“Yeah, he stays here a lot, although, I’m not sure where he goes when he’s not here,” I told him quietly. That got Grim’s attention and he finally looked away from the roof. There was a thick amount of tension coming from them both as they gazed at me. I rubbed my neck awkwardly.
“He needs to ascend.” Grim lifted his hand and his scythe materialized. I stepped in front of him.
“No, Grim.” I gave him a shove as he stepped forward but, of course, it had no effect. His essence darkened. “Not yet,’ I whispered.
“Ghosts are only lost souls, Melanie. He doesn’t belong in this world anymore.” I nodded, understanding completely, but I couldn’t accept that for Ryan just yet.
I pressed my hands against his chest just in case he might disappear on me and go to Ryan. “I know, but have you forgotten that I’m the reason he’s dead?” Grim went still underneath my touch, and I kept my hands in place as I went on, “It can’t happen, not yet. Not until he tells me he’s ready. Not until his sister gets to tell him everything she needs to,” I paused for a heartbeat, “Not until I learn how to say goodbye.” They had to know I wasn’t ready for that.
Grim placed his cold skeletal fingers against mine on his chest and his essence changed back to its normal shade of blue. “When he’s ready.” When you’re ready, was what it sounded like he actually meant.
“Thanks.” I managed to smile.
The front door opened and Grim and I were standing in front of it. My eyes widened just as Grim disappeared underneath my fingertips. Without the support of his chest, I lost what I was leaning my weight against, and began to tumble forward. Killian managed to grab me before I fell, only it was awkward. I ended up twirling around in the process and smacking into his chest.
When I looked up, he was grinning at me. Glad he thought it was funny. I leaned away and turned toward the doorway. Alex was there. “Mom wanted me to see when you were coming back in?” Which meant she was telling me to come back in. I hated how little she trusted me or how the moment I started doing the things she always wanted me to, she was against it.
I sighed. “What are you guys doing?” Alex finally asked.
Killian grinned. “I was showing your sister a few moves.”
“Moves?” Alex’s nose scrunched up and I was oddly worried where this conversation was going myself.
“Dance moves,” Killian answered, looking down at me. “But she’s really bad.”
I glared and Alex snorted. “I could have told you that.” I noticed that my brother was trying to suppress a smile. That made me happy, anything to make him and Mom like him—I desperately wanted them to. Then I blinked a few times when I realized what I had just admitted to myself.
“Alright, I should go inside already.” He slipped his hands in and out of mine so quickly, it wasn’t nearly enough contact.
“If you must…” he said reluctantly.
I smiled over my shoulder at him as I stepped inside. I shut the door and was still grinning when Alex said, “You guys really are dating.”
“No, we’re not.” I walked through the hallway.
“Doesn’t look that way,” Alex muttered next to me, and I wished I never looked to the top of the stairs. My smile vanished as I saw Ryan staring down at me, his expression filled with hurt. His eyes reflected his sadness and I started up the stairs. He didn’t move from where he stood, not even when I reached the top and needed him to move to get by—or I would have to go through him. I finally let myself look into his eyes again.
“You’re falling for Grim,” he stated, sounding so unlike himself. Ryan never sounded closed-off, especially toward me.
“Ryan,” I whispered so low that even I could barely hear myself.
He moved aside and I hurried into my room and shut the door. It didn’t take him long to follow me, I took a deep breath and released it as I turned around to face him.
“I’m right,” he said, sounding more sure of himself this time.
I didn’t know how to answer him, and I didn’t want to lie. I grabbed my ponytail and pulled it loose, my blonde hair fell over my shoulders. I felt the headache coming and knew it would be better to have it down.
Grim and Killian were separated now, so I wasn’t sure how to answer him. He still called Killian, Grim. Around Grim, I either felt safe or afraid but was even that changing? Killian made me feel things no one ever had before. He lit me up head to toe, it was dangerous and mind-consuming because it was all I could think about anymore. Something was happening, something was changing between us all. I just didn’t know what that was.
