That brought our progress to a halt...well, almost. Instead of rocketing up into the night, we were rising slowly, almost imperceptibly.
"That's got it, High Roller!" Massha exclaimed, shifting her grip to hang onto me with both arms. "A little more ballast than I had planned on, though."
I considered briefly telling Guido to let go, but rejected the thought. If the bodyguard released his grip, we'd doubtless resume our previous speed...and while a lot of folks at the Bazaar talked about my meteoric rise, I'd just as soon keep the phrase figurative. There was also the minor detail that we were already at a height where it would be dangerous for Guido to try dropping back to the street. There was that, and his death-grip on my legs.
"Don't tell me, let me guess," I called down to him. "You're acrophobic, too?"
The view of Blut that was unfolding beneath us was truly breathtaking. Truly! My life these days was so cluttered with crisis and dangers that a little thing like looking down on buildings didn't bother me much, but even I was finding it hard to breathe when confronted up close with sheer walls adorned with stone creatures. Still, until I felt his fingernails biting into my calves, it had never occurred to me that such things might upset a rough-and-tumble guy like Guido.
"Naw. I got nothin' against spiders," he replied nervously. "It's heights that scare me."
I let that one go. I was busy studying the tower which could be viewed much more clearly from this altitude. If anything, it looked stronger than the portion of the building that was below us. One feature captured my attention, though. The top portion of the tower, the part I assumed was Aahz's cell, was shaped like a large dragon's head. The window I had been expecting was actually the creature's mouth, with its teeth serving as bars.
I should have anticipated something like that, realizing the abundance of stone animals on every other building in town. Still, it came as a bit of a surprise...but a pleasant surprise. I had been trying to figure a way to get through iron bars, but stone teeth might be a bit easier. Maybe with Aahz working from the inside and us working from the outside, we could loosen the mortar and...
I suddenly realized that in a few moments we would be level with the cell...and that a few moments after that we'd be past it! Unless something was done, and done fast, to halt our upward progress, we'd only have time for a few quick words with Aahz before parting company permanently. With time running out fast, I cast about for a solution.
The wall was too far away to grab onto, and there was no way to increase our weight, unless...
When Aahz first taught me to fly, he explained the process as "levitation in reverse." That is, instead of using the mind to lift objects, you push against the ground and lift yourself. Focusing my reservoir of magical energy, I used a small portion to try flying in reverse. Instead of pushing up, I pushed down!
Okay. So I was desperate. In a crisis, I'll try anything, however stupid. Fortunately, this stupid idea worked!
Our upward progress slowed to a halt with me hanging at eye-level with the cell's dragon mouth.
Trying not to show my relief, I raised my voice.
"Hey, Aahz! When are visiting hours?"
For a moment there was no response, and I had a sudden fear that we were hanging a hundred feet in the air outside an empty cell. Then my partner's unmistakable countenance appeared in the window.
"Skeeve?" he said in a skeptical voice. "Skeeve! What are you doing out there?"
"Oh, we were just in the neighborhood and thought we'd drop in," I replied in my best nonchalant voice. "Heard you were in a bit of trouble and thought we'd better get you out before it got serious."
"Who's we?" my partner demanded, then he focused on my assistants. "Oh no! Those two? Where are Tananda and Chumley? C'mon, Skeeve. I need a rescue team and you bring me a circus act!"
"It's the best I could do on short notice," I shot back, slightly annoyed. "Tananda and Chumley aren't back from their own work yet, but I left a message for them to catch up with us if they could. Of course, I'm not sure how much help they'll be. In case you're wondering why I'm being carried by my apprentice instead of flying free, this particular dimension is exceptionally low on force lines to tap in to. If anything, I think I'm pretty lucky that I brought 'these two' along instead of ending up with a whole team of for-real magicians who are too proud to use gimmicks. It's thanks to 'these two' that I made it this far at all. Now, do you want our help, or do you want to wait for the next team to float past? I mean, you're in no rush, are you?"
