Things are happening quickly. I’m boarding a flight to Beijing, with another flight booked to Pyongyang in two days. Mike has put me in contact with his Chinese guide who is organising a visa for me. I knew all it would take was greasing a few palms. Lucky I’ve got more than enough money to last me a lifetime. I’m coming for you Ellie. My Ellie. Eleanor. I take my seat and settle in. I feel a strange sense of calm, like the calm before a storm. The air seems charged, the hubbub of a boarding plane seems heightened. It’s like I can hear everything, every individual voice and every scrape of luggage as it’s lifted into the overhead compartments. I can hear the stewardesses greeting the passengers and the clink of the glasses as they hand flutes of champagne to the first class passengers. “Sir,” one of them says to me as she extends her silver platter. “No thanks,” I say, forcing a smile. Not today. She nods and moves on, and I wait for the next one to come by with a hot towel, or a water, or a chocolate, or whatever else they offer to those of us who can afford more than a seat in coach class. It’s endless, and it’s pointless. Nothing will make me comfortable on this flight. I just need to ride it out and get to North Korea and see her. I won’t be able to rest until I see Ellie’s face. Before I know it I’m in Beijing. Mike’s contact is a thin Chinese man, middle aged with greying hair at his temples. He meets me at the airport. His eyes are bright and his handshake is firm. “Welcome,” Lee says simply. He turns around and leads me to a waiting car. He waits until my bag is loaded and the two of us are sitting in the backseat before speaking again. “Michael has explained your desire to visit North Korea to me. With respect,” he says hesitantly, “you realise this is very dangerous at this time?” “I’m aware of the risks,” I respond shortly. I’m sick of everyone trying to convince me otherwise. I have to do this. There’s a burning need inside me to act, to do something, to find Ellie. If I don’t I’m not sure anyone else will. I’ve walked away from her too many times now, it’s time for me to show her how I feel about her. Lee nods. He says something to the driver and we make a turn down a wide road. The traffic in China never ceases to amaze me. Last time I was here it was on a world tour, and I was decidedly less nervous. Less determined, too. Before long we’re pulling up to a low building. I recognise the flag of North Korea on the outside and realise we’ve made it to the Embassy. The driver gets out and makes it to our door before I can open it myself. Lee motions for me to get out. “Your visa has been organised, thank you for the paperwork and prompt payment.” Triple the cost of the visa, you mean. He ushers me inside and says a few quick words to a security guard. I’m led to a waiting room and they ask to see my passport. I hand it over and it’s taken off to another room for processing. Lee follows the man into the room and I’m left alone with my thoughts. I’m in China now, and I don’t speak a word of Mandarin. I don’t speak a word of Korean, either. I’ve met with Mike’s contact, but he could have been the rat – the one to tell Korean authorities about Ellie and Mike’s plan. My heart starts beating faster as the realisation of my plan sets it. Or.. lack of plan, rather. As soon as my nervousness appears I’m quick to dismiss it. I’ve made up my mind. I’m doing this, and I’m not coming back without Ellie. If that means I’m not coming back at all, then that’s just a risk that I need to accept. Just as the determination sets in, the door across from me swings open and Lee walks out. He hands me my passport with a few other papers. “This is your visa. They will take it when you enter the country. You won’t get a stamp in your passport so if you’d like a souvenir you can take a copy of this paper.” He nods to the paper and almost grins. I look down at it. My passport photo is stapled to the top left hand corner and the rest is written in Korean. “Thanks,” I tell him. I’m not sure I want a souvenir from this trip. Chapter 16 – Ellie
I feel like royalty, except I’m royalty in some weird alternate reality. I’m being treated with deference and respect, but the armed guards by my side never leave. Doors are opened for me and people move out of the way, but I’m a prisoner. We walk through a wide hallway with marble tiles leading us down to the bowels of the palace. My heels are clicking with every step, but apart from that we are silent. It’s starting to drive me crazy – that oppressive, endless silence. The closeness of other people and yet the vast distance between us. I haven’t talked to anyone in weeks, and as far as I can tell it’ll be like this for the foreseeable future. I square my shoulders as I walk and push the thoughts out of my head. I don’t have the energy to be worried about this right now. I need to focus on where I am, and how to make sure I don’t stay here for life. I can see a door ahead