Jamie: U and I r not together, either. So stop txting me.
Bella: Jamie I love you. I always did, but I was too stupid to recognize it. Please give me 1 more chance. I didn’t cheat on you. Let me explain. Let’s work this out. Let’s find a way to stay together.
She hadn’t wanted to write that in a message. She’d wanted to tell him face to face. But desperate times called for desperate measures.
Jamie: Go home.
That was the last message from him.
Chapter 17
She’d buzzed his apartment fifteen times. Bella Hopkins was one hell of a persistent woman. Didn’t she know how to give up?
“Bella, get the message. I don’t want to see you,” Jamie yelled into his home security system.
“It’s Bryan,” came a familiar voice.
Jamie checked the picture on the tiny screen. Was he still trashed from last night or was it actually Bryan?
“What’s you deal, Singer? Why’re you here at nine-fucking-am?” Jamie barked.
“Let me in and I’ll tell you.” Bryan followed up by singing one his smash hits ‘Peace.’
Bryan’s singing made Jamie’s head throb, and he was too groggy to press the right button, so he ended up letting Bryan in.
With half his energy, Jamie held the door open.
“Good morning.” Bryan scrunched his nose as he passed Jamie. “Jesus, you smell like shit.”
Bryan proceeded to his kitchen and knocked stuff, intensifying his headache.
“Get outta there, Singer. You’re making my headache worse.”
“I’m making you a hangover remedy. Best one in the world. Works like a charm for me every time. I drink it and I’m on stage an hour later, belting out a show.”
Wending his way to the kitchen, Jamie closed an open cabinet. “You don’t have to make me anything.”
Not that he thought Bryan was smart enough to poison him or anything, but he was still worried.
“I’m tryna be a good human being here, dude.” Bryan flashed him a sickening smile that made his stomach groan.
“Good human being and you are an oxymoron.”
“I have no idea what oxymoron means.” Handing him a glass of liquid, Bryan wiped the counter. “So just drink this and shut up.”
Grudgingly, Jamie took the glass. In between dripping the fluid into his mouths in what could best be described as drops, he said, “So why’re you here? Did you and Bella already decide on a wedding date? You wanna invite me?”
Bryan frowned. “You haven’t been answering sunshine’s calls. She’s upset.”
Jamie spat out some of the hangover cure.
What kind of endearment was sunshine?
“I sent her a message.” Jamie rested on his sofa, because standing up was making him dizzy.
“That didn’t help her mood much, either.” Bryan laid the hells on his palms on the backrest of Jamie’s sofa. “Don’t be angry at her. I was the one who showed up unannounced.”
Oh, look at him, playing the nice guy, taking the blame.
Jamie scoffed. “And she was the one who decided to break up with me so she could get married to you and have your babies.”
A muscle twitched. Even despite his limited recollections, he knew he’d been the one who’d decided to terminate their relationship early.
“That was the plan.” Bryan rotated his head. “But every love story has a villain, right? You’re the villain in mine. Turns out my sunshine’s in love with you and now she doesn’t want to marry me or have my babies. In fact, she doesn’t want to marry anyone. She just wants you.”
Jamie held a mouthful of liquid between his tongue and teeth, unable to swallow.
“Honestly, I have no idea what she sees in you, dude.” Bryan visually raked Jamie’s disheveled, smelly body. “But she obviously sees something, or she wouldn’t be kicking me out of her life. She even refused to remain friends.”
Hope coursed up his heavily intoxicated blood. Bella had kicked Bryan out? So all those visions of her sleeping with him last night had been nothing but anxiety-induced illusions. Thank goodness.
“You only have your poor decisions from the past to thank for that.” Jamie snorted, tapping the base of the glass on Bryan’s knuckles. “Get me some water from the fridge.”
Bryan raised his eyebrows. “And when did I sign up to be your errand boy?”
“The minute you walked in through that door into my house.” Jamie pointed a finger at his door.