"Now don't get your back up, partner," Aahz said soothingly. "You caught me a little off-guard is all. So tell me, just how do you figure to get me out of here?"
That brought me back to earth...or as close to it as I could get while suspended in mid-air.
"Umm...actually, Aahz, I was kinda hoping you might have a few ideas on the subject. You're usually pretty good at coming up with plans to get us out of tight spots."
"What I want to know," Guido snarled, turning slightly in the wind, "is how come your partner hasn't figured a way out of there all by himself, if he's so allfired smart?"
I started to rebuke my bodyguard, but slowly his words sank in. That was a good question! Aahz was strong...I mean STRONG! By rights he should have been able to rip the stone teeth out of the window all by himself. What was keeping him here?
"Oh, I'm having so much fun in here I just couldn't bear to leave," Aahz barked back. "I'm in here because I can't get out, that's why. What's more, if any of you have any ideas about how to get me out, I think now's a real good time to share them with the rest of us."
"Wait a minute, Aahz," I said. "Why can't you get out...and how did they catch you in the first place?"
"I was framed," my partner retorted, but I noticed his voice was a bit more subdued.
"We already know that." Impressed. "What I want to know is why you didn't just bust a few heads and sprint for home? You've never been particularly respectful of local authority before."
To my surprise, Aahz actually looked embarrassed.
"I was drugged," he said in a disgusted tone. "They put something in my drink, and the next thing I knew I had a stake and mallet in my hands and a room full of officials. Whatever it was they used, it kept me groggy all the way through the trial...I mean I couldn't walk straight, much less defend myself coherently, and after that I was in jail!"
"The old Mickey Finn trick!" Massha snorted, rocking our entire formation. "I'm surprised someone as off-worldly as you could get caught by such a corny stunt."
"Yeah. It surprised me, too!" Aahz admitted. "I mean, that gag is so old, who would really expect anyone to try it at all?"
"Only if you figured the mark was louder than he was smart," Guido sneered.
"Is that so!" my partner snapped, ready to renew their old rivalry. "Well, when I get out of here, you and me can..."
"Stop it, you two," I ordered. "Right now the problem is to get us all out of here before the balloon goes up...no offense, Massha. Now spill, Aahz. What's so special about this cell that's keeping you bottled up?"
My partner heaved a great sigh.
"Take another look at it, Skeeve. A close look."
I did. It still looked the same to me: a tower room in the shape of a dragon's head.
"Yeah. Okay. So?"
"So remember where we are. This thing was built to hold vampire criminals. You know, beings with super-human strength that can change into mist?"
My gaze flew back to the dragon's head.
"I don't get it," I admitted. "How can any stone cell hold beings like that?"
"That's the point." Aahz winced. "A stone cell can't. This thing is made of living stone. If whoever's inside tries to bust out, it swallows them. If they try to turn into mist, it inhales them."
"You mean..."
"Now you're getting the picture."
He flashed his toothy grin at me despite his obvious depression.
"The cell is alive!"
Startled by this revelation,
I looked at the tower top cell again. As if it had been waiting for the right cue, the dragon's head opened its eyes and looked at me.
Chapter Twelve
"For the right person, the impossible is easy!"
-Dumbo
To everyone's surprise, particularly my own, I didn't find the revelation about the true nature of Aahz's confinement at all discouraging. If anything, I was doubly pleased. Not only did I have an immediate idea for how to beat the problem, I had arrived at it before my knowledgeable partner...well before, as a matter of fact, as he had been pondering his dilemma for days whereas I had only just received the information. Of course, he was probably not in a position to see the easy solution that I could.
"What are you grinning at?" he demanded. "If there's anything funny about this, it eludes me completely."
Unlike my own amiable self, Aahz tends to show his worry by getting mad. Come to think of it, he tends to express almost any emotion by getting mad. Well, at least he's consistent.
"Tell me," I said, eyeing the dragon's head, "you say this thing's alive. How alive is it?"
"What do you mean, 'how alive is it'?" Aahz scowled. "It's alive enough to swallow me if it gets it into it's head. That's alive enough for me.
