“Then lie.” I laughed and he smirked.
“Why waste good compliments on such an ungrateful courtesan?” he asked accepting my challenge.
“Careful what you say, you’ll wind up with a red cheek once I free my hands of these gloves!” I said, and he laughed.
It was nearly our only interaction the whole night because he had so many people to see, and I was popular on the dance floor. I did manage to get in one dance with Leo and two with Reginald while Celia was with other guests. When it was late and all the guests cleared the ballroom, Celia and Reginald were dancing alone without music. Julian and I stood, unnoticed, in one of the doorways looking on as Lord Hilbourne led Celia gracefully around the floor. I was dreaming that my own mother and father were drifting by to an imaginary tune. Julian grabbed my hand and spun me around.
“Let me see this thing.” He was referring to my gown.
“Just as I thought, it must weigh at least as much as a block of marble.”
Reginald and Celia were coming out of the ballroom and overheard. Celia defended the gown.
“Well, at least it’s not made of brocade! Now off to bed!” she said, and with that, we all went our separate ways.
When I got to my room, Fleur was asleep in a chair, waiting for me. I began to take down my hair and did not realize she woke up.
“Oh, Lady Rhineholt! You look an angel!” She did not see me before I went down because Li’s maid had dressed me. I turned to face her.
“Fleur, I want you to call me Tamsin from now on,” I said.
“Oh, but I can’t!” She was shaking her head ferociously.
“Yes, you can and you will. It will make me feel more comfortable,” I said.
“Yes... Lady Tamsin?” She asked.
“That’s good enough for now, I suppose. Now, let’s get this thing off of me, it feels like I’m wearing a saddle!” I said, and it was the first time I heard her laugh in such a long time.
CHAPTER 17
The following morning we saw Li and Leo off on their wedding holiday. They both seemed supremely happy and very much in love. They would be gone for one full month as they would be spending some time with Li’s parents and brother at Anbetung. I wished I could accompany them, it seemed so long since I last saw Germany. I would also miss Li horribly. It was only the first day of November, she would not return until early December.
After they were gone and the guests began to depart, Celia, Julian and I talked of our plans to spend a few days in the village. Celia was looking forward to getting away from Hilbourne for a bit, but she would be busy visiting people, so Julian and I would be on our own for the excursion to Rhineholt. Celia demanded that we bring one of the servants along to chaperone but she knew her arguments were useless with us.
“Very well. People will talk. Thank God you’ll be married before the year is out!” she said, tired of our protests.
“I have half a mind to drag her to the chapel right now, before she has a chance to change her mind again,” said Julian, looking sideways at me.
“No thank you, I have had enough heavy, immaculate gowns and rich foods for one month. In fact, maybe we should push our own ceremony back a little?” I said mischievously. The comment received a raised eyebrow from both Julian and Celia. I was the only one who laughed.
When the last guest finally departed, I was in my room with Fleur preparing for the next few days. We heard the horses below, getting softer and softer down the lane until the sound completely disappeared. I sighed in relief that things would be calm for a little while. I hoped that my nightmares might cease since it seemed that my life was finally falling into place. Julian’s plan to take me to see the ruins of Rhineholt could only affect me one of two ways: it would jar me into the realization that there would be no more fires, or it would give my imagination new imagery for the nightmares. It could not possibly make them worse... I hoped.
Julian also wanted to go and see Creeda, but he agreed with me that it might be best for me to spend that time with Celia because of the way Creeda acted on my last visit to Aven Cottage. I did enjoy the old woman’s company, but I did not want her ominous account of my future again. Dear Creeda, she meant well.
“Are you sure you won’t be needing me to come along?” asked Fleur.
“I am quite sure, and I think that Bernadine will be glad to have your assistance here to finish getting everything back in order from the wedding celebration,” I replied. She went over to the window to pull back the drapes and let a little more sunlight in, and I suddenly decided that it was time I heard Fleur’s account of her parents. I hoped that she would not be put off by my asking. She knew how bold I was just based on my asking her to call me by my Christian name.
“Fleur, will you come and sit with me for a while?” I asked.
“Have I done something wrong?” she looked stunned.
“No, Fleur, I would just like your company for a while. Li is to be away for a month’s time, and I am hoping that we might get to know one another a little better while she is on holiday.” She nodded after I said that, but she still seemed uncomfortable with the idea.
“Have you been with Bernadine your whole life?” I asked.
“Yes, Ma’am... She took me in when only a short time after Creeda helped my mother to give birth. Were it not for my Aunt then I would only have Creeda and as kind as she is, I think it is better that I am with my family. I’d be imposing on Creeda...” She looked down.
“I think that Bernadine is more than happy to have you with her. What became of your mother and father?” She looked at me a little startled and finally spoke, again looking at her feet.
“I never knew my father.” There was a pause.
“You are aware that my mother died bringing me into this world.” She paused again, thinking. She was sharper than I realized, or perhaps her mother’s death was common knowledge.
“Bernadine does not like to talk about my mother, but she says she’s told me all that she knew of where I came from. My mother, she was not married to my father... I hope you will not think less of me for it?”