Bryan stormed to the fridge and got him water. “I’m only doing this for sunshine.”
Jamie had to admit he was enjoying this. “Stop calling her sunshine. It’s getting on my nerves.”
“Why? Because you love her and the fact that she and I have shared history makes you uncomfortable?”
Jamie didn’t have a sufficiently snappy comeback to that, so he went the expletive route. “Fuck off, Singer.”
“So I got that right.” Bryan threw himself on a loveseat and folded his legs. “Look, I’m sure you know, but love’s a rare thing. You can’t let something as silly as last night come between you and her.”
“Silly? It was serious to me. She’s been talking to you behind my back—”
“Only because I kept pestering her. She didn’t want anything to do with me, but you know how damn persuasive I am. I got you to open your door at this ungodly hour when you’d much rather be passed out in bed.”
Jamie breathed. “She could’ve been more decisive last night. She chose you over me.”
“That’s because I had a serious problem.” Bryan’s voice rose. “You can’t even imagine how serious.”
“I don’t care. She shouldn’t have sent me away. There was place for three in that apartment. I could’ve waited.”
Bryan beat his hand on the armrest of the sofa. “I asked her to send you away. I wouldn’t have been able to discuss my issue with you around. I told you, it’s sensitive.”
“I still don’t buy it.”
“Jesus Christ, get over the caveman mentality, dude. There are things your girl wants to discuss with another man and those discussions need to happen in private. Do you carry out every conversation with your female friends in her presence?”
“No, but you’re her ex. It’s different.”
“And now you’re her ex, too. So we’re the same.” Bryan cocked his eyebrow.
“I’m not her ex—” Jamie stopped, gulping the last sip of the hangover cure.
You are her ex, a voice inside him said.
“Look at your face. You sure you wanna do this to yourself? She’s just a phone call away. You say the magic words and she’ll take you back without questions.”
“What’re the magic words?”
“Take me back.”
Jamie coughed. “Not ‘I love you?’”
“That won’t hurt, either.” Clapping his hands on his knees, Bryan jumped up from the loveseat. “And now you know what to do, I’ll leave the rest to you. Bye-bye.”
“Going already?” Jamie asked.
“Were you enjoying my company that much?” Bryan teased.
“Don’t hallucinate.”
“I figured that it was useless for me to come down here. Even if I didn’t come, you were going to call her in a day or two anyway, weren’t you?”
Jamie hid his guilt by drinking water.
Yes, he’d have called her. If only just to hear her voice.
“You always this annoying?”
“I think eloquent is the word you’re looking for,” Bryan corrected.
Shaking his head, Jamie yawned. “Tell Bella to meet me in the evening. I have to catch up on lost sleep now.”
“Will do,” Bryan’s voice disappeared, and then Jamie closed the door.
*
“Bryan, why’re you calling me?” Bella hiccupped between a sob.
Stuffing a tissue into her mouth, she bit on it to prevent an ugly cry from coming out. She didn’t want Bryan to know that she’d been crying
. In her desperation, she’d already called him once to tell him that she hadn’t been able to get through to Jamie. She didn’t want to lean on him, when she was supposed to be distancing him.
“I visited Jamie just now.” Bryan’s voice was loud and clear. “He’s agreed to talk to you. I killed the climax by telling him that you’re madly in love with him but he’ll still have to hear it from you. Call him in the evening.”
“You visited who?” Inhaling, Bella dabbed her wet nose with the tissue. “And he let you in when he didn’t let me in?”
“What can I say? I’m a charmer.”
She snorted. “Stop gloating.”
“You haven’t even heard the whole of it.” She heard his finger tap the phone. “With my persuasive skills, I managed to persuade him to listen to you. He’s very angry with you, but he’s agreed to at least hear you out.”
“He did?” Bella got to her feet. “I’ll go see him now.”
“If I were you, sunshine, I’d give him at least until evening. He really needs to recover from last night. He had a lot to drink.”
