Then sanity saved me, and I realized I couldn't, after all. Not at my age. And not the way Gateway Corp was feeling about me. And, most of all, not in time. The Gateway asteroid orbits at right-angles to the ecliptic, just about. Getting there from Earth is a tedious long job; by Hohmann curves twenty months or more, under forced acceleration more than six. Six months from now those ships would have been there and back.
If they were coming back, of course.
The realization was almost as much of a relief as it was a sick, hungry sense of loss.
Sigfrid von Shrink never told me how to get rid of ambivalence (or guilt). He did tell me how to deal with them. The recipe is, mostly, just to let them happen. Sooner or later they burn themselves out. (He says.) At least, they don't have to be paralyzing. So while I was letting this ambivalence smolder itself into ash I was also strolling along the water, enjoying the pleasant under-the-bubble air and gazing proudly at the house I lived in and the wing where my very dear, and for some time wholly platonic, wife was, I hoped, getting herself good and rested. Whatever she was doing, she wasn't doing it alone. Twice a taxicart had brought someone over from the tube stop. Both of them had been women; and now another taxicart pulled up and let out a man, who gazed around quite unsurely while the taxi rolled itself around the circle and hurried off to its next call. I somehow doubted that he was for Essie; but I could think of no reason why he would be for me, or at least why he could not be dealt with by Harriet. So it was a surprise when the rifle-speaker under the eaves swiveled around to point at me and Harriet's voice said, "Robin?' There's a Mr. Haagenbusch here. I think you ought to see him."
That was very unlike Harriet. But she was usually right, so I strolled up the lawn, rinsed my bare feet at the French windows and invited the man into my study. He was a pretty old specimen, pink-skin bald, with a dapper white pair of sideburns and a carefully American accent-not the kind people born in the United States usually have. "Thank you very much for seeing me, Mr. Broadhead," he said, and handed me a card that read:
Herr Doktor Advokat Wm. I. Haagenbusch
"I'm Pete Herter's lawyer," he said. "I flew this morning from Frankfort because I want to make a deal."
How very quaint of you, I thought; imagine coming in person to conduct business! But if Harriet wanted me to see this old flake she had probably talked it over with my legal program, so what I said was, "What kind of a deal?"
He was waiting for me to tell him to sit down. I did. I suspected he was also waiting for me to order coffee or cognac for two, as well, but I didn't particularly want to do that. He took off black kid gloves, looked at his pearly nails and said: "My client has asked for $250,000,000 paid into a special account plus immunity from prosecution of any kind. I received this message by code yesterday."
I laughed out loud. "Christ, Haagenbusch, why are you telling me? I haven't got that kind of money!"
"No, you don't," he agreed. "Outside of your investment in the Herter-Hall syndicate and some fish-farm stock, you don't have anything but a couple of places to live and some personal effects. I think you could raise six or seven million, not counting the Herter-Hall investment. God knows what that might be worth right now, everything considered."
I sat back and looked at him. "You know I got rid of my tourist stuff. So you checked me out. Only you forgot the food mines."
"No, I don't think so, Mr. Broadhead. My understanding is that that stock was sold this afternoon."
It was not altogether pleasant to find out that he knew more about my financial position than I did. So Morton had had to sell that out, too! I didn't have time to think about what that implied just then, because Haagenbusch stroked his sideburns and went on: "The situation is this, Mr. Broadhead. I have advised my client that a contract obtained under duress is not enforceable. He therefore no longer has any hope of attaining his purposes through an agreement with the Gateway Corporation, or even with your syndicate. So I have received new instructions: to secure immediate payment of the sum I have mentioned; to deposit it in untraceable bank accounts in his name; and to turn it over to him when, and if, he returns."
"Gateway won't like being blackmailed," I said. "Still, they may not have any choice."
"Indeed they do not," he agreed. "What is wrong with Mr. Herter's plan is that it won't work. I am sure they will pay over the money. I am also sure that my communications will be tapped and my offices bugged, and that the justice departments of every nation involved in the Gateway treaty will be preparing indictments for Mr. Herter when he returns. I do not want to be named in those indictments as an accomplice, Mr. Broadhead. I know what will happen. They'll find the money and take it back. They'll void Mr. Herter's previous contract on grounds of his own noncompliance. And they'll put him-him at least-in jail."
