Walls of Ash

by Amber Newberry

  “I do not understand, please let go of me...” I asked, trying to stay calm.

  “I am surprised that secret was so well kept. It is probably best that you are told.” He was smiling oddly, his expression chilled me.

  “Your Grandmother was my Grandfather’s sister. You have probably wondered where your mother came from all of this time. It was a tragic circumstance that I have always thought was handled badly,” he said and continued, still holding me so tight that I could barely move.

  “This is the reason I have come to you. People often used to marry within their family to keep their blood line pure...” I was truly disgusted because I was finally aware of his reasoning for trying to get close to me.

  “I understand what you mean, and I am not interested. I am rather appalled by your request now that I know who you are.” I turned my nose up, finally pulling myself free from his grip. I rushed to the bell and pulled the rope hoping it would speed up the presence of the maid.

  “My dear,” he said, and he reminded me of the serpent that hung above Loki’s head in the painting at Anbetung. “You would do well to remember that your mother was well taken care of by her family. You allowed me to write to you, how can you say to me now that you have no interest in becoming my wife?”

  “My mother was only given a dowry because your family wanted her to keep her Mother’s secret,” I said with a raised voice. He walked toward me, and I turned to go to the door, but he grabbed me again and held me tightly against him. It amused him that I continued to fight him, but he seemed to be more impatient now.

  “We paid our debt to her by bestowing a dowry on the Rhineholt man she chose to marry, but the way she went about it... that was blackmail.” He pulled me along to where we sat before. His hands were on my shoulders and he pushed me down, forcing me to sit. His grasp was hard and when I winced in pain, it did not seem to faze him. He sat next to me, far closer than I would’ve liked, and held my hand so tightly that he could have broken it if he wanted. His voice was harsh when he spoke.

  “My family has lost nearly everything, and we will go to great lengths to have that fortune restored. That dowry would be a welcome help, now. If you married me, I might be able to save what is left of our home. You do owe it to us, after all, for your family’s sake...” He finally let go of my hand.

  I stood up and Franny finally came in with the tea at that moment. I gave her a look that she did not seem to understand.

  “Franny, this gentleman was just leaving, would you have Torrence see him out?” I said and I think she noticed the quiver in my voice and she answered right away.

  “I shall ring for him, Miss” she said, but stayed in the room with Eckhardt and me. He stood and dropped a card on the table.

  “You can reach my man at that address when you come to your senses.” His face was like stone when he looked at me as he passed.

  When he was gone, I fell back into my seat and breathed hard. I rubbed my hand which was now bruising, and Franny came to me.

  “Miss, shall I fetch the Doctor?” I shook my head. “I should not have listened to him. He asked to be alone with you and said that he was proposing. I only agreed because it sounded so romantic... I’m so sorry, Miss...”

  Aunt Emmaline, Celia, and Li returned only a few minutes after Eckhardt departed, and I was surprised to see Julian and Leo with them.

  “Tamsin, dear! I hope you’re feeling better, look who’s come for tea--” I heard Celia’s voice stop sharp and she and my Aunt rushed to where I sat.

  “Whatever has happened? You are positively green!” Celia said. My Aunt took my hand, and saw that it was red and turning purple in places.

  “Franny, what has happened?” Celia said. Franny looked scattered and ashamed that she left me alone.

  “I think she’s had a shock, Ma’am--” Franny said but was interrupted.

  “Did you send Torrence to fetch the Doctor?” I heard my Aunt say, but I finally found my voice.

  “Please, I don’t need to see a Doctor, I am only bruised, but all this commotion is too much. I need some air.” Julian opened the windows right away.

  “Please tell us, what is going on, dear?” Aunt Emmaline was very concerned, and when she put an arm around my shoulders I winced in pain, feeling how badly Eckhardt hurt me. My shoulders, ribs and hands were all badly bruised, and I shivered thinking what it would be like to be married to a man like that.

