by Gina Kincade
“That is thoughtful of you, Ben, but can’t I just talk to you?”
“There might be things you don’t feel comfortable to talk to me about, Bri, maybe not. But if there are, I want you to feel comfortable talking, sharing and getting to the bottom of things. I don’t want to be a stumbling block to you and stifle your full recovery.”
“Well, that makes sense, but if I want…I can stop and just talk to you?”
“Of course, darling, always.” He wrapped her in his love and kissed her. She was warm—receptive. “Let me show you your room. I have a bath to draw.”
In Ben’s arms, she felt like they shared a secret known only to lovers who wanted to be together all the time. Day in and day out, afraid somehow that the magnetic connection that wove their hearts together would break if separated for too long, they touched in some way: a knee, a bare foot, her head on his shoulder.
They held hands as Ben walked her around the loft. Her bedroom ensuite was first off the foyer to the right. To the left were the kitchen, dining and pantry. At the end of the foyer was a guest half bath decorated beautifully in a Moiré silk wallpaper and raised sink on a Louis XIV base. The towels were a stark ice white and monogrammed. Fuck, monogrammed!
Down the hall was a suspended set of stairs along the wall to the upper mezzanine. There were no supports, no handrail. It was so modern and yet magical. Bri learned that was his bedroom and bath. It appeared to be suspended in the air under a huge skylight with milk-white safety glass reinforced with chicken wire. The contrast was a design element of its own, modern yet with a silent touch of country. Brianna could imagine lying with Ben, arms and legs entwined beneath the open window, beneath the stars that had collaborated to join them, candles flickering in the light San Francisco breeze with a wisp of fog just beginning to roll in off the Bay. It was ethereal; it was a dream come true.
“Bri…Brianna.”
“Oh, sorry Ben, it’s just…it’s just so splendid. Certainly a great improvement over Tati’s apartment…I never dreamed…”
“Tati’s apartment? I thought it was yours…well, no matter. Beneath the master ensuite is my office and beyond that, the full width of the loft and two-and-a-half stories high is the living room. At one end is my Baby Grand and the other is the theater.
“Oh, did I say Tati’s? I must be tired. And I’m beginning to need some pain relief. How about that bath?”
“Oh, Bri, I am so sorry. This can all wait until you feel better. I put your bag in the guest suite. I’ll draw your bath. I think my mother left some gels or bubble or something and some candles. Would you like some tea?”
Ben turned down the bed while Brianna opened her bag to retrieve a few personal items. He went into the bathroom and set the bath water, lit the candles and put out the bathing amenities. When he was satisfied everything was perfect, he excused himself to make her tea, and one for himself. When he returned, Bri had her body submerged in the soaking tub, her hair in a turban and her eyes closed.
“Tea?”
“Yes, please. This is Heaven, Ben. You have a beautiful home.”
“I hope you are comfortable here, Bri.”
“May I ask you something, Ben?”
“You don’t ever have to ask…anything, Bri. Ask away!”
“Well, it is more an observation, I guess. But, I thought doctors were supposed to be struggling, in debt until they turned fifty, and overworked. You look to be none of that.”
“I’m fortunate, Bri. My dad is a senator from Florida. Someday, I probably will be too. The family business is not medicine but politics. My grandfather was a two-time governor in Georgia. We hail from the South, hence my gentlemanly ways.” Ben took a step back with his right foot and made a dramatic bend at the waist as though removing his hat and bowing with a grand gesture to a great lady.
“Oh, Ben…”
“Now, please Brianna, don’t get nervous. You know me as your friend and doctor. That has not changed other than to add ‘your lover’ to my credentials. I came here to go to med school at Stanford. My undergraduate degree is from Harvard. I stayed to Intern at SFG. I like it here.”
“Yes, I see now. That explains all this…” Bri made a sweeping gesture herself.
