Matt released her abruptly and fell back on the bed, his breath coming in quick gasps. Ellen felt cast aside, as though Matt had sucked all there was out of the experience and was ready to turn over and go to sleep. She wasn’t. She felt acutely alive, her entire body clamoring for more—of what she wasn’t quite sure—but she was sure there was more.
“I never knew something as simple as a kiss could leave me feeling like I’d just ridden five wild broncs,” Matt said. “I don’t know if I’m strong enough for you.”
Ellen reached over and felt Matt’s chest through his nightshirt. Heavy muscles moved easily under his warm skin as his chest rose and fell with his breath. Her hand slid up to his shoulder and down his arm. There was more than enough strength there to handle a dozen wild horses.
“Tulip has been begging me to tell her what goes on between us,” Ellen said. “You’re not going to force me to tell her I’m too much woman for you, are you?”
Matt erupted from the bed with the speed of a scalded cat. Before she could breathe, she found herself pinned to the mattress by his body, his face inches above her own.
“What have you told that woman about us?”
“Nothing.”
“Because there’s been nothing to tell?”
“Matt, you know I wouldn’t—”
“That won’t be true much longer.”
He wrapped her body in another steel-like embrace and kissed her hard on the mouth. But as much as she liked his kisses, Ellen had difficulty concentrating. She was powerfully aware of the feel of his body as it pressed tightly against her own—from chest to thigh.
And the fact that his groin was swollen and pressed hard against her abdomen.
Ellen wasn’t naive. She’d seen many men in an excited condition. She knew what it meant. But except for Eddie Lowell, it had never meant anything to her. Now it did.
Matt’s wasn’t the only body responding to their closeness. Her breasts had become so tender, her nipples felt like two points where all her nerve endings came together. Her entire body trembled. She felt hot and cold at the same time. She felt assaulted and so taut she was ready to jump out of her skin.
And she couldn’t get enough.
She threw her arms around Matt and hugged him as tightly to her as she was able. She had never realized how big he was. She could barely get her arms around his chest. That made her feel small and weak. Much to her surprise, it wasn’t a bad feeling. For the first time she could remember, she wanted to be overwhelmed, to be helpless to resist him. She wanted to feel he was so dominating he could snatch her up and carry her off without taking a deep breath.
When he rolled over and she found herself atop him, she was convinced he could.
“I don’t know how I managed to keep my hands off you for so long,” Matt said.
“I’ve been wanting you to touch me for a long time.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You acted like you didn’t know I was here. Sometimes I felt invisible.”
“I tried to ignore you. I knew if I didn’t, I’d do something terrible.”
“What?” What could he have done she wouldn’t have welcomed during the last week?
“Do you know what it’s like to lie next to you night after night and not be able to touch you?” he asked.
“I felt the same way.”
“You never touched me.”
“I was afraid you didn’t want me to. Why didn’t you touch me?”
“I was afraid you’d take the kids and leave.”
“Who were you worried about, me or the kids?”
“Both. I fell in love with all of you together, but I love you in a different way.”
“Show me.”
“If you can’t tell—”
“I don’t mean that. I’ve never been in love. I hardly know what I want. I certainly don’t know what to expect.”
“Then you won’t know if I do it wrong.”
“As long as you love me, nothing will be wrong.”
Matt moved so that they both lay on their sides. “I could lie here looking at you all night.”
“Why? You’re better-looking than I am.”
He smiled. “I’m not interested in my looks, just yours.”
She realized what he said was true. Except for being neat and clean, he never gave any thought to his appearance. As far as she could tell, he never thought of himself at all. Well, she was going to see about that. Matt was a very special person, and it was about time he knew it.
“What do you like about my looks?” she asked.
“Everything.”
She couldn’t argue with an answer like that, but it wasn’t as satisfying as she had hoped. “Could you be more specific?” He was kissing her eyebrows. She’d never imagined a man would do that, or that she would like it.
“I like your lips.” He kissed her, long and lingering. “They’re soft and sweet.”
“They’re too thick,” she said. “I look like I got hit in the mouth. Yours are more sensual. Tulip talks about them all the time.”
“Tulip doesn’t want to kiss you.”
Ellen giggled. “I hope not.”
“I like your eyes.”
“They’re brown.”
“They flash when you’re angry. It shows spirit.”
“What do they do when I’m not?”
“They’re warm.”
Please, don’t let him say like chocolate pudding.
“They sort of glow, like you know a wonderful secret.”
She wondered when he’d seen that.
“I see it every time you look at Tess and Noah. I used to hope you’d look at me like that.”
