by Low, Gennita
Zoe tried to shake free of the shocking news of their going wheels up and his invitation. “What if they page you to report for duty?”
“My gear’s already packed and I know a guy in Vegas who can fly us back. It’ll be my last opportunity to go and yours too, unless Cutter feels up to it later.” He shifted. His blue eyes held an earnest expression. “Look, I know you had—have a thing for Hawk. So, it wouldn’t be a romantic thing. I know you’re not ready for that so soon after—” He cleared his throat. “I just thought it might give you a change of scenery for a day. And everyone needs to go to Vegas at least one time in their lives. There’s no other place on earth like it.”
“So, I’ve heard.” Why was he doing this? Was it pity? She studied his even features and sun-streaked hair and felt no tug of attraction. Even the affection she held for Bowie wasn’t sexual attraction, but just—a liking.
Flash had remained a stranger to her. For all his flirting, and teasing, he kept himself distant. Was it true he had a gambling problem? And would she just be a cover for that, if she went? And why was he inviting her to begin with? A guilty conscience? It would be impossible for her to relax with him. They hadn’t had time to cultivate feelings of trust between them. And as long as there was a shadow of suspicion in her mind concerning him, there couldn’t be.
“I don’t think I can go, Flash. I appreciate your trying to take my mind off of things. It’s a generous offer. But I’m still anxious about Brett and don’t want to get too far away from the hospital—just in case.”
After a brief pause, he nodded. “I understand.” He rose to his feet.
Sudden anxiety sliced through her with his six-foot frame towering above her, and Zoe rose from her seat to position the crutches beneath her arms. When all he did was stride down the hall to the door, she breathed a sigh of relief.
He turned to look at her as they reached the door. “Maybe, Hawk will come around. I wouldn’t give up just yet.”
Trish had spent an hour telling her the same thing, the night she’d spent with them. Langley hadn’t stated an opinion one way or another. Had he held any hope Hawk would change his mind about them, surely he’d have said so.
“The thing with his mother a few years back, really tore him up. I’m sure he’s carrying around a lot of guilt because of that and with your—” His voice drifted off.
What was he talking about? Was there some reason behind Hawk’s pulling back? If there was, she at least deserved to know about it.
“With my leg?” Zoe encouraged.
“Yeah. He’d be worried the same thing might happen while he was gone.”
“He told me his mother died of breast cancer.”
“Yeah. It was before my time, before I became a member of the team. He was in—the real world—and no one could reach him when she went into the hospital.” Flashes pale brows drew together in a frown. “He didn’t tell you about this?”
“No.”
“I shouldn’t have said anything then. I just assumed he’d—”
Zoe caught his arm as he reached for the doorknob. For a moment she struggled to maintain her composure. If there was a chance they could work through what had caused Hawk to draw back, she had to know. “Will you tell me what happened?”
He studied her expression for a moment. His gaze dropped to the leg she held suspended. “He was out of reach and she died alone at the hospital. When he came in from the mission they told him. From what I heard, she was the only close family he had. They gave him hardship leave. Veronica—” He glanced up.
“She’s the woman Hawk was going to move in with before his last rotation.” Zoe guessed.
“Yeah. She accused him of using his guilt over his mother to get out of their relationship.” He shifted as though uncomfortable. “I wouldn’t have known any of this, but I saw them fighting in the parking lot before we were shipped out and it was pretty intense, so I asked around.” He shrugged. “This time, I really thought he was hooked. I still do.”
“Thanks, Flash.” Her throat, clogged with emotion, strangled her voice to a whisper. “Thanks for telling me.”
“Guess, that knocks me out of the running completely doesn’t it,” he said with a lopsided grin.
Zoe dragged a smile to her lips. “No one else even had a chance from the first moment we met.”
“Ouch!” Flash grabbed his chest. “Don’t let me down easy, now.”
Zoe smiled with a little less effort. “I thought you’d appreciate my honesty.”