“I had to please myself before I could please my family, and medicine has always held my professional interest. Of course, my parents would like me to get into politics, find a nice girl, have a family and move to Florida so they could spoil my imaginary children. Politics is possible. I would consider becoming The U.S. Surgeon General. After that, anything is possible—perhaps the Senate?”
“I am overwhelmed and more than a little impressed…I feel woefully out of my league. I barely graduated from UC Davis.”
“Ah, but you graduated. Let’s not talk about this now. Let me get you something to calm the pain and relax you.”
Ben returned a few minutes later with his medical bag from which he removed a syringe.
“Let me have your beautiful shoulder. This little Demerol cocktail should do the trick nicely. It is fairly fast acting. Let’s get you out of there and into bed.”
Ben helped Brianna stand, wrapped her in a white plush terrycloth robe and helped her into bed.
Bri slept through the night, never stirring once. When she woke in the morning, Ben was snoring softly on the chaise wrapped in a knitted afghan.
Perhaps his grandmother’s handiwork, she thought.
Brianna raised herself up in bed and swung the coverlet off of her legs then swung them to the floor. She had to pee like a racehorse and her crutch was in the corner. She started to crawl across the furniture to get to it.
At that moment, Ben woke and crossed the room swiftly. The look he gave Brianna was chastising.
“I’m sorry, Ben, I have to pee and I didn’t want to bother you. You must be tired, too; you’ve been working so long with me and not sleeping right.”
“You let me worry about me. In fact, you let me worry about you and me. Oh, by the way, I called a friend of mine, a psych intern, to come and stay with you during the day until you feel comfortable alone and can fend for yourself—like go to the bathroom alone. Her name is Louka Tanaka. She’s of Japanese-Hawaiian descent. A health nut, she’ll be feeding you sushi and seaweed and God knows what all for your health—pinecones and sea urchins, too, no doubt or some other weird concoction. You’ll love her—everyone does. She’s charming as hell and wonderful company. I thought you might feel at ease with her and want to talk. She is a doctor so anything you tell her is confidential. She’s on sabbatical to write her second degree thesis in some sort of Behavioral Analysis. She wants to get into the BAU unit at Quantico with the FBI. Did I say she’s smart as a whip, too? And funny. Plus, she has time and owes me!”
“Ben, you shouldn’t have. I’ll be alright until you get home.”
“You mean like just now? Sure, okay…not gonna happen. You two’ll click, trust me. She’ll be able to help you work through any stress or PTSD you may be suffering and don’t realize it. It’s a good thing, Bri, really, and this way I can concentrate on my work. I don’t want to have to worry about you until I get home.”
“Okay, if it’ll help you, Ben, but only for a little while.”
***
As it turned out, it was a good thing. Louka Tanaka was a lifesaver. As Brianna improved and her mobility increased, Louka helped her to her Physical Therapy and did them with her every day when she arrived. She fixed her meals, did her hair and generally all the Nanny things shut-ins need. In the afternoons they started to walk throughout the building. Taking the elevator to the ground floor and walking the halls, visiting with all the different artists and craftspeople. But, she just was not ready to go outside, not yet. She was afraid Bobby Trothers would see her. And while she knew it was unlikely, she also knew he lived just a few miles away.
After a few weeks of Louka’s kind attention, the women had begun to talk. They sat in the lavish living room together over an early glass of wine. Brianna cou
ld finally curl her legs up under herself and tuck her feet under her bum. It was small headway to some, but it meant a lot to Bri.
“What’s bothering you, Bri? Do you want to talk about it?”
“I can’t remember my sister. I can see my mother again, clear as day, but not Tatianna. I was wondering if it would help if I go back over to her apartment. I am different there. Maybe I will remember her face again if I see it clearly. That breaks my heart. I feel like I am losing a part of myself and I’m helpless to stop it from happening.”
“Well, the separation anxiety really should have waned by now, so long after her death, but sure; if you think it will help, I will take you over there tomorrow. It’s a little too late today.”
“Please, don’t tell Ben. He worries too much about me already and besides, I’ll probably go back to live there soon. I better have my shit together when I do. You can’t babysit me forever.”