"I mean, can it hear and see?"
"Who cares?" my partner said, in a dazzling display of charm and curiosity that makes him so lovable. "I hadn't planned on asking it out for a date."
I stared thoughtfully at the beast.
"I was just wondering if it could hear me...say, if I said that I thought it was the ugliest building decoration I've seen here in town?"
The dragon's head rewarded me by narrowing its eyes into an evil glare.
"I think it can hear you, Boss," Guido said, shifting his grip nervously. "It doesn't look like it liked that last comment."
"Oh, swell!" Aahz grumbled. "Tell you what, partner. Why don't you come in here and sit on this thing's tongue instead of me before you start getting it all riled Up?"
"I was just checking." I smiled. "To tell the truth, I think it's the most incredible thing I've seen since I started traveling the dimensions. I just said that other to test its reactions."
The dragon stopped glaring, but it still looked a little bit suspicious and wary.
"Well, find some other reaction to test, okay?" my partner snapped. "For some obscure reason, I'm a little nervous these days, and every time this thing moves its tongue I age a few centuries."
I ignored his grumbling and shook one of my legs.
"Hey, Guido! Are you still paying attention down there?"
His grip tightened fiercely.
"Of course I'm paying attention, you little...I mean, yeah, Boss. There's not much else to do while we're hangin'. here, know what I mean? And quit jerking your leg around...please?"
I found his verbal slip rather interesting, but now wasn't the time to investigate further.
"Well, listen up," I said. "Here's what I want you to do. I want you to let go with one hand and pass the rope up to me..."
"No way, Boss! Have you seen how far down it is? I'm not lettin' go no matter what you..."
"...because if you don't," I continued as if he hadn't interrupted, "I'm going to start squirming around until either you lose your grip with both hands or Massha loses her grip on me. Whichever way it goes, you'll fall. Get my drift? Now for once could you just follow orders without a lot of back-talk? We don't have much time to pull this off."
There was a stricken silence below as Guido absorbed my ultimatum and weighed the possibilities.
"Pull what off?" Aahz demanded. "Why doesn't anybody tell me anything? If this master plan of yours is riding on that sorry excuse for a bodyguard, you might as well give up right now. I've told you all along that he was too lily-livered to be any good at..."
"Who's lily-livered?!" Guido shouted. "Look, Big Mouth, as soon as we get you out of there, you and me are going to settle this once and..."
"First, we've got to get him out, Guido," I interrupted. "The rope."
"Right, Boss. One rope coming up. We'll see who's lily-livered. The last person who called me that was my mom, and by the time I got done with her..."
Our whole formation began to rock dangerously as he fumbled through his coat one-handed in search of the rope. For a minute, I was afraid he was mad enough to let go with both hands to speed his search.
"Easy there, Guido," I cautioned. "We can...."
"Here it is, Boss!" he said, flipping the rope up so violently that it almost whacked me in the face. "I hope you can use it to hang the son of a..."
"Hanging isn't enough!" Aahz taunted. "It takes more than a piece of rope to do me in."
"Yeah. It takes a little girl with blue eyes and a spiked drink," my bodyguard sneered back. "If you think I'm going to let you live that one down..."
I forced myself to ignore them. While it was tempting to rally to Luanna's defense, there were other more pressing matters to attend to.
Moving as carefully as I could, I looped one end of the rope up and around Massha's waist. It took a couple of tries and a lot more rope than I would have liked, but finally I managed to catch the dangling end and tie it off securely.
"What's with the rope, Hot Stuff?" Massha said calmly, the only one of our group who had managed to keep her cool through the entire proceedings.
"Well, with any luck, in a little while we're going to be heading down...with Aahz," I explained. "Even though I know you're strong, I don't think your hands are strong enough to keep a grip on all three of us while we make the trip. This is to be sure we don't lose anyone after we spring the cell."
"Speaking of that," Aahz called, "I'm still waiting to hear how you're going to get me out of this thing. You might even say I'm dying to find out."
