‘But not yours.’
‘It would have if I’d let it. What saved me was hate. I hated tennis. Loathed it. Once my father tried to teach me and gave me a racquet. I got a knife and cut the strings from the frame. So he beat me with it.’ She touched her mouth. ‘Chipped a tooth. After that he concentrated on Jason. He would have anyway, no matter how I’d turned out. He had that kind of macho Latin feeling for the male child and I was totally ignored.
‘Any money he made from the club went to Jason. He even managed to send Jason to a private school. I had to go to a state comprehensive. While Jason got the best in tennis gear my mother and I bought clothes at Oxfam shops.’
She fell silent and Henry said, ‘I can see why you disliked your father but not why you despised your mother.’
‘Because she let him do this to me. He was a bully; she was weak. A mother is supposed to protect her children. She didn’t protect me.’
‘Perhaps she couldn’t.’
‘I know that now. He was a violent man and she was afraid. So she turned to this stuff.’ She held up her glass. It was nearly empty. ‘Once I asked her why and she said, “My rod and my staff, they comfort me.” It was only afterwards that I found out she was misquoting the twenty-third psalm.’
‘Yea, though I walk through the valley of death . . .’
‘Precisely.’
‘How do you feel about her now that you understand?’
‘Pity, but also anger. I can understand what was happening but I can’t forgive her for not trying. Am I making myself clear?’
‘Perfectly.’
‘You accused me of abandoning Jason. Well, let me tell you something, they abandoned me.’ She came and stood over him. ‘There was a time when my reaction was: I’ll show you what I can do; that I’m just as good as Jason in my own way. I worked like hell at my A levels, got two As and a B. Nobody gave a damn. Jason was playing in some bloody tournament or other. That’s all he cared about, and my mother was drunk. So I thought to hell with all of them and I left home and got married.’
‘Was that—?’ Henry indicated the front door.
‘Charles Blackhurst. One of my teachers. He’s decent enough but it hasn’t worked out. He’s given me two children, but he’s weak . . . weak . . .’
‘You married to get away from home?’
‘Of course.’ She poured herself another large sherry. ‘Did you go to university?’
‘Yes, I did.’
‘I wanted to. I even won a small scholarship. It would have meant finding about five or six hundred pounds a year, that’s all. My father said no. He said women didn’t need to go to university; they would marry and have kids and it would be a waste of money. So once I was married to Charles I took an accountancy course. I worked as a waitress, as a barmaid. I did anything to get the money together for tuition fees. It took me five years of working nights and early mornings to get my ACCT but now . . . now I’m the king of the castle and Jason’s the dirty rascal . . .’
*
‘Hello, Jason, how are you feeling?’
‘Okay.’
They were in Anne’s room. She thought he was looking dreadful. The animal sleekness had gone, the bruising on his face had turned yellow and he had lost weight.
When she mentioned it he said he didn’t like the prison food.
‘It’s not all that bad. Is Margaret a good cook?’
‘No. We used to eat out most of the time, or get takeaways.’
She noticed that he had a slight nervous twitch at one side of his mouth she had not seen before, and his eyes were bloodshot.
‘She’s not coming to see me any more,’ he said.
‘Yes. I heard.’
‘Says it stresses her too much. Christ, what about me? Doesn’t she think I’m stressed?’
Anne heard her own words. ‘You must try to remember her condition. This is a bad time for any woman. I know it is for you, too, but she’s about to bring a new life into the world. That’s a big thing.’
His eyes slid past her and she realised this wasn’t the time for little homilies. She had thought of telling him of her father’s visit to his sister Clare and then decided not to. The visit had achieved nothing and the rejection would only make him feel more bereft.
‘Mr Foley tells me you’ve seen a new lawyer,’ she said.
‘Yeah.’
‘That’s something, at least.’
‘He let me see her statement to the police.’
‘Whose?’
‘Cindy Smith’s. The person I’m supposed to have tried to rape.’
She hesitated, not sure whether she should ask him what the statement contained.
‘She’s lying!’ he said. ‘The bitch!’
‘If she is, they’ll make that clear in court. Your barrister will certainly get the truth out of her.’
‘Who’s going to believe me against her?’
Recalling her father’s words, she said, ‘Jason, it is very difficult to prove attempted rape.’
He slowly shook his head. ‘It wasn’t, that’s the whole point. She was all for it. I mean, a man can tell even if a woman doesn’t say anything. There are looks and gestures. She even started it.’
‘How?’
‘She was at the tennis courts and she asked me the time.’
‘What were you doing down on Castle Fields? It’s miles from Leckington. If you were going shopping there were nearer places. That’s the kind of question they might ask you. In other words, they might try to suggest that you went there deliberately to pick up a girl.’
‘I don’t really know why I went there. Okay, Margaret and I had had a row and—’
‘What about?’
‘The usual. Money.’
‘And?’
‘I walked out.’
‘That’s not all. Tell the truth. They could find out. They might even know already.’
‘Okay, okay! I . . . hit her. But they can’t get a wife to testify against her husband, can they? So what’s the point? I hit her and I’m sorry and I wish I hadn’t.’
