“Girlfriend, huh?” I tease.
He nuzzles my neck and whispers, “Exactly. My girlfriend. I told you I won’t be sharing, and I meant it.” Gently, he bites into the tender flesh of my neck, and instead of pain, a bolt of desire shoots through me.
“You better stop that,” I whisper as I grind my ass against him. “Because I would hate for you to start something you can’t finish.”
He growls into my neck, making my whole body flare to life. Wes pushes back against me as he mumbles, “You know I finish everything I start.”
Yes, you do. I groan from the sensations of his mouth on my neck, but I have to be strong and force the desire down. “I wanna tell you something.”
“Anything,” he whispers against my neck.
I roll over in his arms, sliding mine around his neck. For a minute, I just stare at this sexy ass man that I can call mine. I take a deep breath, preparing myself for the emotions that I know are about to come. “For a long time, I was lost. I stayed in bed as much as possible, wallowed in a grief that was so thick that it was suffocating at times. I lost weight and my skin became pale. I checked out.”
“When your parents died?”
I nod. “When I had to go to school, I was withdrawn from everyone and everything, which was a big deal for me. Before their deaths, I was a part of the volleyball team, the cheerleading team. I played the clarinet in the band, and I participated in some of the clubs. When they died, I quit it all. All my interests seemed to evaporate into thin air.” I duck my head to avert his gaze.
Thoughtlessly, I begin to trace patterns on his shirt with the tips of my fingers. “At first, my friends and teachers were understanding and supportive of what I was going through. But the more withdrawn I became, the further I slipped out of their reach. They eventually realized there just wasn’t much they could do for me. And believe me they tried. My teachers attempted to get me to open up to them. They called my aunt and suggested I go into counseling. My coaches talked the principal into making me attend mandatory therapy sessions with the school counselor. Nothing worked.”
Replacing my hand with my head, I lay there listening to his heart, letting the beat soothe me. “My friends pleaded with me to let them take me out. They would all show up at my house with stuff for sleepovers. Aunt Brenda would answer the door, but I never came out of my room. They just wanted to take my mind off what had happened. Once everyone realized it was no use, they just kind of gave up.”
“Everyone abandoned you,” he states.
My shoulders lift in a slight shrug. “I don’t blame them. I abandoned myself way before they left me.”
“I’m so sorry,” he whispers as he kisses my hair and hugs me to him.
“My poor Aunt Brenda was so worried about me. She was suffering, too. My mom was her only sister, and they were as thick as thieves. She left her life behind to take care of this twelve year old, me. I don’t even want to think about how I would have reacted had I been in her situation,” I scoff. “But I think, watching me in so much pain hurt her even more. One day, I came home from school, and before I could set my things down, she was dragging me out of the house and shoving me in the car. She drove me out to this horse ranch on the outskirts of Conroe. When we pulled up, I asked her what we were doing, and she said that I needed to find myself again.”
“Is that why you have the connection with horses that you do?”
“Yeah. At the time, I hated her. I would throw things, break stuff, scream at the top of my lungs, but she didn’t care. Aunt Brenda would wait until I finished my temper tantrum, and then she’d drag my stubborn ass there anyway. I didn’t want to go to some ranch, but it turns out, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. It took a long time, but I eventually found myself again. Every day I was at that ranch, I could feel myself getting better—stronger.” A shuddering breath escapes me as I whisper, “I’ll never be able to thank her enough.”
“Can I tell you something?”
“Yeah.”
“You should know I think you are a very brave, courageous, determined woman, Kenleigh. I loved my cousin, but I couldn’t imagine losing my parents. I don’t know if that’s something that I could survive, especially at such a young age. And to know that you came back from something like that?” He shakes his head before adding, “There are no words for how proud of you I am.” Leaning toward me, he whispers against my lips, “Thank you for trusting me with that.”
I pull him to me, kissing him with everything I have in me. I let every emotion inside myself bleed into this one kiss.