  I told her who just left and what he demanded of me. When I said that he was very forceful with me and that he nearly broke my hand holding on to it so tight, Julian’s face hardened. He exchanged a look with Leo. I explained that the Eckhardts were desperate for money and that he threatened me and our family because of my mother’s so called ‘blackmail'. There was obvious shock when I explained his relationship to my Grandmother. Aunt Emmaline said that she would not give consent to a man who would treat me as such, and that Uncle Charles was not aware of the Eckhardt’s declining status or their blood relationship to me.

  “He said he would go to great lengths to see that fortune restored...” I wasn’t sure what he was planning to do, but I was certain it was something detestable. I rubbed my ribs, which felt very sore. I saw Julian say something to Leo, but I couldn’t tell what. Leo nodded and Julian came over to me and looked down at my throbbing hands.

  “Tam,” he said gently, “did he give any indication where he was staying in London?”

  “He left this.” I picked up the card from the table, handing it to him.

  Without a word, Julian left. Leo did not follow him.

  “I will stay with you until Lord Rhineholt comes home,” Leo said.

  * * *

  I began having nightmares more frequently. There was always a mixture of reality and the horribly contorted imagery my mind stirred up. It often began with Eckhardt holding tightly onto my hand, pulling me through a door that led to darkness. His body would contort, and he would suddenly change into the image of Celia’s mother. Her knotted hand was still holding my hand tightly, and in the other hand she held her candle which dripped hot wax down her disfigured fingers and onto me. Her eyes would go white and she would repeat “Zwei Seelen, ein Körper.” Everything would catch fire around us and though I tried to pull my hand away, I was trapped.

  Sometimes I was back on Leo’s horse, wounded and being carried through the woods, but Leo would turn around and he became Eckhardt leading me to the cliff. I wouldn’t be able to move and then I was falling...

  When I awoke, it was usually in the middle of the night. Sometimes I would eventually fall back asleep, or I would go to Li’s or Celia’s room and fall asleep in the comfort of knowing they were with me.

  Julian returned the night of the visit to say that he found Eckhardt’s man and he gave him a message. Julian did not elaborate, and Aunt Emmaline said that it would be ‘unrefined’ to ask. Uncle Charles wrote to the Eckhardts and asked that they tell their son to keep his distance or there would be consequences.

  A few weeks after the incident in the drawing room, the day of my Uncle’s birthday gathering finally arrived. We were all in relatively good spirits and I was becoming myself again. There were no signs of Eckhardt’s whereabouts, and I hoped Julian’s ‘message’ sent him running back to Germany with his tail between his legs. More likely he was laying low somewhere in England, and that worried me, but I was determined to have a good time at the party.

  Uncle Charles insisted that there be a constable on hand, checking invitations just in case any trouble arose. Uncle Charles also insisted that the Hilbournes stay in our guest rooms so that Julian and Leo would be on hand in case their assistance was needed. In fact, Julian came over for tea every day since the incident, and it was the first time I can recall not loathing his presence even a little bit. He still got on my nerves plenty, but I felt safer with him there. Leo was often over, as well, but I think it was only half out of worry for me.

  That afternoon the London house was in a whirlwind of preparations.
Julian and I were taking our tea in the drawing room with Li and Celia when Leo came in. He went right to Li and handed her a small piece of parchment. Li held it up.

  “A letter from my father!” she said, elated, “He has given his blessing for Leo and I to wed!” She kissed him on the cheek.

  Li came to me, I took her hands and kissed her. Julian walked over to Leo and shook his hand.

  “Congratulations, Brother.” It was the first time I could remember him calling Leo his brother to his face. Maybe he was finally changing or maybe he was just glad that Leo was now out of the running as competition.

  I went to my room to prepare for the night’s festivities and found a bouquet of flowers on my bed with a note.

  ‘This is a little much, Julian,’ I thought as I smelled the flowers and read the note.

  “My dear Tamsin,

  By the time you read this, I will already be on my way out of London. I am sorry I cannot be with you tonight, but I believe your Julian will be attending, and that could be dangerous for me. Please do not do anything we will regret.