“Oh, I thought you were happy here; Ben seems to think, er, he has the impression that you will let the lease go and stay here with him.”
“Ben is out of my league, Louka. His parents would never approve and I would never want to be responsible for holding a man like Ben back from his true destiny. His parents have plans for him; he has his own plans. I would hate myself if I ruined Ben’s life, too.”
“How have you ruined your life, Bri, tell me?”
“I’m a whore, Louka, I do unspeakable things with unspeakable people, sometimes for money, sometimes just because I want to. I do it when I want, with whom I want, where I want. That’s how I met Ben—I picked him up and ‘did’ him, then threw him out of my apartment.”
“I thought it was your sister’s apartment?”
“It was, it is! But she’s dead and I’m living there now.”
“How did she die, Bri?” the small Oriental woman asked so quietly, Brianna almost didn’t hear her.
“I don’t really know. The police have never found her body; the case is cold. That’s why I took my sister’s apartment. I hoped someone would call or stop by or even write. When no one did, I hit the night streets questioning johns, hookers, streetwalkers and drunks. I played more games of pool than I have ever played in my life just to get close to the kind of people she hung with—all scumbags. She smoked, she drank, she did any kind of drug available and any number of losers. She fucked in the street, in rat holes, in cars—gave blowjobs in alleys, just to get money for her next fix.”
“You seem to know a lot about her, Bri. You kept in touch then?”
“No, I hadn’t talked to her in years. I learned all this from flashing her picture around all the fleabag joints and seedy slop house joints on North Beach. You wouldn’t believe what I had to do to get people to trust me enough to talk to me about her.”
“Oh, I think I would. But, that’s not you, Brianna, that’s a role you are playing. To get the information you need to help your sister—well, suffice it to say that a lot of undercover police officers, narcs and the likes, have done a lot worse. It is just a job, not you. You have to believe that.”
“I didn’t but I guess I am beginning to believe it now. It doesn’t feel like it ever happened to me or I did all those things. I even smoked!! I have never smoked in my life. Seems odd that I would pick the least likely thing to kill me as monumental, doesn’t it?”
“Yeah, it does, but it’s only because all the other things are not YOU and they are unbelievable. But smoking? That’s something you did to yourself and you know better. You don’t smoke now, so don’t worry about it. That’s over.”
“I guess, but there are times…hard times, when I really want to have another cigarette.”
“Habits are hard to break, for anyone. Why are you so hard on yourself? You are away from that; you’re safe now and Ben is in love with you.”
“I never want to hurt Ben. He doesn’t deserve it. He deserves better’n me.”
“You’re wrong. Everyone can change. You’ve changed. Ben has changed because of your love.”
“But, I feel the tug, the temptation of the streets. The night shrouds my weaknesses.”
“You mean your sister’s weaknesses?”
“Oh, yeah, yes, of course… my sister…my sister’s shortcomings not mine. I only want to find her killer.”
“We will, Bri, we will. I will do everything I can to help you find out.”
Brianna started to cry softly, but Louka snapped her back. She needed to know everything Bri knew and had learned in pursuit of her sister’s murderer.
The two women talked all afternoon and Louka learned a lot about Tatianna. Brianna told her everything she knew, all about Bobby Trothers…she left nothing out. Louka said she had friends on the force and she would see where the investigation stood. Bri even told Louka about remembering the day she was beaten, by whom and why. She figured the police already knew all this after having been to the apartment and gathered all the crime scene evidence. She reckoned they knew that Bobby was pissed at Brianna and why and how her sister and Bobby were connected. What she really wanted to know was why they hadn’t done anything. Her sister had been gone for three long years now and the case could get no colder. But, she trusted Louka, had even grown to think of her as a friend. She told her everything she could think of up to and including not remembering what Tati looked like and her dreams, especially the Valkyrie dream. Why was it all on her?
