She hitched up her chin again in a way that Sebastian was beginning to recognise. ‘I’ll find somewhere to stay … figure something out, get a job somewhere … I’m really just taking it one day at a time at the moment.’
Suddenly restless, Sebastian stood and raked a hand through his hair, pacing back and forth. The news of his impending fatherhood was making him feel numb. He couldn’t process it and said distractedly, ‘It’s not just your responsibility now, it’s mine too. There were two of us there that night, and I didn’t make sure you were adequately protected.’
He didn’t see the colour flare in Aneesa’s pale cheeks; he only remembered the heart-stopping urgency of desire that had led him into the most frantic coupling of his life. Willing down the images with an effort, he turned back to face Aneesa. ‘You can stay with me. I can’t have you wandering around looking for accommodation when I have a perfectly spacious apartment. I’ll call my driver round and take you there now.’
Aneesa stood, relief mixed with trepidation warring inside her. ‘Are you sure? I don’t want to upset your routine. I know you must be busy. I can go to a coffee shop, wait until you finish work …’
Sebastian quirked a small harsh smile and decided not to tell her how he’d quite regularly work till midnight before going home only to toss and turn, or else head out and pound the pavements for hours, coming back exhausted at dawn. And then he remembered something and the smile faded. ‘No, really, it’s fine. I have to head home soon anyway as I’m going out this evening.’
Sebastian started to usher Aneesa out of the office and she bit back the urge to ask him if it was a date. He could even have a girlfriend—how would she know? Or perhaps he was meeting his London mistress? Stomach roiling, they picked up her bags from the overexcited security guard downstairs, who had somehow in the interim managed to get some DVDs of Aneesa’s movies. She autographed them, and posed for a photograph with the man wearing a fixed smile, and then was being ushered into the back of Sebastian’s luxury car with tinted windows.
Sitting in the back, listening to Sebastian take a call on his phone, he was a million miles from the man she’d met that night in Mumbai, and when she looked back on it now, it all seemed like a flimsy mirage, because this man was acting as if he wouldn’t kiss her again if his life depended on it.
‘… and then Daddy said that I simply must have the house in Holland Park, and I said …’
Sebastian let the woman’s irritating voice tune in and out, nodding occasionally to signal his interest when really he had no more interest in the anaemic blonde sitting opposite him than he would in the overweight maître d’ who’d shown them to the table. Which was strange as up until recently blondes had been his preference—the cooler, the better. He scowled inwardly. Until he’d met an exotic Indian princess.
It had been too late this afternoon to cancel the date and some rogue part of him had wanted to keep it, make boundaries clear with Aneesa. But he hadn’t been able to get the wounded bruised look from her eyes out of his head all evening. Her eyes were so damn expressive. And beautiful.
She’d meekly followed him around his state-of-the-art penthouse apartment with its stunning views of London and had lightly asked, ‘Always the penthouse?’
And he’d answered glibly, ‘It’s the best.’ And had winced at how crass that sounded.
His housekeeper, Daniel, a man in his fifties who Sebastian would trust with his life, had immediately taken Aneesa under his wing, and when Sebastian had been leaving, she’d been sitting in the kitchen on a high stool, looking about sixteen and discussing Indian curry recipes.
As his focus came back into the exclusive restaurant, Sebastian felt suddenly impatient. He cut abruptly across the woman, whose name he struggled to recall. ‘I’m sorry but I’m afraid I’ll have to go …’
Her lipsticked mouth opened and closed, making a coil of disgust settle in Sebastian’s belly when he remembered another mouth, with naturally red lips, full and infinitely more kissable. His body tightened in response.
He hustled them out of the restaurant, ignoring her protests, and bundled her into a taxi, and with that impatience rising he got into a taxi himself and headed home. When he got to his building, he strode straight past the concierge and into the lift.
