by Nadia Marks
Once again Anna considered the fact that Ourania knew all about Rosaria’s life from Alexis, but Rosaria knew nothing of the love between her husband and his cousin. Their secret continued all through their lives, unspoken, untouched.
‘Was it right to keep my mother in the dark?’ Anna asked. ‘Wasn’t it a kind of betrayal?’
‘Oh Annoula mou!’ her aunt said, moving a little closer to her. ‘What is right, and what is not? Who is the judge of that? Your mother didn’t need to know about me and Alexis. He loved her, we all did, that’s all that mattered, so what good would it have done? Nobody knew. The only two people who ever knew about us had already left us by the time Rosaria came here.’
Anna nodded in agreement; her aunt was absolutely right. No good would have ever come out of that knowledge, only more pain.
‘I wish I had met Calliope,’ Anna told her aunt, holding tightly on to her hand. ‘She sounds like an extraordinarily brave woman.’
By the time Alexis and his family started coming to the island for their summer holidays, Calliope had died, and not long after her, Anna’s grandfather too. Calliope’s health had never fully recovered after her fall, and an epidemic of influenza on the island finally proved fatal.
‘She would have loved you, Anna mou,’ Ourania said, smiling with the memory of her sister. ‘She would have appreciated your work too. She was a keen artist, you know, but never did anything with her talent. We were always too busy with the school, you see. But she loved to paint with the children. I’ve always been sure that’s where your gift comes from.’
‘So you see, Anna,’ Alexis said, looking at his daughter and reaching to take her hand. ‘I have finally come home. This is where I belong now. Ourania and I can finally be together. There are no regrets from either of us but I have returned to where I belong and here I will stay now.’
‘Oh Papa!’ Anna let out a sob. She couldn’t find any other words to say.
‘No one can keep us apart now, Annoula mou, we have waited long enough for this time,’ Ourania added. ‘We are old and we only have a few years left, if God is willing, so we are allowed to spend as much time together as we want. I have my house, Alexis has his, and being together is only natural. No one can think it strange, and if they do, we don’t care, we never did!’
That night, after they’d done talking, and finished their third bottle of wine, Ourania spent the night in the house with Alexis for the first time. Arms around each other, they took themselves off to bed. Anna had no way of knowing if that was the first time since she’d been on the island that the two of them had lain in bed together. They’d had plenty of opportunities to do that if they wished, since she was hardly ever there, but Anna didn’t care. Far from feeling scandalized or shocked, her eyes watered with delight for the two octogenarian lovers. Was it all too late for them now, she pondered, or is it always better late than never? Back in her room and on her bed, Anna concluded that late is definitely better than never, even if the beauty of youth and the vitality of younger flesh had both long vanished. It seems the spirit remains the same. It lives on and it carries us through to passion. Anna knew about that all too well. She was no young thing either, but hadn’t passion just taken her by surprise and carried her where she hadn’t been for a very long time?
She lay beside the open window, the hot summer air that blew in was keeping her awake. The moon, almost full again, was playing a tantalizing game of hide and seek with the clouds and promising his sensual delights.
The heat was intense but she relished the physical pleasure of having a hot body; the heat wasn’t the only thing that was depriving her of sleep that night. Her head was swimming with the revelations of the last few days and all that had happened during the summer. Yet again Anna found herself astonished at her own actions; she had never imagined having an affair, but then nor had she ever imagined the sequence of events that had led her to the island. Looking at her perceived problems now, they appeared so trivial. The fates, unlike her parents, had smiled at her life from the start, filling it with love and good fortune; she’d been blessed. Her recent marital crisis seemed almost insignificant. Yes, it had shaken her equilibrium but only because it was the first major upheaval in her otherwise content and easy life.
She lay there going over everything with a new perspective; her crisis was not unique. It happened often enough, even if she didn’t believe it could happen to her and Max. But it had. A betrayal had its consequences, she knew that, and Max had caused an avalanche. Reconstruction and forgiveness would take its time.
