by Vikki Vaught
They held the entombment the next morning. Frankford stood stoic and did not cry. Jane would not go to anyone except Kathryn, so she held her during the service. Lady Milsom had taken the news hard, so she was too distraught to be of any help with the children.
Again, Kathryn had arranged for a repast to be served to everyone who came to the entombment. That afternoon, after the children went upstairs with their governess, Jonathan returned her to the duchess’s residence. They did not talk on the ride to Bath.
When they arrived, he helped her out of the carriage. “I shall return in a fortnight for your answer. All I ask is that you remember the marriage will be in name only, unless you decide differently. I will set you up with your studio right away, instead of three years from now. There are many advantages to becoming my wife. Whatever you decide, you can always count on my friendship.”
Kathryn solemnly met his gaze. “Thank you. Your friendship means the world to me, and I would be lost if you decided we could no longer be friends if I decide I can’t marry you. I promise to give your proposal careful consideration.”
Jonathan escorted her into the house, and as he was taking his leave, he took her hands and kissed them, then released her and slowly departed. As he climbed into his carriage, he glanced back and saw her watching him from the window. He prayed she would find it in her heart to say yes.
When he arrived home, he found Elaine in the music room. “I will need your help with the children. I know you’re grieving, but I can’t do this without you. I’ve asked Lady Kathryn to marry me, but she needs two weeks to consider my proposal. Pray that she says yes, because we need her desperately. We will leave at eight tomorrow morning to return to Roderick’s estate.”
“Oh, Jonathan, I hope she agrees. The children love her already, and so do I. I will pray every day that she accepts. I shall let Miss Mills know so she can have the children ready. How are you?” Then Elaine lowered her head as tears rolled down her cheeks. “I miss them desperately, and my heart hurts so much.”
His sister cried in his arms. He fought tears because he needed to be strong for her. She eventually stopped crying and left to inform Miss Mills they were leaving in the morning. As he watched her leave, he was proud of her strength of character. He was putting quite a bit on her young shoulders.
Jonathan spent the afternoon with Whetherby. The man cleared his throat. “Let me offer my condolences on the death of your brother. Everyone was greatly saddened when we heard the news. You can count on me for anything you need. I want to help.”
He stood. “Thank you for handling everything while I was in Bristol. I shall return to my brother’s estate tomorrow and will be gone for ten days. I appreciate your continued support throughout this difficult time. If you need anything, please see my secretary, Stebbins. I’ll see you when I return.”
After Whetherby left his study, he sat for a long time. The desire to take a drink was strong, but he fought off the temptation. He tried reading, but it did not help. It was more important than ever that he not give in to the desire for a drink, because he was now responsible for Frankford and Jane. And alas, he would not want to disappoint Kathryn, and she would be if he gave in.
As thoughts of her invaded his mind, the tension left his body. She had such a calming effect. Just thinking of her helped soothe him.
Jonathan clasped his hands together and bowed his head. “Dear Lord, make me strong so I can be here for Roderick’s children. Help me deal with the temptation of drink. I can’t do it without Your loving guidance. Please open Kathryn’s heart. Help her deal with her fear. I know Your infinite wisdom will guide her in the right direction. If it be Your will that she agrees to my proposal, I promise to care for her and try to heal her wounded spirit with Your help. If she says no, I ask You to help me deal with the rejection. In Your son’s most precious name I pray. Amen.”
It had been years since he’d prayed—since before Waterloo. A peace rolled over him after he finished, and he would survive whatever Kathryn decided. He wanted to marry her desperately, even though he was not good enough for her. As much as he wanted her, she had to make the decision that was best for her. He went to the music room, and as he began to play the power of the music filled him, and soon he was lost in the beauty of it.
The trip to Westland Acres went well, and the children, while sad, behaved. He met with Roderick’s steward. “I appreciate you handling everything, Bartlow. I will need to depend on you in the future. I’m sending my secretary here, so if you need anything, ask Stebbins, and he will handle it. I look forward to working with you over the next ten days. Shall we meet each morning at eight?”