“I do.” The teasing light in his eyes died, and his expression grew serious. “I’m really sorry things haven’t panned out better.”
He opened the door and stepped out into the hall. “I’m sorry about the leg too, Zoe.”
She searched his expression. Was there a deeper meaning behind the apology than just sympathy? “It’ll be fine.”
“If you change your mind about the trip, I won’t be leaving until tomorrow and there’s always a seat available. They want to pack those tables in the casinos.”
“Thanks.”
She watched him stride down the hall, his heavy boots loud in the hallway. Could he really be that good an actor? Yeah, he could, the Navy had trained him to be.
*
Hawk settled back against the car seat with a sigh. Damn it! Why couldn’t he get his butt out of the car and just go knock on her door? Instead of sitting here hoping to catch a glimpse of her.
Because things hadn’t changed. He was still going wheels up with his team and he still wouldn’t be there for her. But he wanted to be. Badly. He squeezed the steering wheel hard and with a sigh reached for the key in the ignition.
From next door, a bright red sports car shot free of the connected parking structure like a bullet and sped down the street. Flash.
Hawk started the car and pulled out into the flow of traffic. Flash wove through the streets like a stunt car driver in a car chase. Hawk followed him from a cautious distance. When he pulled into the parking lot next to his apartment, Hawk pulled in right behind him.
Flash had exited his car when Hawk pulled in and cut the engine. Flash paused as Hawk got out of the car. “Hey, LT. What’s up?”
“I thought you might have time to show me the CD of images you’ve pulled off the video I gave you from the hospital.”
“Sure, come on up.”
The apartment looked like a show place for chrome and glass. The modern furnishings looked expensive but dust coated the glass-topped tables and where a flat-screened TV used to hang was an empty spot. A tall entertainment center took over one wall. The shelves that had contained electronic equipment, a DVD burner and recorder, VCR-DVD combo, and an expensive stereo system, stood empty.
“What happened to all your stuff, Flash?”
“I’ve put everything but my computer in storage, for when we go wheels up. If someone breaks in they won’t have anything portable to steal, but the microwave.”
Flash led the way into a bedroom converted into an office. His duffle bag with all his equipment sat in one corner already packed. The wide, flat computer screen nearly took up the top of the desk. He popped in a CD and waited for the images to come up. “I got quite a few stills of the top of the guy’s head. He knew the cameras were there so he kept his head turned. But I caught a glimpse of his mouth and chin on one slide.” He clicked through the images one at a time then paused on one. He looked up at Hawk. “What do you think?”
Hawk studied the curve of the man’s jaw and the thin set of his lips. It looked like Derrick Armstrong. A sinking feeling hit the pit of Hawk’s stomach and he drew a deep breath. He’d known all along that it had to be one of them, but affirmation dealt a blow that hurt.
Flash leaned back in his seat. “I’ve been sitting on this. I didn’t want to bring it to you, LT. We’ve been in the same team since BUD/S and I didn’t want to believe Strong man capable of turning on one of us, but—if it isn’t him it looks a lot like him.”
Hawk nodded. “Burn
me a copy of the images you have. I’ll need to turn it in to Captain Jackson.”
Flash unscrewed the lid on a canister of blank CD’s and popped one into a drive. “I invited Zoe to fly to Vegas with me. I thought she might enjoy checking it out.”
A rush of pain caught Hawk unaware and his face grew hot. “When do you plan to go?”
“Tomorrow. They haven’t canceled leave yet and I have a buddy who can fly me back if we get called in.”
Silence stretched between them. Flash continued to monitor the progress of the disk. Hawk nursed his pain and the sudden flare of resentment. She hadn’t wasted any time moving on.
It was his own fault. He’d had his chance and he’d thrown it away.
Flash popped the disk out, labeled it and handed it to him.
“Thanks.” Hawk swallowed against the knot in his throat.
As he walked back to the car, he drew deep breaths to contain the pain.
