by K. A. Hobbs
“Surprise!” Megan beams, whispering loudly so she doesn’t wake her son.
“Happy birthday, beautiful,” Josie cries, wiping her eyes. “Blame the hormones, I am.” she laughs.
Jack wraps his arm around her and kisses her temple, smiling at me. Mum steps forward and wraps her arms around me as I try and take everything in.
“Happy birthday, sweetheart.” she whispers in my ear.
“Thank you, Mum.” I croak, emotion completely overwhelming me.
When she pulls back, I turn back around and face Carter, he’s standing still just smiling at me. Smiling his all American smile that has my legs turning to jelly. I walk over and wrap my arms around him, resting my head on his chest and letting the tears I’m trying to hold back, fall. His arms come up and around me and he turns his head so his mouth is resting by my ear.
“Happy birthday,” he whispers. “They all love you, they’re all here for you.” he tells me.
“Thank you,” I turn my face to look up at him and smile. “Thank you.”
“No need to thank me,” he shakes his head. “We’ve got all your favourite foods and you’re on strict orders to enjoy yourself tonight.”
“Share the birthday girl,” Josie calls, stepping up to me and tugging me away from Carter. “I want a hug.”
“How did you manage to keep it a secret?” I ask her, laughing.
“Are you really asking me that? I kept this a secret didn’t I?” she says proudly patting her stomach.
“Yes you did!” I laugh.
“Let me get in on this!” Megan calls, coming over after handing Henry to Harry.
“I thought we were going out for dinner.” I tell them when we’ve hugged.
“Well, it’s not really going out is it, but we do have dinner.”
“And music, so we can dance,” Megan smiles. “Carter arranged it all you know.”
“He took me to Dirty Dancing too.”
“He’s so sweet!” Megan coos. “Are you together yet?”
“No,” I growl. “Don’t mention it!”
“Okay, okay!” she chuckles as she walks back over to Harry.
Everyone gets something to eat and drink and then we all sit around while I open my presents. Mum and Dad hand me a envelope which I open carefully.
“You didn’t.” I gasp as I look at the print out.
“Yes we did,” Dad smiles. “You deserve a break after everything.”
“What is it?” Josie asks, leaning over to try and see.
“It’s two tickets to Rome.”
“Two?”
“One for me and one for whoever I decide to take I guess?” I look at Carter and smile. “Thank you, you really didn’t have to.” I tell Mum and Dad as I hug them.
“We wanted to, happy birthday, sweetheart.” Mum kisses my cheek and smiles.
I’m spoilt, Harry, Megan, Josie and Jack give me the most beautiful charm bracelet that they each picked a charm for. I look at it and smile, there’s a star which Josie tells me represents all of us, that best friends are like stars, you don’t always have to see them to know they are there. There’s also a ballet slipper and a beautiful sparkly heart.
“You guys,” I half sob. “It’s beautiful.”
“Just like you then.” Josie winks.
“This is from me,” Carter speaks up, handing me a box. I lift the lid and tears fill my eyes.
I pull out the scrapbook and look at the wording that’s on the front; Never be ashamed of a scar. It simply means you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you. I flip open the page and there’s a photo of Carter and me at Jack and Josie’s wedding. I didn’t even realise it had been taken, we’re leaning close to each other during dinner and laughing. I turn the page again and there’s a photo of Abigail and I looking up at the sharks at the aquarium. Page after page there are more photos, from the past few months and quotes, so many quotes.
Towards the back is a photo of Carter and me, I’m fast asleep, my head is resting on his chest and we’re both covered by the white fluffy blanket I love. Underneath the photo are the words; We don’t meet people by accident. They are meant to cross our path for a reason. When I look up, I realise all eyes are on me and that I have tears rolling down my cheeks. I don’t think about it, I get up and I walk over to where he’s sitting on the sofa next to Harry. I kneel on the floor next to him and wrap my arms around him. His arms come up and around me and I whisper in his ear, so only he can hear me.
“Thank you so much, it doesn’t seem enough Carter. It can’t ever be enough for what you’ve done for me, but thank you.”
“I’m glad you like it. I wanted to remind you how far you’ve come, of everything you’ve overcome since I’ve known you and that I’m always here for you. Always.”
I pull back and he wipes the tears on my face away. We just stare at each other, unable and unwilling to look away from each other. I can’t tell you how much time passes, but it’s only when Henry cries that we look away. Mum, Josie and Megan all have tears in their eyes and Jack and Harry are grinning.
“Shall we have some cake?” Mum sniffs.
“Yes, I think we should.” I grin, squeezing Carter’s hand.
“Thank you all for being here today, it means the world to me to have you all here.” I hug everyone as they all start to leave.
“We wouldn’t have missed it for the world,” Megan squeezes me goodbye. “Talk to him, Carm. He loves you and you love him.”
“I will.”
“And tell me how it goes.” she whispers.
“Of course I will.”
“I’m pooped!” Josie yawns as she shrugs into her coat. “And I’m so stuffed. No more food ever.”
