by Dani René
I’ve never been in a situation where I’ve had a submissive read the contract. I drew it up a long while ago, when I was contemplating one, but that didn’t work. I remember the day she walked out. She called me a monster, a vile animal and that was the last time I’d seen her.
That was the moment my life fell apart. The day love decimated me. Turned me into the monster she called me. And now, I no longer know how to be a man.
Eva
As my eyes scan the words, I find myself relaxing with each sentence. The limits are easy to work with. I agree to everything, each rule and regulation except one. I know it’s a deal breaker. I know he wants and needs it. It’s time to make my choice. To decide if he’s the person that’s going to push me outside that comfort zone.
Gulping the drink he offered, I push off the sofa and make my way through the living room and out to where he’s standing. The tension emanating from him is palpable. A living breathing force that’s alive and well, threatening to consume us both.
When I step onto the terrace, I find him standing by the railing, his torso bent at the waist, his hands clutching the tumbler so hard I fear it will shatter. His gaze is trained on the city below. I wonder what he’s thinking. I can’t stop staring at him, willing him to turn to me, to look at me with those dark eyes that seem as if he’s searching for an answer that’s not there.
I’m empty. I’ve always been that way. When I was seventeen, after I’d found Carrick, he and I had a fight. I wanted him and he didn’t want me. Not in the way I asked, or rather, begged for. We’d become best friends who fucked, only, I was the one in love and he was in lust.
I ran that night, like I always do. One moment in time can obliterate everything you know about yourself, about what you think you feel. I walked into the main area of Seven Sins and found him. A man who willingly took me to one of the rooms and gave me what I needed. I asked for it and I was at peace for the first time in my life.
The next morning, Carrick forbid me to ever step foot inside the club again until I sorted myself out. That night, that man changed me, he showed me what it was like to live and die at the same time. And of course, Rick found out because he told me that someone had spoken to the stranger who’d taken me, found out what I’d asked for.
I’ve never felt the self-love people talk about. Perhaps that’s why I enjoy the darker side of sex. It’s the only thing I know. I’ve never had a man make love to me. And I’m afraid, if I ever do, I won’t survive the aftermath.
“I agree,” I tell him earnestly and I swear I hear him exhale. He straightens, turns, and stalks toward me. His eyes blazing, his smirk filthy and dark. “But,” I say, causing him to halt immediately. There’s a few inches of space between us which I want to close. “Tonight, I want you to take me to Sins. I want you to show me what it’s like to share. To have you do what it is you crave so much. That darkness that swirls inside you, I want you to unleash it.”
He’s silent for so long, I’m not sure he’s going to respond. Something tells me he wants to refuse me. I know why. I see it in his eyes. Fear. I’m asking him for the one thing that could possibly make me walk away from this.
“Look, if I’m meant to trust you, to submit, I’ll need you to trust me too. Give me this, it’s outside my comfort zone, it’s a limit for me at the moment and you as my Dominant need to push those limits. I want you to show me what it’s like.”
“Eva,” he finally says, pained. “I don’t think I can let you walk away. If we do this, there’s no doubt you will.”
“Trust me?” I plead. This world is one that needs to be built on trust. And if that’s not present, nothing will work between us. He reaches for me then, grips my hips and pulls me into him. Before I can say anything more, his mouth crashes down on mine, molding to me. His lips are warm, soft, and strong. Ever the commanding Master who takes rather than asks. Something about that calms me. His tongue delves into my mouth, seeking mine, testing for the submission with a simple kiss. And I give it. Freely, without resignation, only, I hold onto my heart for a moment. Just for tonight. Because if I give that to him right now, I’ll never get it back.
When he finally pulls away, I’m dizzy. “I’ll always trust you. That’s not what worries me,” he tells me earnestly.
“My submission is dependent on you giving me the benefit of the doubt. Show me my limits, break them down, and show me freedom. I give you my mind and body tonight.” He nods then, but he doesn’t smile. There’s no indication of the man who I spent the day with. Not even an inkling of the same person that made me breakfast in bed, who took me shopping for clothes, or even the man who wined and dined me last night.