“Okay, I’ll go later.” She sniffed. She didn’t really want to wait, but if she had to, then she had to. “I’m really grateful you did this for me, Bryan. I appreciate it.”
“So will you reconsider my friend request?”
“Maybe.”
“Make that a definitely.”
“I’ll make it a definitely when you promise me you’re not gonna continue overdosing on your meds.”
Bryan’s gnashed his teeth. “I talked to Nancy today. She said she can help me. We’ll see how it goes.”
“Well done.”
“Thanks. It’d mean a lot to me if you could support me as I recover,” Bryan said. “I have no real friends except you. I lost all the ones I had, just like I lost you, because I was too busy holding onto fake friends and chasing acceptance.”
“Listen to you. You sound so mature.”
“I wish.”
“I’ll think about your friend request,” Bella said, then muttered a hurried ‘bye’ and hung up.
*
He really, really hadn’t wanted to see her at his doorstep before he’s had a chance to shower. But when did the world ever follow his commands? At least he’d brushed his teeth.
“You smell.” Bella pinched her nose, gagging.
Sleep deprivation had her eyes looking like a panda’s, but somehow, she still managed to make his heart drum. Damn her.
“That’s a great way to earn my forgiveness. Insult me,” he said, snarky.
He staggered back when she slipped her head under his chin. It was too easy to allow her warm, hard skull to press on his chest. Hope boomed through his alcohol-dulled senses.
Her tear-soaked lashes slanted up. It had been scarcely twenty-four hours since he’d seen her blue eyes, but they seemed so different. “I’m sorry for what happened. I never meant to hurt you or cheat on you. I was confused and desperate. I loved you and I didn’t think you’d ever return my feelings. I didn’t want to be alone all my life, so I took the easy way out and decided to go with Bryan. But it wasn’t the right thing to do. I mean, I couldn’t even convince myself to go through with it.” The tip of her nose rubbed his ribs. “I’m sorry for letting you down like that. I promise I’ll never do it again. I’ve sorted myself out now.”
Dragging a hand through his hair, he stifled the spectrum of emotions bubbling inside him. “What about marriage?”
“What about it?”
“I’m not going to marry you.” Better make this clear right now. “So if your pinning any hopes on—”
“I’m not. I’ve been really myopic so far, pursuing marriage like it’s a goal. But it’s not my goal anymore.” Her finger fluttered up to her mouth. Trailed over her lips before she drew them away. “I don’t want it anymore. I want you. You, who’ll never give me a ring or children, or a house, or anything. But you’ll give me love. And that’s all I want.”
“Is that really all you want?”
“Yes, it’s really all I want.” She rid herself of her sweater. Under it, she wore the T-shirt Rosie had given her. It read Miss Gorgeous. “All morning I’ve been thinking about how obsessive I’ve been. When Bryan suddenly asked me to marry him and move to LA, I was terrified, too. It was happening too fast. I wanted to take things slow. I wanted to make sure I felt what I was supposed to feel for him. I didn’t want to make commitments so soon. And then I realized, I was asking you to do the same thing. And I could understand why you were so reluctant. We need time, both of us.” A small pause later, she added, “I’m gonna cancel that ballroom reservation.”
Jamie almost blurted out a ‘no’ then. It surprised him.
Suddenly, realization dawned on him. He wasn’t scared of commitment anymore. More importantly, he wasn’t scared of committing to her anymore. Because he knew that he was no longer just a sperm donor to her. He was the man she’d chosen. The man she loved enough to abandon her perfect future for.
Taking off her scarf, shoes, and gloves, Bella set them on his couch. Her eyes met his in a pleading gaze. “I’m only human. I’m flawed. I can’t make all the right choices all the time. Sometimes, I act out of fear. I hurt the people I love without meaning to.”
Fiddling with her jeans, she popped the top button open. Instant lust speared into him.
“You can’t seduce your way out of this,” he said, with a disapproving glare.
“I’m not seducing you. I’m hoping for forgiveness and then sex after that.”
