Then the treehouse shook and creaked again, then the sound of falling branches hit the roof.
I almost jumped out of my skin when a voice in the room said, “Ah'm pretty sure ah've heard the rumor that fairy dust is a wee bit flammable, mah dear sweet darlings.”
I placed a hand on my chest to still my heart from the shock, then looked at Titiana as Tinkerbell zipped over to her and stood on her shoulder showering her cheek with fairy kisses, “Auntie!” The Elder looked at the fairy queen with love and compassion and said, “Darling one.”
I narrowed an eye. “You're supposed to be on the Sea Devil.”
She chuckled as she faded away, leaving Tink buzzing in the air. “Oh, ah am, precious one. Ah am. Ah can't interfere, after all.” She touched the side of her nose and winked.
I shook my head at the space she had sort of been occupying. Then looked at the little table in the space with the little lit candle.
I smiled at the other fairies. “Flammable huh?” I motioned for them to follow me after I buzzed up to dip an arrow in the flame of the candle. “Ladies?” We zipped out the window, and I turned and let fly the flaming arrow. The tiny flame grew with the projectile, and when it hit the bag, the treehouse seemed to suck in as all the sound around us was swallowed. Then in a huge, violent explosion, the treehouse was vaporized, and the tree turned into a hail of splinters.
I coughed out a puff of smoke and rubbed ashes from my eyes and asked the two giggling fairies, “A wee bit flammable?”
Then we looked down through the smoke as the Pan demon roared in anger, “No!” Then his crocodilian slitted eyes looked up at us and glowed red in fury.
He launched into the air, but then stopped suddenly and started swinging away from us. Wendy had caught his tail with her hook, his flesh sizzling where the metal pierced his skin. And she growled, and she swung him with both hands.
With a deafening crack, another tree trunk was reduced to splinters, and the remainder fell back with a treehouse in the branches.
Tinkerbell was squealing, “Wendy!”
The Pirate Queen hesitated when she was about to continue the engagement but her eyes flew wide, and tears welled up in them as she yelled out in relief and longing, “Tinkerbell!”
Tink zipped down to her, and I shouted a warning as the fairy landed on the pirate's outstretched hand and they kissed tenderly, both blubbering like babies, their tears flowing freely.
But before I could loose an arrow at the demon who was sweeping his comically small blade down at the two. He was oofing and flying to the side into a tree.
Mandywolf was there, finishing the spin of her roundhouse kick, mini fangs bared, upper lip pulled back and twitching as she growled out, more wolf than girl, “Nobody hurts my mother!”
Then she was flying at the demon, her hands moving in a blur pulling her guns and emptying both clips into the demon. He yowled in pain, trying to dodge, but as fast as his demon reflexes were, my mate's were faster, gifted to her by the very curse devised by a demon far more powerful than him. Her aim never wavered as she followed him as he dove for cover.
He rolled to his feet as she holstered her guns, her hands crooked like claws as she flew at him. He stood, black ichor dripping from his wounds. He smiled cruelly as she sped toward him. “Mortal weapons can't kill me, insolent fool.”
I caught Mandy's wink my way as she engaged him, saying, “No but I'm sure they hurt like hell.” Punches and kicks were exchanged at unfathomable speeds, and though he had far superior strength, her diminutive stature gave her an advantage she hadn't had before when she fought. She was a small, nimble target. And with her ability to fly, it made his attempt at a leg sweep of her with his tail, useless.
I drew my bow slowly and with purpose and pulled back, feeding the arrow as much energy and intent from the Goddess as I could. My connection felt... distant, which scared me a little. And I waited for the signal from my little Mandywolf.
She growled out as she flipped behind him, landing on his shoulders and wrapping her arms around his face, covering his eyes as she spat out, “Believe me, we know what it takes not just to banish a piece of flaming shit like you but...”
Wendy came out of her reverie with Tink and snapped out, “Amanda!”