“Of course not! You could not possibly have played a part in your parents’ choice to marry or not!” I patted her shoulder.
“Bernadine says that my mother was like her mother, and they would take men’s money to provide them with ... a service for a time. She says that she would not have told me, but she wanted me to know where I came from and to teach me a lesson not to lead the same wicked life because it only causes harm,” she said.
“I think that was wise of her, though I’m sure it was difficult for you to hear,” I said and she nodded and was silent again.
“So, do you think that your father is still alive?” I asked.
“Oh yes, Ma’am. There were several times I had parcels and I know they were from him. So he must still be alive, and maybe somewhere near, though I haven’t heard anything from him in several years. That is always how it goes, for a long time there would be nothing, and then something would turn up with a note, always the same handwriting. I don’t read so well, so Franny used to tell me what the notes said.” She seemed sad talking about this, and I wondered if it was because she wanted so badly to know him.
It must have been Uncle Charles, who else would have been able to get a package to her so easily? Bernadine must know. If she does not, then the story only lends itself to Uncle Charles being able to personally sneak a parcel into Fleur’s room when she was young. If that is the case, he really was meticulously careful not to let my Aunt know his part in Fleur’s life.
“That is awfully kind of him, to let him know that he still thinks of you,” I said, but she frowned.
“I suppose, but it might be nicer to have a father in my life rather than one who only remembers me sometimes.” I could see that the conversation was upsetting her so I changed the subject. I asked her about how often she went to see Creeda, and told her of the time that I spent with her when I was thrown from Perseus. It seemed to calm Fleur that I w
as doing the talking and changed the subject from her own life to mine.
I decided then that it was time for me to talk to Bernadine about Camilla and Uncle Charles. I was not sure if even she would know, but how could she not have suspected their relationship when my mother found out the way that she did. My mother was close with Bernadine, so it’s possible that she may have even confided in her.
Dismissing Fleur, I thanked her for keeping me company and then headed downstairs for tea time. Only Reginald and Celia were there, Julian sauntered in after we finished, yawning, and I assumed he must have napped, still tired from the ball. It made me realize how exhausted I was myself. I made up my mind to try to take a nap after visiting with them for a bit and went right up to my room when we were done.
I was surprised to see from down the hallway that my door was opened a crack. As I got closer I became uneasy. Someone had most certainly been in my room, though they were nowhere to be seen. If it was one of the staff, they would have closed the door behind them, it was something that drove Celia mad, so they all knew that the bedroom doors must be closed, always.
I pushed the door the rest of the way open from the hallway and peered in. The Eckhardt family Bible lay open on my pillow. Someone left it this way so that I would see it. I slowly walked over to it and saw that it was open to the family tree. I looked across the room to see that my window was open. It did not make any sense. My room was at the top of the house, it would be nearly impossible to get in or out through that window. Walking over to close the window, I saw that the other black book with the names of the Eckhardt’s illegitimate children lay open on the ground below, the pages blowing in the wind. Someone had dropped it from my window.
The room spun around me, and I remember the tiny bumps rising on my arms and my breathing becoming quick and heavy. I don’t know how long I lay unconscious on the floor before the open window. The images in my mind were sharp and the first thing I saw was Eckhardt’s face, his head back laughing wildly. There was blood dripping from his wound and down his neck and shoulders.
He suddenly stopped laughing and looked hard into my face, grabbing me by my hair as he did the night that he was killed. I screamed, but there was no sound, my voice was gone. He dragged me over to the mirror and turned me to face it, forcing me to look upon my mother on the other side of the mirror. She stood engulfed in flames, reaching out to me until the flames enveloped her.
Eckhardt began to laugh again and dragged me to the window, holding me so I leaned far over, looking down... until he let me go.
I opened my eyes to see Bernadine and Fleur trying to lift me. When she realized I was awake, Fleur threw her arms around me. I was surprised at the show of emotion, it was not at all like her.
“Oh! I was so worried for you, Miss! I mean Lady Tamsin! I came into the room and saw the window open and you, fainted on the floor! I rang the bell and came to your side! We must get you to the bed!” she said and let me go, looking embarrassed.
“Someone was here, in my room. Did you see anyone, either of you?” I asked trying to get up.
They both shook their heads and took my hands to help me up. Fleur put her arm through mine and walked with me to the bed. Julian and Celia came running breathlessly into the room, Julian holding the book that had been lying on the grass below my window. He knelt before me.
“What has happened? Are you alright?” Then, before anyone could answer, “What’s happened?” He was intense with worry for me. I put my hands on his shoulders.
“I came into my room and found the Eckhardt family Bible open and on my pillow, where it sits, now. The window was open and I went to investigate and saw the book you hold in your hands was thrown from the window.”
“We were out taking the air and found--” Said Celia, but Julian cut her off.
“Someone was here? Did anyone see anything?” he asked getting up and looking from Bernadine to Fleur, who did not answer.
“Speak up! Did you see anything?” He yelled and Fleur backed up behind her Aunt.