I didn’t even know if any of it was even real.
But Killian was still a demon. Grim didn’t even have tendons and flesh. Whatever I kept thinking, couldn’t be possible… Killian’s incubus voodoo was only doing a number on my body and brain.
So, it was nothing at all. I closed my eyes and dropped my hands from my hair before reopening them. “Grim doesn’t even have flesh, he’s an entity, Ryan. And Killian’s a demon. I don’t have any kind of feelings toward him.” Then why did it feel like I was lying?
Ryan had that look of longing as he gazed at me. I looked down, a heavy feeling rested over my heart. I knew how he felt about me. I knew how I had once felt about him. And because of those feelings he had for me, he was a ghost. What must it feel like to ask the girl you died for if she was falling in love with someone that wasn’t even human? “Ryan.” My throat tightened and something pressed against my chest. An awful, horrid feeling that threatened to eat me alive.
He broke. “Don’t look at me like that. Don’t look so perfect that it breaks my soul to look at you because my soul is the only thing I have left.” My hand moved out between us, I wanted to reach out to him and touch him but remembered I couldn’t. My hand only hovered midway as if it was proof of his ill fate. “You know I can feel the Grim Reaper now as a ghost. I knew he was close; I could feel the danger he meant toward me now, clawing at my chest to either run or go to him. I know I’m not supposed to be here, and he won’t hesitate to send me wherever I should be.”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “He promised he wouldn’t make you until…” It was hard to say. “Until you are ready to go.”
“He promised you that?” he asked in disbelief. He rubbed his head and walked toward me. “This is going to sound stupid and lame, but I need to say it.” I could only look at him confused, afraid of what he was going to say next. His jawline hardened as he continued to look in my eyes. I knew whatever he meant to say was serious for him. “Melanie, I’ve always known how afraid you are. How that fear has kept you sheltered and stuck in your own little world—afraid of what you might see next.” His deep, sorrowful eyes wouldn’t let me look away as he continued. “I always thought—hoped—I would be the one that brought you out of that shell.” He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, then reopened them.
“I thought that someday you’d look at me and see that I was enough.” He turned away from me and went toward the other side of the room. “But, I wasn’t and now I’m watching you become the woman I always knew you were.”
“Ryan,” I whispered. I felt myself shrinking inside my own skin. I heard his words, felt them against every part of me but…
He looked at me from across the room, shaking his head. “You don’t even realize how much you’ve changed, do you? You’re not afraid of ghosts anymore, Melanie. I remember when you didn’t even like to go to new places because you were so afraid of seeing new ghosts.”
I thought about it. I wasn’t afraid of them anymore. “No, but that’s because ghosts seem so pale in comparison to demons.”
“Yeah, exactly, listen to what you’re saying. You should be more afraid now. Your life is all kinds of crazy but look at you...” He looked at me with a hint of admiration. “You’re more alive than I’ve ever seen you.”
He was right. I knew it. I felt it and I have been asking myself why I wasn’t more afraid like I used to be; like I was when I firs
t learned about the demons. I was in just as much danger now as I was three weeks ago. Had I changed that much within such a small amount of time? I was clueless growing up, not knowing what happened to me in that classroom, now that I knew, did that make it easier?
“I had to change, I had no choice in the matter,” I told him what I thought I knew.
He shook his head at me again. “No, it’s more than that. You also know, whether you admit it or deny it, the moment he entered your life, you’ve been happy…different. It has something to do with Grim.”
“Grim has nothing to do with—”
“He does. Killian and him are the same. They might not be the same person now but somehow they just are.” He looked like he didn’t understand it himself. “They protect you, and somehow it’s changing you.” I searched his face, unsure what to say. What did he want me to say? “You’re stronger… you’re getting braver. You’re probably still afraid but that doesn’t stop you from sleeping at night.” I blinked a few times when I realized he was right. “What? You haven’t noticed? —Or you didn’t think I would notice how good you sleep now that he’s back in town?”
