by Low, Gennita
Why wouldn’t he wake up? How could his EEG’s be normal when he wouldn’t open his eyes? It had been a month, what was he waiting for? Why couldn’t he find his way back to them? The ache the questions left in their wake was almost unbearable.
He didn’t give up on you, she reminded herself. Yeah, but at least I tried. God damn it, why wouldn’t he try?
Zoe shoved open the door with enough force it hit the wall. She froze. A man dressed in blue scrubs stabbed a needle into the I.V. running into Brett’s arm and pushed the plunger.
Fear catapulted through her. Her calf burned in protest as she broke into a staggering run. “What are you doing? Who are you?” she demanded. “What did you just give my brother?”
The man jerked the needle up narrowly averting stabbing her. He raised his eyebrows in surprise as he braced a hand against her shoulder holding her off. “I’m Ensign Earnest Cramer, R.N. I’ve been transferred from the second floor.”
“It’s alright, Zoe,” Angela spoke from the door. “Ensign Cramer is who he says he is.”
Relief as intense as the fear shot through Zoe’s system. Tears burned her eyes. Suddenly light headed, she bent at the waist to steady herself and grasped the railing on the bed.
“Geez—Zo—Keep it down would you. What are you yelling about?”
She jerked. The sound of Brett’s voice weak but distinct stole her breath.
He raised a shaky hand to rub the stubble on his jaw, his fingers following the feeding tube running into his nose before his hand collapsed onto his chest. “I feel like shit.”
“Brett—” She shoved past the male nurse. “Oh God, Brett—” She leaned over the rail and looked into her brother’s pale blue eyes. He focused on her face with a confused frown. Beard stubble dusted his jaw and his upper lip, and his eyes looked swollen as though he’d slept really hard, but she read recognition in his gaze as he looked at her. He’d never looked more wonderful to her. Tears of joy blurred her vision as she embraced him. “Thank, God. Thank, God.” A sob clogged her throat cutting her words to a whisper. “I’m so glad you’re back.”
*
Hawk frowned at the collection of newspapers heaped on the apartment stoop. Maybe Doc had gone on leave for a few days. He turned to look for his jeep in the parking lot. It sat parked in front of the apartment, the SEAL trident symbol on the front license plate making it easy to recognize.
Hawk knocked on the door and waited. After the fourth attempt went without an answer, he reached for the knob. It turned easily and a twinge of concern had him pushing the door open. He took in the scattered newspapers, and magazines, the empty beer cans and pizza boxes. The living room with its long leather sofa and two recliners wasn’t usually inspection neat, but he had never seen it look as though a hand grenade had been tossed into it.
He took a step inside the apartment. “Yo, Doc,” he called out.
“Just a minute,” a voice came from down the hall straight ahead.
Hawk drew a relieved breath. For a minute—
“Hey.” Doc appeared from the passageway. He was dressed in warm-ups and a t-shirt. The front of the shirt was stained wet with sweat and he was breathing hard. A heavy beard darkened his jaw and his eyes were red rimmed and blood shot.
Hawk stared at him for a second before he could get his thoughts together. “Am I interrupting something, man?”
“Naw, I was just working out in the back bedroom on my machine and didn’t hear you knock. Come on in.”
Hawk stepped further into the room.
Doc grabbed a stack of newspapers off the couch clearing a space for him. “I’ve been busy and not here much. Been working out a lot.”
Hawk looked more closely at him. He did appear to be bulking up. That added layer of muscle looked in total opposition to the rest of his appearance. “Looks like you had a party last night. How come you didn’t invite Zoe and me?”
“Naw, I just haven’t cleaned up much. Can I get you something to drink?”
Hawk raised a hand in a negative gesture. “I’m good. We haven’t seen you around and I was out, thought I’d come by.”
“How’s Cutter?” Doc asked.
“He’s still the same.”
Doc nodded. His expression became wooden and his throat worked as he swallowed.
Hawk leaned forward, rested his elbows on his knees, and laced his hands. “What’s going on, Doc? You look like hell.”
