by Vikki Vaught
“I’m fine. You will come back to bed?”
“Yes, right after I quench my thirst.” Jonathan returned to bed after he drank his water, and they laid in each other’s arms until they fell asleep.
When Kathryn awoke the next morning, his side of the bed was cold. She reviewed the happenings of the night. Rage tore through her.
My uncle was evil, but he’s dead now.
Why can I not let it go?
She desperately loved her husband and wanted him to make love to her, but every time he tried, terrible images of what her uncle had done tormented her mind. When he loomed over her, she could not breathe.
As the tears coursed down her cheeks, she prayed, “Dear heavenly Father, help me with this. You sent a wonderful man into my life, and I deserve to have a full, loving marriage with him. Help me overcome my fears so I can be a true wife. Lord, I place this in Your hands. In Your son’s precious name, I pray.”
When she finished her prayer, peace settled over her heart. She rose from her bed more determined than ever to overcome her fears.
Kathryn stayed on schedule and finished the portrait on Friday. Lord and Lady Ralston were thrilled with it. They told her they would be recommending her to their friends. She was pleased with the way it turned out, but her best work so far was Roderick and Allison’s portrait. When she arrived at Helen’s, she looked for her husband and found him in the stables with Matthew.
As she approached, Jonathan turned to her with a bright smile on his handsome face. “How did it go this morning? Did you finish their portrait?”
She smiled. “I did. Lord and Lady Ralston loved it. They promised to recommend me to all their friends. How has your morning fared?”
A breeze ruffled his black hair, and her stomach muscles tightened as he replied, “We just returned from a ride. I must say, even though I don’t like to be on the sea, it’s very pleasant to ride along the shore. I shall miss it when we leave on Monday. What do you have planned for this afternoon?”
“Since it’s such a nice day,” she told him, “I’m taking the children for a walk after luncheon.”
“I hope you have an enjoyable afternoon. I would love to come with you, but alas,” he sighed, “I would only delay you. I need to rub down this horse and give him some oats, so I shall see you at luncheon.” She gave him a smile before returning to the house.
After luncheon, Kathryn took Elaine, Frankford, and Jane for a walk in the woods behind the house, giving the children a chance to run off some of their excessive energy. As they walked along, she told Elaine, “I want you to know I appreciate all you do for the children. You have helped to keep them entertained. I realize you’ve grown bored, but just think—when we return home, Jonathan is enrolling you at Mrs. Manning’s School for Young Ladies. Are you excited?”
“I can’t wait. Do you know why I want to go to school? It’s because of a conversation I had with Gregory. He told me how much his sister enjoyed going. You know, he was very nice and polite to me, and a perfect gentleman. You haven’t given yourself a chance to know him.”
“I understand you find it flattering for a young man to pay you attention, but Helen told me things that make me leery of his intentions. Plus, you’re entirely too young to develop a tendre.”
“I’m not falling in love with him. I just wanted a friend. Helen and Matthew haven’t seen him in almost three years, and even I know there’s a big difference between eighteen and twenty-one. He’s been here almost two weeks, and I haven’t seen any risqué behavior.”
Elaine has a valid point. “You’re right, there is a big difference, and I haven’t noticed any wild behavior either. I don’t object to you being friends; just do not be alone with him. I shall let this rest and trust you to keep your word.”
“Thank you, Kathryn.” They strolled arm in arm for several more minutes, watching the children roam.
Kathryn glanced upward. “It’s time to gather the children and return to the house. The sky is darkening, and it may storm. Let’s hurry.” They made it back to the house just as the skies opened up. She hoped Jonathan did not get caught in it since he’d gone with Matthew to one of the tenant farms that afternoon.
Once Kathryn left the children in the schoolroom, she went to her chamber and freshened up. At four, she joined Helen in the drawing room, but the men were not with her. “They haven’t returned yet?”
“Not yet. I imagine they will stay at the Miller farm until this storm passes. That’s what Matthew usually does. Did you finish the portrait this morning?” she asked.
