by Jordan Dane
When he had a hard time looking her in the eye, she knew what he’d decided before he even explained.
“I don’t want to disrupt my dad,” he told her. “His doctors are in Chicago. And with dementia like his, changing his routine could be devastating. I can’t do that to him. I’ve accepted Garrett’s offer, but I’m staying in Chicago. I hope you understand.”
She wanted to be happy for him, but she couldn’t. She didn’t know what to think. Everything had happened so suddenly. It had taken her a lifetime to feel she even deserved happiness, but owning that feeling and sustaining it were too very different things. She needed time. Time she didn’t have.
“This is my last day in New York. I’ve got a flight out late today,” he said.
It took a moment for his words to sink in. As happy as she’d been with him in New York, she had been just as heartsick to know he’d be gone by tonight. Jessie had to remind herself that she still had feelings for him. That hadn’t changed, but a growing ache in her stomach left her empty inside.
“You still want to see New York City?” She tried to smile, but only gave it half an effort.
“With you? Yes.”
After they ate breakfast, she took him to Central Park. They had a picnic in the grass, took in an exhibit at the Met and looked over Central Park from the rooftop of the museum. They had a quiet dinner at a restaurant on the Upper West Side, but all too soon their time together had ended.
After he had packed, she called him a cab from her place. When it arrived, she stood with him on the curb and they kissed. And after they pulled apart, she said, “After today, what I love most about New York City…is you in it. I miss you already, Seth.”
Her eyes welled with tears. And when she looked up, she saw he wasn’t immune to the moment. The trail of a tear glistened on his cheek, and he didn’t bother to wipe it away.
“I want you in my life, but I won’t force you.” When he kissed her on the cheek, he said, “I love you, Jessie.”
No man had ever told her that. The moment was wonderful and terrifying at the same time.
Without waiting for anything from her, Seth slid into the cab and waved good-bye. Dumbstruck, she stood on the sidewalk and watched as the taxi rolled forward and merged into traffic. He told her that he loved her. And it scared the hell out of her.
When he was gone, she whispered, “I love you, too.”
Gomez Hacienda in Baracoa, Cuba
Morning
Days later
It had taken days for Kinkaid to get back on his feet. Alexa had stayed to help him. She wanted to make sure he’d pull through the worst of it, but the strained silence between them had become palpable. He was too weak to notice at first, but eventually he did. And when they were alone, with their hosts gone for a few hours, he pressed her for answers.
“What’s going on, Alexa? You haven’t said much lately.”
“Never thought you’d complain about that.” She forced a smile as she stood near the kitchen.
Moving slower these days, he walked into the living room, dressed in jeans and a navy T-shirt. His dark hair was wet from the shower. She had brewed coffee and been waiting to cook for him.
“Are you hungry?” she asked.
“Not really. Coffee works.”
Kinkaid’s body had taken a beating, but there was nothing wrong with his eyesight.
“What’s this?” He pointed toward the front door and narrowed his eyes. “You leaving?”
He noticed her gear packed and behind a chair near the entry. Whatever time they had together had run out. She had already made arrangements to leave Cuba that day. She felt like a damned coward, but she had to remind herself. There was nothing real between them. All they had were old memories and her gullible notion of a road not taken. He had never promised her anything. And the attraction and feelings she believed they shared hadn’t been there at all. Their emotional connection had been a one-way street, driven by her desire to make a change in her life—and wanting it to be with him.
“Yeah, life goes on,” she said. “Didn’t you get the memo?”
Her words came out harsher than she had intended. Or had they? Anger colored her mood. She was leaving, acknowledging that she’d been wrong about him, but he’d lied to her.
And that hurt, damn it!
“Why didn’t you tell me that you’re married, Jackson…and that you have a kid?” She couldn’t hide the hurt in her voice. It made her sound like such a…girl. The last thing she wanted. “I never figured you for soccer games and PTA meetings.”
“What?” He glared at her. She’d crossed a line, and she had no idea how. “Did Garrett tell you about them? I’m surprised he had the nerve, the bastard.”
What did Garrett have to do with Kinkaid’s wife and child? Heat rushed to her cheeks, along with the cold realization that she was treading on dangerous turf and going in blind.
“No, I listened to your iPod. That’s all.”
“And that’s enough.” He raked a hand through his hair and turned his back on her. With a loud sigh, he stuffed his hands into his pockets and let the silence build a wall between them.
When he finally spoke, she barely heard his voice.
“My wife and little girl are dead. That recording I have…it’s the last time I heard their voices.”
Alexa felt as if she’d been sucker punched. She had barely gotten used to the idea of his being married. Now to hear his wife and child were dead ripped her heart out—for him. A guy like Kinkaid lived to protect. He’d been trained for it, but the instinct came naturally. It was in his genes. For him to love someone enough to marry her and have a baby, his wife had to be a very special woman. And a father should never experience the death of his little girl. Never.
Alexa ached for him and knew he was hurting. She had no doubt grief had been the reason for his stay in a mental hospital. For him to lose it like that would have been devastating for a take-charge guy like Kinkaid. She waited for him to say more, but he didn’t.