“No sir,” Bernadine finally spoke. “Fleur were the one that found Lady Rhineholt on the floor, she’d fainted. Fleur rang for me and I come right up!” Fleur seemed to have lost her ability to speak.
“Who knew about the books? Besides those standing in this room?” Julian asked.
“Only the family,” I said.
“And Mrs. Eckhardt...” Celia said and then placed a hand over her mouth.
“That does it, I am moving to Li’s old room. She’ll be moving to Leo’s room now, anyhow,” Julian said.
“Julian, it’s simply inadmissible, and I cannot allow it!” Celia said sternly. She placed her hands on her hips.
“Then we shall marry tomorrow morning so that he might be in the room with me,” I said giving her a stern look. She would not allow me to take away the modest ceremony.
She huffed.
“Fine! Do as you will! Move to the room across the hall, but as long as you are there, Reginald will have to do without me because I will stay in this room with Tamsin!” She was shouting.
“That’s enough,” Julian said.
“If we keep fighting like this Tam will never be able to relax. She has had a shock. I think it’s time you see the doctor again for something to help you sleep.” I nodded because I knew that he was right.
“Bernadine, please go and ask one of the stable boys to fetch the doctor from the village.” She nodded and quickly left the room.
“This room is freezing from that window being open, will you come to the drawing room to warm up?” Julian asked, taking my hands.
I was glad that someone was taking charge of things who knew what I wanted. Celia, Aunt Emmaline, Hilda, and even the nuns controlled me for so long. When Julian took control of any situation, he spoke with authority, but he still always seemed to look to me before making a decision, always involving me. He was trying to make it clear that he would not have me caged, we would be a team.
When we got to the drawing room, Celia was gone, looking for Reginald to tell him what happened. Fleur followed us, and Julian asked her to go and get tea. She did not want to leave me, but she obeyed, and I thought how different our relationship was since she saved my life that ghastly night in the library. I truly hoped that my Uncle was her father, because I wanted to be Fleur’s family.
That night, Reginald insisted that two of the valets take turns standing watch. We would move to the rooms at the opposite end of the hall so that if the intruder had any plans or was still in the house, it might throw them off. He also asked that one of the stable boys sit in the hallway between my room and the one that Julian would be staying in. This did not calm Celia’s worries, but I was glad to have her stay with me that night, because I knew that I would not sleep, and if I did, there would most assuredly be nightmares.
The doctor would almost definitely not make it to Hilbourne until morning, so I was forced to get by playing cards with Celia and Julian until late that night. Reginald was offered a seat at the card table, but he refused, saying that Celia already won from him all he could have gambled away and cards just weren’t the same without a wager. He dozed in a nearby chair with a book in his hands.
I was much calmer, and Celia was looking desperately tired, though she protested when I said she could go on up to our room. Julian did not seem tired at all and knew that it was because he was ready to defend me in whatever situation. I imagined him as a knight in shining armor protecting the helpless damsel... then I giggled at the thought. He was no knight, that was for certain, but he would do.
I finally told everyone that I was ready to try to sleep, and they were all glad to be headed for bed. Celia and I said goodnight first, leaving Julian in the drawing room to wake his sleeping father. When we got to the room, there was a tray with a glass of warm milk on it. When I finished changing, I drank the milk and began to feel sleepy right away.
Celia climbed into the bed next to me and blew out her candle, and she was almost immediate
ly inert. I was staring at the ceiling when the room felt like it was moving slowly in a downward motion. The shadows seemed to trail along as I looked around me. I stood up from the bed when I saw a shadow walking through the room.
I was so dazed that I staggered toward the figure and hugged one of the broad, velvet curtains that blew in the cold autumn wind. There was a voice whispering my name, I thought it was my mother calling to me. As I staggered toward the voice, my eyes would not adjust and there was only dark blue. I felt the wind cool against my face and suddenly realized that I was not sleeping, though I felt dizzy as I did the night I drank too much wine. I looked down and saw the ground swirling far below me and my toes sticking out above it. My body seemed to move without me, leaning forward, farther and farther...
There was a pull on my night dress, and I went tumbling backward, landing on someone. It was too dark and though there was a voice, I could not place it. I was on the floor, and the room kept rocking and swaying side to side and the realization swept over me that I was poisoned.
The milk, I thought... and all went black.
* * *
There were dark figures dancing around the room, which still seemed to sway and spin. Someone spoke to me, but I could not make out their words, which seemed jumbled and meaningless. It was just noise, and the voices sounded like they were far away, coming from a different room. Then there was nothing.
Dr. Haskins leaned over me so closely I could smell that he had recently been smoking a pipe. His white mustache, which was browned around his lips, seemed giant with him so near. He was muttering something, but the words didn’t seem to make sense. I saw that light was coming in from the closed window. Celia was on the other side of me, holding my hand in hers and weeping.
“She’s coming round,” the old man said.
“Shall I bring water, Doctor?” I heard Bernadine’s voice.
“Yes, I think so.” He stared down at me, “Just lean back and stay calm.”
“The milk...” I began.
“Yes, that’s good...” Then to Celia, “She remembers the milk, that’s very good.”
Walls of Ash Page 18