She nibbled on her lip. A habit she could not seem to break. “I will try to not worry since you’re sure they aren’t out in this terrible weather. I did finish, and as much as I love my art, I’m ready for a short reprieve. My next commission is for Susan and her husband. I’m supposed to do their portrait the first of the year. Since they live in Kent, not too terribly far from Sanderford Park, it makes sense to go there after the holidays. Are you sure you and Matthew will not come?”
“I detest missing it, but I’ve had so much morning sickness, I could not abide a long trip. I’m thrilled to be carrying again, but the timing could have been better. How is everything with Jonathan? You’ve been so busy we haven’t had a private conversation.” Helen took a biscuit from the plate on the table.
Kathryn twisted her hands. “I can’t overcome my fears. Jonathan is understanding, but this is so hard for him. I want to make love, but whenever we try…images of what my uncle did flash through my mind. I don’t know what to do.”
A lone tear slipped out. Helen put her arm around her. “Honey, I’m so sorry, but please do not give that horrid man power over your life. It’s bad enough that he did those things to you, now he’s ruining your chance at happiness as well. Please, put it behind you so you can have a real marriage.”
A flicker of hope flared to life. Could it be this simple? “You’re right. I never looked at it that way. I am giving him power. I’m so glad we talked. That’s the most helpful thing you’ve said to me. I refuse to let that awful man ruin my life any longer. I love Jonathan, and I want to make love with him. He would never hurt me. He only wants to love me.”
Helen patted her hand. “Good for you. You can do this. I’m going upstairs to dress for dinner. I’m sure they will be home soon. See you in a bit.”
* * * *
After Elaine left Kathryn and the children, she wandered down to the music room. She went through some of the sheet music but did not find anything to interest her. Bored, she picked at the keyboard.
She heard footsteps and looked up. Gregory stood just inside the door. He pulled the door closed. “Did your brother give you a hard time over the ride we took together?”
“A bit, but I told him he had ignored me ever since he married, which made him feel guilty. I brought up going to school, and he’s agreed to send me after the holidays. He also made me promise not to see you alone. I don’t understand why he doesn’t want me to see you.” She looked at him and smiled. “I think you’re nice. You treat me like a grown-up. Jonathan is so old-fashioned, and he treats me like a child.”
“You’re definitely not a child. I wish you were a couple of years older though. I would have liked to further our acquaintance. Your brother has a good reason for mistrusting me. I’ve been wild my entire life. The navy has given me purpose, and I’m finally growing up. I’m going to succeed, and I will have my own ship in a few years. Then I shall prove to my brother I’m not the wastrel he’s always thought me to be. If I give you the name of my ship, will you write me? You are leaving Monday. This will be the last time we shall have a chance to see each other alone.”
“I will write every day. I shall have my come-out in a couple of years. By then, I shall be eighteen, so perhaps we will see each other in London. Do you think that’s possible?”
“More than possible, you can count on it.” A thrill raced through her at the conviction in his voice. “Now, may I have another kiss?”
>
Gregory pulled her into his arms and gently kissed her. When she responded, he deepened the kiss and pulled her closer. A tingling sensation formed at the nape of her neck and traveled to her toes as he brushed his tongue across her lips. She gasped, and he slid it into her mouth.
Elaine tentatively explored his mouth, and he groaned, then broke their kiss. “We must stop. I could go on kissing you, because it feels so good, but it would not be the act of a gentleman. I promised your brother I would leave you alone. In two years, I will come looking for you. I hope you will write, and I will write as well. I’m going to leave you now. I don’t want you to get into any more trouble because of me.” He hugged her close, playfully kissed the tip of her nose, then let her go, and walked from the room.
After Elaine watched him leave, she spun in a circle, giggling.
She wished desperately…she was two years older now.
CHAPTER 28
After Kathryn returned the children to the schoolroom, she decided to rest for a while, so she would not be tired when Jonathan returned. She would make love with her husband if it was the last thing she did. Helen was right, and she would no longer give that vile man power.