“She says that now,” Jack laughs. “She’ll be hungry in an hour.”
“I would say he’s wrong, but he really isn’t.” she laughs as they leave.
“You look so beautiful today, darling.” Mum says as she hugs me goodbye.
“Thank you, and thank you both for my present.”
“You’ll love Rome, it’s so romantic.” she looks over my shoulder at Carter.
“Look after yourself, sweetheart.” Dad squeezes me and kisses my cheek.
“I will.”
When everyone has left and it’s just Carter and I, I turn around and he’s sitting on the sofa. I head over and sit next to him, he looks tense and on edge and I have a pretty good idea why.
“Carter, we need to talk.”
“Yeah… I guess we do.” he sighs.
Has any good ever come from anyone saying we need to talk?
I guess we’re about to find out.
I turn to look at her and she smiles, that has to be a good sign right?
“Carter… Thank you for today, no one has ever done anything like this for me.”
“Well, they should have. You deserve it.” I tell her honestly.
“Your present…”
“You liked it?”
“I loved it, it meant so much that you did that for me, the time, the effort…”
“Like I said, you deserve it.”
“It means more than you’re letting on, doesn’t it?”
“What do you mean?”
“What I mean,” she sighs. “Is that you made it for me because you have feelings for me.”
“That isn’t news, Carm. You’ve known this for a long time.”
“I know… .It’s just.”
“Just what?”
“A part of me can’t help but think, you feel this way about me because I’ve been sick… Because of everything that has happened.”
I stand up, anger rolling through my whole body. How can she think that? Think that the only reason I feel these things for her, the reason I love her, is because she had cancer.
“All the choices, all the decisions have been mine. Not yours. Mine. The decision to stay, the decision to make a life for myself here with you? All mine. I get that you’re probably confused right now, but don’t sit there and
tell me how I feel about you. Don’t sit there and tell me it’s because of what you’ve been through that I feel these things for you.”
I take a deep breath and when I don’t feel any calmer I take a few more, she sits there, looking at me, waiting for words I’m never going to tell her.
“I’ve loved you from the first moment I saw you, I’ve loved you every day since and I’ll love you everyday from now. It has nothing to do with you having cancer and everything to do with you being the most incredible, kind, strong, beautiful woman I’ve ever met. It has everything to do with the the fact I can’t imagine ever loving anyone like I love you, I can’t imagine anyone making me feel even a fraction of what you do. I’m alive when I’m with you, Carmen… And I know you feel the same.”
“I do Carter, I do.” she smiles tearily.
“Then what’s wrong?”
“It’s all been so fast, we’ve had no time to sit and work anything out, we went from being strangers to living together, to being with each other almost twenty-four seven. Do you ever just want to take time to think about all this? Make sure it’s… right?”
“No. I don’t need to. But if you do, if you think this isn’t what you wa—”
“It’s not like that… It’s just, so much has happened these past few months. I don’t know what I’m doing from one day to the next and I don’t seem to have any time to process anything.”
“Do you need to process us?” I ask, kneeling down so I’m looking her in the eye.
“I don’t know, do I?” she whispers.
I reach out and place my hand over her heart, I leave it there, waiting for a reaction. She looks at me and I can see everything she feels on her face, Carmen isn’t good at hiding what she feels, I’ve learnt this in the time we’ve been together, every pain, every emotion is played out on her beautiful face.
“What does it tell you?”
“That I love you too, that I can’t be without you, that if you leave… You’ll take my heart with you and I can’t live without my heart.” she whispers.
I smile, then take her hand and place it over my heart.
“Mine tells me you’re the one I’m supposed to be with, that fate, destiny, I don’t know, brought us together because we’re meant to be. Sometimes there aren’t reasons for what happens in life, I can’t explain why you had to go through this, and I won’t even try, but maybe something good comes from everything bad, and maybe the good in this is us.”
“I don’t want to be alone, I don’t want you to leave, I never want you to leave.”
“I know, Carm. I love you, I’m not going anywhere. So tell me.” I grin as I lean closer and whisper in her ear.
“I love you.” she whispers back..
“You do?” I tease, enjoying watching her squirm.
Come on, I’ve waited months for her to admit this, for this moment, I’m not just going to let her get away with torturing me all this time, damn if she isn’t going to work for it.
“Yes,” she pulls back and looks me in the eye, I’m a goner. “I love you, Carter.”
“I know you love me and you know I love you. It’s been that way from the very beginning, whether you choose to admit it or not. When we met, the Earth moved, the planets aligned and our souls united and found the part of them that was missing. You and me, gorgeous, we’re the real thing. ”
“You’ve looked after me all this time, I pushed, I fought and yet, you’re still here. I don’t know if I deserve you, Carter, but I’m keeping you anyway.” she smiles, leaning forward.
“Are we actually going to kiss now?” I tease her. “Because I’ve been dreaming of this moment for months.”
“We’ve kissed before Carter.” she laughs.