He sat in the car for several minutes, the silence beating at his ears as heavy as his heartbeat. He’d been going through old letters from his mother, trying to get a handle on his guilt. Trying to understand why she hadn’t sent for him. Something his mother had written to him played through his thoughts.
Every day we have together is a gift. Every experience we share another gem to cherish. As a son, you’ve filled my heart with pride and love, always. But I worry that you’re waiting to live your life after you’ve served your country, instead of living it while you’re serving it. You’ve chosen a difficult path, but you don’t have to be alone to follow it.
Had she known she was dying even then? Had she been trying to prepare him for it? Saying good-bye? And trying to tell him other things as well?
She had faced his decision to be a SEAL with pride, though he knew she’d worried for his safety, just as Zoe worried.
The jealousy and pain he’d been feeling eased. Zoe loved him, and she didn’t take that love lightly. She wouldn’t throw herself into someone else’s arms hoping to fill his place.
She’d been offering him a gift, a gift that had cost her dearly to give him. She’d known what she was taking on, had seen it first hand with her father, her brother, and still she’d been brave enough to do it.
And he’d shoved it aside. And the words he had spoken to her—He flinched.
He’d been without her for nearly a week. A week of pure hell. At least together they’d see each other, share things. If she’d let him make it up to her. But first, he’d have to get her to talk to him.
Hawk reached for his cell phone, flipped it open, and selected the number. “Hey, Trish. I have a favor to ask.”
When he shut the cell phone a moment later, he looked down at the CD he still held. Lang hadn’t found an image like Flash had and he’d been all over the footage. He’d compare the footage himself with both CD’s before he took everything to Jackson.
A guy who had bashed in his teammates head wouldn’t think twice about framing someone for it. He had to know he wasn’t helping him do it.
Chapter Twenty-Five
‡
Zoe grabbed the beach bag containing her clothes and scrambled out of the Mustang’s bucket seat as fast as her sore leg would allow. She rushed around the car to help Brett out of the vehicle. Her brace made a clicking sound on the concrete driveway, but it allowed her to move more quickly than crutches, despite the discomfort.
Brett waved her off as he shut the car door. “I’m all right, Zo. You don’t have to hover.”
He looked pale and thin, but just walking from the car to the gate under his own steam brought color to his cheeks. It was such a triumph. His triumph. Zoe fought hard to suppress the urge to grow teary.
“Are you sure you’re ready for this?” she asked.
“Yeah. More than ready.” He paused with his hand on the privacy fence and drew a deep breath. “God, can you smell that? Grilled food. Manna. I’m telling you if I never have to eat another instant potato it will be too soon. And if I never have to breathe the scent of hospital air again it will be just fine with me, too.”
“Ditto,” she said with feeling.
He grinned at her, his teeth white, his jaw sharper than it had been a few months before. His gaze traced her features. “You and Mom are unbelievable. She’s like Atlas. She’s held up the weight of the world and kept right on going. With you, then Dad, then Sharon and me. And you’re like her sidekick. Did Atlas have a side-kick?”
“Not that I know of.”
“Well, if he had, it would be you.”
Zoe smiled. Typical. He was trying to thank her without just coming out with it.
“Do you think, maybe we were born under an unlucky star.”
Zoe caught her breath. “No. I don’t believe that, and you shouldn’t either. I believe in the old adage, shit happens. And we’re a strong family. We’ve come through all of it better, stronger people.” And somehow she’d survive her break with Hawk in the same manner. He’d given her no other choice.
Brett grinned again and opened the gate. “I’m starving.”
“Good. You need to put some meat on your skinny bones, Mr. Q-tip man,” she said as she switched the beach bag she carried from one hand to the other.
They stepped into the Marks’ yard. A banner that read Welcome Back Cutter stretched across the eave of the house. A shout went out and the team converged on Brett with their girlfriends and wives. Zoe slipped around the group and stood to one side.
“Man you are one tough hombre!” Bowie said.
