by Low, Gennita
“I’ll be ready.” She gave him a lingering kiss, knowing that his need would only get worse.
She pulled away before he could make her any later. “I…’ll see you later.”
Damn. She’d almost said she loved him.
Willow left the house and headed to work, unbalanced and insecure all over again.
Flynn felt restless and unsettled. When he’d returned stateside, he’d been seriously damaged. Counseling had helped take the edge off, but not enough to make him polite for public consumption. Working with the guys at Lost and Found had actually helped more than anything. They accepted all his quirks and allowed him to build an environment he could function in and become productive. Duncan, his boss, had truly created a haven for all of the veterans he had hired, and Flynn could never express to him the gratitude he felt.
When Duncan came into the rec room at lunchtime, requesting a talk, Flynn had no problem with that. Though they hadn’t served together, hadn’t even been in the same service branch, Flynn could tell that Duncan had been an awesome leader. Every one of the men in the company respected him. There was an undercurrent of reserved command in Duncan, but they were truly all friends.
They moved to the group of couches and chairs in the back corner of the room, away from the few other guys present in the office. Flynn frowned in sympathy when Duncan lowered himself to the cushion, using his cane as an anchor. He took the chair to the right from Duncan.
“I just wanted to check on you,” his buddy told him. “I hadn’t seen you for a while.”
Because he’d been hiding out.
“I know. Working on some things outside of work.” He cleared his throat, suddenly nervous. “I’ve kind of been seeing somebody.”
Duncan’s dark brows slid up his forehead and he grinned, leaning forward enough to grip Flynn’s shoulder. “Congratulations, Flynn. That’s really something. Can you tell me about her?”
Flynn felt a little embarrassed. “Well, she’s a great lady. A veterinarian, actually.”
Duncan frowned. “A veterinarian. Really? How did you meet her?”
Flynn gave him the truncated version of the past year and the animals he’d found. Before he could stop himself, he told him about Maya, too.
“And does she know about your service and Mace?”
He shrugged. “She knows parts of it, but not all.”
“And Mace,” Duncan asked softly. “Does she know about him?”
With a heavy frown, Flynn shook his head. “She knows how we were taken down, but I haven’t told her about the delusions.”
He stood to pace the area in front of the flat screen TV mounted to the wall.
“But the thing is I haven’t been seeing him like I was before. Ever since Maya latched onto me, I haven’t seen Mace as much. I actually tried to make him appear yesterday, did all of the things that normally bring the apparitions on—went out to lunch in a restaurant with a bunch of people, went running on the trail—I saw him for a few seconds at the restaurant and he ran out, leaving me behind.”
“So, is that good or bad?”
Flynn stopped and frowned at his buddy. “I’m not sure. It kind of feels like I’m losing him again, but the fact that the delusions are disappearing is good. Right?”
Spreading his heavy arms across the back of the couch, Duncan grinned at him. “I can understand your need to hang onto Mace. I think he’s been a coping mechanism for you for a long time. But if you’ve become stable enough to let him go, I think it’s a wonderful thing.”
“Willow thinks I should train Maya to be a PTSD dog.”
“I think Willow sounds like a brilliant woman,” Duncan told him firmly, grinning. “I’d like to meet her. I’ve tried to tell you before you needed to get another dog.”
“I thought you wanted it for the company, though?”
Duncan shook his head. “Nah, only if you wanted one. I think a companion dog would be perfect for you.”
Flynn dropped back down into the chair, things realigning in his head.
“Sounds like this woman has really been good for you.”
Flynn had a flash of Willow, dark hair flying around her face as she grinned at him in the sunlight. “She’s been incredibly good for me. I don’t know if I’m good for her, though. She’s had to adapt to a few things already.”
Duncan shrugged. “If she loves you it doesn’t matter. Look at John and Shannon.”
Snorting, Flynn thought of the abrasive partner and his petite woman. They had definitely overcome a lot to be together.