And it was only when he went in his front door and let the quiet of the apartment wash over him did he realise how fast his heart was hammering. He prowled silently to the bedroom he’d shown Aneesa to earlier and pushed open the door. A bedside lamp threw out a halo of light over where she had fallen asleep half sitting up in the bed. A book lay open by her side and Sebastian went over and picked it up, only noticing then what the title was: What to Expect When You’re Expecting.
With a funny feeling in his belly he put it down and looked at Aneesa. Her long lashes were fanned out, casting shadows on her cheeks. He’d only met her once before, as cataclysmic as that meeting had been, and yet, he felt as if he’d known her forever. Exactly as he’d told her that night, like a gauche teenager.
Seeing her again, having her here, a physical reality in his home, the knowledge that she was pregnant was a shock to his system that was only now beginning to wear off. And on the heels of that was a disturbing build-up of ambiguous emotions he didn’t want to look at.
Physically he wanted her with a fierceness that scared him. And yet he knew if he so much as touched her, a storm would be unleashed. A storm he didn’t want to deal with. A surge of emotion made his gut clench even though he denied it furiously. He couldn’t afford to forget that if she wasn’t pregnant, she wouldn’t be here now. She wouldn’t have come just because she wanted to. He wouldn’t have to be dealing with this. His conscience pricked—tonight’s date would have still been a disaster, even without Aneesa’s arrival. The truth hurt; he’d been dealing with her presence since that night in Mumbai….
His eyes drifted down, and feeling like a voyeur but unable to stop himself, he could see that the soft rise and fall of the swells of her breasts under her T-shirt looked fuller. Was that because of the baby? Suddenly the thought of watching Aneesa’s body ripen with his child made him feel alternately euphoric and claustrophobic.
He backed away and out of the room again and it was only when he was fighting his usual losing battle with sleep some time later did he register his dominant emotion when he’d returned home to find her asleep in bed; it had been relief. To Sebastian’s disgust, when he closed his eyes, all he could see was an image of storm clouds threatening over every horizon.
The following morning, when Sebastian returned from his regular six-mile run, the sun was rising in earnest and he was disconcerted to find Aneesa up and pottering about the kitchen. Her hair was tied back in a high ponytail and she was wearing sweatpants and a long-sleeved T-shirt.
Hardly out of breath, Sebastian said, ‘You’re up early.’
Aneesa whirled around, colour flooding her cheeks, and it made inexplicable satisfaction course through Sebastian. She recovered swiftly though; he could see that faint reserve return.
‘I’m always up around dawn to do my meditation and yoga practice.’ She looked at him steadily. ‘Will that bother you?’
Sebastian shook his head and tried to ignore the vivid mental images flooding his brain of Aneesa doing stretches. He brushed past her and her fresh scent teased his nostrils. Almost angrily he yanked out the coffee beans to make fresh coffee.
Hesitantly Aneesa asked, ‘Are you sure you don’t mind? You seem a little … edgy.’
Sebastian gritted his teeth. ‘I’m sure. I’m just not used to living with someone, that’s all. Was there something you were looking for here?’
Now she shook her head, wide eyed. ‘No, I just made some herbal tea, which Daniel got for me yesterday.’
She was standing by the solid-wood island, sipping her tea. There was feet separating them and yet Sebastian could feel sweat breaking out on his brow, which got worse when she asked politely, ‘Did you have a nice dinner last night?�
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No! Sebastian wanted to shout, but calmed himself down and said smoothly, ‘Lovely, thank you—pleasant food and pleasant company.’
Now why had he said that when it had been anything but? Feeling seriously disgruntled he left the coffee and muttered something about taking a shower and walked out of the kitchen.
Aneesa watched Sebastian leave, taking his intense force field of energy with him, and sagged back against the counter. She put a hand on her belly and tried to breathe deep to calm her thundering heart. Surely this intense physical reaction every time she saw him couldn’t be good for the baby? But he’d smelt so good, of musky sweat and pure man. He’d obviously been out jogging, dressed in sweats like her and a T-shirt which had been all but welded to his damp chest.
