Jacob’s black eyes followed his brother and Aneesa could see the sorrow in them. She tentatively touched his sleeve and he looked down at her, finally focusing on her. Apologising, he introduced himself. ‘I knew it wouldn’t be easy for Sebastian after all this time, but I’d hoped …’
Aneesa felt awkward. ‘I don’t know exactly what happened between you but I’m sure it’ll work out.’
Jacob smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes. ‘I hope so, but the truth is that I was the one person who Sebastian turned to after his mother was sent away, and after our father died, he was always the intensely quiet foil to Nathaniel’s extrovert showmanship. They each found their own way of coping after their mother had to be committed …’ He trailed off and then said, ‘After I left … I knew that he might take it the hardest. But I had no choice.’
For a second Aneesa thought she had a flash of insight into Sebastian’s psyche when she sensed that Jacob had felt unable to contain his own rage and emotions, and had left for that reason, to protect his own family. Did Sebastian share that fear? ‘I’m sure you had your reasons …’ Aneesa stopped then, feeling utterly useless. Sebastian hadn’t been exaggerating when he’d warned her of their dark past. ‘I … I should really go to him.’
Jacob caught her arm lightly as she turned to go. She looked back.
‘I’m glad he has you, Aneesa.’
She just smiled but it felt brittle. She didn’t think it the best time to get into the dynamics of her non-relationship with Sebastian. It looked like his brothers and sister had enough on their hands. But never more than now did she feel a sense of futility wash over her.
She went to the reception desk and got the key to their room, where their luggage had already been deposited. As the private lift whisked Aneesa silently upwards, she smiled politely at the slightly awed elevator attendant, who showed her to the door of the suite and opened it for her.
She slipped inside, heart thumping painfully. She walked through the rooms until she saw him, standing with his back to her, one arm above his head resting on the window which looked out over London’s skyline. The other hand in his pocket, and his whole frame so rigid, her heart ached.
He didn’t turn around. ‘Not now, Aneesa, please. Just … leave me alone.’
The raw pain in his voice meant she had no choice. And she knew in that moment with a fatal inevitability that she loved him. She walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her cheek against his back, pressing close against him.
At first he stiffened and he brought his hand out of his pocket to cover hers as if to take her hands away, but then she felt a shudder run through his powerful frame and instead of extricating himself he laced his fingers tightly through hers and held her hands in place.
She could have wept for him and her throat ached at the turmoil she felt in his body. She knew he was crying but she guessed it wasn’t with tears, she imagined it was like a kind of deep ache that went beyond tears, welling up from inside him. She could feel it like a physical sensation resonating within her. She didn’t know how long they stood there like that with her arms tight around him, her body pressed against his, her bump pressing solidly into his buttocks, but at some stage Sebastian started talking, in such a low voice that Aneesa had to strain to hear.
He told her everything—about how utterly mesmerising his mother had been, but too fragile to be a real mother, and then how she’d disappeared into full-time care, which had been terrifying to a six-year-old. The constant crying and fighting between his parents before his mother had disappeared, and about his violent father and the highs and lows of his mercurial moods. How he would drunkenly wake them all up and initiate a magical ghost hunt in the woods surrounding the house on a midsummer night’s eve which would then morph into a nightmare of gigantic proportions because one of the boys would have innocently provoked him into an uncontrollable rage.
He spoke about the fierce solidarity between his siblings who’d always looked out for one another, despite the fact that they weren’t all full siblings. And about how, despite that solidarity, he’d never really felt a part of it, somehow always on the fringes, observing the action. He told her dispassionately about how his father had brutally whipped his sister, and about Jacob being the one constant who had never let him get too insular … until the day he’d left for good.
The setting evening sun was streaking the sky outside with dusky pink ribbons when Sebastian finally turned around in Aneesa’s arms. He looked down at her and she stifled a breath. He looked haggard, his eyes bruised.
‘Why are you here? Why are you listening to this?’