“And after sex?” The end of his eyebrow lifted to a sharp point. “You know that I neither plan to marry you nor stay in New York past the New Year.”
Smoothing her jeans down her legs, she struggled for a bit before they came off. His heart pitter-pattered against his ribs.
Her hands dropped to her sides. “It’s okay if you can’t stay here anymore. I could get a job in LA...I was planning to move for Bryan, anyway. I’ll do it for you.”
He shuttered his eyes. “You don’t have to move. Long-distance could work.”
“I know. But I want to.” Quickly, her expression metamorphosed when she took in his hesitation. “Am I being too clingy?”
Jamie studied his toes. “No, really, please don’t move to LA.”
“We won’t be living together immediately.” She cupped his face. “I just want to be able to see you and hold you whenever I want.”
“That’s not why.” Jamie swallowed. “The thing is…I got a job here. An adjunct teaching gig. At NYU.”
She coughed, her hands falling from his face. “What? Why?”
He scratched the side of his pants. “I didn’t want to leave New York. I didn’t want to leave you. And after TD’s spectacular failure, I figured I needed some stability, anyway.”
“You got a job here so you could be with me?” Her jaw dropped.
He felt his cheeks go warm when she regarded him with awe. “Something like that.”
She swept him into her arms so energetically, he tumbled back onto the couch. The way she was blubbering, she must be weeping. “I don’t even know what to say...I’m speechless. Wait, no, you can’t do that. You can’t stay in New York. Your career’s in Hollywood. I don’t want you to sacrifice your career for me.”
“I’m not sacrificing anything. Scripts have long development processes. I don’t have to be at the set all the time. I could come and go, depending on whether I have work or not. There’s no reason for me to hang around in LA all the time.”
“I love you so much.” She had tears in her eyes.
“I love you, too. It’s the first time I’m saying that to anyone...if we don’t count Maddie.” He rested his head on hers. “And I should have said it earlier, but I was scared, too. I didn’t think you loved me back, because you were already planning a future with Bryan.”
“But now you know I do.”
Finally, her fingers tucked under the bottom of her T-shirt, and she lifted it over the top of her he
ad.
Jamie’s lungs contracted at the sight of her in just a beige T-shirt bra. Her tits strained against the tight hold of the cups until she unhooked her bra. Throwing it on the floor, she let her breasts pour over his chest freely. Jamie got an instant hard-on.
Something solid pushed into the side of his thigh. Her knee.
She removed the last piece of clothing on her—her cotton panties.
Visually cataloging every detail of her body—the angry swell of her breasts, her lush, pouty lips, the dangerous curve of her hips, her big booty—Jamie got harder.
And then it became a battle. A battle to not kiss her. To not touch her and feel those heavenly hips glide under his hands. To not cup her huge breasts and tease her nipples into aching desperation.
And this wasn’t a battle he wanted to win.
Retrieving the condoms he’d slipped into his pocket, Jamie shrugged out of his clothes.
She broke her gaze from his neck and planted it on his eyes. A warm current sizzled between them, shocking him with the feeling of something special.
Her hand encircled his wrist before he had the opportunity to move. She descended onto his lips, and their lips coupled.
While he’d expected this kiss to be special, the fireworks that exploded in his brain were phenomenal. She pressed her boobs into his chest and there was something so right about her skin on his. All the words, the zingers, the clever, witty one-liners in his vocabulary failed him in that instant. There were no words, no turn of phrase clever enough to describe something so pure and deep.
Withdrawing from her mouth, he worshipped her curves with his fingers, taking greedy handfuls of her flesh, suckling it, stroking it, sliding his tongue over it. There was no way he could have enough of her. Not in an eternity.
“Jamie, can I ask you to promise me something?”
“Mmmm.” He groaned between her legs.
“Promise that you’ll always...” Lacing her hands between spikes of his hair, she shivered. “Love me like you do.”
“I will always. Promise.”
Epilogue
Love Me Like You Do Page 24