“Yes, but this is different, now? Now you admit you love me, this is like our first proper kiss. No alcohol, no sadness, just because it’s what we both want… It’s what you want isn’t it?”
“More than want. This, us… It’s been the only thing that has got me through the last… Since everything in my life changed, you’ve been the one constant, I didn’t know you before it happened, you don’t know me for what I was then, but what I am now. You fell in love with me. I don’t know how it happened, but I count every blessing I have that it did. I couldn’t have done it without you.” she tells me, tears falling down her cheeks.
“I know how it happened, I saw you, not what you were battling. I saw the beautiful, funny, kind person you are. You were prepared to cope with this alone because your friends have their own lives, do you know how amazing that makes you? Not to mention you’re the most beautiful girl in the whole world.” I lean forward and press a kiss to the top of her head. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too.” she smiles, leaning forward.
“We have to put our trust in each other, we have to believe, we’re going to be the best thing the world has ever seen.”
“We’re going to be better than Harry and Megan, better than Jack and Josie.” she grins.
“They’ve got nothing on us.” I smile, right before I lean forward and kiss her.
“It’s going to get complicated, Carter. I can’t promise or guarantee you anything.” she pulls back and looks at me.
“I don’t care how complicated this gets, I’ll still want you. I will always want you.””
“I guess this is our future…”
“It is.”
“If we’re going to be together, you have to know that our future can’t be like Harry and Megan’s… or Jack and Josie’s…”
“Why not?” I ask not understanding.
“Do you want children, Carter?” she whispers, closing her eyes and wincing, like the question causes her pain.
“I want what you want.” I tell her, because it’s true.
“That’s not an answer.”
“Yes, I always pictured having children in my future and I know you do too.”
“I can’t have children.”
“You can, we’ll just have to do it a bit differently, but you can have children, Carm. When the time comes, I know there will be a little person out there who needs a Mommy and Daddy and that will be us, we’ll love them, give them a life and so much love they won’t know what to do with it.”
“Is it that simple?”
“Yes, you deserve everything you want and I’ll make sure you get it.”
“Did your Mum find you under a tree?” she laughs, cupping my face. “I’m sure they don’t make men like you.”
“No, they don’t. Just me.” I grin.
“I want my future to be you Carter Manning. I want my everything to be you.”
“My future is you, my everything is you, too.”
I lead him down the hall and into my room.
Our room.
Seeing as he’s barely slept in his actual room since we moved in. I stop when I reach the bed and just look at him. It’s like seeing him for the very first time, only now I can fully appreciate just how beautiful Carter Manning is. His chocolate brown eyes that have had me captivated since the very first time I met him, all those months ago.
“Can I help you?”
I look up and into a pair of brown eyes, the kind of eyes that would be described as chocolatey, yeah, he is chocolate alright. I skim my eyes down his body and inwardly sigh, hot, melted, orgasmic chocolate and he wants to help me? Well sure.
“What with exactly?” I ask him.
“Anything. I’m good at most things.”
His messy yet perfect mop of brown hair that just begs to have my fingers run through it. His all American smile that makes my knees feel like they might give way any second. His nose, in perfect proportion to his face and his lips, the lips I’ll be kissing for the rest of my life. My stomach gives an excited jolt at that thought and I lean in, pressing my mouth to his. His left hand makes its way up to my neck and wraps around, just holding me there. Slowly, his thumbs make small circles on my neck.
“Feel this?” he asks dropping his forehea
d to mine.
“This?” I breathe against his lips that I feel are trembling under mine.
“What you do to me, what you make me feel,” he presses one more kiss to my lips before he pulls back. “I don’t think you realise what you make me feel, how you’re everything to me. That this, is more than I ever dreamed it would be, more than I ever thought I would have.”
“I do, Carter. I do,” I tell him, running my hands over his stomach which tenses under my fingertips. “You’re the one thing that’s kept me living all these months. Some people may say someone is the reason they’re living, but you really are. There were times when I wanted to give up, times I hurt so much I couldn’t ever imagine a time when I didn’t. It was you that made me fight.”
He takes a deep breath and reaches for my hand. We stand together, each taking some deep breaths, both of us trying to calm our racing hearts and get a hold on the overwhelming feelings I know we both feel.
“I want to make love to you, I want to join our bodies in the best way possible, but I only want to do this, if it’s what you want too.” he tells me.
“I want this more than you can ever know, I want it with every single part of me and the biggest and most important part, is my heart.”
“God, I love you, you know that?” he smiles.
“I know that. I love you too. I’m sorry it’s taken so long for me to admit it, to trust that I do have a future and that my future is with you.”
“It doesn’t matter now, everything was so muddled before. It’s clear now and that’s all that matters.” he smiles before kissing me again.
“I knew I loved you, even from the beginning,” I murmur against his lips. “I fell for you the minute you flashed me that all American smile of yours.”
“My smile?” he grins, pulling back.
“And your eyes, they’re like the deepest, chocolate brown I’ve ever seen.”