She gave a small shrug, her eyes never leaving his. ‘Because you needed to tell someone. Because you’re the father of my child, and because …’ Her heart tripped for a second. She was half terrified she’d reveal just how much she cared about him. ‘Because you were there for me when I needed someone …’
He quirked a small smile and relief flooded her belly.
‘Yes, but instead of providing silent counsel and sending you on your way I threw you onto the nearest bed and made love to you within an inch of our lives.’
Aneesa took his hand from around her waist and pressed a kiss to his palm before saying, ‘And I’m glad you did.’
He shook his head then, his face sobering up. ‘I can’t go back down there. I can’t see him. I wanted to kill him. I’ve never felt such rage before.’
No, thought Aneesa, because you’ve channelled it into physical things like burning your body out.
He extricated himself from Aneesa’s arms and walked over to the drinks cabinet where he poured himself a drink. Gently Aneesa pointed out, ‘It’s not just Jacob who is down there, it’s Nathaniel and his new wife. And your other brothers, and sister. They all looked so happy to see you.’
He threw back the drink. She saw his fingers clench so tightly around the glass his knuckles shone white. ‘Yes, but it’s him. I won’t give him the absolution he obviously wants, it’s too late. He can’t just arrive back into our lives like this.’
Aneesa walked over and turned him around to face her. ‘So what? You’re just going to avoid seeing him ever again? That’s not exactly the adult response, is it?’
Before he could launch into an attack she said with soft determination, ‘I know he hurt you, and badly, but no one is perfect, least of all us. Look at the car wreckage my life has been for the past few months. I’ve caused untold shame and misery to my family but despite that they still love me, and I know how lucky I am to have that. For a long time I was seduced by a much more shallow world, and I wasn’t a particularly nice person. I took my family completely for granted, and yet when things fell apart they were still there for me.’
She pressed on. ‘What you and your family went through was horrific, no one could dispute that, and from what you’ve told me, frankly I’m surprised that Jacob didn’t leave a lot sooner. He obviously felt a huge sense of responsibility to you all.’
Sebastian issued a curt laugh. ‘So huge that he left his vulnerable teenage sister still nursing the wounds of her attack from our father, and his younger brothers to the mercy of boarding schools and housekeepers for care?’
Aneesa said wryly, ‘You turned out OK for all that second-rate care.’ Then she bit her lip. ‘Look, all I know is that my family had more than enough grounds to throw me out on the street and disown me after what I did to them. But they didn’t. It’s so much easier to see things in black and white and it sounds to me as if that’s what your father did a lot of the time, fuelled by his drinking and rage.
‘Can you not try and see things from Jacob’s point of view?’ Aneesa asked. ‘Maybe he was scared he would become like your father, and cause more pain and harm? Perhaps he felt that that was his only option—to leave you all behind. Who knows what the guilt of killing a parent would do to someone even if it had been accidental?’
Sebastian felt as if Aneesa was flaying him alive with her words. Sh
e was coming far too close to his own inarticulate fears that he, too, might have carried his father’s twisted moods and personality. The rage he’d felt just now when faced with Jacob had scared him with its intensity. He lashed out, sneering, ‘You didn’t mention the psychology degree you did in your spare time between Bollywood blockbusters.’
And the instant the words were out he wanted to swallow them back. He saw Aneesa’s face pale and her chin come up. She said with the utmost dignity, ‘I’m going to ignore that comment and give you the benefit of the doubt. And I’m going to go back downstairs to join your family and get to know them a little more. If you feel like you can stop wallowing in your childhood hurt and join the present, then you’ll know where to find me.’
And on stiff legs she walked out, the door shutting with incongruous quiet behind her.
CHAPTER EIGHT
ANEESA was sitting beside Annabelle at one of the round tables where they’d just finished coffees. She didn’t need to look around to know that Sebastian hadn’t reappeared. She was trying to concentrate on the conversation but was still smarting from his cruel words.
She was also reeling with the knowledge that this beautiful, immaculately turned-out woman had been so horrifically beaten. Annabelle was being very sweet and explaining that her twin brother, Alex, was a racing car driver based in Australia, and couldn’t be there.
