by Bri Stone
“Thom, I need you.” She murmurs against my lips, “I want you to fuck me hard. And make love to me. Now.” She commands.
I have no choice but to bury myself inside of her. I feel her in my soul, always and fucking everywhere. She consumes me, and I still haven’t gotten used to it, even after all these years. The past three months were rough, but it doesn’t make it any easier to be apart from her. I was never prepared for it, and I swear if she hadn’t showed up yesterday...I didn’t know how much I needed her, how much I missed her, until she was right here.
I assume she meant in that order because I take no pauses when I thrust into her, balls deep inside of her and hitting her sweet spot every time. I grip her breasts as they bob, and her nails dig into the flesh of my ass. She meets me thrust for thrust, her back arches and she bares her neck to me. I suck the skin of her neck, down the front and to the hollow of her neck. I feel her heart beat there, the rhythm of her body rests there and I feel it pour into me.
There is so much I want to say but I am literally charged for breath and can’t speak. I look into her eyes as the pleasure consumes her. As I dive into her harder and faster until the couch scrapes the floor and I have no doubt my neighbors can hear her screams. God knows I want to last longer but she takes me for everything I am worth so fast, and she clenches around me at the same time I empty myself inside of her. It was like I hadn’t come inside of her for so long, my body forgot how to manage it.
When I collapse between her, with almost no energy left, I know I need more of her. I cradle her in my arms and we turn to the side. In a tight lip lock, Perrie hitches her leg over my hip and somehow, I drive into her even deeper. I kiss her slow and sweet, taking control of her as I slip my tongue in her mouth and taste her. She moans against me, and the position makes her clit rub over me every time.
But I go slow and deep, really feeling her. Feeling every inch of myself be seethed in her, gripped by her. The warmth of her is suffocating in the sweetest way and I feel my entire body be cloaked by her.
Buried deep inside of her, I whisper, “I love you.” And her eyes light up. She licks her swollen, peachy lips and turns her head up to me.
She buries her head in the crook of my shoulder, kissing me there, leaving welts on my shoulder and chest. In a few more strokes I feel my chest go damp and I realize she is crying. I hold her tighter to me, but it only seems to get worse. Her sadness grips my heart in a tug of war, but she only clenches around me harder.
“I love you too. Tell me again.” She looks up at me, eyes glistening, pleading with me.
But she doesn’t even have to beg.
“I love you.” I kiss her, drawing her lips out until I release them with a pop, “I love you.” I kiss her again.
I feel every part of me go tight, especially inside of her. She has me in her arms as I stroke her to orgasm again, and we come together. A tumbling fall of the love we’ve forged growing bigger and bigger down the slope of our relationship. Stopping only to gain more momentum.
I stay there with her. We don’t move, we don’t speak, we only breathe each other in.
Perrie leans up and I tuck some of her hair behind her ear, and she smiles softly. “Shower?” I ask her.
“Yeah. Or a bath. You have a tub now.” She giggles softly.
“I do, yeah. And then we can go out if you want, I don’t have a shift today.”
She nods eagerly, “let’s do it.”
Chapter Five: Thom
I realize how little I know of the city, and it’s Perrie that figures everything out. We match in jeans and she wears one of my Henley’s as we explore together. We get brunch since I burned the eggs, and then the first stop is the Museum of Fine Arts. I have my Jeep, so it’s easy to get around.
The sun is hardly bright, but Perrie makes everything brighter. Walking through the museum, we hold hands and appreciate the art in silence.
We stop in front of an ancient Chinese statue when she turns to face me.
“Is Stan going to see you for Thanksgiving?” She asks me.
I kiss her forehead aimlessly. “No, he left a few months ago for a medical mission in...I forget.” I chuckle.
It was a passing conversation and I didn’t realize he was serious. It sounded a little off at the time, because it was right when I left for residency
Perrie makes a face but it only lasts a second. “Oh. I wish I could come back. Next week is the new rotation. I don’t even know when I can get away.” Her sigh is regretful.