John hadn’t had the same problems he did, though.
“I worry that she’s putting more into this relationship, into me, than what I’m returning. She’s a beautiful woman, runs her own business, does phenomenal volunteer work…”
“And you feel like more of a liability than part of the relationship.”
Flynn looked at Duncan, stunned at the man’s insightful words. “Yes, exactly.”
“You need to get out of that self-destructive loop because it doesn’t do either one of you any good. Enjoy being with her. Don’t worry about all the exterior crap. If she’s happy having you in her life, relish it. Do you love her?”
Scenes slammed through his mind, one after another of Willow looking at him with that calm smile in her eyes. “I think I do.”
A sad look flickered over Duncan’s face. “Then enjoy it. For as long as you can.”
Using the cane to help himself to his feet, Duncan motioned to Flynn. He lurched to his feet, clasping Duncan’s hand in a heavy shake. “Thanks, boss man. You’re not bad for an old leatherneck.”
Duncan laughed at the familiar dig.
“And you’re not so bad for a frogman, Flynn. Let me know how it goes.”
“I will.”
As he walked out of the office later on that day the receptionist, Shannon, caught his eye and he walked over to her desk. There was a huge bouquet of blue and white flowers on the corner of her desk.
She looked up at him expectantly, smiling. “Can I help you, Flynn?”
Every thought went out of his head and he had no idea what to say. The only reason he’d walked over was because of the flowers. “Those are beautiful. What kind are they?”
“Oh, these are carnations.” She leaned down to smell them. “John knows they’re my favorite.”
Flynn leaned forward to smell them, and he was struck with the ridiculousness of the situation. He’d never given a damn about flowers before, but he hooked up with a woman and suddenly everything changed. He pulled out the one thing he did know about flowers. “I thought roses were good?”
“Oh, they are,” she smiled. “But carnations usually live a lot longer. I love them. So he got them for me for Sweetest Day.”
Flynn frowned. “Sweetest Day? Really? There is such a thing?”
Shannon nodded. “Yep. October nineteenth. My family is from out east. It’s kind of a regional holiday but John remembered.”
Flynn made some kind of response and left. Valentine’s Day was the only holiday he knew for lovers, but Shannon and John apparently knew more than he did. Should he get Willow something? Would she even care?
Deciding to err on the side of caution, he stopped at a florist on the way home. There was only one woman inside the shop and she was more than happy to sell him a big bunch of carnations. Flynn was ashamed to admit he didn’t know what Willow’s favorite color was, so he got a mixture of what the woman had.
Walking to the truck with the big bouquet in his arms, he felt ridiculous. Unwieldy, exposed. Drawing too much attention to himself.
All of that aggravation faded away as he walked in the back door of her house and through to the kitchen. Willow stood at the stove stirring something, and when she turned around and saw him holding the bundle, curiosity filled her expression, then pooling emotion. Holding the bouquet out, he stepped toward her.
Swiping her fingers beneath her eyes, she took if from him, burying her nose in the blooms. “Ho
w did you know carnations were my favorite?”
Grinning, promising Shannon another thank you, he shook his head. “I didn’t.”
“What are these for?”
Flynn frowned. “The receptionist at work says it’s Sweetest Day. Some holiday candy makers created out east.” He handed her the bar of dark chocolate.
Willow laughed but took it. “Thank you so much, Flynn. I never expected this. I’ve never gotten such a beautiful bunch of flowers.”
He found that hard to believe. “Well, you can pay me back for them later.”
She laughed, punching him lightly in the arm. “I think I can do that.”
Pulling her close, Flynn pressed a kiss to her lips, surprised all over again at the spark of need that hit him immediately. If his response was anything to go by, he would not soon be getting tired of Willow.
Chapter Eight
‡
Willow’s gaze was drawn to the flowers over and over again. She’d never heard of Sweetest Day, but she certainly appreciated Flynn’s gesture. It had been totally unexpected.