No, the man who now stands before me is the monster. The dark, depraved Master of the dungeon and he’s about to lead me straight to hell.
He takes my hand, walks me into the living room and shuts the terrace door. We move through his home, directly for the bedroom where his king size bed waits for us, but we don’t make it there. Instead, he spins around, pinning me against the wall. His body is hard in all the right places, every inch of him pressed against me. Without a word, he leans in, his lips on my ear as he feathers tiny kisses along the shell, causing goosebumps to erupt all over my body.
The heat of him is breathtaking. It’s all-consuming. He steals all my thoughts as his hand grips my throat. The pads of his thumb and index finger put pressure on either side, and my vision blurs. How can he even know? My mind is a mess with questions.
This is what I want. It’s what I need. That night when I tried breath play for the first time, it was the same thing, I had an out-of-body experience. I’d never come so hard. The rough, the violent way that man had taken me was consensual, but we played it out as non-consent. And somehow, even though I’ve hidden it from everyone, Nate’s seen right through me. He’s seen my soul.
“This, sweet slut, is not a game you want to play with me,” he growls, pulling me out of my reverie. My lungs grapple for oxygen, my mind reaches for something solid, something to focus on so I don’t pass out. But Nathan doesn’t let up, he doesn’t release me.
Reaching up, I claw at his wrist, digging my nails into the smooth tanned skin of his arm. He turns his head, allowing his eyes to meet mine.
“I’m a dangerous man, Eva. If you want breath play with me, you’ll need to make sure that you give me everything. Your mind, your body…” A moment passes, just a short beat when both our hearts sync. I feel it. He feels it. And I know he’s about to ask me for the one thing I just can’t give him. “And your heart.”
Ripping his hands away, he steps back, causing me to gasp a deep breath, again and again, painfully filling my lungs with air. “You’re a fucking monster,” I cough, spluttering as I fall to my knees. My hands splay flat on the floor. When I risk looking up at him, I notice the fear still present in his gaze.
“I know.” He turns, leaving me in the bedroom still pulling in deep breaths as he makes his way to the bathroom. I wanted to play this game, this dark and dangerous game. A buzzing comes from somewhere in the bedroom and I realize it’s my phone. Scrambling to reach my bag, I pull it from the purse on the bed and swipe my finger over the screen.
“Hello?” I sound breathless; my voice is raspy.
“Bitch, are you okay?”
Savannah. Sighing, I flop onto the bed. “Yeah, I’m good. What’s up?”
“Tonight, the club? Did you forget?”
Shit. “I did, I can’t make it,” I tell her, cringing at the thought of explaining to my best friend that I’m about to submit to a man. At least, put him up for consideration. After tonight, I’ll be able to see if I can handle his world.
“Does this have anything to do with the hunk that asked for you two nights ago?” It’s been almost three days that I’ve been swept up in Nate’s world, but it feels like longer. Like weeks, months even.
“It does.”
I hear her sigh. “Do I really have to beg?”
“No, Savvie, I’m not Maso
n, you don’t have to beg,” I respond with a laugh. “He’s taking me to Sins tonight for a scene. We’re going to… well, I’m considering submission, and I’ve asked him to show me his worst.”
“What?” she screeches from the other end of the line. “Are you serious?”
“Yes.”
“Does Carrick know?” Her question throws me off the excitement and anxiety of what I’m about to go through tonight, and I realize I don’t want to tell Rick. Mainly because he’d try to talk me out of it. But I also don’t want him to know what’s going on in my personal life.
“No. And he doesn’t need to. Carrick Anderson doesn’t own me.”
“I’d like to see you tell him that to his face. If I’m not there, please tell me you’ll record it?” She giggles. Savannah is not a woman who giggles, but this time I have to admit, it is funny.
“Yeah, okay. I have to go. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. I’m sorry I can’t—”
“Please, gorgeous, you get your kink on. I want to hear all about it. And I’ll have a drink for you, okay? Bye,” she says and hangs up, leaving me smiling as I push off the bed.