If it hadn’t been for Daniel distracting her yesterday evening and making her feel thoroughly at home, she was afraid she would have let Sebastian see exactly how affected she’d been by watching him go out for the evening, dressed in a black suit and crisp white shirt. His subtle aftershave had told her, with a woman’s intuition, that he’d most definitely been going on a date.
And yet what could she say or do? He patently didn’t welcome her presence, baby or no baby. He had a life; he must have lovers. He’d been very clear that night in Mumbai that he didn’t want anything more to do with her. And yet here she was.
A wave of loneliness and homesickness washed over her and she escaped into her bedroom before Sebastian could come back and see her distress.
After pacing impatiently in the main drawing room of the apartment for about an hour, Sebastian looked at his watch for the umpteenth time. Where was she? He needed to speak to her before he went out to work but there was no sign of her.
Finally he went to her room and knocked lightly on her door. Hearing nothing he went in and saw her sitting cross-legged in the middle of the room, eyes closed, back straight and palms facing up resting on her knees. She looked so serene and peaceful that Sebastian tried to creep back out again but just then her eyes opened. In a second she’d got to her feet in one graceful motion. ‘Was there something …?
‘Just what do you expect to happen here?’ The words came out baldly and Sebastian winced inwardly. He seemed to lose any ability to be suave and smooth around this woman.
She frowned. ‘What do you mean?’
He gritted his jaw. ‘What I mean is that I hope you haven’t come here with some notion that we can happily play house just because we have a baby coming. Because that scenario is not something I am interested in.’
Anger bubbled within Aneesa, and something more emotional that she valiantly tried to keep down. A dark flush rose into her pale cheeks; her eyes flashed. ‘You’re afraid that I’ve got some plan up my sleeve to get you to marry me and make an honest woman of me?’
Sebastian threw out a hand. ‘How would I know? Isn’t that what every woman wants?’
Aneesa’s hands clenched to fists at her sides, the calming benefits of the past half-hour of meditation wasted. ‘Not this woman. After what I have been through recently, marriage or getting married is the last thing on my mind, believe me. To be perfectly frank, I don’t think I ever want to get married. It’s obvious that this is all a massive inconvenience to you. I can leave today, it’s no problem. The last thing I want to do is cramp your bachelor lifestyle.’
Anger blurring her vision now, Aneesa went to her suitcase which was still half unpacked. She hauled it to the bed and with hands shaking started to throw things in. ‘I’ve told you about the baby, and that’s enough. Now I should leave and let you get on with your life. I can let you know when the baby is born and perhaps we can come to some arrangement where you can visit when you want. That’s if you’re interested.’
She stopped for a moment, her chest heaving and her eyes blurring with tears this time.
‘And where exactly are you going to go?’
Sebastian’s voice came from much closer and was so unexpectedly gentle that, to her horror, tears started to fall. She dashed them away angrily. ‘I don’t know. I’ll think of something. This is one of the biggest cities in the world—I’m sure I can find somewhere. I should never have bothered you.’
She felt his hands on her shoulders and then she was being pulled around. Sebastian handed her a handkerchief. He led her over to the bed to sit down. She pulled back from him, her breath still jerky. ‘I really didn’t think beyond getting out of India so that the story could die down. I don’t have some dastardly plan to trap you in a marriage or a relationship you clearly don’t want.’
She shrugged one slim shoulder and looked at him. ‘I felt I owed it to you to at least tell you face to face. Do you think I would have asked for any of this in a million years if given a choice?’
Aneesa bit her lip before continuing. ‘By the time I was getting married, my father’s business was almost bankrupt. The wedding was a huge burden on him financially. I’ve paid him back every penny and made him sell the apartment he bought in Juhu as part of my dowry. I couldn’t stay and have them suffer the media on their doorstep every day. At least now they have some peace and my father is back on his feet and can provide for the rest of my family again. My career is over and
I’m going to have to start all over again. But right now that’s the least of my worries.’
She felt fierce when she said, ‘But I don’t regret what happened between us that night and I don’t regret becoming pregnant. This child will be loved, and wanted. And I’m not telling you this because I want your money. I can look after myself and I’ll look for somewhere else to stay. I’m sure I can get a job….’