of us. It’s a heavy white double door with guards standing on either side. My heart beats faster and I try to ignore the heaviness growing in the pit of my stomach. This is it. We get to the door and they swing open towards us. We step into a huge room with flags draped all around. Pictures of the Supreme Leader are placed symmetrically on either side of the room, with smaller pictures of his father and grandfather. The carpet is a deep red with the familiar white star of the Korean flag in a regular pattern across the whole room. We step forward and my heels sink into the carpet, making me slightly unsteady on my feet. Straight ahead is a large dais with a throne. A throne! I think to myself, eyebrows shooting up towards my hairline. I didn’t know people still used those. I’m flanked on either side with armed men. We walk forward to the bottom of the dais and finally I can see him clearly. Kim Jong-un. The Supreme Leader is sitting directly in front of me. He’s short and chubby, and his hair is parted on the side and slicked down. His fingers are crossed over his stomach as he leans back and looks me up and down. He’s wearing a uniform, and it looks like it’s slightly too tight around his neck. His fat is bulging over the collar and he’s staring at me with beady eyes, lips pressed into a thin line. I try to swallow but my throat seems like it’s glued shut. I can feel a bead of sweat trickling down my spine. He’s real. There’s so much speculation about this man, about whether he exists, whether he’s just a puppet to the regime. I glance on either side of him and see an old man standing to his right. His eyes are bright and sharp and they pierce through me. Instinctively I look down at the ground in front of me. “So you’re the journalist wanting to interview me,” the Supreme Leader says. His voice is high, almost squeaky. I try not to shudder as his words hit me. I rake my eyes back up towards him and bow my head slightly. “Yes… yes Sir.” Is that what I’m supposed to call him? Your Highness? Majesty? Supreme Leader? There’s a silence in the room that hangs heavy over all of us. I want to scream. I want to ask where Mike is, what I’m doing here, why I’m being held prisoner. But I don’t. I stay quiet. Maybe it’s fear, maybe it’s self preservation, either way I can’t tell. “Well,” he continues, twiddling his thumbs on his stomach. He waves a hand lazily towards me. “Go ahead. This is your interview.” “I.. umm.. I” what? “I’m sorry I didn’t know. May I… May I have a paper and a pen?” Kim Jong-un laughs and after a second his generals join in. They all glance at him and stop as soon as he does. His beady little eyes laser in towards me. “No. Ask questions and I will answer.” I gulp. I know I’m treading on thin ice. One wrong word and I could be imprisoned for life, or worse. “Ok.” I gulp again, trying to remember what Mike and I prepared. Flattery, compliments, safe questions. That’s what will keep me alive. I reach into my memory and try to remember a question we’d prepared – any of them, but nothing comes to mind. The panic starts setting in and I take a deep breath, closing my eyes. I see Derek’s face painted on my eyelids. I see his easy smile and his piercing blue eyes, looking through me. I feel a thrill inside me and my strength returns to me. I open my eyes and look up at the unimaginably dangerous man sitting in front of me. “Supreme Leader, you are taking very good care of the Korean people.” Yeah, right. “How do they show their gratitude?” He smiles and I see his yellowing teeth. He nods his head and takes a deep breath before starting to answer my question. I’ve navigated that question safely, now I only need to do it a dozen
more times until this interview is over. Chapter 17 – Derek
I’m laying in my hotel bed staring at the ceiling. This is it. Tomorrow I fly to North Korea. I’m alone, unprepared, and impulsive. I know this is a bad idea but I can’t stop myself. I have to do something. Sitting up in bed, I grab the remote. Maybe there’s something on TV. I can’t even entertain myself with my phone, since all social media, YouTube, Google – it’s all blocked in China. I turn on the TV and am greeted with a Chinese cooking show. I flick through the channels lazily, trying to quiet my brain. Frustrated, I throw the remote down on the bed beside me and wipe my eyes with my hands, then run my fingers through my hair. I’m going crazy. Was this a bad idea? I’m starting to regret this impulsiveness. They say the worst thing you can do when someone is drowning is jump in after them – and that’s exactly what I’m doing. Maybe I could have done something from the States. My eyes flick back up to the screen. It’s a Chinese news channel. Suddenly my jaw drops and I sit up straighter. It’s her. She’s alive. She’s there. I scramble for the remote and turn up the volume, forgetting that they’re speaking a language I don’t understand. It’s a picture of her with army men on either side of her, lined up in