My heart beat wildly; he had just peeled back a layer I hadn’t bothered to notice. I was sleeping good and I never slept good.
“I feel safe,” I admitted.
“You do,” he agreed.
“What is it you’re trying to say?” I asked nervously.
Was his expression what heartbreak looked like? “Just wanted you to know…that I wanted to be that person for you.” He disappeared from my room. I didn’t remember going to my bed and curling up in my cover. I only remembered the sick and twisted feeling of guilt.
Chapter Eight
I spent Saturday morning with Alex at home. He played a video game in his room while I read in the living room. So, maybe I wasn’t really spending time with Alex, but we were under the same roof. That had to count for something.
Ryan never came back last night. Which was probably a good thing, I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to say to make things better between us.
I didn’t sleep as well last night as I had been since Killian showed back up. I tossed and turned, everything Ryan said the night before was on repeat inside my head. He was right about a lot. I was different now. Whether he was right about Killian and Grim being part of that reason, I wasn’t sure. I did know they meant something. Maybe I was just afraid of admitting what that might be.
And if Ryan hadn’t gotten into that accident, my feelings might have never paused. My guilt had stopped me from going anywhere with what I felt. I shared something special with him that night before Ryan had wrecked… maybe it was only a matter of time before the feelings spilled over. I no longer worried about what Vengeance’s puppets had said, although, I had easily let them manipulate my thoughts in that moment…
It should have been clear from the beginning. Killian hadn’t even wanted to protect me at first, he was never curious about the Vessel. If he had wanted the Vessel, he could have taken it the first night instead of saving me.
I truly believed his only interest was me.
He stuck around and continued to save me… I never made it easy for him… I willingly went to Fear and he even saved me… again. Again. I wondered how many more times he would have to sweep in to save me before I would ever get the chance to do something in return?
All these emotions were hitting me at once. My freaking heart felt like it was going to explode. It was making my heart swell up.
I clamped my fist over my chest and took a deep breath, I can’t ignore it anymore.
I had to see him.
I would continue to hurt Ryan, but I forced myself to shove all my thoughts of him to the side just so that I could do what I wanted. And right now, I wanted to see Killian.
Like a woman possessed, I threw my book on the couch and hurried upstairs. I found my cell phone sitting on the nightstand and quickly sent him a text:
I’m coming over.
I meant to ask if he cared if I came over, but my brain wasn’t working right. It didn’t take a minute and he replied:
I’m waiting outside.
I tilted my head at the phone. Huh? There was no way he had gotten here so fast; he must have been outside before I even sent the text. I went to the window and peeked outside. His Corvette was parked in our graveled driveway. I watched him step out. He glanced up at my window. My heart beat out of rhythm.
I didn’t understand this nervous excitement I felt, but I wanted to follow along with it. I placed the curtain back and ran to my closet. I wished I had something cute to wear. I didn’t have much besides a t-shirt and jeans. I puffed out my cheeks and continued looking.
I didn’t want to make him wait too long and I was in a hurry to get to him so I grabbed a white top. I tossed my shirt I had been wearing somewhere and slid off my pajama pants. I slipped the tight shirt over my head. It revealed my cleavage and I thought, why not. I wanted his eyes on me. I grabbed a pair of jeans. I pulled out the brown leather jacket I got from Tess one year for Christmas that I never did wear.
I yanked off the tag as I moved in front of the mirror. I brushed my tangles out of my hair before tossing my head over and ruffling it back up to give it some volume. Why was I so pale? I grabbed my cheeks and glanced in the mirror. I looked horrible. I grabbed some pink lipstick and began to put it on when Mom stepped in.
I stared at her through the mirror. “You’re putting on lipstick?” she asked, but she didn’t sound angry or accusing, it was more curiosity.
“Yeah, Killian’s waiting for me outside.” I found a tube of mascara and started applying. I poked my eye in the process and swore, I wasn’t good at makeup.