“That’s okay,” I kiss her cheek. “We can at least try for Christmas.”
“Yeah.” She holds my hand and keeps walking through the exhibit. It isn’t all that crowded inside.
“So, tell me about your friends?” Perrie perks up.
“That would take all day. I don’t know if we’re friends per say, just close colleagues.”
She giggles. “You went out with them.”
“Yeah. I mean, they had been asking me for a while. I figured I would get to know them; they’re pretty great so far.”
“Well good,” she nods and squeezes my hand, “I’m glad you’re not up here all alone.”
“Yeah. I don’t even need to ask to know you are keeping to yourself.”
She nods. “Yes. Of course.”
“Oh, my Perrie. Always the same.”
Chapter Six: Thom
Six Months Later
Residency is an entirely different beast. It doesn’t matter that I’m excelling in my program, getting solo surgeries, making everyone hate and love me.
All that matters is that I barely speak to Perrie, and it’s fucking me up.
No jokes or exaggeration, I hadn’t heard her voice since before the intern exams, and afterwards when we knew we passed. Two weeks ago, I texted her, but the one-word responses were starting to bite.
I couldn’t shake the feeling that she was falling out of love with me.
June hits and I find it impossible to believe we could only last one year apart. I made strides to visit her; went as far as booking a ticket and making plans that she had to cancel last minute.
I mean, I get it. This shit is hard and time consuming, it takes a toll on any relationship. I just never thought it would be ours. I love her, and I let her know every day. I know she loves me too, but I’ve come to a standstill.
Mayo is hosting a mixer, and I’m sitting at a bar with Stan wallowing in all this.
“You remember what you told me before you left last year?” Stan breaks the silence. We both have a scotch.
He doesn’t look much different. Since he spoke at the event earlier, he has on a suit; well, his jacket is draped over the stool. It’s the end of the night and I only had time to change after I did my rounds. I’m exhausted, but I still have half a mind to just go see Perrie anyway. Being a Wednesday doesn’t matter, the days run together and are just as busy, unless I don’t have a shift.
I’m not the type to overrun my schedule.
“Yeah. But I didn’t mean it. Maybe I jinxed it.” I scoff and drink down my scotch, and plan to stop at one. I don’t need to be intoxicated on a night like this. Where I feel everything at once. When I have half a mind to drop everything just to go and hold my Perrie.
“I don’t know. Perrie loves you, without a fucking doubt. But this kind of stuff...it isn’t for everyone. She’s smart, and so are you. But sometimes people just...need the physicality of love to survive it.”
I absorb his words but shake my head. “I spent a year loving her without ever touching her. I know I don’t need to see her all the time. It’s just the communication that’s off. The taking days to reply, with short responses. I don’t know.” My shoulders hunch over in defeat and I know I must look as defeated as I feel.
“Well...you should tell her how you feel. I know Perrie doesn’t do too well with expressing herself.”
I nod. “Yeah, fine.” I put a guard up, signaling I don’t really want to talk about it anymore.
“So, you�
�re doing good in your program. Jamie is an old friend of mine.”
“Everyone is, it’s fucked me over more times than not.” I manage a half laugh.
He turns to me and smirks.
“But you earn your keep, still. I’m proud of you.”
I almost get bashful, “thanks.”
His lips turn down under his beard he decided to grow. Nothing crazy, just a little extra shadow. But the look in his eyes is impossible to place. It’s more than proud...I don’t know. It’s something new. I think I am just tired and shake it off.
“I appreciate you taking my last name. It makes me really proud, and to have someone carry on my legacy...I never thought I’d get it.” He claps my shoulder and shakes me senseless until I laugh.
“You have a legacy?” Is all I have to reply with.