Sunday passed with a blur. Mrs. Sandy kept me busy. Between cleaning the house, shopping for the next few days of camp, cooking for all the volunteers, and all my own mundane things I needed to get done, I was worn out by the end of the day. Needless to say, I didn’t really get to see Wes yesterday, and I couldn’t stop feeling the disappointment in that. I missed him.
I step out onto the walkway that leads off from the porch. I spot Bailey as she walks toward me with a smile on her face. Her mom had called Mrs. Sandy this morning to let her know that Bailey had a dentist appointment and wouldn’t be here until early this afternoon. “Did you have a good weekend?” I ask, meeting her halfway.
“It was okay, I guess.” Her melancholy doesn’t go unnoticed.
“Well, okay is better than awful,” I retort, playfully nudging her arm with mine. “What did you do?”
“My parents and I drove up to Ft. Worth to see my grandparents, even though I didn’t want to go.”
“Why didn’t you want to go?”
“Too many memories,” she whispers.
I put a hand on her shoulder, stopping her mid-stride. She looks up at me. “It’s okay to remember. Eventually, it does get better.”
I can sympathize with her. When my parents died, it was so hard to be in our house. Every corner I turned, I saw them. I’d walk into the kitchen and see my mom cooking, or laughing at something funny my Dad had said or done. I couldn’t even escape to the backyard, because I’d see my dad back there mowing the yard, and Mom standing on the deck holding up a glass of iced tea for him. But I couldn’t leave my house either—I didn’t want to. It was the only place where their presence and memories still lingered. In an odd way, our home tortured me and made me feel better at the same time.
“When? When does the pain go away? How do I make it go away?” Bailey asks, her voice thick with emotion, and her eyes filled with anguish.
“With time,” I whisper. “As far as how to make the pain go away, it never really does. It just lessens.” I shrug. “When my parents died, I felt…”
“Like your heart was ripped out?” she quietly asks.
I take a deep breath and nod. “Yeah. Like my heart had been ripped out. But it doesn’t feel that way anymore. I still miss them. So much. Every day. But after a while, my heart slowly pieced itself back together.” I squat down to her height and look her in the eyes. “You have to find something that makes you happy again, Bailey. For me, it was horses. That may not be the case with you, but you have to find something to bring you back to life.”
My eyes widen in shock when she lunges at me, throwing her arms around my neck, squeezing me to her. Gently, I hug her back. Under my hands, her back shudders from her soft cries, and my heart breaks for her. I softly stroke her hair and let her cry. Of all places, the middle of the yard in front of everyone is not where I wanted to have this talk. But if there’s one thing that I’ve learned, bottling up your emotions never gets you anywhere. So, if she wants to cry, right here, on my shoulder, then so be it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve broken down in the middle of a grocery store just by looking at a shopping cart. The memory of my mom pushing the buggy, and me standing on the end of it, would bring on the tears. I did it more to get a rise out of her than anything else, because I knew how much it annoyed the crap out of her.
We sit there for a few minutes longer when she finally pulls back, releasing her arms from around m
y neck. “Thank you, Kenleigh,” she croaks.
“If you ever need me, I’m here for you. Okay?” I tuck a stray piece of hair behind her ear, and hope that she really understands that I am here for her. She finally nods with an easy smile. “What do you wanna do today?”
“Can I hang out with John, if he’s not busy?” she asks as her smile starts reach her eyes.
“Whatever you want.”
When I stand up, Bailey turns around and rushes over to where John sits, laughing with some other kids while they all paint. I shove my hands into my back pockets, feeling elated that Bailey not only opened up to me willingly, but also sought comfort from me.
A piece of paper crackles in my hand. My smile widens when I remember what I found on my dresser when I woke up. I opened the neatly folded note; four honeysuckle flowers lay tucked tightly into the creases. In neat handwriting, it says:
A smile that reached from ear to ear spread across my face. I folded the note back to the way I found it, brought the piece of paper to my nose, and smelt the sweet fragrance before tucking it in my back pocket. My sweet, to the point Wes.
“Kenleigh! Kenleigh!” I look around to see who’s shouting my name when my eyes land on Sarah. I pull my hands out of my pockets and head in her direction.