‘And then?’
His anger dissipated. ‘It’s a bit blurred after that. I remember getting into the car and driving through the lanes. I drove for a long time. Maybe an hour. Then I found myself in Kingstown. I must have parked in the square and walked down to Castle Fields. I don’t know why.’
‘The club used to be there, didn’t it? Before it burned down?’
He swung round to look at her sharply. ‘How did you know that?’
She considered mentioning the old man and the dog she had met but thought he might consider her to have been prying. ‘I played there once,’ she said. ‘I must have read about it in the papers.’
He moved restlessly in the metal chair. ‘Yeah . . . well . . . I suppose that was the reason. Just something I did subconsciously.’
She waited.
‘And then?’ she prompted.
‘I don’t remember. I think I just walked around the playing fields.’
‘Jason, you’ve got to remember. What was the weather like?’
He thought for a moment, then said, ‘Hot. I remember hearing the music from an ice-cream van. I was down by the river where it comes over the weir and foams and makes a rushing noise. I’ve always been afraid of that place. A woman was drowned there once. Threw herself into the pool below the weir. They said she’d had a quarrel with her lover.’
‘What did you do after you’d been to the river?’
‘I walked over to the tennis courts. The club used to be there. I think I watched the people playing for about ten minutes and then this girl came along and stood nearby. She was eating an ice-cream and I thought I’d go and get one. I was just about to walk off when she asked me the time. I told her and we started chatting.’
‘Did she know who you were?’
‘No, but . . . oh yes, I remember now. There was a mixed four playing and they were just finishing and one of the men, I suppose he was around my age, came
over and said he’d seen me play in the Diamond Challenge in Cape Town and could I give him an autograph.’
‘That was when you’d gone into the top ten on the computer, wasn’t it?’
‘Yeah. It didn’t last long though. Anyway, I gave him the autograph and that was that.’
‘Do you remember what he was like?’
‘No. I must have given a million autographs. I never registered a face unless it was pretty.’
‘It must have impressed Miss Smith.’
‘Probably. I said I was going back into the town and asked whether she’d like to come and have a drink because it was so hot. She said yes and we went to a pub and had a couple of drinks and she asked me about the circuit, the money, things like that, and then she said would I like to come to her house and say hello to her parents because they were terrific tennis fans and always watched it on tv. So I went.’
‘Did it make you feel good? I mean the recognition? The autograph?’
‘I suppose it did.’
‘Especially after what you’d been through: losing your job and then the fight earlier that day with Margaret. People had recognised you. And you were going to be shown off by a pretty girl. Of course it did.’
‘It was one of those terraced houses in the old part of town. And her parents weren’t there. No one was. So she said oh, they must have gone out. We were in the sitting-room and she lowered the venetian blind. She said the sun faded the carpet. I remember that because the light in the room became a greyish colour like when you go scuba diving.’
‘You see, you can remember, Jason. One thing is reminding you of another. Go on.’
‘Well, we started fooling around.’
‘How do you mean?’
‘Oh, you know.’
‘Don’t be embarrassed. They’re going to ask you about this in open court. You’d better get used to it.’
He looked down at his big hands and said, ‘I began to undress her and she undressed me.’
‘Completely?’
‘No. She was unzipping my flies and I was taking her bra off. Suddenly she started to scream and kick and I grabbed her. It said in the statement there was bruising on her upper arms and neck. That must have happened then. She was looking at something behind me. So I turned and . . . Jesus . . . I hadn’t heard him come in! There was this man standing in the doorway. He was wearing a police uniform. And all the time she’s fighting and hitting me. And I just panicked. I pushed him out of the way and ran. Of course they knew who I was so they picked me up.’
‘But how had the police got there? That’s what I don’t understand.’
‘He was her father.’
*
Anne entered her house, dropped the car keys on the hall table, then dropped herself into an armchair in the drawing-room. ‘I haven’t been so tired since I was a houseman catching babies,’ she said to her father, then corrected herself: ‘Housewoman? Houseperson?’
Henry said, ‘If I’m a housemother, you can be a houseman.’
‘My bones have softened,’ she said.
‘There’s only one thing for that.’ He gave her a strong whisky. ‘I’ll get you some supper. What would you like?’
‘Anything.’
‘What about haddock with a poached egg?’
‘Lovely.’
She sipped the whisky and felt the bones in her legs begin to harden. She followed her father into the kitchen.
‘Jason looks terrible,’ she said.
‘People in prison often do. Two eggs or one?’
‘One, and can I have it on toast?’
‘If you must. Watch wouldn’t have approved.’
They talked while she ate. She told Henry about the interview and Jason’s recollections of the events for which he had been arrested.
‘She led him on,’ he said.
‘That’s the judicial view, is it?’
‘What else would you make of it? “Come home and meet my parents.” Only the parents weren’t there and not likely to be.’
‘She might have thought they were.’
‘Bosh and piffle. What did the rest of her statement to the police say?’
‘Almost precisely what Jason said. Except the vital bit. She claims he grabbed her and that they’d been fighting for a minute or more before her father arrived.’
‘Is she a virgin?’