“Yeah, I saw that he was outside.” She walked into my room and sat down on the bed. “Do you know what time you will be back?”
I shook my head, still looking at myself in the mirror. “I’m not sure. I don’t even know what our plans are—” I cut myself off, meeting my own eyes in the mirror. “I just want to be with him right now.”
I saw her nod at me through the mirror as she sat on the bed behind me. “Then spend time with him. I hope you enjoy yourself.”
I frowned as I turned around to face her. What was with her? Why was she suddenly okay with me being around Killian? “Don’t stare at me like that,” she huffed and stood up. “I’m your mother, Melanie. I worry about you, but I remembered something about my daughter. She’s smart and beautiful.” She moved forward and placed her palm against my cheek with a bright smile. “I’ve tried and tried the last few years to get you to go out and try new things. Do new things. Meet new people and that totally backfired on me when Killian showed up at our doorstep the first time.” She laughed. “I didn’t realize how scary it would be when you finally did. But honey, I do want you to experience new things. Falling in love and everything in between is a part of growing up and it’s something I won’t keep you from doing.”
“Okay…?” I grinned at her, feeling weird that Mom had just said that. But it was a happy kind of weird.
Killian knocked downstairs and Mom dropped her hand. “Looks like he’s brave enough to come to the door again and face my fury.” We both grinned as she walked toward the door. She stopped in the doorway and looked back. She hesitated, “Melanie…I know we’ve never had that talk…”
My cheeks heated. “Mom,” I said quickly. “Believe me, I know. You don’t have to tell me.”
She sighed in relief. “Good, just be safe…okay? You don’t hang out with guys like Killian and remain a virgin. It’s just not possible.” I groaned, covering my red face.
“Mom!”
“What?” She laughed. “He is good looking. Just older than I wanted for you, but that’s how the first ones usually are.” I was still staring at the doorway after she disappeared. I couldn’t tell her how wrong she was. Ryan had been my first love, the love I kept hidden until it was too late. I never told him…and now it would never matter because Killian enter
ed the picture.
I shook the thoughts away. No thinking. I didn’t want to think myself out of what I was doing right now. No second guessing everything. I grabbed my jacket and hurried downstairs. The front door wasn’t open and I grew worried that they weren’t at the door. I grabbed my boots on the shoe rack next to the door when I noticed them in the living room. Mom, Alex, and Killian… Would he ever look normal inside our home? He just seemed too big and out of place for this world. I felt a pang in my chest when I remembered we were from different worlds.
Stop… thinking.
I zipped my boots up and moved behind him in the living room, sliding my hand across his back. He was smiling down at me as I made my way beside him. “There you are,” he said. I smiled, and his eyes raked over my body just enough to set me on fire before his gaze went back toward Mom.
“We should go,” I whispered quickly, and I didn’t miss the sly look in his eyes as they dropped over me.
“Call and check in, okay?” Mom said hesitantly. I saw that she was gripping her hands tightly and knew she was fighting against herself to let me go.
I embraced her in an unexpected hug, surprising her. Her breath fell over my shoulder as she gasped and finally hugged me back. “I will, Mom.” When I pulled away, she had the biggest smile on her face. I never hugged her—we never showed any affection.
“Don’t worry, your daughter is safe with me.” Killian had chosen the exact wrong words to say to her. She gave him a yeah-right glare for a second before she disguised it with a smile.
“Have fun,” she said before we walked out.
The moment we were next to his car, the biggest sigh fell from his lips. I gave him a look and he shrugged his shoulders. “What?” We got in the car and he started it up. “Your mom scares the fuck out of me, and I have never feared anyone, ever.”
I laughed loudly, giving him a dumbfounded look. “Why?”
He backed out of the driveway. “Because.” He stole a quick glance at me. “She’s the woman that gave birth to you. And she also liked Ryan a lot…” His words faded and I arched an eyebrow.
'Til Grim's Light (A Grim Awakening Book 2) Page 8