SPARKS,
The first time I saw you, I nearly choked on the pear I was eating. Now, I’m used to not breathing but my breath was taken away that day and every day since. I fell in love with you almost immediately and I have never stopped loving you. I never will. You are so smart and bright, and I know you’re going to do great things, and I want nothing more than to do it with you. One day, we’ll be lying right next to each other again. Until then, we’re where we are now. We may not get to see each other every day and I can’t hold you in my arms every night, but my heart knows that you are the one and I will never let you go. I know what you need and I’m happy to give it to you. We already have space, but I know you need security. So, I don’t know how many people have done this before but I’m sure I’m not the first. Hopefully this doesn’t get lost in the mail so when you get it, call or text or whatever. My phone won’t leave my side. Baby, I want you to marry me. I don’t care when or how, I just want you to be my wife. To be completely mine. I love you so, so much Perrier Simmons. I don’t care if your answer is yes or no because I’ll still love you and no one else.
Yours,
Stud.
I postdated that letter three days ago.
In the residents’ lounge, my phone goes off for the first time since.
Perrie: Yes.
Did you really choke on a pear?
Yes, yes, yes.
“Thom? Thom?” Maci is shaking me, and I don’t realize.
When I do, the swell of my chest is hard to ignore, neither is the tingling of my fingers and cold in my veins. I haven’t had an asthma attack in years.
She hands me my inhaler and I squeeze my phone so tight, I imagine it breaks. After two pumps, I can breathe again. The taste in my mouth is so bad I take a mint. Even still, her message says the same thing.
“You okay?” Maci is kneeling in front of me, even though her expression looks the same as always. I can tell she is worried.
“Yeah. I’m fine. I...” my chest is still a little tight, but my breath has gone back to normal, at least. “I need to call my girlfriend.” I stand up and the floor wades, but I manage to get a quiet part of the room.
It looks just like a small apartment in here.
It is just after three, but I still hope she answers. Only three rings go by.
“Thom, you’re insane. You are actually...you know, when I got that letter I opened it in the post office. I was screaming, they almost called the psych ward!”
I laugh aloud. “They did not. Baby, I read your message and had an asthma attack.”
“Oh my god. We’re a mess.” I hear some rustling on her end.
“Yeah, for each other...what’s that noise?”
“A vibrator.” She deadpans. Then giggles at my silence. “It’s a bone saw, I’m observing an autopsy.”
“Oh, is it a bad time?”
“No, I’ve seen a hundred. Well, one hundred and seven. It’s a routine old man. Gosh that sounds horrible of me.”
“No, not really. I can’t stop smiling.”
“Me either. You sure you want to be stuck with me?” She giggles, but there is more to it.
“Of course. Maybe I should have sent a ring.” I scratch my head.
“It would have been stolen...I wish I could hold you right now. This is so fucking hard.” Her voice softens and lowers.
“I know. And I’m going to try to come out there. I haven’t seen the place yet. I hope by at least July. I have sick days I can use.”
“What if you actually get sick?” Her concern spikes in her voice.
“To be honest, I’m an Edwards. The board lives to keep me happy.” I’m glad to be alone, having said that out loud.
“Oh gosh. Okay. Just let me know when, so I can get sexy lingerie.”
I groan audibly, and she laughs.
“Um, Melinda actually came to visit me. She was on the surgical team for a surgery out here, that Hopkins sent her to with the attending. I don’t know. She was here for a week since the surgery was in two parts. But she’s leaving tonight. I’m glad I have someone to share the good news with.”
I smile with her. “Yeah, me too. We don’t have a date or anything, but...I’m just happy to know what’s ahead. So, you know I’m in for the long run. No more half ass texts or hiding things from me, either.”
She giggles softly. “I won’t. And it wasn’t because I needed a marriage proposal.”
“I know.”
“I love you. So much it’s confusing, and I know I need to try and be more forthcoming. I just...I don’t know.”
I sigh. “I know it’s hard, it is for me too. But I don’t want there to be extra distance between us.”
“I know. You’re right. You know, we can probably have the wedding this Christmas. Dad will be back, and we can go even just for one night and have a small reception.” She sounds so excited and I feel like a fool for ever doubting anything between us.