There were times during the summer that, through her anger, Anna had thought she had completely stopped loving Max. But perhaps, she now considered, she had stopped loving him as she used to; perhaps her love had been altered. Love doesn’t vanish in a few months. After all wasn’t she the one who talked about the many ways a person could love? Didn’t she also just learn that from her father? Agápe is vast, real love is enduring.
Her mind was a jungle of memories that turned to happier times, life before Max’s illness and to what she called his loss of reason. They had been a good couple in so many ways. The same values, the same goals. Their London life before children was exciting; they both loved their work, had a great circle of friends, and supportive families. Summers spent on the island together had been glorious. Before Alex and Chloe the two of them had spent days of splendour, romance and passion there. Anna looked up to Max, admired and respected him for his brains, knowledge and his good looks. They would spend days basking in the sun and balmy moonless nights, encouraged by Anna, swimming naked in the warm Aegean. Max fell in love with Anna’s otherness, her free spirit and her love of sensual pleasure. His touch thrilled her and she liked nothing more than to lie in his arms.
Max embraced her culture and made efforts to learn Greek, even if he hadn’t been too successful at first. Later, when both of the children had started speaking the language, he became determined to improve his linguistic skills and join in.
‘I want to know that you guys are not talking about me,’ he joked. ‘I also really want to be able to have a basic conversation with your Auntie Ourania,’ he had said the first time they visited the island. Much to Anna’s pleasure, her beloved Thia Ourania was the relative Max liked the most. She fascinated him. ‘She is an enigma,’ he had commented when he met her. ‘And a contradiction too!’ he joked. ‘Surely she is unique in these parts. She is content to be alone, to live a life of solitude, yet she is a Greek!’ Max never ceased to be amazed by the lack of privacy on the island. ‘It’s all so tribal,’ he would laugh. ‘Unless you are a crowd you don’t exist.’ Later on, in years to come, he would appreciate these cultural differences and much preferred them to the stiff-upper-lip and social shortcomings of his own English family. So, yes! Their roots went deep, Anna thought. What they’d built together over the years had strong foundations; shouldn’t they now be able to withstand a slight tremor?
The last few days had been intense. It would take her time to get over everything she’d learned, including that her beloved father would no longer be living close to her. The feeling was bittersweet. She had gone from having two loving parents always available to her, to having no parents. But, of course, she consoled herself, Alexis would still be available and so would the island and her aunt. A new chapter was about to begin for all of them.
4
The ride up to Elia was as lovely as ever but for the first time since Anna had been making it her heart was pounding not only through the anticipation of seeing Nicos but about what she would say to him.
Earlier that morning the insistent ring of the telephone dragged her out of a deep sleep in which she was dreaming, for the first time since her arrival in Greece, of London and Max. The children often visited her in her sleep but Max and London had apparently been banished till now. Anna ignored the phone, hoping that her father or aunt would deal with it, but when it became clear that either they had already gone out or they were also choosing to let
it ring, she jumped out of bed and ran to answer it.
‘Hey, Mum! Yia sou!’ The cherished voice of her youngest offspring shouted down the line. ‘What’s going on with you lot there? Why don’t you turn your mobile on sometime!’
‘Alex!’ she screamed, and a wave of maternal love choked her. ‘Where are you?’
‘I’m in Athens, with Dad, we’re coming to see you.’
‘What! When?’ Anna screamed again.
‘In a couple of days. We’ve been trying to call you since before we left London. What’s with the phones there?’
‘Just the two of you?’ she asked, ignoring his question. ‘Where’s Chloe?’
‘She’s still camping. She might come later, I’ll tell you about it when we see you. Anyway, here’s Dad, he wants to say hello.’
‘Hi, Anna!’ he said, a slight tremor in his voice. ‘How are you?’
‘I’m fine, Max,’ she replied and didn’t know what to say next.