“When did it…happen?” she asked.
“After the last mission I had with you. Nearly five years ago. They were murdered, Alexa. And I was the one who found them.”
“Murdered?” Alexa was numb with shock. “Who would have killed them, Jackson?”
“It was a professional hit. Police didn’t even get close to finding out who did it.” When Kinkaid turned, his face was flushed. “Garrett had a security detail on them, but something went wrong. After what happened, I called it quits with the Sentinels…and Garrett. If I’d stayed, I would have been too tempted to kill your boss.”
“Since your family was under Sentinels’ protection, did it have something to do with a mission?” she asked, but didn’t wait for his answer. “Why didn’t Garrett conduct his own investigation? When one of his own comes under fire, he’d be the first one to…”
“Look, that’s not how it went down. And I’ve said too much already. I don’t need you involved in this.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? Any of it.” She hadn’t meant to ask that, but the words were out before she could stop. And there was no reining back the heartache she felt inside.
He shook his head. “I kept my wife and kid a secret from everyone. In our business, having a family makes you vulnerable. And they meant too much to me. I couldn’t risk anyone knowing, not even you. And after they were killed, I wasn’t exactly thinking straight.”
But Garrett had known about Kinkaid’s family,, she thought. Garrett was supposed to keep them safe.
A stab of fear gripped her stomach, making her wonder what had really happened. And she had a feeling Garrett would have nothing to say, not about the death of Kinkaid’s wife and little girl. Alexa didn’t know what to believe. She respected both men and had feelings for them too—very different feelings.
“Kate mentioned you had a charitable foundation.” She changed the subject, wanting to understand. “What’s that all about? You work as a mercenary for drug cartels, s
iding with the highest bidder. That doesn’t fit the image for…what’s the name of your foundation?”
She tried to recall the name. When he filled in the blank, saying, “Lost Angel,” she suddenly knew.
The foundation had been named for his daughter. Daddy’s little angel.
“Oh…I’m so sorry, Jackson. I didn’t know. And you don’t have to explain. Not to me.”
“You’re right about one thing. I am taking money from drug cartels. It’s just not what you think. Let’s leave it at that.” He sighed and fixed his gaze on her. “My wife and kid are dead, Alexa. And I’m getting on with my life…my way.”
“Are you?” She cocked her head. “Who are you trying to convince?”
“Look, this is none of your business.”
“Yeah, I finally see that,” she said. “Thanks for the eye-opener.” She headed for the door.
“No, you don’t understand. This is too…personal. Having a kid, it wasn’t like anything I’ve ever felt.” He stopped her with the emptiness in his voice. “Love at first sight can be a powerful and consuming feeling. I never believed in it until the day my daughter was born, and I held her for the first time. That moment was so…perfect. Even now, I can smell her skin and feel her move in my arms.”
Tears drained down his cheeks. She knew he was in another place and time, and he’d taken her with him. Alexa felt his gut-wrenching pain and experienced his profound sorrow.
“It was going to be the three of us,” he said. “And all I wanted to do was protect our baby girl, but when it counted, I couldn’t do that.”
Kinkaid shut his eyes and lowered his head. She’d never seen him so lost. All she wanted to do was hold him, but out of respect for his grief and the family he had lost, she kept her distance.
“Some roads you’ve got to go down alone,” he admitted. “And I’m not ready to let go. I can’t.” He looked her in the eye. “Not even for you.”
The truth had finally surfaced. And she knew it would take time for her to accept it. She could only imagine the horror of what he’d been through. Living with the reality of such an atrocity would be hell on earth. And even if he wanted to remember them alive as he listened to their recorded voices, he’d been the first one to find their bodies. That cruel memory would haunt him—a merciless torment he didn’t deserve.
“I’m not asking for you to let go. Only you will know when it’s time to do that,” she said. “I just wish you could have trusted me with the truth.”
Alexa knew that he trusted her with his life, but beyond that, real intimacy was a precious gift that had to be earned. She wasn’t sure she deserved that kind of trust from him, but that didn’t stop her from wanting it—or needing it.
She had to accept that Kinkaid had chosen a life detached from others, and nothing she said now would convince him to change how he felt about her. And only time and her taking stock in her life would prevent the same isolation from eventually happening to her. It was a slippery slope and an easy trap to fall into in their line of work. She picked up her gear and carried it to the door before she turned one last time.
“Kate wants to see you,” she told him. “Anything you want me to tell her?”
“No, nothing.”
“You’re not going to see her again, are you?”
“She doesn’t need me in her life. Hell, she’s better off without me. She always was. I’ll still support her school, but she won’t know the money is coming from me.”
“What about you? Walking away from a friend like Kate…” And me, she wanted to say. “…that’s not good. It’s hard enough to do what we do. Doing it alone only makes things…worse. You know that, don’t you?”
“I never wanted to go it alone, Alexa, but shit happens. Getting too close to me isn’t good for your health, or haven’t you been paying attention?” He shook his head and grimaced, unable to meet her gaze. “This shouldn’t have happened to Kate. None of it should have happened. Why did they…why did anyone have to die?”