Aneesa put a hand to her bump, only realising what she’d done when she noticed Annabelle follow the movement. She grimaced. ‘It’s still small, but it seems to be getting bigger by the day now.’
Annabelle smiled politely but then looked away with a small frown forming between her grey eyes. ‘Jack should be here too, our elder brother, but I haven’t seen him yet. I know Jacob wants to talk to him….’
Annabelle’s eyes snagged and widened on something or someone else at the entrance to the room and Aneesa followed her look to see that Sebastian had returned and was in the doorway, with Jacob. Relief flooded her, and her silly heart swelled with love and pride. As she watched, Sebastian put out his hand but instead of shaking it, Jacob drew him into a fierce hug.
Her eyes smarting suspiciously now, and feeling dangerously emotional, she made a garbled excuse to Annabelle, saying she wanted to get something from the room. The waiters were starting to clear the tables and encourage people to get up so they could rearrange the room for dancing, so she wouldn’t be missed. Instinctively she felt the need to give Sebastian some space with his family.
Once in the suite though, fatigue overcame her and she lay down for a while, unable to resist the lure of a nap when her eyes felt heavy. She woke up when she heard the door open and close and sat up groggily.
Sebastian appeared in the doorway, his jacket off and tie undone, looking rakishly handsome. ‘Where did you get to?’
Aneesa sat up at the side of the bed and pushed her hair back. She felt at a disadvantage. ‘I must have fallen asleep. I lay down just for a minute….’
Sebastian walked over and sat beside her; his distinctive scent made her stomach clench with desire. His eyes glittered an intense blue, all earlier signs of haggardness gone. He took a tendril of hair that had drifted down over her shoulder and let it slip through his fingers. He looked at her. ‘I’m sorry for what I said earlier. I had no right to lash out at you, and you were too generous to give me the benefit of the doubt.’
‘I saw you talking to Jacob.’
Sebastian smiled ruefully. ‘You were right. We won’t be fine overnight but I think we’re going to be OK. Jacob is home for good. He wants to renovate Wolfe Manor, restore it to its former glory, maybe even sell it. And I also found out that he was involved as a secret design consultant for this hotel, which was my first. So in his own way he has been watching over me from afar….’
Aneesa put a hand to Sebastian’s jaw and felt the heady rasp of his stubble. Familiar heat coiled through her and she said huskily, ‘I’m glad, Sebastian. I really hope it does work out for you all….’
Sebastian turned to face her fully, and with a slow intensity that made her toes curl he drew her close and kissed her, his arms trapping her against his chest. When he exerted a slight pressure so that she lay back down on the bed, she couldn’t help the tiny moans of acquiescence and anticipation. He put his two hands on either side of her and pulled away, looking down at her. He ran the back of his hand down one hot cheek. ‘If it wasn’t for you I’d most likely be staring at the bottom of an empty whisky bottle now and cursing everyone and everything around me.’
She blushed and bit her lip. ‘I did nothing except tell you what you already knew.’
His face came closer and he pressed a sweet kiss to her mouth. He drew back. ‘It was more than nothing, and thank you.’
Suddenly breathless, she said, ‘You’re welcome.’
‘How welcome?’ he growled with a dangerous gleam in his eye. Molten heat seeped through Aneesa’s veins and she wondered a little desperately if she’d ever not want him so badly. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him over her, relishing the friction of his chest against her breasts.
‘Very welcome.’
Even as he kissed her and ran his hands down her body, Aneesa was conscious of a need to protect herself from the inevitable pain. And yet, when she felt Sebastian’s hand travel up her bare leg under her dress, to find where she ached for him with such telling wetness, she couldn’t concentrate on anything but his touch.
Pulling off her clothes first and then his own clothes with indecent haste, causing buttons to pop off his shirt and Aneesa to giggle, he came back over her and looked down into her eyes for a long moment. She was breathless, her naked breasts crushed against his chest, his body between her legs. And then without a word, he drew back and took her, with one cataclysmic thrust. So deeply that she could have sworn he touched her heart.