"You're in a tough situation, Mr. Haagenbusch," I said.
He chuckled dryly. His eyes were not amused. He stroked his sideburns for a moment and burst out: "You don't know! Every day, long orders in code! Demand this, guarantee that, I hold you personally responsible for this other! And then I send off a reply that takes twenty-five days to get there, by which time he has sent me fifty days of new orders and his thoughts are somewhere far beyond and he upbraids me and threatens me! He is not a well man, and he certainly is not a young one. I do not truly think that he will live to collect any of this blackmail- But he might."
"Why don't you quit?"
"I would if I could! But if I quit, then what? Then he has no one on his side at all. Then what would he do, Mr. Broadhead? Also-" he shrugged, "he is a very old friend, Mr. Broadhead. He was at school with my father. No. I can't quit. Also I can't do what he asks. But perhaps you can. Not by handing over a quarter of a billion dollars, no, because you have never had that kind of money. But you can make him an equal partner with that. I think he would-no. I think he might accept that."
"But I've already-" I stopped. If Haagenbusch did not know I had already given half my holdings to Bover, I wasn't going to tell him. "Why wouldn't I void the contract too?" I asked.
He shrugged. "You might. But I think you would not. You are a symbol to him, Mr. Broadhead, and I believe he would trust you. You see, I think I know what it is he wants from all this. It is to live the way you do, for all that remains of his life."
He stood up. "I do not expect you to agree to this at once," he said. "I have perhaps twenty-four hours before I must reply to Mr. Herter. Please think about this, and I will speak to you in one day."
I shook his hand, and had Harriet order him a taxicart, and stood with him in the driveway until it rolled up and bore him briskly away into the early night.
When I came back into my own room Essie was standing by the window, looking out at the lights on the Tappan Sea. It was suddenly clear to me who her visitors had been this day. At least one had been her hairdresser; that tawny Niagara of hair hung true and even to her waist once more, and when she turned to smile at me it was the same Essie who had left for Arizona, all those long weeks before.
"You were so very long with that little man," she remarked. "You must be hungry." She watched me standing there for a moment, and laughed. I suppose that the questions in my mind were written on my face, because she answered them. "One, dinner is ready now. Something light, which we can eat at any time. Two, it is laid out in our room whenever you care to join me there. And, three, yes, Robin, I have Wilma's assurance that all of this is quite all right. Am much more well than you think, Robin dear."
"You surely look about as well as a person can get," I said, and must have been smiling because her pale, perfect eyebrows came down in a frown.
"Are you amused at spectacle of horny wife?" she demanded. "Oh, no! No, it is not that at all," I said, putting my arms around her. "I was just wondering a moment ago why it was that anybody would want to live the way I do. Now I know."
Well. We made love tentatively and slowly, and then when I found out she wasn't going to break we did it again, rougher and rowdier. Then we ate m
ost of the food that was waiting for us on the sideboard, and lounged around and hugged each other until we made love again. After that we just sort of drowsed for a while, spooned together, until Essie commented to the back of my neck, "Pretty impressive performance for old goat, Robin. Not too bad for seventeen-year-old, even."
I stretched and yawned where I lay, rubbing my back against her belly and breasts. "You sure got well in a hurry," I commented.
She didn't answer, just nuzzled my neck with her nose. There is a sort of radar that cannot be seen or heard that tells me true. I lay there for a moment, then disengaged myself and sat up. "Dearest Essie," I said, "what aren't you telling me?"
She lay within my arm, face against my ribs. "About what?" she asked innocently.
"Come on, Essie." When she didn't answer, I said, "Do I have to get Wilma out of bed to tell me?"
She yawned and sat up. It was a false yawn; when she looked at me her eyes were wide awake. "Wilma is most conservative," she said, shrugging. "There are some medicines to promote healing, corticosteroids and such, which she did not wish to give me. With them there is some slight risk of consequences many years from now-but by then, no doubt, Full Medical will be able to cope, I am sure. So I insisted. It made her angry."
