on. You know two people don’t just get married. Entire families do.”
I shuddered and pretended to vomit in my mouth. Julie smacked me in the back of the head, making me snort in laughter. God, it felt good to be with family.
“Where are Lawrence and Steph?” I asked, looking around as if my brother’s six-foot-something self would magically appear.
“They had to go down to Virginia. Work on their property.”
I sighed. “It sucks they’re moving.”
“I know. Growing up sucks.” Jeanine rested her cheek on the top of my head. “We have the next best thing tonight though.”
I pulled away. “Huh?”
Just then, the bane of my existence and the cause of the party in my pants strode in. He should have looked ridiculous in a sports coat, dark slacks, and leather flip-flops, but of course he didn’t. His face was covered in a day’s worth of scruff and his hair was mussed, like I’d been running my fingers through it. Or he had. Whatever. He had his hands stuffed in his pockets and he looked like a vagrant. A clean, sexy, bedheaded, wealthy vagrant. So… not a vagrant, but certainly improper.
“Why is he here?” I whispered out the side of my mouth.
Jeanine pinched her eyebrows together. “Why not? He has an open invite.”
“Yeah, but he never comes.”
“Does it matter?”
I met Jace’s eyes across the room. Mine were narrowed, his were full of cocky humor, and his smirk was firmly in place. The things I wanted to do to that smirk, starting with smacking his face, then probably riding it. I gave myself a mental shake to ward off that image. It probably wasn’t a good idea to be thinking about that here.
I watched as Jeanine and Julie joined my parents in greeting Jace warmly, giving him familial embraces. What was I supposed to do? How was I supposed to treat him? I mean, I could tackle-straddle him in front of everyone and have him haul me up into my old bedroom to do dirty, loud, halfway despicable things to me, or I could pretend he was my brother and never be able to have sex with him again. Ever.
Neither option seemed quite right.
Or I could be mean. I was pretty good at being mean.
My sisters ran off to join their husbands, and Drew walked up behind me.
“What are you staring at?” he whispered, pulling my hand down to my side. I looked, confused for a moment, at the thumb I’d been chewing on without noticing. I was never going to have nails again.
“I’m not staring at anything. I’m just standing here.”
“All by yourself in a room full of people?”
“Story of my life,” I muttered.
“Your own damn fault,” he muttered back.
I frowned as he walked away to join my brothers-in-law as well. Dick.
My eyes reverted back to Jace. Whereas a moment ago he was surrounded by people, they’d vacated, leaving nothing but empty space between us. He sauntered up to me, eyes discreetly running up and down my body. Leaning over, he brushed his lips to my cheek, keeping his hands in his pockets. To anyone watching, it was just a peck. A normal greeting. But if they’d been in my shoes, they’d have felt the scrape of his stubble tickling their soft skin, the warmth of his breath sending goose bumps down their neck, and the way he lingered just a split second longer than was acceptable. And they, too, would have had to lock their knees to keep from melting into a puddle of arousal.
“Why are you here with Drew?” he asked as he pulled away.
“I’m not. He was invited against my will.” I pursed my lips. “Why are you here?”
He returned his chocolate-brown eyes to me. “Dinner?”
“Really. You haven’t come in forever.”
“How would you know? Seems to me they could all say the same about you.”
“I’ve been busy. It’s not a big deal.”
“Did you ever think that maybe it is?”
My forehead tightened in confusion. “What do you mean?”
He lowered his voice. “I mean Lawrence is leaving; you hardly ever show up; your other three sisters are keeping the tradition alive, but they’re only half the family. Don’t think your parents don’t miss it. They already miss Shane every day.”
“Don’t you dare lecture me on my own family. I miss Shane every day too. I think of him every day. He’s the reason I’m out there, busting my ass. He was the one who pushed me to go for my dreams.”
“He wouldn’t want you to sacrifice your family for them. Even he figured out a balance when he was home from deployments. Shit, he called you guys almost every day when he was overseas.”
“Yeah, well, he’s dead now, so that balance didn’t work out all that great.”
That shut him up. Actually, that shut the whole room up. I realized with a glance around that everyone was silent and staring at me. Well, that escalated quickly. I opened my mouth to speak, but Jace beat me to it.
“Sorry, everyone. We were just talking about…”
“Nothing. We were talking about nothing.” I gave him a hard, meaningful stare to encourage him to shut the fuck up.
He stared right back. “Yeah. Nothing.”
From the corner of my eye, I saw pretty much my entire family exchanging glances with one another. Adam’s intense gaze was burning into Jace suspiciously, and that was definitely something we didn’t need. That man could figure out anything and probably already had. Drew’s lips were pursed as he stared straight at me, making me squirm. He already knew way too much about me.
“Mom, you need help in the kitchen?” That was about as inconspicuous as I was gonna get.
“Sure honey.” She stood with a smile, making my muscles sag in relief. “Why doesn’t everyone else go have a seat. Tessa, you can help me serve.” She pointed a finger at my sisters. “No switching place cards.”
Ordinarily I would have moaned and groaned about the injustices of the youngest child having to serve, as well as my distaste for place cards, but I was more than happy for the escape. As I left the room, chatter slowly started up again, filling the space behind me as everyone filtered into the dining room.
In the kitchen, we began working in rhythm,
passing plates and spooning food onto them in silence. I was so mad I didn’t even notice the smells of the food that would usually make my mouth water and stomach growl. So that was a plus.
“Is something wrong between you and Jace? I didn’t realize you two were getting so… close.”
“We’re not.” I jumped to correct her. “He’s probably been talking to Lawrence, and he was ragging on me about not coming home more often. It’s none of his business.”
My mom nodded thoughtfully, tucking a honey-colored lock back into her coiffed hair. She was so effortlessly stylish and ladylike, two traits that seemed to have bypassed me.
“You’re right. It isn’t his business,” she said, causing a sense of smugness to unfurl inside me. “But he’s right as well.” And then it was gone.
“I’m sorry…”
She stopped me with a hand. “You don’t need to be sorry. I do understand how busy you are. And while I’ve never ridden a race, I do know a great deal about the industry, as you can imagine.” Her look at me was pointed. “Which is why I do worry about you and would like you to check in with me more often. In addition to that, your sister is getting married, you are the maid of honor, like it or not, and you need to be involved. It’s the last family wedding outside of your own someday, and you’ll regret missing out.”
I rubbed at my eyes, relieving the tension residing around them and probably smearing my mascara in the process. Jace was right. And that pissed me off to no end. But how could I create a balance when my career was so all-consuming?
“I’ll try. I really will. But there will be times when I have to race. I’m not saying it comes before family, but it does come before parties. I have to get rides if I’m gonna continue to prove myself and get into the bigger races next spring. I can’t be known for turning them down.”
