by Noah Harris
“Someone’s good at this,” Adrian commented breathily as he felt Michael’s fingers spreading apart, encouraging his muscles to relax.
Michael’s dark blue eyes flicked up to his face and Adrian shivered at the burning desire he saw in them. Adrian could see Michael’s next move in the passion radiating out from Michael’s gaze. The alpha pulled his fingers from Adrian, quickly moving to find the bottle of lube he had set aside without losing his mouth’s hold on Adrian’s cock. Adrian wiggled, the pleasure of Michael’s mouth eclipsed as he watched Michael spread a generous layer of lube over his cock.
Adrian tried to writhe, wanting Michael’s cock inside him, but his motions were stopped when Michael slapped his hand on his stomach, holding him in place as he pulled his mouth free. The alpha said nothing as he stood straight, holding Adrian still as he positioned himself. Adrian’s mouth parted as he felt the head of Michael’s cock push against the entrance to his ass, that sharp spike of anticipation shooting through him again. He ached for the moment when Michael would push forward.
For a moment, Adrian thought that Michael might say something sweet or gentle, that the alpha might tell him to warn him if it hurt or that he would take it slow. It wasn’t necessary as Adrian realized that he trusted Michael to recognize if he pushed Adrian past the point of endurance. The realization passed through him, slamming home with a jarring understanding.
Before the thought could yank him out of the moment, Adrian felt Michael push forward, meeting with resistance before his muscles gave way to Michael’s cock. Despite Michael’s hand on his midsection, Adrian’s back bowed as Michael slid into him. Michael had done a thorough enough job preparing him, as Adrian opened easily for his cock. Pleasure and pain radiated out through Adrian as the last bit of stretching he needed happened as Michael pushed deep inside him.
Adrian let out a low moan as he felt Michael’s hips press against his ass, the full length of his cock having sunk in. He hadn’t realized he’d closed his eyes until he opened them, searching for Michael’s expression. Adrian felt his cock jump as he gazed up into the alpha’s face, finding a raw emotion unlike any other he had seen. Adrian could see how badly Michael wanted him, how much he wanted to move, to bury himself over and over in Adrian, until they were both gasping, panting, crying out with pleasure.
“Sweet Christ, if you don’t start moving, I think I might lose my mind,” Adrian said desperately.
That was all Michael needed, and he pulled himself back until he nearly slipped out of Adrian. They both moaned when Michael pushed forward again, burying himself slowly in Adrian again. Adrian knew that the alpha was only testing the waters, seeing how much Adrian could take before he really geared up. Adrian reached out, one hand holding onto Michael’s arm as it pressed into Adrian’s stomach, the other finding the man’s waist and holding tight.
Michael wasted no time, rearing back and shoving himself into Adrian with a new strength that sent a sharp slap of skin against skin through the air. Adrian gasped, the brief moment of pain at the suddenness washed away by the overwhelming pleasure as Michael’s cock drove into him. It was all the alpha needed to set a new pace, his hips beginning to work with great abandon as he thrust hard into Adrian.
Sweat shone on their bodies as Michael’s hips slapped against the curve of Adrian’s ass. Adrian couldn’t tell if what he felt was pain that might as well have been pleasure, or if it was so much pleasure that it hurt. His mind raced and reeled as sensation flooded his body, making it impossible to discern anything but pure ecstasy. He held tight to Michael, unable to do much more than grip the other man, crying out Michael’s his name as he shoved into him. Michael’s thrusts went deep, finding all the right spots within Adrian and driving him half out of his mind.
Adrian felt his body gearing up for its orgasm before he recognized the sparking nerves signaling its arrival. He managed only a strangled gasp as his orgasm slammed into him, ecstasy washing over his entire being. Michael’s grip, his cock, his comforting scent, were the only things that Adrian could sense as his orgasm overtook him.
When the hurricane passed, Adrian was left gasping, his body slumped against the desk with Michael bowed over him. It took him several moments to realize that Michael, too, had come at some point, the grip of Adrian’s body around his cock having apparently driven the alpha over the edge. Somewhere in the storm of overwhelming pleasure, he heard Michael’s grunt and felt a throb within. Warmth permeated every inch of Adrian’s body, granting a pleasant weakness to his limbs.
Michael’s sweat-dampened hair clung to his forehead when he finally lifted his head, breathing heavily as he looked intently at Adrian. “That— that was…”
Adrian chuckled. “When I find a word that can cover how mind blowing that was, I’ll let you know.”
Michael laughed softly, kissing Adrian’s stomach with a gentleness that contrasted with raw sex only moments before. “Think you can walk?”
Adrian lifted his arms, testing his legs as well. “Uh, give me a moment. I don’t think I’m going anywhere without falling down yet. Why?”
Michael hefted Adrian up, holding him tight against his chest with a grin. “Because you owe me some cuddles.”
Adrian laughed softly, clinging to Michael’s neck. “And how can I say no when you make such a convincing argument?”