front of a picture of Kim Jong-un. I scan the picture quickly until it disappears from the screen. My stomach drops. She looked scared. She was wearing a long red dress that looked amazing on her. How can she look so beautiful even when she’s obviously being held hostage?! My brain starts jumping from one horrible conclusion to the next. They’re parading her around like some show pony, showing the world that she’s at their mercy. I grab my phone and dial Mike’s number. He picks up right away. “I just saw her on Chinese news.” “They’ve released that photo here too.” He pauses. “She’s alive.” He sounds relieved and I am too, but I have a deep sense of foreboding in my core. “She looked so scared,” I respond, forcing my voice not to betray the worry and fear that I feel. “Listen, Derek. I don’t agree with what you’re doing. I think it’s suicide. I told you what it’s like over there. But just..” his voice cracks. “Just get her back, ok?” I swallow and the words catch in my throat. My eyes are filling with tears and I nod my head as if Mike can see me. “Yeah. Yeah I will.” I rasp. We hang up the phone and I take a deep breath. My chest shudders as I breathe in and out. I’m completely on my own. I’m alone in this. I need to get her out, no one else can. As soon as the thought crosses my mind I remember that she’s a thousand times more alone that I am. She’s under lock and key, being held against her will and paraded around for the whole world to see. I blink back tears again. I’m not used to this raw emotion. I’m not used to feeling things so viscerally through my body. The pain searing through my chest is like a hot dagger, but at least it distracts me from the fear of the upcoming days. Somehow the power of the emotion is giving me strength. I know this is the right thing to do, even if it is stupid and dangerous and probably suicidal. There’s a knock on the door and it makes me jump. I swing my legs over the side of the bed and stretch my body upwards before heading to the door. I look through the peep hole and see Lee. “Hey, Lee,” I say as the door swings open. “Hello, Mr. Hart. May I?” He gestures inside. I step out of the way and he glances down the hallway before stepping through. “Thank you.” We walk in and I lead him to one of the chairs near the table by the window of the hotel room. He takes a seat only after I’ve sat down. All his movements are deliberate and fluid. “Thank you for seeing me so late. I understand this is… highly unusual, but this entire situation is highly unusual.” His slight accent gives an almost sing-song lilt to his voice. “It’s not unusual, Lee. What can I do for you.” Lee takes a deep breath. He’s wringing his hands. It’s the first time I’ve seen him make a movement that wasn’t completely purposeful. “When I met Miss Walters, I was worried. She is far too beautiful for this type of mission. She is exactly the type of person that would be… used. For political gain.” I nod, and he continues. He’s staring at the table between us and his brow is furrowed. “I… I failed her. I should have said something and I didn’t. I know the Koreans, what they’re capable of. I should have refused to help but by that time things were in motion that were very difficult to stop.” His voice falters and he pauses. The air between us is heavy. He looks up and his eyes meet mine. I see a deep pain in his dark eyes – the intensity of his gaze rips through me and I feel his guilt as if it was my own. “Mr. Hart,” he continues. “I would like to accompany you. If you… if you will allow me to. I can speak Korean and have been to North Korea many times. With respect, you have no idea what you are stepping into. I would not like for you to meet the same fate as Miss Walters.” We stare at each other for a long moment. Maybe it’s because paranoia breeds paranoia, but I don’t know if I can trust him. He seems genuine, but everyone has been telling me to trust no one. This is the man who set up the trip that led to Ellie’s capture. And now he wants to go with me?? I see something in his eyes – a deep pain. It’s a need to make things right. I can relate to that, because that’s exactly how I feel. I nod. “Alright.” Lee breathes a sigh of relief. “Very well. I will see you tomorrow.” He gets up and I lead him to the door. He glances down the hallway again before stepping out. The door clicks shut and I turn the lock behind him. He’s right, I have no idea what I’m getting myself into. I have no idea what I’m doing. I just need to get Ellie back, and once I do I’m never letting her go again. Chapter 18 – Ellie