“As you wish, sir,” he replied. “I, along with the staff, offer our condolences. Your brother was a fair man, and he treated his tenants well. He will be greatly missed. You can depend on us to take care of everything for the little master.”
After their meeting, Bartlow left, and he tried to go through Roderick’s papers, but it was too painful. Giving up, he pushed the chair away from the desk and left the study then made his way to the music room.
The next afternoon, he met with Roderick’s solicitor and Mr. Brooks read his brother’s will. All his affairs were in order. Roderick named him guardian to the children, as he had expected. Everything would be held in trust until Frankford reached his majority.
The next ten days went by excruciatingly slow. He continued to pray daily for God’s wisdom, and every night he played to keep his nerves calm.
* * * *
Over the fortnight, Kathryn spent most of her time alone. Her mother had wanted to talk about her trip and the tragedy that had occurred with Roderick and Allison, but she only gave the briefest explanation.
Kathryn decided she would not tell her mother Jonathan had proposed, because her mother would try to talk her into it. This was something she had to decide on her own. She prayed God would help guide her and help her decide what was best for her.
He did say it would be a marriage in name only…
And, it would just be for the children…
But…dare I trust him?
Her fear of men overwhelmed her, and the thought of putting her complete trust in any man was terrifying. Jonathan was the kindest and most gentle man she had ever known, and she did respect him, but marriage was completely different than trusting him as her friend.
Each day she took long walks with Sarah, and she sat in Queen’s Square and drew for hours. Her mind kept replaying his proposal over and over again, to the point she feared she would go mad.
She was torn between wanting to help Jonathan and the children and fear at the very thought of marriage. She wished she could talk to Melody or Helen. They would give her good advice, but unfortunately, that was impossible, and her concerns were not something she could put in a letter.
A huge part of her wanted to accept. She loved the idea of being a mother to Frankford and Jane. She valued his friendship greatly, and the thought of seeing him every day sent gooseflesh dancing along her arms.
Kathryn prayed daily for God’s guidance, but even after twelve days, she was no closer to a decision. There were only two more days until he would return for her answer. Glancing at the clock, she noticed the hour, so she placed her book on her nightstand. She’d been too anxious to concentrate anyway and made her way downstairs.
Kathryn’s mother was sitting at the table when she entered. as soon as she took her seat, the footman served them. Once he stepped away, the duchess said, “You seem distracted since you returned from Bristol. That ordeal must have been difficult. I never asked…did you finish the portrait before the marquess’s brother and his wife perished?”
Tears filled her eyes. “No, but I have enough sketches to complete it. When Jonathan comes by day after tomorrow, I plan to tell him.”
Oh, dear, I didn’t mean to share that.
The duchess arched her brows. “Hmm, you used the marquess’s given name. You must have grown closer than you led me to believe.
I just knew there was an attraction between the two of you.”
“It’s not what you think, Mother,” she hurriedly replied. “Lord Sutherland and I are friends, nothing more.” Then, changing the subject in the hopes of distracting the duchess, Kathryn asked, “Are we still going to that new play this evening?”
“Oh, my, yes, I have heard it is excellent. Lady Milsom is meeting us there.” The duchess exclaimed, “My goodness, look at the time. I’m due at Madame Bovary’s in fifteen minutes. I shall see you at dinner, and we shall leave after our meal for the theater.”
Thank goodness her mother remembered her appointment. Kathryn hoped she would forget her error. The last thing she wanted was her mother finding out he had proposed.
Oh, goodness. What shall I do?
Jonathan would want her answer in two days, and she was still not sure what she wanted. No, that was not true. Truthfully, she desperately wanted to accept. That was not the issue.
Oh, if I could be sure I can trust him.
He did tell me he would not expect intimacy.