For the next few days, Louka was busy and Ben was home with days off. They had not had any contact, intimately, since the last night at her apartment. She yearned for Ben, but knew better. He was too good for her and she would do nothing but ruin him. His parents would see right through her for the skank she was. She couldn’t do that to Ben, so she avoided any kind of intimacy.
Ben knew what she was doing, she was sure. But, he couldn’t sleep with her unless she permitted it and she was afraid to go there. As soon as she was well enough, she decided she would go back to her apartment.
Her just deserts were waiting.
“What are you doing, Bri?” Ben said as he walked into her room.
“Nothing…just thinking.”
“Oh? What about?”
“I was just thinking about…taking a shower and washing my hair, is all.”
“Okay, I could use a shower; how about I shampoo your hair for you. It’ll be easier and safer for you that way.”
“No, Ben, don’t be silly. I’ll be fine.”
“I know you will, Brianna, because I’ll be in there to make sure!”
“Ben, no…”
“Bri, yes…c’mere, I’ll help you and start the shower. C’mon, come on…I won’t take no for an answer.”
Brianna knew how stubborn Ben could be, or better said, how determined. She hobbled over to him and started to undress. He helped her and walked her into the bath room where he had started the shower. He helped her into the full glass shower and as she stood under the shower head, she watched him undress. Ben looked at her and smiled, obviously pleased by the growing erection that sprung from the confines of his shorts. She couldn’t help but smile.
She wanted him; she wanted him inside her. She longed to feel him grow, twitch and cum just like the first night they made love. Her passion built as her desire catapulted her into his arms when he stepped into the shower. He thought she stumbled, fell into his embrace and he lurched to catch her descent.
But it was not that she stumbled; it was that she couldn’t resist him a moment longer.
Ben caught her and he rose under the spray of the hot water that flowed and found every curve of her body. He found her mouth with his and his hungry tongue deftly entered her and began the swift tango of heated passion that had flown between them like a river of unrequited thirst.
Ben touched Bri with the softness of the running water and just as hot. She ached for Ben and knew that she would live to regret succumbing to her need for him but she would just have to worry about that later. Right now, here—with him in her arms—she felt like that first night.
<
br /> While Ben kissed her, he reached for the shampoo and poured it over her head. They stepped back out of the spray and he gently massaged her hair and scalp. Bri flinched.
Ben broke from their kiss and she opened her eyes.
“Did that hurt? Did I hit your incision?”
“No, Ben, it’s fine. I am just scared.”
“Scared, Bri…why, whatever for? I would never hurt you.”
“I know that Ben, really I do. I’m afraid I will hurt you. I have been remembering things, things that push their way into my every waking hour—things I should tell you.”
Ben held her tight then returned to his newly mastered art of shampooing her hair.
“You could never hurt me, Bri, and you’ll tell me when you tell me. Don’t be afraid of me. I’m a patient man and I love you, Bri, you know that. I want to help you and I know more than you think. I just want you to remember what you need to remember at your own pace.”
“But, it is about me, my past, my sister and my parents. My mother committed suicide…”
“I know, Brianna. It can wait. Trust me. There is no hurry; no one’s going anywhere until we get out of this shower.”
“Oh, Ben, I don’t deserve you!”
“Nor I you, but here we are—stuck with each other. We might as well make the best of it.”
Bri laughed, suds rolling down her face, over her shoulders and rounding her breasts. Ben’s palms followed the trail of the suds and cupped her breasts.
A quiet whimper escaped from Bri with her resistance. She turned to rinse the shampoo out of her eyes and hair. Ben leaned against her backside, his cock seeking an eager response. Bri leaned into the shower wall, both palms flat on the glass, leaving the evidence of her surrender embedded in the opaque steam.
‘Oh, God…Ben.”
Ben’s slid his left arm around to Bri’s breast and steadied her as he pumped his cock up and down between the cheeks of her ass, smooth and slick from the soapy suds.
“Bri, my God you are beautiful. I need you. I love you. I’m not whole without you. Marry me.”