Alexa wasn’t sure if he was talking about Kate and the hostages anymore.
“I don’t know, Jackson.” Her eyes brimmed with tears. “But Sayed was responsible for what happened to Kate and the others, not you. It’s why we stopped him…together. How long will you beat yourself up over something you had no control over?”
“For as long as it takes.”
She wished what he said wasn’t true, but she knew different.
“Good-bye, Jackson. I hope you find…” She struggled for words. Find what? Kinkaid was a guy who had found happiness once—and lost it. “I hope you find whatever it is that you’re looking for.”
After a long moment, Kinkaid nodded, and said, “You too, Alexa.”
She walked out the door, fighting a lump in her throat, a knot of emotion that she would deal with in the days and months to come. A part of her would always love Jackson Kinkaid. She knew that now. Yet there would be a part of him that she could never have—and that wasn’t good enough.
She needed more than he had to give. And if Kinkaid were any example, time wouldn’t heal all wounds.
And now
a special early look at the
next title in the Sweet Justice series
Reckoning for the Dead
Coming 2011
From Jordan Dane and Avon Books
Outside Ciudad Juárez, Mexico
Dusk
The footsteps of Ramon Guerrero echoed as he stepped closer to the hostage. A dark silhouette of a man was backlit from the only barred window in the cell. His prisoner had been stripped of his clothes. Completely naked, he sagged by the weight of his own body as he hung from a metal bar. Ropes cut into his wrists and blood drained down his arms. Dark bruises mottled his ribcage, an aftermath of the beatings he had survived.
“Why are you here in my country?”
The man did not hesitate. “I’m here to kill a man.”
Guerrero burst into laughter at the man’s gall. “And how is that going for you?” Without waiting for an answer, he shook his head and said, “We know who you are.”
“You don’t know shit. Go to hell.”
In the stifling heat, Guerrero punched the hostage in the gut. Once. Twice. The prisoner clinched his stomach muscles and took the blows without uttering a sound.
“We shall s-see…” he panted, “…h-how long your arrogance lasts.”
His cartel boss had demanded to see the prisoner. It was the only reason Garrett Wheeler was still alive…for now.
New York City
Before dawn
Dressed in gray slacks and black cashmere sweater, Alexa Marlowe sipped coffee as she looked out her apartment window, located on the third floor of a brownstone on the Upper East Side off Lexington Avenue. For the last week, she’d been restless and sleep hadn’t come easy. In her line of work that was a hazard of the trade, but she had another reason to worry. And after getting a call from Tanya Spencer yesterday and arranging for an early-morning meeting at her place, she wondered if the Sentinel’s analyst had been losing sleep for the same reason.
When she heard the soft knock on her door, she rushed to answer it.
“Good morning, Tanya.” She forced a smile. “Please…come in.”
“Thanks for accommodating my crazy schedule.”
Even before dawn, the woman was impeccably dressed in a navy Burberry blazer and a pencil skirt. Her black skin looked radiant with only a hint of the flawless make-up she wore. And her southern drawl could melt butter. That voice had calmed Alexa on many covert ops missions when she had needed analytical support…and a friend.
“Sorry to get you up this early, but I thought we should talk somewhere away from headquarters. And your place was on my way to work.”
“No trouble. You’ve given me a jump on my day. Can I get you coffee?” Alexa asked.
“Yes, please.”
Alexa had already made a pot. She served Tanya a cup and they sat in her living room.
Bein
g a covert agent, Alexa viewed the world differently than most people. She looked for ulterior motives and conspiracies under every rock. It was how her brain worked out of necessity. Her survival sometimes depended on it. And since Tanya Spencer had a similar background—having worked many years with the privately funded Sentinels and as Garrett Wheeler’s right hand for the last decade—Alexa figured the woman’s cryptic words meant she was only playing it safe.
“So tell me what’s on your mind, Tanya.”
“I’m not sure if I should be saying this, but…” the woman began. “…I haven’t heard from Garrett in almost two weeks. And that’s not like him.” When Alexa didn’t act surprised, Tanya said, “What’s going on? Do you know anything about this?”
“No, I don’t, but I’ve noticed the same thing.” She heaved a sigh. “I thought it was me. After I broke it off with him, our relationship changed. It had to, but I haven’t heard from him either. And that’s got me losing sleep.”
Tanya was one of the few people within the Sentinels who knew about her personal relationship with her boss, Garrett. She considered the woman a trusted friend.
“Isn’t anyone else concerned about this?” Alexa narrowed her eyes. “He’s head of our organization. What’s he been working on?”
Tanya had been Garrett’s senior analyst and advisor for the last ten years. She usually kept close tabs on him. And he trusted her with every aspect of what he did. They were a team.
“That’s just it. I don’t know.” The woman shook her head and put down her coffee. “And it’s got me worried sick. He’s never done this, Alexa. He’d always involved me with anything he touched. That’s why I wanted to talk here, at your place. Something’s been going on and I’ve been cut out of the loop. The people Garrett answers to have to know something, but they’re not clueing me in.”
“So who’s in charge with Garrett gone? I’ve never seen him work with anyone in particular who could step into his shoes.”