  Yours in Earnest,

  Eckhardt”

  When I turned, Fleur was standing behind me, and she started when she saw the look on my face.

  “Where did these come from?” I said harshly.

  She froze.

  “Fleur, who brought these here?”

  “I don’t know, Miss, I’ve never seen them before now!” she cried. I handed them to her and said, “Please dispose of these right away and take this note to my Uncle.”

  “Yes, Miss,” she said and she was gone.

  I was chilled. If Fleur did not put them in my room, who did? The house was busy preparing for the party and it might have been easy to miss one of the servants bringing them up, but if none of our own staff brought them to my room, how would Eckhardt have left them here? Could he have made it into the house unnoticed? I shuddered at the thought and walked across to Li’s room to tell her what I had found. She was a great comfort to me, and she insisted that I sleep in her room that night. I knew that I would feel safer with Li.

  We readied ourselves together, with the aid of Fleur and Celia, and then Aunt Emmaline came in to approve our gowns before we went downstairs. Li was wearing a dainty, pale yellow gown with a high empire waist that accentuated her bust, but hid any excess there might have been below that. It had a gold design on the sheer sleeves and overskirt which shined when she moved. I had never seen her look so splendid, and I remembered that the French seamstress said yellow for her, and she could not have been more right.

  It was the fashion for women to wear pale colors, and my Aunt requested that all of my evening gowns be mostly white. I was delighted that the silly French woman worked shades of green into most of my dresses, but not this one. It was still magnificent, mostly white, but there was a silver thread in it which shined in the low light. When I had it on, Celia took in a breath and Li covered her mouth. I blushed.

  “Oh stop it!” I said.

  Celia put her hand around my waist and led me over to the vanity where she just completed Li’s hair, which turned out to be very pretty. She twisted and tugged at my own hair. When she was done, I looked very fashionable.

  “Wait!” Li said, “There’s something missing!” and she rushed over to her trunk and pulled out a comb with three silver feathers and several sparkling stones. She gently slid it into my hair. She was right, the transformation was complete. Celia nodded her approval and so did Aunt Emmaline.

  Before we all headed downstairs, my Aunt asked me to follow her to her room where she told me to sit by the vanity. She was in the dressing closet for a moment and came back with a silver bracelet that was covered in leaves.

  “It was your mother’s and now it is yours. I have something else special for you, but I will give it to you tomorrow because it is hidden for safe keeping.” I wondered what it was, but I thanked her for my mother’s bracelet. I held it up to the light and looked at the fragile details. I embraced Aunt Emmaline, which made her smile. With one last check in the mirror, we went downstairs.

  When the festivities began I was nervous, but I stood where I could watch the door, and if Eckhardt was spotted, Uncle Charles and Reginald were nearby. Leo and Julian entered together, and they came right over to us. I told them about the note from Eckhardt and Julian agreed that it was strange that the flowers went unnoticed, like they just appeared there on their own. He seemed glad that I asked Fleur to throw them out right away.

  As we stood in our little group, I remembered what Leo told me about missing music the most, and I was sad that he could not hear the string quartet that was playing a Schubert piece in the corner. Regardless of his inability to hear the music, he asked Li to dance and he kept surprisingly good rhythm without the use of his ears. They turned round the marble floor through several songs. Julian asked me to dance and I graciously accepted on his first try.

  “I’m as surprised as you are,” I said flippantly when he gave me a raised eyebrow at accepting his request. We carefully weaved through a sea of dancers.

  “This isn’t so bad, is it? I haven’t stepped on you once!” he said as he led me around the floor.

  “The night is young,” I replied and he laughed.

  “Tamsin,” he said my name softly and pulled me closer as we danced.

  “Do you remember that night at Rhineholt, the dinner party?” I did not answer but he could see that I did.

  “You kept tripping over that silly dress, it was far too long for you...” We both smiled at the memory, and I was surprised he remembered or even noticed that it was too long.