“Eva,” Nate’s voice calls to me from the bathroom. When I turn, I find him dripping wet with a towel tied around his taut waist. Small droplets of water trail their way from his smooth toned chest, to the dips and peaks of his abs. The V muscles that point to the bulge behind the white fluffy material taunt me, and I lick my lips involuntarily. He strolls over to where I’m standing, my eyes drink him in, savoring the beauty that is Nathan Ashcroft. “I’m sorry,” he starts. “I’m an asshole. I really don’t know how to do this. To be…”
“You don’t have to apologize. I wanted it. I’ve… I’ll get ready,” I mumble, pushing past him, but he’s too quick. He grips my wrist, stopping me from making my way to the bathroom.
“Look at me, Eva.” It’s an order. I can’t disobey, so I turn to him. “What happened to you? Who hurt you?” His voice is strained. Concern filling his tone, but there’s no way I’m about to tell him about my past. The questions he poses come with the answers I can’t give him.
“If this is going to work tonight, I’ll need you to let me do it without talking about my past. Once I’ve signed the contract and that’s what you want to hear, I’ll tell you. But tonight, I’m not Eva Gallagher anymore, I’m just your sweet slut.” Ripping my hand from his grasp, I race to the bathroom, locking myself in.
I press my back against the door as I try to pull in calming breaths. My past—the ugliness, the horror. I can’t tell him. There’s no way he’ll want me if he knew how damaged I really am.
Nate
Eva Gallagher. It can’t be. My mind swirls with the words she just uttered. Shock slams into my chest so painfully, I can’t breathe. Three long days I’ve known her, and I didn’t think to ask her last name. Now that she’s just spat it at me, the guilt weighs on me, dragging me into the abyss.
“Nate? Nathan!”
Her voice cuts through the turmoil. I can’t tell her. She’ll hate me.
“What’s wrong?” she demands.
She’s in front of me before I have time to react. Her body is close to mine, her hands on my shoulders. Where our skin touches feels electric. I blink repeatedly.
“Nothing,” I rasp. My voice is thick with emotion, fear that she’ll find out. This needs to end tonight. She needs to leave. I need to fucking walk away before my whole world comes crashing down because of this one woman.
“Are you sure? You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” she says quietly. “I’m sorry I freaked out, I didn’t mean to—”
“Eva, just get in the shower, please? I want to leave soon.” Her gaze implores me for more, for affection, but I can’t give it to her right now.
“Okay,” she finally appeases me, nodding.
Once I’m alone, I grip my phone and hit dial on the number that’s haunted me for far too long.
“Nathan,” she answers. Her voice is ice-cold, racing through my veins like poison.
“Why didn’t you tell me about Eva? About who she was?”
Her cackle comes from the opposite end of the line, as if she’s happy that she’s completely and utterly destroyed someone. “I sent you to humiliate her, not fall in love with her,” she tells me in her rage filled tone. “Did you, Nathan? Is this your heart or your cock talking?” Another shrill laugh echoes through the speaker, causing my blood to boil with anger.
“You’re an evil fucking witch. Are you proud of the games you play with people?” I bite out harshly, but I know she won’t be affected. Her dead heart doesn’t beat, it doesn’t feel. She’s as rigid as a fucking corpse.
“Listen to me, Nathan, and listen very clearly. You were meant to walk into that room, degrade the little bitch and walk out. Happiness isn’t in her future, and if I find out you’re still seeing her, I’ll fly over there and make sure the job is done myself. And don’t for one second doubt that I’ll make sure everyone knows what a sick bastard you are and what you did to Emelia. Do I make myself clear?”
Running my fingers through my wet hair, I tug at the strands, pulling it just to ground myself. I’ve never felt rage like I do right now. I did this. I fucked up my life, and now I’m about to do it to Eva.
“Nathan—”
“Yes, I understand.” I hang up before she has time to say anything more. Slamming my phone on the nightstand, I exhale a deep breath.
“I’m ready,” the sweet tone of Eva comes from the entrance to my bedroom. Dressed in a small red lace pair of panties, a matching bra that cups her breasts perfectly. Long dark hair hanging down to the middle of her back.