“A walking miracle,” Langley added.
“I’d say one lucky mother—” Derrick shot a look Zoe’s way and cut off the expletive. “Can’t say what I was thinking in mixed company. I’m damn glad you’re back, Cutter.” He slapped Brett’s back.
Flash clasped his hand and shook it hard. “Glad you’re over the hump, Cutter.”
Oliver Shaker, stood to one side and stepped forward as soon as Flash moved aside. “Good to see you mobile, man.”
Zoe paused to watch the men. Which one of them could have hurt Brett? And how could they shake his hand and wish him well after trying to kill him?
Hawk stepped through the sliding glass doors, a platter of raw hamburgers in his hand. He set the tray aside on a table and walked down the deck. His gray gaze locked on her first, pausing for a painful eternity before moving on to Brett and the group surrounding him.
Longing punched Zoe in the solar plexus with the impact of a medicine ball and she turned aside to hide her reaction. Even as her vision blurred, she repeated a mental mantra over and over, I will not cry, I will not cry.
She limped toward the pool where Trish Marks stood keeping an eye on the children in the water. “Hey, is there anything I can do to help?” Zoe asked.
“No, everything’s done. How’s Brett doing?” Trish asked.
“He’s weak, but doing well. The aphasia he’s experiencing seems very slight. It’s going to take him some time to get back a hundred percent.”
“So, they think he’ll be able to return to his unit?”
“Yeah. The doctor thinks he’s going to be fine.” With a lot of work and speech therapy.
“Good. I’ll go do my Mother Trish thing after the herd thins.”
Trish ran her eyes down the slacks and camp shirt Zoe wore. “It’s hotter than Hades out here, tell me you brought your bathing suit.”
“Yeah, I did.” Anxiety pinched Zoe’s stomach. If she was going to show Hawk she was moving on, that would have to be part of it. But she dreaded seeing the other team members’ reactions to her scars. The children’s response concerned her the most. “You’ve told the kids about my scars, haven’t you? I don’t want to frighten them.”
Trish placed a hand on her arm. “They know you were in a terrible accident when you were just a little older than they are now. They’re curious more than anything. But they may ask questions.”
“I don’t mind that. In a way it makes things easier when someone does. It take
s the elephant out of the room.”
Trish’s smile was half hearted. “And what about the other one that will be sitting by the pool?”
Zoe resisted the urge to look over her shoulder toward Hawk. “I can take it if he can.”
“If it makes any difference, I don’t think he’s taking it well at all,” Trish said.
“Good.”
Trish laughed. “Do I hear just a tad of satisfaction?”
“Yeah, you probably do.” She didn’t want to hurt Hawk, but to deliver him a slap upside the head might make her feel better. Then again, it would probably make her cry, as so many things did lately.
“I think I’ll rescue Brett before they drag him into the middle of a volleyball game he’s not ready for,” Trish said. “Why don’t you go change and join the rest of us girls next to the pool while the guys play. I’ll get Cutter settled in the shade with a glass of ice tea and something to snack on until the burgers are ready.”
“All right. Thanks.”
Zoe slipped into the house with her bag and went into the bathroom. She locked the door and removed her clothes and the brace. Nervous nausea cramped her stomach. She drew several deep breaths and slipped on her bathing suit. As she wrapped the matching skirt around her hips, she looked up at the full-length mirror hung on the door.
This was a mistake. The men would be grossed out and the women would look at her with pity. She looked like a monster. The only one who hadn’t looked at her that way, had dumped her. She fought against the wave of tears that burned her eyes. Had he thought her disability would make her too dependent, as she grew older? Did he think he couldn’t live with her scars the rest of his life? If that were the case, she didn’t want to hear it.
For several moments, she breathed in and out, to regain control. She prayed for the return of the anger that had helped her stay in one piece for the last week.
“Screw it.” If he didn’t have the balls to stick it out, he didn’t deserve her.
Zoe grabbed the doorknob and jerked it open.