‘We are catching the boat from Piraeus on Thursday,’ he said, ending the silence. ‘Should be with you by late afternoon.’ He hesitated. ‘Is that OK with you, Anna?’
Seeing her family never failed to delight her, she could never get enough of either of her children and the same usually applied to Max. But with good reason, since Anna arrived on the island there was nothing she desired less than seeing her husband. Yet after his phone call a couple of days ago, and her nocturnal thoughts of a happier past, she now felt different. She felt it was time for some decisions, and apparently so did Max. Gone was the alienating steely edge in his voice of late; once again it was soft and gentle in Anna’s ears, and despite herself she was comforted by its sound. At times of stress Max’s voice would wrap itself around her like a warm blanket.
When she hung up she didn’t dash out of the house like a woman possessed, as she had before. Instead Anna went into the kitchen and calmly made herself some coffee, took it into the garden and sat in the shade to think. The prospect of seeing them both again made her happy. Caught up as she had been in feelings of betrayal, rejection and anger, not to mention a whirlwind of passion, she had tried not to think of her family too much; it was easier that way. But everything she had witnessed and learned from Ourania and Alexis had definitely brought about this change in her.
It was time to pay Nicos a visit. She decided she owed him an explanation.
She found him in his studio painting furiously. He didn’t hear her walk in, and for a few minutes Anna stood observing him silently. A ripple of desire stirred in her, taking her by surprise. She supposed that love, lust, Éros, or whatever you wanted to call it, can’t just fade away in a few days. Alexis and Ourania managed to sustain theirs for a whole lifetime. Of course she knew what she felt for Nicos could never be compared to what they went through or their grand passion, or even what she had felt for Max through their life. Nevertheless, Anna had succumbed to that great power, as she assumed Max had done a few months earlier, and for a while she had lost her mind and willingly surrendered her body to the mischievous love god. But her early morning phone call and the revelations of the last few days had a sobering effect on her.
She didn’t call out to Nicos, but continued watching him till he sensed her presence. When he eventually turned round, his face lit up with delight.
‘Anna!’ he cried and walked towards her. ‘When did you get here?’
‘Only a few minutes ago,’ she said as he wrapped his arms round her waist and drew her close. His kiss was gentle and sweet, but Anna held back.
‘I missed you,’ he said hesitantly, then, sensing her reluctance, ‘What’s wrong, Anna, are you OK?’ Taking her by the hand, he guided her out into the garden.
He made coffee and they sat under the same lemon tree as they had when they had first met. Just like that first day, they talked and smoked cigarettes and ate olives with bread and ripe tomatoes, figs and grapes from the vine until the sun started to move towards the west. She told him everything she’d learned during the last three days and more, and when she cried he held her in his arms and soothed her, and they didn’t stop talking until the sun vanished behind the hills and the moon appeared low on the horizon. Anna told him how his love had helped her heal her wounded pride, how his Greek passion, which so unexpectedly crept into her heart, had touched her, and how she would never forget him. Then Anna told him that Max and Alex were coming in two days.
He held her tight and kissed her tears away, shed a few of his own like only Greek men can do, and told her that he understood.
‘I never imagined that I would ever have you for myself, Anna,’ he said, not looking at her as he rolled another cigarette. ‘Maybe there was a crazy moment when I fantasized you might stay, but I knew that the pull of your family would be too strong. I don’t blame you.’
‘For the first time in my life I didn’t think about consequences and about what Max might think or say,’ Anna said. ‘For once I didn’t think about anything except how I was feeling.’