Chapter 15
Adrian lay in the dark of Michael’s room, listening carefully to the alpha’s rhythmic breathing. If he focused on the calming sound of Michael’s breath, then he wouldn’t have to listen to the panicked thoughts trying to push into his consciousness. He was still a little sore, in a pleasant way that reminded him of both the energetic sex in the office and the gentler, slower round they’d had once they finally found their way to Michael’s bed. The latter was running through Adrian’s mind, rife with implications and possible meanings.
He tried to tell himself that his fear was foolish, even as it washed over him in cold waves. Trying to reason with his fear was just as foolish, since he knew the source intimately. It had been ages since he had allowed the old memories to surface. It had become second nature to shove the memories away any time they threatened to rise up unbidden.
“Can’t sleep?” Michael’s sleepy voice asked from the darkness.
Adrian jerked, not having realized that Michael’s breathing had changed. “Jesus, you scared the shit out of me.”
Michael chuckled, rolling over so he was facing Adrian. “Sorry, didn’t know it was possible to scare you or I might have tried it before.”
Adrian frowned. “You know, you can be really evil sometimes.”
In the faint light, Michael smiled. “Going to keep avoiding my question?”
“Only if you let me,” Adrian answered honestly.
Michael reached out to bridge the distance between them, resting his hand on Adrian’s chest. “No one here but you and me, and I promise not to tell.”
Adrian snorted softly. “It’s not something that I’m all that fond of talking about.”
“You’re not really fond of talking about yourself in general. If you can’t make a joke about it, you either avoid it or try to talk about anything else in the hopes that the other person will forget the original topic.”
“Wow, just call me out,” Adrian laughed.
Michael slipped closer, the heat of his body pressing against Adrian. “Or we can just lay here. I’m perfectly fine with that as well.”
Adrian didn’t want to admit it, but the Michael’s immediate presence did more to calm him than the minutes spent trying to clear his mind. Gradually, he pulled his hand up to rest on Michael’s arm, holding on as he took a steadying breath. Adrian couldn’t remember the last time he had struggled with his own thoughts.
“Just thinking about the past, which is really stupid,” Adrian finally said into the dark.
Michael nodded gently. “Is this because of your brother?”
“Cousin actually, my sept was really big on the idea that everyon
e was one big family. Didn’t matter if someone was from another pack or not, you were supposed to refer to them by the title that your pack leaders thought was appropriate. It was a stupid tradition and I hated it for as long as I could remember. All I ever wanted was for my pack to be my family. My real brothers and sisters were the only ones I cared about. But, well, if there’s one thing that I learned, it’s that your opinion doesn’t matter much in a sept, not unless it’s the right opinion,” Adrian said, hearing the bitterness in his voice.
“And I’m guessing the right opinion came from those in charge.”
Adrian snorted derisively. “You’re right about that. They had plenty of rules when it came to life in the sept. Everyone was your family, didn’t matter if they were actually related to you or not. You always obeyed the people in charge, whether it was a pack leader or a member of the sept’s council. Didn’t matter where you turned, there was always someone there to tell you what you should or shouldn’t be doing. It used to drive me crazy. Some days felt like I was being caged in, but the bars rules and authority rather than metal.”
“You’re not exactly the type to handle being chained down.”
Adrian eyed him. “That depends on who’s tying me down.”
Michael chuckled. “Maybe we can try something like that somewhere down the road.”
“I wish you wouldn’t say stuff like that,” Adrian groaned, feeling the urge to run rise again.
“What? That there would be more down the road?”
“That’s what I was talking about, yes.”
Michael shifted so he could see Adrian’s face better. “And what about that is a bad thing?”
“I just— I don’t know. I don’t do that sort of thing, I guess. I just don’t plan for the future with someone and I don’t think about what comes after,” Adrian said uncomfortably.
“Because you don’t want to or because the other person doesn’t want to?”
Adrian snorted. “Is there a difference?”
“It’s the difference between you refusing to commit to anyone and you simply choosing people who won’t commit to you. Those are two different problems.”
Adrian thought about it for a moment before shrugging. “I guess it’s just been me doing it for the most part. And I don’t like that you’re making it sound like anything that’s happening here is a commitment.”
There was a long pause before Michael finally spoke. “And who was it that broke your heart?”
Adrian twisted so he could stare evenly at Michael. “What the hell are you going on about?”
“This is the classic hallmark of someone who got their heart broken, so tell me, who broke your heart?” Michael insisted.
Adrian looked away. “No one broke my heart. Haven’t you been paying attention? I don’t do the sort of thing that leads to heartache.”
“Do you want to know what I think?”
Adrian laughed dryly. “I’m pretty sure you’re going to tell me that I’m full of shit.”
“That should be obvious at this point, but I would rather tell you why I think you’re full of shit.”
Adrian hesitated, wondering how much he would regret it. “Okay, why am I full of shit?”
“Because no one who devotes themselves to their pack like you do would ever be the sort of person who didn’t fall in love at least once in their life. You try to hide it, but you’ve got a heart, and I’m betting a really good one, hidden in there somewhere. You’re so willing to do all the dirty, underhanded work not solely so your pack can survive, but so your packmates can live their lives how they wish. Nobody with that kind of dedication and passion could have gone this long without having found someone at some point in their life,” Michael said, propping himself up so he could watch Adrian.