Mandy lowered her head and rephrased. “A flaming poopy butt like you, but we know how to kill you with true death.” Her eyes snapped to me. And though I hated doing this, my girl heals fast and it was her idea. I loosed the arrow with a silent prayer to the Goddess. My aim was true and the arrow sliced through the flesh of Amanda's arm, coating itself in her blood and slammed through the Pan's eye socket and out the back of his skull to embed in my girl's shoulder.
I heard Wendy's squeak of distress seeing the little girl she saw as her own being shot through like that. The Pan roared in agony and threw her bodily from him. She skipped across the ground and wound up in a sliding three-point stance just before she would have impacted a boulder. A cruel grin spread on her face as she hissed like an animal, and pulled the arrow from her shoulder, tail swishing in anticipation.
The demon bellowed, “You will all suffer long and hard for this. I will...” He hesitated as he looked at his hand which seemed to rot into black ichor and acrid smoke in front of his one eye. The blade fell uselessly to the ground as he whispered in agony, “How?”
Mandy was all predatory smile as she walked up to the rapidly decaying abomination, Tapping the arrow on her already healed arm. She winked at him and said, “I seem to be chock full of a demon blood curse. I just wonder what my blood might do to a lesser demon like you, asswipe?”
She was scooped off the ground by Wendy who was frantically checking her for injuries. “Mandy!”
My girl smirked and said, “Right, sorry. I meant fuckhead.”
The Pirate Queen smirked and kissed her nose and said, “Better.”
We chuckled as the Pan stumbled, his legs dissolving, a look of fear, confusion, and disbelief in his eye as he fell forward into a pile of rank smelling sulfuric goo. Then the Pan was no more.
We just stood there as Tinkerbell flew up to Wendy, and landed on her shoulder, placing one hand on her cheek, the other on Mandywolf's. She smiled at them and said in wonder as she looked over to the rapidly dissipating slime, “It's really over.”
Then she hopped off of Wendy's shoulder and was just full size. She was still a fairy but human-proportioned and looking stunningly beautiful as she grabbed Wendy's face and pulled her in for a steamy kiss. My girl was looking all kinds of awkward sitting on Wendy's hip as it happened.
I blinked, and Bluebell landed on a branch beside me, kicking her feet and rolling her eyes, “Yeah, she likes to do that.”
I muttered, “But she's...”
The fairy nodded and grinned. “All of us older fairies can Big for a short time. But why Big when you can be so very small. Much more mischief can be had when you are small.”
Tink's huge, delicate wings, slowly spread wide behind her as they deepened their kiss. It was getting warm out there, and I swallowed. Mandy cleared her throat, trying not to look at the display inches from her. The women parted with embarrassed blushes before tiny Tink landed back on Wendy's shoulder, the Pirate Queen reaching up and snapping her collar to shield the fairy proprietarily. It looked... so right.
Then she said, “Love, this is... well my daughter Amanda if she'll still have me. And her girl, Robyn you've met.” She indicated me with her eyes.
Mandy was just nodding and hugged her tight then Wendy sat her back down on her feet.
Wendy lowered her hat to just above her eyes and looked out through the shadow, “Right. Now we have one last adventure. Getting these girls back to their normal state and finding a way to get them home.” She sounded sad about the last part.
We all jumped when Titiana said from beside us, “Is that all? They've had the way home all this time.” She chuckled, and we blinked, seeing we were standing on the deck of the Sea Devil.
Wendy, Tink,
and Bluebell didn't seem shocked to be standing somewhere we hadn't been. Mandy and I wheeled around to get our bearings.
The Elder prompted us, “You should call back the others so the Lost Boys can do something about the extreme Make-Believes they have on you. Then Wendy can sail you home.”
We blinked at her then blew the flutes while Wendy sputtered out, “But I still haven't found the route through the waterways of the betweens to the mortal realm.”
The Voodoo Queen waved that off. “Nonsense, the ship's compass can just follow the connection.”
Wendy furrowed her brow and prompted, “What connection?”
Almost as if conjured from the very air around us, Bobby McFerrin's ‘Don't Worry Be Happy’ started playing from somewhere. Amanda blinked then looked down at herself. She was quickly unzipping one of the pouches on her weapon's rig, and she pulled out the most adorable looking tiny pink iPhone as she whispered in shock, “That's Parker's ringtone.”