Once Kathryn returned to her room, she fell to her knees. “Dear Lord, I need Your guidance and wisdom more than ever before. I want to be there for Jonathan, and the children, and Elaine. I know they need me. Help me overcome my fears and trust in him. Give me strength to make the right decision, not only for me but for them as well. In Your Father’s name, I pray. Amen.”
Trusting in God’s wisdom was the best thing she could do. Perhaps reading his word would help. She found her bible in her nightstand and turned to some of her favorite passages and her worries and fears quieted.
CHAPTER 13
September 1823
The weather cooperated on the return trip to St. John’s Wood. For the next four days, Jonathan kept busy between meetings with his steward and perusing reports. In the evenings, he played long into the night.
At last, the fourteenth day arrived, and a sunny fall day greeted him. He prayed it was a good omen. The last two weeks had certainly been the longest fortnight of his life.
When he arrived, the duchess’s butler showed him into the drawing room. While he waited for Kathryn, he offered one last prayer.
Hearing a noise, he turned. Kathryn entered, looking like an angel with her fiery red hair floating around her face. His pulse pounded, and his hands shook. A soft, welcoming smile adorned her face, and his heart leapt.
He brought her hand to his lips for a gentle kiss. “You look lovely, as always. It’s been a long two weeks.” He inhaled, hoping to calm his rattled nerves. “You know why I’m here. Have you reached your decision, or do you need more time?”
What an idiotic thing to say. She cast her eyes down. “I trust your trip went well and the children are fine?”
Ah, so she is ignoring my question.
Is that a bad sign or a good one?
“The trip went well, and the children are as well as can be expected. They miss their parents, and of course, I miss Roderick.” Unable to restrain any longer, he asked again, “Have you reached a decision?”
A gentle smile spread across her face. “I have given careful consideration to your proposal. I worry that by accepting I’m being unfair to you. I fear I shall never become your wife in anyway other than name.”
Jonathan interrupted. “If you do not marry me, then I shall never wed. I would rather have you as a wife in name only than not have you at all. You’ve become my best friend. In my opinion, friendship is the best reason to wed. I need you in my life, and if friendship is all you can give, I will be content. Please, become my wife.”
Kathryn looked directly into his eyes. “As long as you understand that is all I can give…then I accept.”
He released the breath he was holding as adrenaline rushed through his veins. “Thank God! You will never regret this. I want to wed as soon as possible. The children are constantly asking for you. They need you. I need you. Please say it can be soon.”
“The banns can be read over the next three Sundays, then we can wed the following Saturday.” She met his gaze. “I want to marry at Bath Abbey. My mother did not have a chance to plan an elaborate affair for either my brother or my sister. Personally, I would be happier having a small wedding, but this will mean so much to her. I hope you understand.”
Jonathan was so relieved she had agreed, he’d go along with whatever she wanted. It was so like Kathryn to put her mother’s desires before her own. “Whatever you wish, as long as you marry me. I shall talk to the vicar and set the date. This will be the longest four weeks of my life, but I shall manage. Would you and your mother come for tea tomorrow? I want to show you your new home.”
“I shall ask the duchess,” she replied as she rang for the butler. “I haven’t mentioned your proposal. However, she will be thrilled I have agreed to become your wife. As a courtesy, you should write my brother and ask his permission. Do not be concerned though; he will be overjoyed. Let me send for my mother, and we can tell her together.”
Thank God, she said yes.
Although he was not good enough for her, he would protect her with his life. Perhaps, she would grow to love him and change her mind regarding intimacy with time. Even if she did not, he would bear it. Although he enjoyed sex, he loved her more.
Her mother entered, and he bowed low over the duchess’s hand. He looked at her. “Shall we share our news?”
Kathryn smiled at her mother. “Lord Sutherland has asked me to become his wife, and I have agreed.”
The duchess beamed. “Congratulations. You sly minx. I never suspected a thing.” She turned to Jonathan. “You shall make a fine husband for my daughter. Of course, you will want the wedding at St. George’s next June. At last, I can plan a wedding.”