  “I like you this way better,” he pulled me even closer when he said this and it was almost a whisper. We did not talk anymore, and when the song finished we found Celia and Lord Hilbourne, and Julian went off with his father.

  “Dear, you are flushed,” Celia said.

  “It is warm,” I said, but I think she knew that it was not the heat that turned the color of my cheeks.

  “You are absolutely shining, Tam,” she said.

  “It’s just the dress... there is the silver threading...” She did not say it, but she did not mean the dress at all.

  “Bernadine has outdone herself with this dance hall,” Celia continued but I was not listening anymore.

  I took a jovial turn around the dance floor with Reginald and then with Uncle Charles, and at some point, I caught sight of Li dancing with Julian. I scanned the room for Leo, but he had already grabbed my hand and was leading me to the floor. He really was quite good for someone who could not hear the music, and I complimented him.

  “The vibrations of the music, I can feel them,” he said, and I realized that I could feel them, too. I smiled that he managed to find a way to enjoy it even though he could not listen to it. We did not say much, but before he led me back over to where I stood before, he said something to me.

  “Li, she needs me. I already saved you once, now I have to save her.” I understood what he was trying to tell me. He took my hand, kissing it, and when he let go, there was a small white piece of fabric. It was the handkerchief that I tended his wound with so long ago. I couldn’t help but feel like he was saying goodbye to me, and I felt a sort of freedom at the gesture. I cared deeply for Leo, he cared for me, but it was Li that he loved.

  When Li and I lay in her bed that night, we chatted about the events of the evening for a long while. We talked about everyone who attended, and Li was back to her old impressions, emulating old Widow Pelham accepting the invitation from the equally ancient Doctor Thornton to “take a jaunt around the dance hall.” We giggled as though we were lying on the leaves beneath the trees in Germany.

  Once Li was asleep, I lay there for a long time thinking about what Julian said to me. I like you better now. Did he mean the fact that I softened toward him, or was he commenting on how I looked? Then I thought of Leo and how he symbolically left me with the memento he held onto for years. Was he urging me toward Julian? It was
all so confusing in the wake of everything that was happening.

  I realized then that I had forgotten to take off my mother’s bracelet. I unclasped the thick band and held it out. There was something engraved on the inside of the bracelet so I held it out to try to see what it said.

  It read, “Meine Beliebte.” My Beloved, I thought.

  I walked quietly across the hall to put it safely in my jewelry box. There was a bright light flickering beneath my door, and when I pushed it open, I saw that the bed and the drapes were engulfed in huge flames. I put my arm up to shield my face from the smoke just as the glass of the windows shattered. I let out a scream, and two hands grabbed me by the elbow and pulled me back from the smoke. Li came running out of her room and screamed. I saw that Julian had pulled me away, and he yelled for us to wake up the rest of the house. Torrence and Lord Hilbourne were already assisting Julian at dousing the flames.

  Li ran to Leo’s room, and I went to wake my Aunt and Uncle. As I turned a corner, I ran smack into Fleur who was running in the opposite direction.

  “Fleur, there is a fire, go down and wake the rest of the staff to help put it out!” I called out, and as I rounded the corner, I saw that the commotion had already woken everyone.

  The flames were put to rest before they spread to any of the other rooms and luckily no one was hurt. If I did not discover the fire when I did, it would’ve surely spread to Li’s room next. If I slept in my own bed, I might have been burned alive. I thought of the candle falling onto the blankets and the mangled old woman’s face with white eyes. Two bodies, one soul. Was my mother warning me with her bracelet? It was the reason I got out of bed and went to my room.

  Only one thing was certain to me. Eckhardt was behind this.

  * * *

  It was decided that the rest of my season should be spent at Rhineholt for my safety and my family’s. I went from having nightmares to barely sleeping at all, and my Aunt asked that the doctor see me. He gave me a small vial of liquid which would help me to sleep, but I refused to take it unless someone was with me. I often slept with Celia when Lord Hilbourne was away, or with Li, while preparations were made for us to go back to the countryside.