by Marie Harte
“No!” he said sharply, wanting to pull her into his arms but feeling distinctly not worthy of any of her love or admiration. “I don’t think that at all. I think you must have been incredibly strong to go through all that you have.”
“But?” she prompted. “I think you have more to say.”
“It’s all my fault,” he finally said, jumping to his feet once again. “I set into motion a series of events that were heartbreaking for you. How can I live knowing that?”
“Would you rather I not have told you?” Her head was tilted to the side. “I thought we were going to be honest about everything. I’m sorry it took me so long to talk about this but I think you can see why. I thought you would lose respect for me. But that’s not what happened, is it? You’ve lost respect for…you.”
Seb closed his eyes against the beauty of the day, glad that they were covered by his sunglasses. It was hard to meet her gaze knowing he had been responsible for what had happened to her. There was no way to take it back, no way to fix it. Because of a cowardly decision he had made, she was forever changed.
“I put this behind me and made peace with it,” she said, standing and walking to where he stood. “You have to do the same thing, Seb. Don’t give Emmett any real estate in your brain. He isn’t worth it.”
“I need some time.” He moved jerkily, his thoughts a jumble of what-ifs and should-have-beens. “Do you mind if we go?”
“No,” she said carefully. “I don’t, but what do you need time for? It’s over and done with. It’s behind us, Seb. Don’t go back there.”
“I have to find a way to deal with my own complicity in this. You’ve had time to make peace, but I’ve only had about fifteen minutes.”
“None of this was your fault,” she protested but he didn’t believe her, turning his back on her pleading expression.
“If I hadn’t left, you never would have married him. We both know that.”
“I only know that the past doesn’t change. We have now and we have the future.” Her arms wound around him from behind and she pressed her warm body to his. “I love you.”
“I love you, Mandy. I just need to get my head on straight about this, that’s all.”
As much as he wanted to be with her, he needed the solitude to come to grips with her revelations. It was simply part of who he was and always would be. He needed the alone time to process his emotions.
And a stiff whisky or two wouldn’t be bad either.
“As long as you aren’t planning to pull away from me permanently, I’ll give you all the time you need,” she assured him softly. “I won’t let your guilt affect our future.”
He turned in her arms and captured her lips with his own, a solemn vow that nothing would ever separate them again. He pulled away, letting his arms drop to his sides.
“Let’s gather all this stuff together and I’ll take you home.”
Without speaking, they hauled their gear into Christian’s house and then out to the car. Seb would take her home instead of spending the day in bed making love with her. He could only hope to God she truly understood this driving need. The minute he dropped Amanda at her house he planned to punch something and then have a drink. Not necessarily in that order. In fact, he might do both of those things more than once.
*
SEB SAT ON his back deck drinking a longneck and staring up at the night sky. He’d dropped Amanda at her home and come back here to think. The only problem was he was thinking that maybe he’d done something really stupid.
Always before in his adult life he’d crept away to be alone, to cogitate over a problem. Basically? To think it to death. It was his way and for the most part it had served him well. But he was beginning to wonder whether this was one of those times.
As Amanda had pointed out, the past was over. Nothing he could do would ever change it. They could only look to the present and future and try to make it the best it could be. His feelings of guilt weren’t making her life better. If anything it was making it worse.
It was indulgent and selfish to act this way, and if he planned to have a life with Amanda she wasn’t going to put up with behavior like that. He’d already seen the strong, independent side to her. She’d been understanding this time, but he couldn’t expect that to continue.
Seb chuckled as he imagined Amanda getting in his face and telling him off. Yes, it was a very real possibility. And yet here he sat all alone feeling sorry for himself. It was no way to act, and no way to treat the woman he loved.
He needed to be worthy of Amanda and this was not the way to go about it. He’d talked about them being equals outside of the bedroom but that was all it had been. Talk. If it had been real they would be dealing with her revelations together.
Standing up and walking back into the house, Seb tossed away the half-full beer bottle into the trash. Good thing he hadn’t drank much of it because he was going to get behind the wheel and drive to Amanda’s house. No more separations. No more going off on his own when things got tough in some lame attempt to protect her and himself.
Life was going to have its ups and downs but they would face them together.
*
“YOU LOOK A little lost, sweets.”
Darby was standing at her front door with a box of chocolate cupcakes from a local bakery. She could see the fudge frosting through the clear plastic window and was surprised to find it didn’t tempt her in the least. Her mind was too busy with Seb to think about eating.
“How did you know I was here?” Amanda stepped back to let Darby by. “Didn’t I mention that Seb and I were going to spend the weekend at Chris’s house on Belleair Beach?”
Darby slipped past her and headed straight for the kitchen. “If you did it didn’t register with me. I brought cupcakes because I’ve barely seen you the last few weeks. If you won’t come to me, I’ll come to you. With chocolate.”
Amanda wasn’t really in the mood for Darby’s brand of company tonight. She was hoping Seb would get his head out of his ass and come over, but if not she’d planned to be in bed early catching up on some much needed rest.