"Consequence! You mean leukemia!"
"Yes, perhaps. But most likely not. Certainly not soon."
I got out of the bed and sat naked on the edge so that I could see her better. "Essie, why?"
She slipped her thumbs under her long hair and pushed it back away horn her face to return my stare. "Because I was in a hurry," she said. "Because you are, after all, entitled to a well wife. Because it is uncomfortable to pee through a catheter, not to say unesthetic. Because was my decision to make and I made it." She threw the covers off her and lay back. "Study me, Robin," she invited. "Not even scars! And inside, under skin, am fully functional. Can eat, digest, excrete, make love, conceive your child if we should wish. Not next spring or maybe next year. Now."
And it was all true. I could see it for myself. Her long pale body was unmarked-no, not entirely; down her left side was an irregular paler patch of new skin. But you had to look to see it, and there was nothing else at all to show that a few weeks earlier she had been gouged, and mutilated, and in fact dead.
I was getting cold. I stood up to find Essie's robe for her and put my own on. There was still some coffee on the sideboard, and still hot "For me too," Essie said as I poured.
"Shouldn't you be resting?"
"When I am tired," she said practically, "you will know, because I will roll over and go to sleep. Has been very long time since you and I were like this, Robin. Am enjoying it."
She accepted a cup from me and looked at me over the rim as she sipped it. "But you are not," she observed.
"Yes I am!" And I was; but honesty made me add, "I puzzle myself sometimes, Essie. Why is it that when you show me love it comes out in my head feeling like guilt?"
She put down her cup and lay back. "Do you wish to tell me about it, dear Robin?"
"I just have." Then I added, "I suppose, if anybody, I should call up old Sigfrid von Shrink and tell him."
"He is always available," she said.
"Hum. If I start with him God knows when I'd ever finish. Anyway, he's not the program I want to talk to. There's so much going on, Essie! And it's all happening without me. I feel left out."
"Yes," she said, "am aware this is how you feel. Is something you wish to do, so will not feel left out any more?"
"Well-maybe," I said. "About Peter Herter, for instance. I've been fooling around with a kind of an idea that I'd like to talk over with Albert Einstein."
She nodded. "Very well, why not?" She sat up on the edge of the bed.. "Hand me my slippers, please. Let us do this now."
"Now? But it's late. You shouldn't be-"
"Robin," she said kindly, "I too have talked with Sigfrid von Shrink. Is good program, even if not written by me. Says you are good man, Robin, well adjusted, generous, and to all of this I also can testify, not to add excellent lover and much fun to be with. Come into study." She took my hand as we walked into the big room looking over the Tappan Sea and sat before my console in the comfortable loveseat. "However," she went on, "Sigfrid says you have great talent for inventing reasons not to do things. So I will help you get off dime. Daite gorod Polymat." She was not talking to me, but to the console, which sprang at once into light "Display both Albert and Sigfrid programs," she ordered. "Access both files in interactive mode. Now, Robin! Let us pursue questions you have raised. After all, I am quite interested too."
This wife of so many years, this S. Ya. Lavorovna I married, she surprises me most when I least expect it. She sat quite comfortably beside me, holding my hand, while I talked quite openly about doing the things that I had most wanted not to want. It was not just a matter of going to Heechee Heaven and the Food Factory and stopping old Peter Herter from messing up the world. It was where I might go after that
But at first It did not look as though I were going anywhere. "Albert," I said, "you told me that you had worked out a course setting for Heechee Heaven from Gateway records. Can you do that for the Food Factory too?"
The two of them were sitting side by side in the PV tank, Albert puffing on his pipe, Sigfrid, hands clasped and silent, attentively listening. He would not speak until I spoke to him, and I was not doing that. "`Fraid not," Albert said apologetically. "We have only one known setting for the Food Factory, Trish Bover's, and that's not enough to be sure. Maybe point-six probable that it would get a ship there. But then what, Robin? It couldn't come back. Or at least Trish Bover's didn't." He settled himself comfortably, and went on, "There are, of course, certain alternatives." He glanced at Sigfrid von Shrink beside him. "One might so manipulate Herter's mind by suggestion that he would change his plans."