He wasn't the only one. The dragon's head was watching my every movement through slitted eyes. I'm not sure how much pride it took in its job, but it was obvious the beast wasn't getting ready to overwhelm us with its cooperation.
Everything was as ready as I could make it, so I decided it was time to play my trump card.
"There's nothing to it, really," I told my partner with a smile. "Talk to me."
It isn't often I catch my old mentor totally by surprise...I get him upset on a fairly regular basis, but total surprise was a real rarity. This was one of those golden times.
"Say WHAT?" Aahz exclaimed loudly.
"Trust me, Aahz," I insisted. "I know what I'm doing. Just talk to me. Tell me a story. How did you first meet Garkin?"
"Oh, that," he said, rolling his eyes expressively. "Well, we were at the same boring cocktail party, see...you know, one of those dreary affairs where the crowd has you pinned against the wall and you get stuck talking to whatever the tide washes up against you? Anyway, he was trying to impress some little bit of fluff with his magic, which really wasn't all that hot in those days...let me tell you, partner, anytime you start getting depressed with your lack of progress in the magic business, remind me to tell you what your old teacher Garkin was like when we first met. But, as I was saying, out of respect for the craft, I just had to wander over and show them what the real stuff looked like...not that I had any interest in her myself, mind you..."
I felt Guido tugging on my pantleg.
"Say, Boss," he complained. "What is this? I thought we were in a hurry."
"This is what we needed the time for," I whispered back.
"For this" he grumbled. "But Boss, if we don't get started..."
"We're started," I answered. "Now pay attention to what he's saying."
I was afraid our side comments might have distracted Aahz, but I needn't have worried. As per normal, once my partner got on a verbal roll, he wasn't that easy to stop.
"...so there we were, just the three of us, mind you, and remember, our clothes were five floors away at this point..."
"What's going on, Hot Stuff?" Massha hissed from her position above me. "I know you've heard this story before. Heck, I've heard i
t four times myself."
"Keep your eye on the dragon," I advised her. "And be ready to act fast."
I was going through the motions of reacting to Aahz's story and fielding the impatient questions of my assistants as best I could, but my real attention was focused on the dragon's head. My strategy was already working. Aahz's droning account of past glories was starting to take effect.
The dragon's eyes were definitely starting to glaze.
"...of course, after all that, I just had to take her home with me. It was the least I could do for the poor thing under the circumstances."
Aahz was winding up his story already! I had to keep him going just a little bit longer.
"Was that the party where you met Tananda?" I said, deliberately feeding him another cue.
"Tananda? No. That's another story completely. I met her when I was sitting in on a cut-throat game of dragon poker over at the Geek's. We had a real pigeon on the line, the kind of idiot who would bet a busted Corp's a' Corp's into a Unicorn Flush showing, you know? Well, I was a little low on funds just then,
Guido was getting restless again. "Boss, how much longer are we gonna..."
"Not much longer," I interrupted. "Get hold of the rope. We're about to move."
"...now I was holding Ogres back-to-back...or was it Elves? No, it was Ogres. I remember because Tananda had Elves wrapped up. Of course, we didn't know that until the end of the hand. Anyway, as soon as the Geek opened, I bumped him back limit, and Tananda..."
That did it. I should have known a hand-by-hand, bet-by-bet description of dragon poker would do the trick.
Without any warning at all, the dragon yawned...long and wide.
Aahz broke off his narration, a momentous event in itself, and blinked his surprise.
"Quick, Aahz! Jump for it!"
Bewildered as he was, there was nothing wrong with my partner's reflexes. He was out of the dragon's mouth in a flash, diving through the air to catch the rope below Guido.
As soon as his hands closed on our lifeline, several things happened at the same time.
With the extra weight on Massha's levitation belt, our whole formation started to sink at an alarming rate...my apprentice lost her grip on me, giving me minor rope burns as I clutched madly for the rope, almost too late to follow the advice I had been so freely giving to everyone else...and the dragon closed his mouth.
Myth-Ing Persons Page 9