They didn’t speak a word, but Sebastian’s eyes never left hers, not even when she splintered around him with a small keening cry, her back arched. He just pulled one leg up, bending it back to that he could penetrate even deeper, and the next time she came within the space of minutes, just before he did. Aneesa couldn’t stop helpless emotional tears trickling down her cheeks.
Sebastian just kissed them away, and turned them so that she was tucked into his chest with his arms tight around her, their hearts beating unevenly. But she couldn’t stop the silent tears falling because she knew she was indulging in the fantasy that perhaps, just perhaps, this day and evening had marked a real change in their relationship. And she knew she’d be a fool to hope for that.
Aneesa woke at dawn to find herself alone in bed. Where Sebastian had lain close behind her was still warm, and guiltily she rolled back over and pressed her face into the pillow to breathe his distinctive scent deep.
Just then she heard a noise and looked up to see Sebastian emerge from the bathroom with a towel slung around his lean waist. She flushed guiltily and had a moment of déjà vu to when she’d woken after their night together in Mumbai.
‘Morning.’
‘Good morning.’ Ridiculously she felt shy. Sebastian barely glanced at her and Aneesa felt it like a slap in the face, after the intimacies they’d shared last night. She had to repress an inexplicable shiver. She’d stupidly believed that possibly—She bit her lip and got out of the bed, drawing a hotel robe on, not that Sebastian was even looking at her. He was too preoccupied with something.
Even as she was thinking that, he dropped the towel with an ease that she thought she’d never get used to and started to get dressed, saying over his shoulder, ‘I have some things to attend to this morning. My driver can drop you home whenever you’re ready.’
Aneesa bit back the urge to ask him what exactly he could have to attend to on a Sunday morning. Last night and how intensely intimate it had felt trickled back into her awareness. Not to mention the emotional turmoil of the day. An awful suspicion settled into her belly like a cold weight. As it took root and grew, she said faintly, ‘Don’t be
silly, you obviously need the car. I can take a taxi back to the apartment.’
Sebastian just shrugged and said, ‘Whatever you want. I’ll wait for you and we can leave together. I’ll be downstairs. I need to check that everything went OK last night.’
Aneesa mumbled something incoherent and got through her shower in record time. Within a half an hour, hair still damp, she was downstairs wearing stretchy leggings and a tight-fitting long T-shirt under her leather jacket. Sebastian was pacing the lobby, looking like a beautiful caged panther, speaking on his mobile. When he saw her with her bag he cut the call short and ushered her out. Hailing her a cab he asked again if she was sure, and with her skin feeling clammy with panic she just said yes.
The awful familiarity of the pattern was all too obvious. Sebastian had opened up to her, shown her something of himself and now he was retreating behind those fortified brick walls again. She hated to find herself thinking like a suspicious lover but she was. He was so distracted he couldn’t even look her in the eye.
He had to be seeking the habitual physical release he craved, except this time she had the awful premonition that it would be with a woman, and not through exercise. He must be hating the fact that she’d seen so much, that he’d been in any way vulnerable with her.
He barely waited till she was in the taxi before his own black tinted-window car was pulling away. Feeling ridiculous but compelled by a force greater than she could resist, she said to the driver, ‘I know this is going to sound a bit silly but could you follow that car?’
The driver winked at her in the mirror and said in a broad cockney accent, ‘I’ve been waiting forever for someone to ask me that!’
And with a none-too-discreet screech of tyres he executed an illegal U-turn and followed Sebastian’s car.
They seemed to drive forever, and Aneesa saw signs for Surrey pass them by. Even the driver was getting concerned, asking her if she had any idea where he might be going.
Aneesa kept an eye on the metre and the money in her purse; as it was, she wouldn’t have the return fare into town now and if Sebastian didn’t stop soon—Just as she thought that, his car slowed and she begged the driver to keep back. The sleek black car stopped outside a pair of ornate gates and there was a discreet sign on the wall that said The Grange.
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