The man frowned as though in pain then wiped a hand over his face. “I got dumped as soon as I got back from Iraq.”
Hawk drew a deep breath as relief eased the tightness of his shoulders and back. Thank God it wasn’t drugs.
“I got hooked on this girl, Patricia, before we left the states. Bowie was still hound dogging, but I was keeping things exclusive with her. Had been for about six months. I really thought we had something special going. We emailed and wrote each other the whole time I was gone.” He shook his head. “As soon as I got back, she broke it off.” He leaned forward to rest his head in his hands then rubbed his fingers through his hair making the auburn strands stand out in all directions.
“I’ve been there myself, Doc, I know how it is.” Hawk looked around the room. Depression could do a lot of things—but this looked like more. “I know it isn’t easy. But you have to pull it together and put it behind you, man.”
He couldn’t believe he was saying those words. They were so damned meaningless. They were supposed to be the toughest of the tough, the ultimate warriors. But, damn it was hard not to be able to find someone who understood that they were people first, and just as vulnerable as everyone else.
He could save lives, protect those weaker than himself, lay his life down in the defense of his country. But he couldn’t ask a woman to share his life when he wasn’t there half the time. And he couldn’t be there for her when she needed him. It was too much to expect.
Doc leaned back in the chair, his green eyes looked old and tired. “It was a hard tour, with Cutter and everything, then getting dumped right after sort of threw me.”
“I know that feeling.” He caught his breath.
Doc smiled, but the gesture looked forced. “I talked to Bowie this morning. He’s mourning the fact that you stole his girl right out from under his nose.”
“His girl, huh?”
“Yeah, he thinks Zoe’s something special.”
Hawk smiled. “Yeah, she is.”
“Actually, all the guys seem pretty crazy about her. You mess up with her and you’d better watch your back.”
Hawk waved a hand. “All right, enough already.”
Doc smiled again, this time with a little more sincere amusement. “It’ll be interesting to see what her mom says when she gets back from Kentucky. You do know that state is in the Bible Belt. They don’t take too kindly to men bopping their daughters without some kind of proposal first.”
Hawk chuckled, though a niggling feeling of panic caught at his throat. He suppressed the urge to swallow. “I’ve heard that somewhere. I’ve already locked up all the firearms, just in case.” Clara was going to be royally pissed, no matter how Zoe tried to shrug it off. He dreaded the confrontation.
“Yeah, this coming from the guy who warned all of us about what kind of girl she is.” Doc’s smile dimmed, and he turned serious again. “Don’t screw it up, Hawk. And if you’re going to do the right thing—then do it quick, so she won’t feel like you care less for her than you do the job.”
Had that been what had caused Doc’s break up? He didn’t want to ask and poke at a wound already raw.
Doc’s suggestion suddenly hit him right between the eyes. Did he care more about being a SEAL than he did for Zoe? He rubbed the back of his neck. Did she think that? Was it just worry he read in her face every time he mentioned his job? Or something else? He understood her reservations, but they were only going to be together while she remained in California. Weren’t they? The niggling feeling of uncertainty in his gut raised his heart rate.
He dragged his attention back to Doc. “Why don’t you get dressed and come to the hospital with me? Afterwards we’ll grill out and have a beer and you can visit with Zoe and me. We can even call and invite some of the other guys over.”
Doc hesitated then nodded. “I’ve been to the hospital, but only a couple of times. It’s tough looking at one of our buds, knowing it could be one of us laying there.”
“Yeah, it is.”
Doc clenched his fist on the arm of his chair. “God damn, Cutter. What was he thinking? That sorry SOB—”
Shocked, Hawk frowned at the sudden explosion of raw anger. His cell phone went off, and he swore at the intrusion. When he looked at the screen a dropping sensation hit his stomach. It wasn’t Zoe’s cell, it was the hospital. He flipped the phone open and held it to his ear. His smile spread and spread until he knew he was grinning like a fool. By the time he closed it he had to swallow several times before he could speak.
“Let’s go ask him. Cutter just woke up.”