She hit a button and held the phone out and asked dubiously, “Hello?”
A young woman's voice chirped out, “Oh thank god you answered. Are you two ok? They say you're sailing to meet us, but we're in Kansas.”
Mandy screwed up her face and asked, “Who is this?”
The answer was surprising, “It's me, Parker. Oh... I'm sort of in Ella's body right now. It's a long story.”
Mandy pointed out carefully, “But... you don't sound like Ella either.”
The chuckling response was, “No, Ella's original body, we... oh just get here as fast as you can, it will take too long to explain over the phone. Like I said, long story and the Elders are on on the march. And why do you sound so strange?”
We all chuckled, and my girl replied, “Long story. Umm... we'll get there as soon as we can.”
Then Parker said, “Ok. Love you, see you soon.”
We both chimed out, in shock that we were somehow talking across realms, “Love you too.” Then the line went dead, Mandy staring at the phone like it would bite her.
I mused, “Snow enchanted all the phones to be partially magic proof. Is that how...” I left it hanging.
Titiana chuckled and said as the fairies, mermaids, and Lost Boys started to arrive, “Perchta's magics are formidable and tricky, almost to our levels. But the Elders could never cross her lands because of her ability to call up the Wild Hunt from all of nature.”
Then she pointed at the cell and said, “Just use the connection to that device with the ship's compass, mah lovelies. You'll be home in no time. Ah think ah'll come along.”
We looked around as the Lost Boys, free of the Pan's compulsions arrived, cheering in joy to find their Wendy. Timmy looked up at her and said, “You got growed up.”
Wendy looked around to everyone gathered and called out, “Those of you staying, disembark now. Men, hoist the mainsail!”
Nobody left the ship as men started dashing around to comply with the orders of the Hook. She held Mandy's hand as they went to the ship's compass to place the cell beside it. The needle spun then settled to the west, and we set sail toward the Nothing.
My Mandywolf smiled and said as she peered off into the distance and pointed, “Second star to the right and straight on until morning.”
Epilogue
I still felt odd inside Ella's body, her a voice in my head reminding me that I was still Parker, and it didn't matter what bodies we found ourselves in after Dorothy had basically modified Ella-Marie's old curse to basically play body-roulette between Marie, Ella, and me.
Dorothy had just transported us from Oz to her family's farm in Kansas. It was a teary reunion with her Uncle Henry, Aunt Em, and her friend Molly. Dorothy just finished an incredible display of magic, creating clockwork legs for Molly.
Then Baum showed up out of nowhere, and Dot kept punching him to bloody his nose. He was saying the Elders were on the move, and that he brought the others and something about a ship coming into port. I had so many questions.
But I didn't have time for that, and I looked at all the woman I called my own family standing there smiling. I had missed them all while we were stranded in Oz. Belle was squeeing and running forward, calling out, “Parker! We thought you were lost!”
I smiled and opened my arms then deflated in disappointment when she engulfed Marie in a silly side to side hug.
Marie, in my body, stood stock still a moment, before she caught up, then smiled at our friend, “I'm sorry, Belle, eet eez Marie. That is my Parker there, in Ella's original body.”
I waved sheepishly until the girl caught up and then flung herself on me hugging me. She muttered, “Ella was cute. Where is she?”
I looked even more awkward and sheepish as I pointed at my head. “In here too, and she says to tell you she's not bloody cute.”
As the others gave us welcoming hugs, I offered, “It's a long story, let's all go inside, quite a few reunions are happening.” Then I looked around and asked, “Where are Amanda and Robyn?”
Red answered as she hugged me and I felt the huge amount of power in her, “Baum said they'd be along presently.”
I nodded, the man was cryptic as ever. I understood why Dot tended to punch the man whenever she saw him.
We all turned to the farmhouse, Henry, and Emily in the lead as I looked around and sighed.
There really is no place like home.
I called out as everyone headed into the building while I pulled out my phone, “I'll be right in. I want to check on Robyn and Amanda.”
Marie, in my body, smiled and nodded, giving my hand a squeeze. That was going to take a little getting used to as I'd only be in my own form a third of the time now.