Darby began opening the bakery box but Amanda shook her head. “Not for me, thanks. You took a chance that I’d be home.”
“I’m a gambling kind of guy, sweets.” He abandoned the box of cupcakes and perched on a barstool next to the island instead. “Where is Seb tonight? I didn’t see his car outside.”
“Seb had a few things to do. I was planning to have an early night. It’s been a busy few weeks.”
She’d tried to keep the annoyance out of her voice, but from the look on Darby’s face she’d hadn’t quite managed it.
“And I’ve showed up uninvited? There was a time you wouldn’t have minded, Amanda. Before Seb horned his way back into your life.”
“This has nothing to do with Seb,” she said defensively. Darby and Seb had never really gotten along even before but she hadn’t thought much about it. Darby was far too competitive to ever be friends with another rich, handsome man.
“I can’t believe you’re falling for him again. Hasn’t he hurt you enough? Are you just a glutton for punishment?”
“Darby.” Amanda was holding onto her temper by a thread. “It is none of your business. I don’t remark on the women in your life – of which there are thousands. I expect the same courtesy. I told you that I expect to be treated as an adult. If you can’t do that–”
“I’m trying to help you.” Darby jumped up from the stool, his entire body tense and his fists tight. “How can you do this to yourself? Sebastian Gibbs is going to hurt you again, and when he does don’t expect me to be around to pick up the pieces this time. I have better things to do.”
The doorbell rang imperiously and Amanda sighed in resignation. She wasn’t getting any peace tonight. Shaking her head at the ill-timed interruption, she pulled open the door. It was probably just her neighbor, Lois, coming by for a chat.
“Lois, it’s not a good–”
“Were
you expecting someone else?” Seb’s voice interrupted whatever she’d been about to say. He was standing on her front porch in his well-worn jeans, red T-shirt, and abashed expression. Her heart leaped in her chest as she let her gaze lovingly run up and down his gorgeous self. She’d thought she might have to wait days to see him again.
“I thought you might be my neighbor,” she explained, stepping back to let him in. “Come and say hi to Darby.”
Seb entered and she shut and locked the door behind him, hoping he was here to stay. She’d deal with Darby and send him on his way.
Seb joined them in the kitchen. “Nice to see you, Darby. How are things?”
His perfectly reasonable tone didn’t seem to soothe Darby’s ruffled feathers.
“Actually I was just trying to talk some sense into Amanda. Since you and she have been back together, she’s ceased to make any sense at all.”
Sucking in a breath at Darby’s caustic tone, Amanda’s gaze swung to the man she loved. Seb appeared calm and controlled, simply smiling at Darby, who in comparison was red-faced and practically spitting bile.
“I’m not sure what you mean,” Seb replied mildly. “Amanda is quite intelligent and practical. As for us rekindling our relationship, I don’t think it’s any of your business.”
Seb’s tone was friendly but with an edge of warning. Unfortunately, Darby didn’t heed it.
“You’re bad for her. You’re going to break her heart again just like last time. When I saw you at the party that first time, I thought she’d tell you to go to hell. But you’ve brainwashed her. I won’t let you do this, Sebastian.”
“Stop it,” Amanda broke in, hating the way her friend was acting. “You don’t have any right to make decisions for me. I have no clue why you’re even acting like this. What’s gotten into you?”
Seb stepped in between her and Darby, wrapping an arm around her waist to hold her still.
“Darby, I don’t like your tone. I think you need to leave now.” Seb had abandoned any pretext of civility. It was clear he thought Darby was a threat both emotionally and physically.
Darby swung hard at the box of cupcakes, sending it sailing into the air before they smacked against the kitchen wall. The box fell to the ground and chocolate seemed to explode on the wall and the floor.
“You cock sucking bastard. Amanda belongs to me. She always has. I won’t let you take her from me again. Not again.”
Now she was really pissed off. Darby had made a mess of her kitchen and was spouting nonsense. She didn’t fucking belong to anyone, least of all him. She belonged to herself and loving Seb and wanting a future with him didn’t change that.
Shaking with fury, she managed to twist around Seb’s large frame. “Get out, Darby, and don’t ever come back.”
His normally handsome features twisted into something really ugly. “I tried to warn you about him but you didn’t listen.”
“You’re the one who slashed her tires, aren’t you?” Seb grated, his eyes black and cold. “Was that your warning?”
“It was, but she didn’t take it.” Darby’s gaze swung to Amanda, who was still trying to get over the shock of hearing that he had been the one to cut her tires, not some neighbor kids.
“Were you watching us?” she asked, shuddering at the thought of him sitting outside while she and Seb had made love.
“Somebody had to. You aren’t capable of running your own life. You need someone to help you.”
The last damn thing she needed was help from someone like Darby.
“Get out.” Amanda stomped to the door. “Out! I hope to never lay eyes on you ever again.”