A look of stoic determination came into her eyes. ‘I could work here for my board?’
Something about the way she’d asserted that their child would be wanted struck Sebastian deep down inside. The reality was sinking in more and more by now and he knew that despite his own woeful upbringing, he, too, wanted any child of his to have a stable and loving environment. However that might be achieved.
Drily he asked, ‘When was the last time you did laundry or washed dishes or even shopped?’
Aneesa flushed brick-red. ‘Once I might have been like that, but not any more. I’m a fast learner and I don’t mind a bit of hard work.’
Something within Sebastian twisted at her innate pride and how far she’d fallen from her Bollywood princess pedestal. She wasn’t at all like the vacuous spoilt woman he’d assumed her to be on her wedding day. He couldn’t believe though that she wasn’t resenting her abrupt fall from grace, even if she didn’t show it.
She went on with a rush. ‘Look—I meant everything I’ve just said. You just happen to be the father of this baby. I really don’t expect anything from you at all.’
Sebastian tried to ignore the effect her huge shimmering eyes were having on his equilibrium. How could he feel dizzy sitting down?
He focused with effort. ‘Quite apart from the fact that you’ve already got Daniel wrapped around your finger, he would have a fit to see you treading on his turf. You’re welcome to stay for as long as you need.’
He quirked a smile and ran a hand through his hair, ‘Hell … we’re having a baby.’ His smile faded. ‘It’s just going to take me a while to absorb that. I’m not used to sharing my space….’
‘I’ll stay out of your way.’
Sebastian shook his head and took the handkerchief out of her hand to wipe at a stray tear on her cheek. ‘No … it’s not your problem. It’s my problem to deal with. This is your home now as much as mine. And we need to look into booking you in with a doctor and setting up appointments.’
‘I can do all that, you’re busy.’
Sebastian shook his head. ‘I’ll have my PA do some research.’
His hand was cupping her jaw now, and Aneesa had stopped breathing. Her body was reacting, tightening, melting, remembering. For a second she thought she saw an answering heat in Sebastian’s eyes but then he got up and moved away, becoming brisk. Cold again.
‘I’ve got a meeting in Paris this afternoon. I’ll be back late tonight, but as it’s the weekend tomorrow I’ll be off so we can discuss doctors and hospitals.’ He frowned now. ‘How long are you intending to stay?’
Aneesa’s heart thumped to think that he might actually care, which was ridiculous. ‘Perhaps a couple of months? Until the scandal dies down at home—my family will be worried if I stay away for too long.’
Sebastian shrugged, a dart of emotion slicing through him at her easy mention of family. ‘Like I said, you’re welcome for as long as you want.’
And then he was gone. Aneesa felt slightly stunned. She wasn’t used to having emotional outbursts like that but she figured it had to be her pregnant hormones and the way Sebastian’s less than ecstatic reaction to her arrival made her feel so vulnerable. And if that insouciant shrug just now was anything to go by, evidently he wasn’t prepared to have much of a say in the baby’s development, or birth.
Aneesa put her hand on her belly and said out loud, ‘Looks like it’s just going to be us, baby….’
When she got up and started to put away her things again, she resolutely pushed down the ache in her chest that told her of a very secret and treacherous desire that Sebastian’s reaction to seeing her again might have been different. But reality was harsh and that was something she’d been getting a master class in recently.
CHAPTER FIVE
BY SATURDAY evening Aneesa was worn out. She’d spent the day with Sebastian and his assistant exhaustively going through the hospitals and prenatal doctor recommendations, before finally making some choices. And while for her it was hammering the reality of her pregnancy home more and more, if anything it seemed to make Sebastian retreat further and further.
Late this afternoon he’d absented himself from discussions and gone to his study. When Aneesa had been letting his pleasant middle-aged assistant out of the apartment, the PA turned to Aneesa and confided, ‘I’m very happy for you both … I’ve always hoped that Sebastian would—’
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