I’m back in my room with Jang-mi. She’s unzipping my dress and helping me slip it off. I sigh and slump my shoulders. The exhaustion has set into my bones. Jang-mi helps me slip a plush bathrobe on and leads me to a chair. I look up at her, trying to search her face. “What’s going to happen to me, Jang-mi?” I look at her smooth skin, her deep brown eyes and try to find some sort of hint, some sign that she can understand me. I need her to say something to me, or at least acknowledge that I’m a thinking, breathing person and she is too. She turns around and heads to the table near the entrance and starts making some tea. I sigh, leaning back in my chair and closing my eyes. I’m obviously not going to get anything out of her. A few minutes later she reappears in front of me and places a tray down on the table. I open my eyes. “Thanks,” I say. I don’t even have the energy to drink tea. She takes a teacup and places it in front of me, pouring the hot liquid into it with an expert hand. I watch her and try not to let the despair settle into my core. She won’t even talk to me, she’ll only serve me. I don’t want a servant! The frustration bubbles up inside me and I look at the tea in disgust. Just as I’m about to push the teacup away she places a hand on my wrist. She’s never touched me like this before and my eyes dart up to hers. There’s a spark in them, an intelligence that I hadn’t noticed before. She looks almost kind. We stare at each other for a long moment and she slowly brings her finger to her lips. She motions around the room with the same finger and taps her ear. They’re listening, she’s telling me. My heart starts beating a bit faster and I glance around the room, as if I’m suddenly going to see the microphones or cameras that are planted here. I look back at Jang-mi and she’s looked away from me, busying herself with the tray. She walks over to the table and comes back with some sweets. They’re perfectly arranged on a plate, a small pyramid of candies wrapped in paper. Jang-mi motions to the candies and I shake my head. The last thing I want is a sweet right now. Once again she places her hand on my wrist and motions to the candies. She stares at me, her gaze piercing through me for a moment before her eyes drop back to the ground and she shuffles out of the room. My heart is still beating like crazy. I look at the pile of candies. Why would she want me to eat them? I look back at the door and get up, rushing to it and pressing my ear against it. I can just barely hear footsteps moving away from my door. She’s gone. What is she trying to tell me? I go back to the table and pick up the top candy. I unwrap it and inspect it. It’s translucent and red, shaped in a small rectangle. I pop it in my mouth and wait for the revelation that Jang-mi wanted m
e to have. Nothing. I sigh. I can’t deal with these games, this intrigue, this paranoia! Maybe I didn’t see anything at all! Maybe she was just looking at me normally, and she just made me tea like she does every other day. Maybe she made these herself and just really wanted me to have one. I suck on the candy, moving from one side of my mouth to the other. The rest of the sweets are stacked neatly in a little pile on the plate. I pick another one up and look at it, and then glance down at the plate again. Then I see it. One of the wrappers is a slightly different colour. It’s buried under the pile of sweets. I start reaching for it, darting my hand towards it and then hesitate. What if they’re watching as well as listening? I sit down again and stare at the pyramid of candies in front of me. Slowly, I move a couple of them over to get to the off-colour one. It’s the same size, wrapped the same way, but it’s a bit darker than the others. I take it in my hand and stare at it, still moving the candy in my mouth from one side to the other. My fingers are trembling as I start unwrapping it. I can see writing, neat letters on the inside of the wrapper. Careful not to rip it, I slowly unwrap the candy and flatten the small square of paper. Bringing it up to my face, I read the small, perfectly neat lettering. Help is coming. I read it three, four, five times. Help is coming. My heartbeat is roaring in my ears as I read it over and over. Who is coming? How? When? The questions multiply in my head and I glance towards the door. Did Jang-mi write this? I didn’t even know she spoke English, let alone knew how to write it! Hope ignites inside me as I hold the paper in my hands. Bringing it up to my lips, I place a gentle kiss on the letters and close my eyes, enjoying the first good feeling I’ve had in days. I wonder how much danger she put herself in just writing this note to me. I glance around the room and wonder what to do with it. If anyone were to find it, both of us would be arrested immediately. It would be high treason to go against the regime like this. We’d be killed. I run to the bathroom and drop the paper into the toilet. I push the lever down and watch as the small square of paper swirl down into the pipes. When I’m sure it’s gone I sigh and head back to the main room. My tea is still warm, so I pick it up and take a long drink. The warmth travels through my mouth down to my stomach. The hope inside me blossoms as I think about those three words. Help is coming. Chapter 19 – Derek
Second Chance: A Rockstar Romance in North Korea Page 5