“Hey, Sarah,” I offer as I approach the horse corral.
“Is there any way you could watch Isabel for a few minutes? I really need to use the–”
My hand flies up to stop her. “Too much… Just go, Sarah.” I laugh as she quickly introduces Isabel and me before she darts away.
I crouch down and wrap my arms around my knees before I look at Isabel. Her beautiful, long, black locks highlight her stunning light brown eyes and her dark tan complexion. “Are you having fun?” I ask, trying to make eye contact, but she just stares at the horses. “Did you like the art group this morning?”
“Yes,” she answers, still not looking at me.
“Did you paint or draw something, or did you build something?” My eyebrows raise as I smile at her.
“I painted.”
“And what did you paint?” I ask, but she doesn’t answer.
Yesterday, when Sarah and I helped Mrs. Sandy grocery shop, we spoke about Isabel’s Asperger’s Syndrome. Sarah said that she rarely made eye contact with anyone or held a conversation, but she loved petting and helping feed the horses. Remembering that bit of information, I ask, “Isabel? Would you like to come with me to get a bag of apples? You can help me feed Autumn in the barn.”
That gets her attention.
“Yes! I love Autumn. She’s such a pretty horse,” she gushes with a wide, toothy smile.
I stand up and extend my hand to her. She takes it, and we set off for the barn. I know I should wait for Sarah to come back, but I know when she sees that we’re not here, she’ll come looking for us. As Isabel and I pass by a group of kids in a circle listening to Mrs. Sandy tell a story, I spot Jackie walking with her kid whom I still haven’t met. Our eyes meet, and I nod at her with a sad smile. I hate what happened between Jackie and me this past Saturday, but I can’t let her think that it’s okay to talk to me like that either. When she doesn’t acknowledge my subtle greeting, I know things between us are still on the rocks. Choosing to tackle that subject later, I push forward with Isabel, and leave Jackie’s and my issues alone. Isabel and I round the corner and run into Bailey and John.
“Hey guys,” I say, stopping. “What are y’all up to?”
“Hey, Kenleigh,” John says excitedly.
“John wanted to come in here and look at the horses,” Bailey says with a shrug as she stands next to him.
With his hands on the wheels of his wheelchair, John rolls himself back and forth a couple of times. “Man, Kenleigh, I went to the mall this weekend with my dad, and you should’ve seen how many girls were looking at me.”
“Yeah?”
“Oh, yeah. I knew these flames were going to be a chick magnet. It’s ‘cause I’m so hot’,” he says, sweeping his hands up and down his body like ‘what’s-not-to-like’. Boys and their hormones.
“Ahh… a Casanova.”
“No. A chick magnet,” he retorts as he shakes his head. He looks up at Bailey with his eyebrows dipped, nose scrunched, and lips twisted. “Casanova? She don’t know what she’s talking about.” And with that, we all burst into laughter. Well, all of us except for Isabel. She just looks at us as if we’re crazy.
After a minute or so, I gain control of myself. “If you need me, Bailey, I’m going to be in here with Isabel.” I point in the barn. “We’re going to feed Autumn some apples,” I say, looking at Isabel who’s openly staring at John.
I gently squeeze her hand, garnering her attention. “I’ll see y’all later.” I wave at Bailey and John over my shoulder as Isabel and I disappear into the barn.
Against the wall across from Autumn’s stall sits a large, brown, wooden barrel full of apples. A brown, leather satchel hangs on a hook above the barrel. I remove the leather bag. “Would you like to help me fill the bag?” Instead of answering, she starts to pick up apples, counting one by one, as she places them in the bag.
Once she counted out twenty-five apples, she grabs my hand and skips her way across the breezeway to the stall. I sit quietly on a bale of hay and watch in fascination as Isabel feeds Autumn. Isabel, much like me, may not be very social, but she shares the same connection with Autumn that I do. I see it in both of their eyes. I watch as their eyes meet and both of them immediately calm. At first, I can’t tell that Isabel is nervous about being with me. But now, I watch as her shoulders relax, and her body straightens as she stands taller, and a tension that I haven’t seen before leaves her eyes. The large, strained muscles in Autumn’s back no longer twitch from the extra weight of carrying her foal. A slow smile forms on Isabel’s face as she talks quietly to the horse as she feeds her apples.