‘What difference does that make?’
‘It would—’
‘If you’re thinking that Jason can defend himself by saying: well, she wasn’t a virgin so she knew what was likely to happen – then forget it. That’s dinosaur territory. These days if a woman says no, even a wife, and the man continues, it’s rape.’
‘Thank you. I’ll remember to consult you on points of law. Do you see Jason as a psychotic looking for dominance?’
‘No.’
‘Then this sounds like it was opportunist. She wanted sex. She lured him to the house. Her father arrived unexpectedly. She screamed rape.’
‘Perhaps.’
‘Perhaps is enough to start with.’ He cleared the plates and began to stack them for the following day’s big washup. ‘Have you told him about the psychiatrist from the secure mental hospital?’
‘Loxton?’
‘Have you told him he’s to be evaluated?’
‘I was going to, but he was talking freely for the first time and I didn’t want to break the flow.’
‘Hand on your heart: do you think he’s lying, or not?’
‘I think he’s probably telling the truth.’
Henry sucked on his pipe and the kitchen was filled with the aroma of latakia. ‘I’m beginning to feel sorry for Newman. I think that probably started when I was talking to his sister. Poor sod, he’s been abused if you like. Differently from what we’ve come to believe is the norm but I’d say probably from the day he was born – and all in the name of his father’s ambition.’
‘Don’t tell me you’ve got a heart after all.’
He ignored her. ‘The system wasn’t created to help people like Newman. I’m talking about the judicial and the penal systems, handmaidens of the legal system. I’ve always been on the side of the law as a judge and as a prosecutor, because society can’t function without it. But sometimes that isn’t the same as being on the side of justice.’
‘So?’
‘So Newman needs help and, with your permission, I’ll try and see his grandfather. I want to know why the whole family is against him.’
Chapter Eighteen
The following morning at breakfast there was a letter for Hilly. She looked at it in surprise. There was her name, Miss Hilary Vernon, there was her address, there was a stamp with the Queen’s head. It was genuine.
‘Can I open it?’ she asked.
‘Of course you can,’ her mother said.
‘Have I had a letter before?’
Henry said, ‘I wrote from Africa but you were tiny then.’
Anne read it to her. ‘Dear Hilly, I am writing to ask for your help. Since you were here Beanie hasn’t stood up properly by herself. I know that these things take a long time and that one manages in fits and starts—’
‘What’s fits and starts?’ Hilly asked.
‘It means one day she’ll do well and the next not.’
‘Go on.’
‘—but she doesn’t try with me. She knows she’ll get her reward anyway. At least that’s what I think. Could you possibly come and give her some more therapy? I could pick you up at your house or your mother might like to bring you for tea and then you could show me exactly what you did. Beanie sends her love and I send you my best wishes. Tom.’
‘Can I go?’ Hilly said.
‘Of course. Would you like me to arrange it?’
Hilly thought for a moment. ‘All right. You arrange it.’
The moment Anne reached her office Les Foley put his head round her door and said, ‘Newman’s been asking for you. He’s in a state.’
She saw him in her room
after she’d finished morning sick parade. He looked worse, the facial tic was more noticeable.
‘Margaret wants a divorce,’ he said, even before he sat down.
‘Oh, Jason, I’m sorry to hear that.’
‘She regrets telling me now, but thinks it better than postponing it. Regrets! Christ!’
‘How did you hear? Did she write to you?’
‘No, her lawyer came to see me last evening.’
‘Which lawyer is that?’
‘He’s a new one, hired by Margaret’s mother, apparently. If I don’t make any trouble about the divorce – in other words about the kids – they won’t ask for alimony and they’ll also pay his fee to act for me in the criminal case. I think he wants me to plead guilty. And there was a veiled hint that if I didn’t play ball they’d smear me. I suppose he meant they’d bring up the stuff about me hitting her.’
They sat in brooding silence. It was on the tip of Anne’s tongue to mention Margaret’s accusation that he might have abused Julie, but he seemed too fragile.
‘What will you do?’
‘I don’t know. Maybe it would be best to plead guilty and get everything over and done with. What’s the point of fighting?’
‘To use a tennis expression, Jason, now isn’t the time to tank. The point is that you’ve got to show everyone you didn’t try to rape that girl. That you’re innocent.’
‘But for Christ’s sake, no one believes me! No one!’
‘Yes, they do.’
‘Who?’
‘I do for one. And my father for another.’
‘Your father?’
‘Listen to me. Will you see him? Just talk to him. He’s a lawyer and very clever. He might be able to advise you.’
Even as she spoke she knew she was getting deeper and deeper into a morass of her own making. Don’t get too involved, Tom had said. But no one else was getting involved, at least not on Jason’s side.
‘Why does your father want to get mixed up in this? How does he know I’m not guilty? What’s it got to do with him anyway?’
‘He’s a complex man. And very old-fashioned. He actually believes not only in the law but in justice. Only you know whether you’re guilty or not, but both my father and I think that at least you should be given a chance. Look, I didn’t want to mention this but he went to see Clare to find out what help she could give.’
Burn Out (Dr. Anne Vernon Book 1) Page 16