When she awoke an hour later, she rang for Sarah and had her prepare a bath using the lavender-scented soap and bathing salts she’d purchased in the village the other week. After she washed her hair, she leaned against the tub.
She would seduce him tonight; not that Jonathan would need much inducement but being bold would help her find the courage to, at last, make love. When the water turned cool, she stood, and her maid poured fresh water over her to rinse the soap away.
She selected an amethyst dinner gown she had never worn. Sarah arranged her hair in a loose chignon with curls framing her face. Once she donned her gown, she surveyed her reflection in the cheval mirror. The gown accentuated her generous bosom, and the silk fabric draped her tall, slender body to perfection.
Oh, yes, he will not be able to resist me tonight.
When Kathryn arrived downstairs, Jonathan was not in the drawing room, and she noticed the storm had not abated. Disappointment flooded her as she sat beside Helen on the sofa. “They still haven’t returned? Surely they will arrive soon. I can’t bear to think of him being out in this weather when he’s been fighting a cold the last couple of days.”
“I doubt they will return until the storm is over. As I said earlier, Matthew will have made arrangements to stay out at the Miller farm. They will have an uncomfortable night, but at least they should stay dry. I had not noticed he had a cold. Of course, it’s only eight, and the storm could still blow over in time for them to return after all. You certainly look stunning tonight. You must have big plans for Jonathan. I know he will be pleased.”
“I must admit I’m nervous, but so excited. I plan to seduce my husband when he returns. I refuse to allow this awful storm to deter me.” As she uttered that declaration, Elaine joined them, and then shortly after that, Gregory.
Kathryn tried to relax as she watched Gregory and Elaine. After her conversation with her sister-in-law, she may have been biased, based on what Helen had shared. She had to admit, he had behaved as a perfect gentleman, other than those few ill-advised comments when he first arrived. Elaine made a very good point. Three years did make a big difference at their age.
While dinner was superb, Kathryn was too concerned over the storm and could barely eat anything. After dinner, they went to the drawing room, and Gregory joined them, suggesting a game of cards. She tried to concentrate, but she was too nervous. She was partnered with Helen, and they lost the round to Elaine and Gregory.
At ten o’clock, she excused herself and went to her bedchamber, making sure Elaine went to hers as well. After all, she owed it to her husband to ensure her sister-in-law did not see the young man alone again. He’d been polite and respectful while they played cards, so he must have listened to Jonathan’s request.
She dismissed Sarah as soon as she had loosened her gown. Not wanting to give up entirely, she dressed in her most alluring night rail. Pacing the sitting room, she planned what she would do when her husband returned. She prayed he would not be too tired.
At midnight, Jonathan had still not returned, and the storm continued to rage outside, so she had no choice but accept she would not enact her plan that night. Disappointed, Kathryn crawled into her empty bed. She prayed Helen was right, and he was safe. After tossing and turning, she eventually nodded off to sleep.
* * * *
The next morning, Jonathan arrived home at eight. Refusing breakfast, he went to his bedchamber and ordered a hot bath. Even his bones were chilled. He’d had a miserable night. They’d slept in the barn, in below-freezing temperatures.
Wind had whipped around the old structure as rain beat on the roof, which of course, leaked. They could not find a dry spot. The Millers had supplied blankets for them, and he’d sat huddled against a post, shivering and coughing through the night. Sometime in the pre-dawn hours, the storm had ended. At first light, they’d traversed the path, littered with downed trees and huge puddles, making the trip arduous.
As he soaked in the tub, his cough deepened, and his throat scratched when he swallowed. By the time he finished his bath, no doubt remained¬—his cold had settled in his lungs. He’d need to stay away from his wife. He would not want to give his illness to her, or anyone else for that matter.
Turning to Hatton, he croaked, “I need to rest.” He swallowed to clear his throat without success. “Please return before luncheon. Perhaps…I shall feel better…” he coughed, “after I sleep…for a few hours.”