Chapter Twenty
‡
Just listening to Brett’s voice as he spoke to Hawk and Doc had Zoe’s throat closing together. Her emotions seesawed between joy and fear.
The feeding tube remained in place, just in case. But Brett seemed completely fine. Though he was weak, he could move his arms and legs. His memory for people and faces appeared unaffected. He didn’t recall what had happened that had put him in the hospital, but his recollection of the days preceding the accident seemed to be intact.
“Have you called your mom, Zoe?” Doc asked as they stood together next to Brett’s bed.
“Yes. I held the phone so Brett could talk to her.” She swallowed against the knot of reaction that rose in her throat. “She’s going to come out on the first available flight, but has to go back to my sister’s for a few more weeks.”
Doc looked haggard, his eyes bloodshot. “Are you all right?” she asked. “We haven’t seen you since the night you guys finished the sheetrock in Hawk’s rec room.”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Now that Cutter’s awake maybe the team can get back in sync. We’ve been out of rhythm without him and Hawk. How did the parasailing thing go?”
“It was great.”
“Good, I’m glad you enjoyed it. Looks as though you’re getting a tan and your hair’s sun streaked.”
Zoe nodded. “We’ve been grilling out a lot, and I catch a few rays while Hawk’s burning whatever meat we’re having.”
Doc laughed.
“I heard that remark,” Hawk said from where he stood at Cutter’s bedside. “You’re not going to let me live that down are you?”
“I don’t have anything else to razz you about. You do everything else so well.”
Brett’s gaze traveled from Hawk to her, and she could read the question in his face. Zoe stepped to the bed. She cupped his cheek, and brushed the hollow of his cheek with her thumb. “Mom and I were staying at Hawk’s house when Sharon’s baby came, and she had to leave and go back to Lexington.”
“What about my apartment?” he asked.
“We’ve been by to check on it and air it out. Hawk thought it would be a bit cramped for me and Mom so he offered us a place to stay.”
Brett’s attention shifted to Hawk. “Thanks, man.”
Hawk laid a hand on his shoulder. “No problem.”
“You said you hurt your knee.” Brett stopped to rest between sentences. “When are you going back on active duty?”
“Well, actually I start back Monday. The paperwork is piling up, and I’m starting another language class.”
Zoe’s stomach dropped at the news and she pressed her hand to her midriff. She knew it was coming. She just hadn’t expected it so quickly.
Hawk continued, “I can’t do any running until the doc signs off on me, but I’ve already been doing some light weight lifting. Instead of running, I’m doing the exercise bike to see how my knee stands up. Another two weeks and I should be back to normal.”
“Good, I’m glad,” Cutter said. “No one’s told me what happened.”
Hawk and Doc looked at one another.
“There’s time to talk about it later, Cutter,” Hawk said.
Angela, Brett’s nurse, came into the room. “I know you’re all excited about Ensign Weaver being awake, but you don’t want to tire him too much. You need to give him some time to rest. You can come back for visiting hours at seven.”
Reluctantly Zoe nodded and moved to the bed to embrace Brett.
If he went to sleep again, would he be able to wake up? What if as soon as they had weaned him from the medication, he just dropped off and never awoke again?
“I’m afraid to leave him,” Zoe said, as they stepped out in the hall. Hawk reached for her, and she buried her face against his chest. The harder she tried not to cry, the faster the tears streamed down her face to wet his t-shirt. All the stress and grief she’d suppressed for weeks seemed to rise up inside her. Hawk guided her down the hall away from Brett’s door to the nurse’s station. She’d never needed his comfort and support as much as she did right now.
Moments passed before she regained control. When she finally drew back, Doc offered her some tissue and an awkward pat on the back.
Angela exited Brett’s room and started toward them. She looked at Zoe and came directly to her. “He’s going to be fine. He’s even flirting with me, already.”