As she dipped out a bowl of creamy tomato soup, she watched him playing with Maya. The dog had been ecstatic to see him, of course, but Flynn seemed to be treating her differently somehow. She couldn’t put her finger on it.
She flipped a grilled cheese onto a plate, placing it on the table, then went back for her own. The fruit salad was already there, so once she dipped the soup she called Flynn to eat.
When he asked about her day, she filled him in on the animals that had come in. Only one minor emergency. All the rest had been routine check-ups and vaccinations. A pretty boring day, overall.
Willow asked him about his day and a strange expression crossed his face. “I was good. Talked to my boss about a few things. I think I may do what you suggested. I’ll at least talk to the trainer.”
Happiness filled her. “Wonderful. I would never have suggested it if I didn’t think it would benefit you.”
“Well,” he said slowly, “I think she may have helped me already. I, uh…”
Flynn pushed to his feet, running his hands through his hair. It was obvious he had something important to tell her, but didn’t know how to do it.
“You don’t have to explain anything, Flynn, really.”
He shook his head in frustration. “It’s important. I just don’t want you to think I’m crazy.” He tossed her a self-deprecating grin.
Willow smiled back, leaning deeper into the chair, wishing she could help him through this. “I don’t think you’re crazy at all.”
After a long pause, he dropped back to the chair, elbows resting on his knees.
“Mace was a great dog. Picked things up like he’d been training for years. Had an instinct unlike anything I’d ever seen before. When I went into the SEALs, I was all balls. I’d just graduated BUDs training at the top of my class and I thought I knew everything. Well, more than once that dog corrected me.”
Grinning, he shook his head at her. “A couple of times, he would refuse to go into a building. Just flat out refuse. If I tried to make him enter the shit went downhill fast. I learned to trust that damn dog like you would not believe.”
She leaned forward, at the edge of her chair.
“I was out of it for a solid week after I got injured and shipped stateside, but when I woke up, Mace was right there, guarding over me.”
Willow frowned in confusion. “I thought…”
“…he was killed.” The gray of his eyes darkened with pain. “He was. But it took me a while to realize that because he was everywhere. When the doctors came into my room, he was there curled up on the end of my bed. When I had a bad day in therapy, he would walk me back to my room. It took me a while, like a week, to realize that he wasn’t actually there and that I was the only one seeing him. The doctors and nurses went along with everything I said at the time because they didn’t want to threaten my progress.”
Emotion tightened her throat at the obvious pain he still felt. “I’m so sorry, Flynn.”
Shrugging, he buried his hand in Maya’s fur. She’d materialized from somewhere, sensing that he needed her.
“After a couple weeks they brought in the psych doctors. There was nothing wrong with me other than occasional flashbacks and I saw my partner everywhere, so they let my recovery continue the way it had been. It wasn’t until they released me from the hospital that they started to be concerned with my visions. They dosed me up with drugs and sent me to counseling, but nothing got rid of the apparitions. I’ve had them since I was injured. It wasn’t until I started coming to see you that they started to ease. Since Maya has crashed into my life, I’ve seen Mace less and less.”
Willow didn’t know what to say or think. The fact that he’d been beleaguered by visions made her sad, but certainly not fearful. If anything, she felt bad that he wasn’t seeing his friend as much anymore. “So, how often do you see him now?”
Flynn’s jaw firmed and his expression looked a little defensive. “Not very often.”
Willow didn’t like the way he phrased that, as if she wouldn’t be with him if they were still here. Pushing away from the table, she moved to the chair closest to his and mirrored his position, elbows on her knees.
“I think it’s fascinating that Mace has been watching over you all this time. It shows his diligence and loyalty to you, his partner. It doesn’t bother me that you have these visions. As long as they don’t harm you or anyone else.”
He shook his head. “They never have. He shows up when I’m under strain, for the most part.”