When Hatton came to waken him for luncheon, he’d been sleeping so soundly he could barely crack his eyes open, let alone raise his head from his pillow. His entire body ached, and no doubt he had a fever. Through the fog clogging his brain, he saw Hatton hovering over him, his face a mask of worry. When he tried to sit, his stomach churned. He clamped his hand over his mouth and pointed at the chamber pot.
Hatton handed it to him, in time for him to cast up his accounts. He fell against his pillow. “Please…I need…water.” Hatton handed him a glass, but his throat was so swollen he had great difficulty swallowing. Once he finished drinking, he mumbled, “Too ill…can’t go downstairs…tell my wife…” then his world went dark.
* * * *
Hatton rushed into the breakfast room where Kathryn sat eating. Worry showed in the man’s eyes. He blurted out, “My lady, Lord Sutherland is very ill. You need to send for the doctor. He’s burning up with fever, and he passed out.”
Oh, good Lord. “Has his cold worsened?”
“I think he has a putrid throat, my lady.” Worry colored his tone. “He’s having a hard time talking. I need to return to him, but please send for the physician.”
“I’m coming with you,” she declared. “I shall ask Wells to send for the doctor.” Fortunately, Wells entered as she stood. “My husband is extremely ill. Will you please send for a physician?”
“Of course, my lady. I shall send him up when he arrives,” the butler replied. “Please let me know if you need anything else.”
Kathryn rushed upstairs to Jonathan’s side. When she went entered and approach the bed, she took in his flushed cheeks and the dark circles under his overly bright blue eyes. He struggled to breathe as he coughed. At least he’d awakened.
“Kathryn…you…should not…” a deep hoarse cough interrupted him, “be in here,” he croaked, “I don’t want you…to catch this.”
He struggled to sit, but then he coughed violently and sank against his pillows. She touched his forehead. “You’re burning up. Hatton, get me some cloths and cool water.”
The valet bustled around the room gathering her requested items while she stroked his fevered brow. He continued to cough, a dry, hacking sound from deep in his chest.
The doctor arrived and examined Jonathan. He shook his head, then met her gaze. “He has a lung fever, your ladyship.” He reached into his bag and r
etrieved a small, brown bottle holding a liquid potion. “Make sure he takes this every four hours. It should help his cough. You need to bathe him in cool water to bring his fever down. Oh, and have him drink plenty of liquids. I shall return tomorrow to check on him.”
Kathryn escorted the doctor from the room. “Thank you, Doctor, for coming so quickly. I’ll make sure he takes the medicine.”
She returned to her husband’s side, but even though he tried to speak, nothing came out. He had completely lost his voice. After another bout of coughing, he gave up, then leaned against his pillows and closed his eyes.
Jonathan’s fever never abated throughout the rest of the day. She bathed him with cool water and gave him the medicine, but it did not seem to help. Kathryn refused to leave his side. At midnight, she sent Hatton to bed.
She sat vigil through the night, continuing to bathe her husband in cool water. His temperature kept rising. One minute he would be burning up, trying to toss his covers off, and then the next, he would start shivering.
Hatton returned the following morning to relieve her. She left Jonathan’s side long enough to freshen up, and then she was back again. Helen came in and tried to convince her to take a break, but she refused.
Dr. Moore arrived and examined Jonathan. “Just keep bathing him with cool water. Has he kept the medicine down?”
“Every time I give it to him, he throws it up. He’s keeping a little water down, but that’s all. I’m so worried. How long will he be like this?”
The doctor stroked his whiskers. “There’s no way to tell. However, the longer his fever rages, the greater the chance he may not make it. At this point, it is in God’s hands. Keep giving him the medicine. It is vital he takes it. I shall return in the morning.”
Once the doctor left, she sent Hatton for more towels, and she laid her head on her arms and wept. Helen came into the room and placed her hand on her shoulder. “Oh, Kathryn, you need to rest. You will take ill as well if you do not sleep.”