“That sounds great. You can do whatever you want, and I’ll just show up.” I laugh. And as if on cue, my pager goes off. “Shit. I have to go baby. Text me, okay? Random shit, I don’t care.”
“I will. I feel like...I don’t know. Bye, Thom.”
“I know. Bye, Perrie.”
I rush to the ER for the page and don’t have time to process anything until hours later when I’m home, sitting down with a green smoothie and waiting on an oven ready lasagna to cook. When Scott calls me, I about flip my shit. Of course, I asked him before hand for his blessing, but he’s the father of the love of my life, I’ll always kind of be afraid of him.
“Hey, Mr. Simmons.” I clear my throat.
“Scott. I told you this.”
“Yeah.” I chuckle.
“Well, how did it go? I know my Perrie can be a hard ass sometimes.”
I laugh at the sheer truth of it. “She said yes. I mean, there is no real date or anything. But...she actually said yes.” I scratch my chin as I smile. Maybe I have been smiling so much I itch.
We have both taken such great strides and to be where we are today is monumental.
I loved her from the beginning and I know I will love her forever. Perrier gripped my heart from the very first day and never let me go. I want forever with her, I want the impossible.
I know we will be together, for real, after residency. Three more years isn’t...well, it is a long time. But I vow to take my fellowship wherever she is. I am happy to operate anywhere so long as she is there with me.
“Well, I’ll be damned. It’s an exciting thing, marriage. Scary too, but not until she threatens to leave you if you leave your boxers out one more time.”
I laugh with him. “Perrie would do that.”
“Yeah. Well, I’m going to lose you as soon as we cross this border line, but I just wanted to check in.”
“Okay. Thanks. And thank you for...for Perrie.” I say, for lack of better words.
“Yeah, son. No problem. I’ll talk to you soon.”
“Yeah, sounds good.”
We hang up and I collapse into the couch with a new joy. I feel light...free. I still feel odd in my chest, but I figure it is just because I had an attack for the first time in years. S
o I just take another puff and some of my sinus medication. I eat and watch some random ABC show and opt for a long shower.
I come out to texts from Perrie, telling me about her day. My proposal wasn’t supposed to be a band aid, but I knew the true meaning of it would get through to her. Perrie wasn’t about the thought of things, she was about true reality. One that shook her at such a young age, it affected her in ways I can’t even imagine. I do what I can, and I know I have a lot more to learn, but I know enough.
Stan bothers me up until I go to bed. I lay up for a while because of how uncomfortable my chest is, but Perrie texts me one last picture of her beautiful, smiling face. And I sleep easily.
Chapter Seven: Thom
It has only been a month or so since our engagement. It feels weird to even call it one, since there was no ring and it wasn’t even in person. But I knew that as soon as I saw her again, I will propose with a ring and everything, and I wouldn’t be as nervous because I already know she will say yes.
I told my friends in turn and tried not to make it a big thing. Last week, we went out for drinks and it was fun, but I wish Perrie were here. The simplest things will remind me of her, and the smallest things too.
Like passing a Starbucks and thinking of her favorite chai tea lattes. Or when I catch a whiff of scent that smells just a little like her. Hell, even the damned hospital and my scrubs will remind me of her. Perrier is everywhere, because she has become a part of me.
This separation is brutal, and sometimes I go as far to think it unnecessary. Mayo clinic is a once in a lifetime opportunity, and I’m grateful, of course. To grow as a surgeon here, to even be here, is amazing. But it would be better if I weren’t away from Perrie. Sure, we could have matched as a couple. But when that conversation arose, Perrie was set on her three programs that would be no good for me, I knew that compromise would never work. And Stan even said that it wasn’t the best idea. Even still, it was hard to watch other couples here at Mayo that matched together. It sucks, but I know that Perrie is in her top program and I’m in mine, which will make it easier when we want top picks at fellowship and can choose to be together.