I’m not sure how long I sit there just watching Isabel, my mind completely blank.
“She really loves that horse.” I’m startled at the sound of Sarah’s soft voice from behind me.
I crane my neck to look up at her as she leans against the railing outside of the stall. My voice is quiet as I reply, “They’re so relaxed around each other.”
“Where’ve you been?” I ask, realizing that she’s been gone a lot longer than it should ever take a person to use the bathroom. That’s when I see the red flush in her cheeks, and her hair slightly messed up. “Sarah?” I whisper-shout at her.
“What?” she snaps, rolling her eyes and shrugging her shoulders. “You have Wes and I have…”
I have a pretty good idea of whose name she’s going to say but I let her tell me. “Liam,” she finishes.
“You and Liam together?”
“No, but sometimes...” She trails off.
My eyebrows arch, and I nod my head, understanding what she means.
“Don’t do that. Don’t judge me,” she whispers. She shakes her head, and I watch as tears threaten to spill from her sad green eyes, and I know that she thinks she has just made a huge mistake.
“I’m not judging you, Sarah. I don’t know the history between y’all, but I’m here if you need anything.” I reach up and squeeze her hand. I’ve seen the way they are around each other, but I’ve also seen Liam fuck one girl one night and a different girl the next.
She swipes the tears away. “Anyway, I just came to get Isabel. I saw Bailey out there, and she said this was where y’all were. The parents are starting to show up, and I’d like to get her cleaned up before she leaves.”
“Is Bailey still out there?” I stand up and wipe pieces of hay off my ass.
“I think so. She was waiting with John.”
I walk through the threshold of the stall when Sarah whispers, “Please don’t tell anybody.”
“Not my story or secret to tell. Just… be careful. Okay?”
She nods. “Thanks.”
I offer her a sympathetic smile as I walk away. When I exit the bar
n, I see Bailey sitting on the ground next to John’s wheelchair, laughing while they wait for their rides. I start in their direction when Wes stops me. “Hey.”
“Hey.”
“Did you get my note?”
I nod. “I did. Thank you. I loved the flowers that you put in there.”
“What time should I meet you in the barn? I see Bailey’s getting ready to leave.”
“I don’t think tonight is gonna work. I told your mom yesterday that I’d help pull weeds and cook tonight.”
“Can’t you get out of it?” he asks with an adorable pout.
“No. I’m sorry.”
“Okay. Some other time maybe.” His tone carries an edge that I don’t like as he spins on his heel and walks away.
Are you fucking kidding me? Sarah just snapped at me not even ten minutes ago because she thinks I was judging her, and now, my boyfriend is pissed off because I’m not dumping his mom to hang out in the barn with him. I sigh and look over to see Bailey is getting in her car with what I can only assume is her mom. Great. Now she’s leaving, and I didn’t even tell her bye. I reach up and run my hands down my face before I make my way to help Mrs. Sandy out.
A couple hours later, and still no sign of Wes, so I decide I need some time to myself. Maybe some riding will do me good. I haven’t spent much time with Lucy or Jane anyway. As I push the screen door open and step out onto the porch, the first thing that I notice is the clouds. They hang heavy and low in the sky, peppering it with different shades of grey. The soft rumble of thunder off in the distance, and the cooler breeze moving in, tell me I don’t have too long to ride. With determined steps, I race toward the barn. Once inside, I decide it’s Lucy whom I’m taking out. I grab a saddle pad, saddle, bridle, and reins. I walk over to her stall, and after some coaxing, I finally get everything set up on her. With the reins hanging from the horn of the saddle, I gather them in my hands and lead her out of the stall into the open humid, sticky, summer air outside the barn.
Serenity Falls Page 18