“He won’t go back to sleep and—”
“We’re keeping him on the meds for a while to be certain, but the chances are very, very slim. Whatever injury his brain sustained, it’s obviously healed itself. His EEG’s look good. His blood work is normal. You’ve already heard what the doctor said when he did his neurological exam. We’re going to do another CAT Scan and a few other tests, and we’ll have the results tomorrow.”
They couldn’t ask for any more than that. Everything else was up to Brett.
“Come back at seven after you’ve had a chance to regroup. You need that as much as he does.”
Zoe nodded and wiped her eyes then dragged a smile to her lips. “Thank you, Angela.”
The woman grasped her forearm and gave it a squeeze. “I’ll keep a close eye on him, and I’ll call you if I think he needs you.”
Zoe drew a bracing breath, feeling a little calmer. “All right.”
*
Hawk closed the car door and put the key in the ignition.
“You guys can drop me back off at the apartment if you want,” Doc said from the back seat. “Now that Cutter’s awake, you’ll have people you’ll want to call, and stuff you’ll need to do.”
Hawk looked over his shoulder at him. “We have to eat first. You can share a meal with us, then I’ll run you home.”
Doc nodded.
Hawk gave Zoe’s hand a reassuring squeeze. Her eyes and nose were red from crying and she still looked a little shaky, but she offered him a smile.
On the way home, he kept a running dialogue with Doc about the best restaurants in San Francisco, and their locations. Marjorie’s suggestion of a romantic weekend trip had taken root. He wanted to have the whole thing planned before he sprang it on Zoe as a surprise. Now that Cutter was awake, they’d have no reason not to go.
The house smelled like the spices and cooking tomatoes, Zoe had put in the crock-pot that morning for some kind of pasta dish. Her being here had made the house feel more like a home. Though he had been trying to build one by himself, it still retained a little of the aura of a crash pad for when he was in the states, or doing more training.
“How’s the rec room coming?” Doc asked.
“I’ve put primer on the walls, but I haven’t gotten them painted yet.”
Zoe turned and grasped Doc’s arm, the unexpected movement catching Hawk’s attention.
“Did you do something to hurt my brother, Doc?”
The question dropped like a bomb from the blue had Hawk’s heart stuttering. She was standing too close if the man decided to go off. Hawk stepped forw
ard and reached for her arm.
Doc’s features went still with shock then paled. “No-no I didn’t.” He shook his head, but there was something resigned in the way he said it. And instead of the instant anger Hawk had expected, he slumped down on the couch and ran a hand over his face. “I didn’t hurt him, but I didn’t do all I could to save him either. Not like Hawk.”
Zoe eased down in one of the chairs as though her legs had given out.
Hawk shook his head. What the man said wasn’t exactly right. He was the team’s best medic. Though they all knew how to render first aid and give pain meds in a pinch, Doc knew his stuff. “You kept him going until we got to the extraction point, Doc. You bound my knee and kept me going until then, too.”
“But I didn’t go into the building after him. I knew the damn thing was going to blow at any minute, and I couldn’t get my ass moving to go after him. I couldn’t even get my mouth to work long enough to tell you he’d gone back in.” Doc’s eyes were glassy with emotion as he looked up. “All I could think about was my girl and how much I wanted to be home with her. And I froze.”
He grasped his head as though in pain. “I just froze.” All the guilt and shame the man was feeling was right there on his face. “It was like it was all happening in slow motion. Then suddenly you were going back in and we waited for it to go up with both of you inside. Each second seemed like an hour. Then you were out, running with Cutter thrown over your shoulders and you had barely made it clear when the charges went off.”
“You were down and covered in rubble. I still couldn’t move. I thought you were both dead. Bowie dragged me over to where you were. When we uncovered you, you both looked like ghosts covered with gray dust. It wasn’t until then that I could really move again, I could really even breathe.”
“On the way back in the chopper, you gave us both pain meds and started an IV on Cutter, Doc. You did everything you were supposed to do,” Hawk said. And he could have killed Cutter then if he’d really wanted him dead. Had they been suspicious for nothing? Was Cutter’s injury an accident and no one’s fault? If he’d been on his way out, why the hell had he gone back into the building?