“Mother, we will wed in four weeks at Bath Abbey. You may invite whomever you want, just remember, we only have a month. He needs my help with the children. That’s why we’re marrying so quickly. I’m counting on you to make all the wedding plans. I know you will do it beautifully. May we count on you?”
The duchess’s eyes flashed, and her cheeks grew flushed, but then she swallowed several times and stiffened her spine. “Well, Bath Abbey is beautiful. Four weeks does not give me much time.” She paused, “but, I’m so thrilled, I shall do it. We must start planning immediately.”
Relieved the duchess was so accommodating, Jonathan smiled. “Then, I shall leave you to plan while I see the vicar and secure the date.” He turned to Kathryn and raised her hand to his lips. “You have made me the happiest of men.” Then he bowed to both of them and departed.
Once Jonathan stepped on the pavement, he wanted to toss his hat in the air but refrained. Instead, he greeted everyone he met with a smile on his way to the abbey. Once he secured the date with the vicar, he sent a message letting her know.
When he arrived home, he sent off a letter to her brother, telling Goodman to send it express. While he would have preferred to wed by special license, he was so overjoyed she’d said yes, he would agree to anything.
Next, he found Elaine at the stables. “I have fantastic news. Lady Kathryn has accepted my proposal, and we will be wed in four weeks.”
Elaine threw herself into his arms. “Oh, Jonathan, that is wonderful news. I wish you happy. The children will be elated. Both of them already love her, and so do I. Where will you hold the wedding?”
He suspected he was grinning ear to ear. “Bath Abbey. I have already spoken with the vicar and set the date.”
“Oh, I love the Abbey,” she enthused. “It’s so beautiful. Do you think she will ask me to attend her?”
“I’m sure she will. After all, you will soon be sisters. Lady Kathryn and the duchess are coming for tea tomorrow, and perhaps, she will ask you then. Now, shall we take a ride?” Jonathan made a mental note to ask her if Elaine could participate.
When Kathryn and the duchess arrived the next day, he watched his intended’s—his future wife, God be praised—expression as she gazed at his home for the first time, h
oping she would love it as much as he.
Delight glowed in her violet eyes. “Oh, my, your home is beautiful. I shall be very happy here. I hope you will give me a tour while I’m here today.”
“Of course, my dear, as you wish. Let me escort you and your mother inside.” Jonathan turned to her mother. “Welcome to my home, Your Grace. I trust you devised the plans for our wedding yesterday?”
As they entered the drawing room, the duchess assured him, “We have the important details agreed upon; now we must execute our plans. We will be extraordinarily busy over the next month. I would have liked more time, but I understand your need to wed swiftly, and I shall manage.”
After tea, Jonathan gave Kathryn and the duchess a tour. “Feel free to change whatever you wish. My stepmother decorated it shortly before her death. I redecorated the music room and the master suite five years ago, but I left the rest of the house alone.”
“Your home’s beautiful. Your music room is delightful, and I look forward to spending time there listening to you play.” Kathryn turned to her mother. “Lord Sutherland is an accomplished pianist. Once we are settled, we shall have you for dinner, so you can hear him perform.” She returned her attention to Jonathan. “Her Grace has a great fondness for music.”
After they finished the tour, he escorted them to their carriage. He watched as the carriage carried his beloved to town. She seemed at peace with her decision, and that relieved his mind. If he thought the last two weeks were long, they would be nothing compared to the next four.
On Wednesday morning, Jonathan collected Kathryn at nine so they could meet with the vicar. The meeting went well, and they finalized the details of the ceremony. They both agreed on a full mass.
After they left the church, they visited the Pump Room, and Jonathan partook of the waters. He had gained some relief, so now he tried to go there a couple of times a week. The waters tasted deplorable, but it may have helped his knee.
While they strolled around the room, they came upon Lord and Lady Shelton. While he still regretted his behavior the last time he’d been in his friend’s company, he was glad to see him. “Greetings. Are you here for the waters?”