I pulled up my contacts and snickered as I tapped on the icon labeled “beta” with a little heart by it. Amanda was so easy to tease, and she thought being beta to Rachel was such a bad thing.
I thought my call was going to go to voicemail after it rang a few times. Then my brow furrowed, the girls had said we had been gone over a month when it had just been a few days. I wondered if Mandy and Robyn's timeline was being messed with too.
I just about hung up when a little girl answered, “Hello?”
I smiled at the girl's voice, and I could hear other voices in the background, we must have been on speakerphone. I said, “Oh thank god you answered. Are you two ok? They say you're sailing to meet us, but we're in Kansas.”
The little girl asked, “Who is this?” She had such a cute timbre to her tone.
Oh, right they were probably just staring dumbly at the phone since I didn't sound like myself. “It's me, Parker. Oh... I'm sort of in Ella's body right now. It's a long story.”
The little one pointed out carefully, “But... you don't sound like Ella either.” How did she know what Ella-Marie sounded like?
I chuckled, correcting her. “No, Ella's original body, we... oh just get here as fast as you can, it will take too long to explain over the phone. Like I said, long story and the Elders are on on the march.”
Ella said in my head, “Fuckin' A, that little girl sounds like Mandy. What the bloody hell is going on here?”
My eyes widened, she was right, it sounded like Mandy was sucking on helium or something. I prompted, “And why do you sound so strange?”
I heard lots of chuckles on the other side as she said, “Long story. Umm... we'll get there as soon as we can.”
I smiled and wondered how many ways she would kill me if I pointed out how adorable her voice sounded just then. I smirked and said, “Ok. Love you, see you soon.”
I could hear Robyn chiming in with her like she was standing on the far side of the room from Amanda, “Love you too.” I smiled as I hung up, wanting to hug myself, I loved all my wayward Avatars, and it always made me feel good that they reciprocated.
Good, they'd be here... my line of thought trailed off when a billowing cloud seemed to roil into existence just above the horizon. That was shocking enough, but even more shocking was that there seemed to be a massive pirate
ship, flying the Jolly Roger, descending in that cloud toward the farmhouse.
I just stared up at it, my jaw hanging open as it approached. I swallowed then called through the door without taking my eyes off of the impossible sight, “Umm, ladies? You're going to want to come out here. Uhh, we've got pirates.” I smirked to myself, as impossible as the sight seemed, I've seen more amazing things in Oz, so maybe I should re-evaluate what I deemed as impossible.
Maireni chuckled from behind me and I gleeped when she picked me up by the waist like I weighed nothing at all and moved me aside and set me down. She said in amusement, “You might not want to block the door then, Parker.”
She looked up as the others poured out. She nodded like she had been expecting this, and the very human during daylight Daria moved beside her to lay her head on her shoulder and nod, “Good, they're here.”
They were acting like this was expected. Even though they refuse to abide by the rules of the Scales that had been foisted upon them by the Grimm Brothers, they had picked up their annoying habit of being cryptic at times.
Ella was prompting me, “Parker, you need to get ready. Dig deep down inside, like you are trying to touch the earth beneath our feet, and pull it into you.”
I nodded and concentrated. When the earth itself answered my call, my eyes widened in shock. Woah! Is this how my Ella felt when she did this? I could feel so much power concentrating in my fists as my bones hardened and my feet started to crystalize. Could I do one of my girl's elephant leveling punches like this? Ella was chuckling in my head in her cockney accent, “Rein it in, love. We need to find out if this is friend or foe first.”
I looked nervously around, and everyone except Red, Daria, and Dorothy looked prepared for a fight. The other three just looked a little bored. I knew why Dot was. She was a big enough badass that there isn't anything short of an Elder invasion that would give her pause, but why were Daria and Mari so aloof?
Just when I feared the ship was going to plow into the ground by the barn, it leveled out and skimmed the ground, stopping a few yards in front of us. Then with two thuds, anchors were dropped. I saw men running about stowing sails and securing lines onboard. It looked almost just like the Black Pearl from Pirates of the Caribbean!
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