Adrian raised a brow. “And that means I got my heart broken, huh?”
Michael nodded. “It would have taken one hell of a heartbreak, but when you spoke of the sept, I could hear how much you yearned for them to just love you back then. The same way that your pack loves you now. I just can’t imagine that you didn’t find love before you came here.”
Adrian wasn’t sure how to respond, not knowing if he should be impressed that Michael was close to the mark, or if he should be irritated that he felt obligated to explain. It had been so long since he’d told the story of his years in the sept. The story was never easy to tell, and despite all the adages that said otherwise, he never felt much better after he told anyone. The last time he had told the story, it had been to Eli and Marcus on a rather drunken night the three shared. Adrian had spent the following days feeling worse than he had during the night of the telling.
Still he opened his mouth and explained in a rush. “It wasn’t the guy, it was—it was my sept, or my pack rather.”
“Your pack broke your heart?” Michael asked, trying to hide his confusion.
Adrian sighed. “I— Well, one of the rules of the sept was that you married, or mated rather, based on the decisions of both your pack leader and of the council. It was how they tried to keep people in line. If you didn’t behave yourself, there was a good chance that you would get turned down from being able to choose your own mate. Well that, and if they didn’t like the match to begin with, then they would cut it off before it began. It was just another stupid system of control because the whole fucking place had a hard on for control.”
“And you fell in love with someone that they didn’t approve of,” Michael offered.
“A lone wolf,” Adrian responded softly.
“I’m going to guess that they weren’t exactly keen on your being with a lone wolf.”
Adrian scoffed. “I was a sept wolf. Sure I was a pain in the ass and I had a tendency to not listen to them, but I was still 100% a sept wolf at the time. The idea of a sept wolf willingly trying to be mate to a lone wolf, which my sept considered to be little more than homeless vagrants, and dangerous ones at that, since they had contact with the human world, was appalling. They absolutely refused to allow me to even speak to Blaine, let alone be mated with him.”
“But you weren’t going to deal with it.”
Adrian shook his head. “You make it sound so easy. At the time, I only had two options. I could obey what they said, go with the flow like I’d always hated to do, and never be with Blaine. The other choice was to take the same road that he had taken, to cast aside my status as a sept wolf, and to become a loner. It was the hardest decision that I’ve ever made in my life, but I made it.”
“You became a loner with Blaine. But how did that translate to your pack breaking your heart?”
Adrian closed his eyes, wishing he hadn’t started the story. “Blaine came from a different sept, one aligned with my sept, sure, but they had different rules. My sept, they didn’t tolerate loners. At the time, I thought that it meant that they wouldn’t have allowed me to be a loner, which was why I left them a note saying what I intended to do and slipped out in the middle of the night. A couple of months later, I found out what that truly meant.”
Michael stiffened. “They tried to kill you, didn’t they?”
“I had just over two wonderful months with Blaine. It was just the two of us, and he showed me so much in that short amount of time. I thought we would spend the rest of our lives together, that I was finally free of my family. When my former pack showed up, ready to drag me back or end my life on the spot, I learned how stupid we had both really been. Blaine he—he’s the only reason I’m still alive. I was badly wounded, but he—he dove into the fray and pulled me free, throwing me into a river. He saved my life at the cost of his,” Adrian whispered, voice straining as he continued.
He took a deep breath, feeling it catch in his chest. Adrian remembered the taste of blood and mud in his mouth when he had washed up on the riverbank. The last thing he’d heard before the water drove him under was Blaine fighting ferociously. It had taken hours, but he had forced himself back through the forest where he and Blaine had been ambushed.
; “I went back when I could. It was hard. They’d used silver weapons and I wasn’t that good at first aid back then. But I did it, and the hard part was just making it there with my wounds. The smell of blood was easy to follow,” Adrian said, forcing himself to speak evenly.
The smell of blood had been thick, the coppery scent filling his nose with every step. He’d known what he would find as he’d walked up, but he had forced himself forward one limping step at a time. When he finally pushed into the clearing, the sight before him had broken the last of his willpower.
Adrian grinned ruefully, thinking of how potent a memory could be almost a decade later. “He had been a warrior for his sept before he’d left, an alpha who no one would have wanted to challenge if he had taken over like he’d been expected to. Two were dead, and there was enough blood splattered all over the place to show there were a few more injured wolves running in the woods that night. But in the middle of it all lay—lay—him.”
His voice faltered as he finished, unable to say Blaine’s name even as he spoke of his death. His lover had fought long and hard, and the marks on his body had been ugly. Adrian didn’t know how long he had sat there in the dirt, marveling that somehow, Blaine’s handsome face was marred only by a streak of blood.
Michael shifted, holding Adrian tighter. “It sounds like he died—”
Adrian interrupted fiercely. “Don’t you dare say that he died nobly, or that he died a warrior’s death. No matter how you spin it, no matter how many pretty words you dress it up with, dead is dead. Werewolves like to go on and on about how this warrior died so heroically, that he was a hero and deserves to be praised. Yeah, tell that to the family he left behind, or the mate who must cry to themselves because now they’re alone. He fought nobly, and he died, leaving me alone for years.”