“You’re perfect, Eva. Come here,” I order. She obeys immediately, padding over to me. Once she finally reaches me, I cup her face in my hands. Her blue eyes peek up at me through those long dark lashes. “Never forget this, you are utterly beautiful. I can’t imagine why you’d want me, and I hope after tonight you don’t hate me.” The words fall from my mouth, I can’t pull them back. I agreed to let Eva go only moments ago, but each time she pins me with her innocent stare, I find myself crumbling. Fuck the consequences.
“I can’t hate you because I asked for this. In order for me to accept the contract, I need to know you at your worst.”
Nodding, I lean in to place a kiss on her full lips, and then I step back to allow her to get dressed. I stopped at a small boutique on the way back to mine and bought her an outfit for tonight. I didn’t think she’d want to go to Sins, but since it’s sensual and sexy on her slim frame, I know she’ll be the center of attention. We move around my personal space as if she’s always been there. As if she belongs there.
Once we’re both dressed, we head down to the car with my anxiety following us as we slip into our seats, and I make my way out onto the road. It’s silent, except for the music that’s playing mainly as background noise. The only reason I put it on is to keep my mind focused on anything other than what I’m about to do. She asked for it. Begged me to show her what I enjoy. Fear ebbs and flows through me like a river, back and forth, taunting me with her walking out the door.
“You seem more stressed than normal,” Eva remarks, as I pull into the parking lot of Seven Sins. The building is nondescript, nobody who passes here will know what it really is. From the outside, it looks like a gentleman’s bar, but once you walk through the black velvet curtains, you’re met with the dark depravity of the people who prefer the sadistic side of sex.
“I don’t want to scare you off,” I lie. I’ve become so used to lying to people around me, it comes easily. There’s one thing I can’t do, though, and that’s look her in the eye and do it. She’ll see right through my lie.
“If you say so,” she retorts, exiting the vehicle before I have time to respond.
Sighing, I push open the door and follow Eva to the club door where the two bouncers are poised with grim looks on their faces.
“Mr. Ashcroft,” one of the bouncers says with a slight nod.
&nbs
p; “Good evening, gentlemen. Eva will be joining me this evening,” I tell them, allowing my fingers to find the base of her spine, trailing small circles there protectively. I don’t miss the relaxing breath she exhales.
The other bouncer unhooks the red velvet rope, allowing us inside. We easily pass by the security checks and head straight for the bar. “Nathan,” someone says from behind as soon as I place my order. When I turn, I find Carrick. I offer him my hand. “Good to see you,” he says, smirking as he shakes my hand, his gaze falling on my date.
“Hi, Rick,” Eva greets, smiling. Rising on her tiptoes, she feathers her lips over his cheek. It’s a friendly gesture, but I feel jealousy boiling in my blood anyway.
“We’re using dungeon three. I want the blonde on the stage,” I inform my friend, gesturing with my chin to the beautiful girl that’s introducing Mason and Savvie for their show.
“Olivia,” Carrick calls, his gaze pinned on the blonde for a moment before turning back to me. His next conquest. I can read the man like an open book. He looks to Eva again and smiles. “Savvie and her friend were going to have drinks out tonight, but she mentioned you may want to join them after…” His words trail off for a moment, flicking those honey eyes to me before looking at Eva. “She was wondering if you’d have drinks with them later. I’ll lock up to the public early since it’s a personal party.”
“Sounds good. Thank you, Rick,” Eva responds. “I’ll see you later,” she tells him with a small smile.
“Yeah,” he grunts. The threat is clear in his eyes when he looks to me again. “Have fun.”
Once we’re alone, I order a bottle of champagne from Dylan who’s minding the bar, and we make our way to the back. Dungeon three awaits, either I’m about to fuck everything up, and lose the woman who’s wanting to give herself to me, or she’ll see the real me and want me even more. I’m hoping for the latter, but I can already tell when we step into the room and the other woman is already there that this isn’t going to be an easy feat.