Reaching out to rest a hand on his knee, she smiled up at him. “One of your jogging buddies?”
The tension in his face eased. “Sometimes. At first I tried to outrun him, but he was there when I finished.”
“Was he at the restaurant the other day?”
He gave her a sharp look. “Yes. He was.”
“So,” she said slowly, choosing her words with care. “He comes when you’re stressed.”
Flynn tipped his head once.
“Well,” she continued, “that completely makes sense to me. He was your partner for many years in a total hell-hole. He knew where the danger was. I think this is your mind’s way of compensating. You have issues being in crowds and unfamiliar situations, like the first time you came here.”
His eyes narrowed and a smile tipped up his lips. “I wondered if you’d caught that, the first day.”
“I did,” she confirmed, “but your stress level has changed recently. I would like to think you’re comfortable with me, and with Maya when she’s around. Mace is fading away because she’s taking that burden.”
Though his expression seemed a little sad, he nodded to everything she said. “I think you’re completely right.”
He stroked his hand over Maya’s head.
“I actually tried to make a vision of him appear yesterday, and he did just for a minute, but he didn’t stay.”
She shrugged, unconcerned. “If you see him, it doesn’t bother me. Whatever you need to deal with a situation. I think training Maya to react when you have anxiety or a flashback is a more proactive approach, but I’m not going to make you feel like you have to bury that part of your personality.”
Flynn leaned forward enough to press his lips to her own, a weight slipping from his shoulders. Willow reached up and tugged on his beard, making him grin. “Don’t stress about this. After what you’ve been through, you’re allowed to have a few blemishes in your armor.”
She pushed away from the table and moved to the sink.
Flynn sat back, stunned. When he’d gone through the scenario of telling her he saw apparitions, he’d imagined tears, screaming, being kicked out of her house, a plastic smile. The total, easy acceptance had thrown him for a loop.
Willow acted as if it were no big deal. He didn’t know whether he should be offended or appreciative. Or if he should feel anger that she didn’t seem concerned. Maybe she just didn’t care. Somehow, t
he anger surged. Did he mean so little to her that she didn’t need to know any more details?
“As a doctor, at least, I thought you would be concerned with my prognosis, but I guess I was wrong.”
Willow turned back to him with a frown, planting her wet hands on her hips. “Of course I’m concerned, and as more than a doctor, I might add, but I know that you are able to police your own medical issues. You’re a grown man, former SEAL, so I have faith that you know what you’re doing. I think if it’s something I need to be worried about, you would tell me. Or am I mistaken?”
Flynn blinked at her, his anger fading away as he shook his head.
He watched as she started to clean up the dinner mess, unconcerned.
Now he felt ridiculous for his aggravation. Was he looking for something to rock the boat? The sense of rightness he felt as he watched her putter and clean up was a little offsetting. He felt as if he had found where he was supposed to be.
And more importantly, he had found who he was supposed to be with.
But was it too easy?
Crossing the kitchen, he wrapped his arms around her from behind, tucking his nose into her wispy hair. Desire shuddered through him when she rubbed her butt against his hips. “You’ll never get the dishes done if you keep doing that.”
She bent over a little further, daring him. “I think they need to soak.”
Flynn gripped her hips in his hands and rubbed himself against her. The relief and acceptance he read in her body language was exhilarating. More than he’d ever hoped for when he’d planned out the evening.
Grabbing her hand, he tugged her through the house and into her bedroom. Once there, he started to strip her out of her clothes. “You can’t say I didn’t warn you.”
She giggled and turned in his arms. “You didn’t need the warning at all. I’m up for anything you throw at me, Flynn.” She pressed her mouth to his, nibbling at his lips before plunging her tongue inside.
Flynn groaned, his need ratcheting through the roof as she pressed her bare breasts to his chest. Leaning away far enough to rip his t-shirt over his head while her fingers worked at his zipper, Flynn tried to remember the last time he’d been so consumed by anything.