"Would that work?" I was still talking to Albert Einstein. He shrugged, and Sigfrid stirred but did not speak.
"Oh, do not be such a baby," Essie scolded. "Answer, Sigfrid."
"Gospozha Lavorovna," he said, glancing at me, "I think not. I believe my colleague has raised this possibility only so that I might dismiss it. I have studied the records of Peter Herter's transmissions. The symbolism is quite obvious. The angelic women with the raptor beaks-what is a `hooked nose', gospozha? Think of Payter's childhood, and what he heard of the `cleansing' of the world of the evil Jews. There is also the violence, the punitive emotions. He is quite ill, has in fact already suffered one coronary attack, and is no longer rational; he has, in fact, regressed to quite a childish state. Neither suggestion nor appeals to reason will work, gospozha. The only possibility would be perhaps long-term analysis. He would not likely agree, the shipboard computer could not well handle it and, in any case, there is not time. I cannot help you, gospozha, not with any real chance of success."
Long and long ago I spent a couple of hundred mostly very unpleasant hours listening to Sigfrid's reasonable, maddening voice, and I had not wanted ever to hear it again. But, you know, it wasn't all that bad.
Beside me, Essie stirred, "Polymath," she called, "have fresh coffee prepared." To me she said, "I think will be here for some time."
"I don't know for what," I objected. "I seem to be stymied."
"And if you are," she said comfortably, "we need not drink the coffee but can go back to bed. Meanwhile am quite enjoying this, Robin."
Well, why not? I was strangely no more sleepy than Essie appeared to be. In fact, I was both alert and relaxed, and my mind had never been clearer. "Albert," I said, "is there any progress on reading the Heechee books?"
"Not much, Robin," he apologized. "There are other mathematical volumes such as the one you saw, but as yet no language- Yes, Robin?"
I snapped my fingers. The vagrant thought that had been in the back of my mind had come to the fore. "Gosh numbers," I said. "Those numbers the book showed us. They're the same as the ones the Dead Men call `gosh numbers.'"
"Sure thing, Ro
bin," he nodded. "They are basic dimensionless constants of the universe, or at least of this universe. However, there is the question of Mach's Principle, which suggests-"
"Not now, Albert! Where do you suppose the Dead Men got them?"
He paused, frowning. Tapping out his pipe, he glanced at Sigfrid before he said, "I would conjecture that the Dead Men interfaced with the Heechee machine intelligence. No doubt there was some transmission both ways."
"My very thought! What else do you conjecture the Dead Men might know?"
"That is very difficult to say. They are very incompletely stored, you know. Communication was extremely difficult at best and has now been interrupted entirely."
I sat up straight. "And what if we got back in communication? What if somebody went to Heechee Heaven to talk to them?"
He coughed. Trying not to be patronizing, he said, "Robin, several members of the Herter-Hall party, plus the boy, Wan, have failed to get clear answers from them on these questions. Even our machine intelligence has succeeded only poorly- though," he said politely enough, "that is primarily because of the necessity to interface with the shipboard computer, Vera. They are poorly stored, Robin. They are obsessive, irrational and often incoherent."
Behind me Essie was standing with the tray of coffee and cups-I had hardly heard the bell from the kitchen to say it was ready. "Ask him, Robin," she commanded.
I did not pretend to misunderstand. "Hell," I said, "all right, Sigfrid. That's your line of work. How do we trick them into talking to us?"
Sigfrid smiled and unlaced his hands. "It is good to speak to you again, Robin," he said. "I would like to compliment you on your very considerable progress since we spoke last-"
"Get on with it!"
"Of course, Robin. There is one possibility. The storage of the female prospector, Henrietta, seems rather complete, except for her one obsession, that is, with the unfaithfulness of her husband. I think that if a machine program were written from what we know of her husband's personality and interfaced with her-"
Beyond the Blue Event Horizon Page 24