Falling in love with Nicos had been good for Anna. She felt no guilt or regret for what she’d allowed herself to do, only love and gratitude. She knew she’d broken all the rules, Max had too; but who made those rules? Who said that because we love one person we can never love another? Alexis had loved another and so had Ourania, and Anna was sure as hell they were not the only ones in the world to have done that. If she had learned anything over the last few days it was that nothing is absolute and in the end nothing else matters apart from love. She had fallen for Nicos but it didn’t stop her from still feeling love for Max. Alexis was right, Anna thought; Love, agápe, really is the only enduring thing; its power is endless and it has no boundaries or limits. Respect it, and it will respect you back, handle it with honour and discretion and no harm will be done. Anna never realized that she had so much of it to give; this island, Nicos, Antonis, the moon, the sea, her father, her aunt, everything conspired to make her open up to its possibilities and understand it better and also help her towards forgiveness.
‘I’m glad you didn’t think too much,’ Nicos said, handing her a cigarette.
‘Me too,’ she replied.
‘Sometimes we have to turn the brain off and let the body carry us away,’ he said. ‘It’s better to have something, no matter how brief, than miss it altogether.’
‘You mean “Don’t ask for the moon when we have the stars”?’ she said and looked up at the night sky.
‘Bette Davis!’ Nicos said wide-eyed, his face suddenly breaking into a big smile. ‘Now, Voyager! You know that film?’
‘My mother’s favourite,’ Anna replied, leaning playfully towards him so he could light her cigarette Hollywood movie-style. ‘I watched it with her more times than I can count, ever since I was a little girl.’
‘Oh Anna!’ he said still smiling, and reached across to take her hand. ‘I’m so happy I met you. If only we had met years ago . . .’
Of course, Anna thought, it was a pointless thing to say because if they’d met years ago they would have been different people. For a start she would not have allowed herself to be in this situation, and what’s more she was quite certain that Nicos wouldn’t have liked her half as much as he did now; she was far too controlled, far too up-tight then to have even considered a clandestine affair.
‘I know . . .’ he carried on as if he’d heard her thoughts, ‘it’s a stupid thing to say, we were different people then.’
‘I don’t know about you, but I like myself better now,’ she replied.
‘I’m not sure if I’ve changed much. I’ve always been obsessed with my work, always been uncompromising. I suppose I still am,’ he said, leaning back on his chair and stretching out his legs. ‘I’ve never really allowed anyone to come between me and my studio. I suspect that’s why I’m on my own and probably always will be. I like it this way. But your life is good, Anna, it’s more balanced than mine. Maybe you had to make compromises but you have love in your life and your children. That is a precious gift, A
nna. I always ran away from that; but then again I’ve made my choices, I have no regrets.’
They sat in silence for a while. They were both in a good place with each other; there were no bad feelings at all, only good ones.
After a while, when the moon was right above them, so bright in its fullness that it illuminated everything it touched as it masqueraded as a nocturnal sun, they decided to jump into Nicos’s car and drive to the Black Turtle. The night of the beach party was upon them and they both had an overwhelming desire to drink ouzo, hear the bouzouki play, and see Antonis and Manos.
That night they all danced till dawn on the beach, swam under the August full moon and promised, just like children do, never to forget each other or this summer.
Anna had no idea how she was going to feel when she saw Max and Alex walk off that boat. Nor was she prepared for it. Her heart pounded and her knees trembled under her long summer dress. The boat from Piraeus was taking an annoyingly long time to arrive, and when she tried to call Alex on his mobile there was no reception. All that day she was in a state of nervous excitement. She spent an uncharacteristically long time deciding what to wear, and what to do with her hair, and far longer than necessary cleaning the house. She filled all the vases with whatever fresh flowers she could find in the garden and helped her aunt in the kitchen to prepare a welcoming meal. Thia Ourania’s baked pasta, pastitsio, had always been the children’s favourite dish.
Anna was more nervous than she wanted to admit, but she was also excited at the prospect of seeing her son and husband again.
‘You must have missed them so much, Anna mou,’ her aunt said while she stirred the savoury meat sauce and Anna busied herself with the béchamel. ‘Are you looking forward to seeing Max again?’ she asked, searching her niece’s face for clues, perhaps in reference to the conversation they had had some time ago. ‘Is this the first time you’ve been apart for such a time?’