Darby moved towards the door but stopped halfway turning to Seb. “Too bad you didn’t die from that bullet. It would have solved everything.”
He slammed the door behind him and she listened as his car tore out of the driveway. It was sad to see the ending of an old friendship, but Darby’s arrogant attitude and possessive nature had become too much. He was clearly unstable when it came to her and Seb.
She ran her own life and now she had the man of her dreams to live it with. He just needed to get over the guilt trip he’d sent himself on. It was time to turn their backs on the past and look firmly to the future.
“You okay, Mandy? I’m sorry it got ugly like that.”
She went into his open arms and pressed her head to his chest. “I had no idea he was that possessive of me. That he was that…”
“Crazy?” Seb offered. “Darby has issues and I hope he seeks help.”
“How did you know it was Darby who slashed my tires?” She leaned back so she could look into his eyes. They’d gone from cold to warm in moments and she basked in their admiration.
“I didn’t.” Seb shook his head. “Not until I came here tonight and he was ranting on and on. I took a stab in the dark and it paid off. Are you going to tell the police?”
“I guess I should. I don’t want them to expend any resources trying to solve this when we know who did it. I hate to press charges, though. I just feel so betrayed.”
“I know,” Seb nodded, his strong hands stroked her back soothingly. “I would too in your shoes. Why don’t you sleep on it and decide in the morning? You don’t have to call the police tonight. If you don’t want to press charges you can make that conditional on Darby seeking some professional help for his obsession.”
“He shouldn’t have said that about you dying. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t survived being shot.”
Her world would have been very dark indeed if that bullet had taken his life.
“Luckily for us that bullet didn’t have my name on it.” He stepped away from her and their gazes locked. “I don’t know what I’d do without you, Mandy.”
Chapter Thirteen
‡
“I’VE COME TO say I’m sorry.”
Seb’s hands were shoved in his jeans pockets but his soft brown eyes were full of love. Amanda crossed her arms over her chest and lifted the corner of an eyebrow.
“What are you sorry for?”
“Doing it again. Going off alone and not treating you like a partner. I promise I’ll get better with practice.”
She moved toward him so they were standing inches apart and placed her hands on his arms, the skin warm under her palms.
“You’re already getting better. Last time took thirteen years, but this one only took about two hours and forty-five minutes. That’s real improvement.”
“I want to tell you it won’t happen again but it might,” Seb conceded with a grimace. “But I think I can turn it around in less than thirty minutes going forward.”
“We’ll work on it together. You’re not alone anymore.”
“Neither are you.” His hands came out of his pockets and he pulled her back into his arms. “I think you’ll keep me on the straight and narrow, that’s for sure.”
She slid her arms around his middle and gazed up into his beloved face. “That’s the plan, although you had me pretty worried. I thought this might take days instead of hours.”
“I’m sorry I made you worry. What I did was selfish and wrong.”
“Well, there is a way you can make it up to me.” Amanda rubbed her cheek against Seb’s broad chest.
She wanted the heaven of a quiet mind that only Seb could give her after all that had happened.
Seb pressed a kiss to the top of her head and smiled. “Anything. Name it.”
“Make my mind peaceful again. Will you?”
His fingers slid into her hair and massaged the scalp, drawing a contented sigh from her lips. “I will. Poor Mandy. Your brain is going a mile a minute, isn’t it? I think I have just the thing. Go into the bedroom. You know what to do.”
She fled to the bedroom and stripped off her clothes before pulling the covers down on the bed. Kneeling on the rug at the foot of the mattress, she took several deep calming breaths to slow her heart rate. The problem was her quickening pulse wasn’t from Darby’s stunt earlier
but from the thought of what Seb might or might not do to her tonight.
She waited in the quiet until finally the sound of his firm treads on the floorboard alerted her to his arrival.
“Good girl,” he praised. “Let’s begin.”
Their rituals were so ingrained they came naturally to her now. She leaned forward so her knees spread wide and kissed the tip of his shoe before touching her forehead to the floor. Her body was already starting to hum as she heard him rummaging through closets and drawers but her sight was limited in the position she was in. That, she was sure, was by design.
Anticipation flared and heat curled in her belly as she felt him draw near once more.
“Stand at the foot of the bed, Mandy.”
His hands helped her to her feet and she positioned herself at the end of the large four poster bed, feet flat on the floor and facing the headboard. Her hands and feet were attached to the points of the footboard with silk rope and velcro cuffs holding her in an X configuration. Her entire body was open and available, vulnerable to whatever he had planned, whatever he desired.
Amanda could feel her mind going blissfully blank, knowing she had no decisions to make. She could simply luxuriate in the feelings and sensations of the night ahead.
Seb didn’t say a word either, letting the silence enfold them.
Instead he ran his rough hands all over her skin, up and down her arms, down her back, over her bottom, then up her ribcage. He paused to cup her breasts and pinch the already hard tips but then slid them down until they just brushed her pussy before rubbing her thighs, calves, and finally her ankles.