He was tickling her ear with his tongue. For a man who’d never made love before, he had a remarkably good instinct for exactly the right thing to do to ruin her concentration. But maybe she wasn’t supposed to concentrate. It was very tempting just to lie back and luxuriate in the sensations.
“I especially like your smile,” Matt said. “It reaches out and pulls you right in.”
Ellen didn’t understand that. She’d done her best to cultivate a smile that said keep your distance. Apparently it hadn’t worked on Matt, but she couldn’t think clearly enough to figure out why. Matt’s hand was playing down her side, threatening to tickle her—playing across her breast, threatening to give rise to a very different feeling.
“I especially like your hair,” Matt said. “It’s dark as old mahogany. I like it short. Not many women wear it like that. It makes you look rumpled, like you just got out of bed.”
She’d never been able to control her thick tresses, but Matt’s hand had slipped inside her nightgown to cup her breast, and she forgot all about her hair.
Tulip had said when a man touched a woman’s breast, she discovered what being a woman was all about. Ellen wasn’t sure she could agree with that—after all, there was a lot more to being a woman—but it certainly did put a new slant on the matter. She would never again complain about them being too big, too heavy, or a nuisance. They were rapidly making up for a lifetime of trouble.
When Matt used the tip of his finger to gently circle her breast before narrowing his attention to the nipple alone, she decided the balance sheet was even. He used his teeth to pull the straps of her nightgown off her shoulders—how did he know to do something like that?—and took her nipple into his mouth. She gasped with surprise and pleasure. Her body arched upward.
“I like your breasts, too,” Matt mumbled.
She’d already figure that out. She just hadn’t figured out why she’d never suspected they could harbor such a wealth of sensations. Or why those sensations would radiate through her entire body. She felt on fire, every part of her becoming hotter and hotter. No, hot wasn’t exactly the right word, but she didn’t have the mental concentration—or the desire—to decide what it was. Matt had turned her body into something completely foreign to her, something she liked very much.
The pleasure grew stil
l more intense when Matt’s hand covered and gently caressed her other breast. His lips deserted her bosom and took her mouth in a long kiss. “I like your entire body,” he said a moment later. “It fits perfectly in my arms.”
Matt had pulled her against him and thrown his right leg over her body, making her acutely aware of his swollen groin. Suddenly she wanted to touch him. The thought surprised her. No, it stunned her. But the desire was compelling.
When she caressed him, he flinched and gasped. “Don’t do that! I’m liable to explode.”
She felt the same way. She didn’t know why it should be any different for him. He moved her hand to his hip.
“Men aren’t like women,” he said. “Sometimes just a touch is all it takes to send them over the edge.”
“I feel like that already.”
“Not yet. There’s more to come.”
She didn’t know how her body could produce still more startling sensations, but it didn’t take her long to learn. Matt pushed her gown down around her hips, trailed his tongue from her breasts to her belly button, with a stop to explore each rib along the way. She feared she’d never again be able to take a full breath. Everything seemed to stop working, then rush ahead, only to come to a complete halt moments later.
“Take off your nightshirt,” she managed to say. “I want to feel your chest.”
She hoped she’d be able to regain some control during the seconds it took Matt to shed his nightshirt, but she was so inflamed with the need for his touch that being separated from him made her want him more desperately. Throwing herself back into his embrace didn’t lessen the need, especially after she realized nothing stood between them but her nightgown—which he was in the process of removing.
“Can I touch you now?” she asked.
“Above the waist,” he said as he guided her hand to his chest. He was hairless except for a sprinkling around his nipples and a narrow strip that led down from his navel to—
While she explored Matt’s chest, his hand moved over her hips to cup her bottom, pulling her tight up against him. She flinched when he practically thrust himself between her legs.
“I won’t hurt you,” he said, pulling back.
“It didn’t hurt. It just startled me.”
She told herself to relax, that everything Matt did was normal, but it didn’t work. Neither of them had made love before. They might be doing it wrong. It didn’t feel wrong, but it was unlike anything she’d ever experienced before. She told herself men always knew what to do, but that didn’t ease her mind because she. didn’t know what Matt would do next. His slipping his hand between her legs was definitely unexpected. Reflex caused her muscles to clench tightly.
“Open up for me,” Matt said. “I won’t hurt you.”
She knew he wouldn’t, but it was difficult to open up such a private part of her body, even to the man she loved. It took a moment before she was able to command her muscles. They tightened when his hand entered her. It took all her willpower to relax once more.
“Don’t be afraid,” he said.
“I’m not.” Well, that wasn’t a lie. Being petrified wasn’t precisely the same as being afraid. Even the beginning of a very different feeling didn’t entirely relieve her concern. Then Matt touched a magical spot that caused her to practically rise off the bed.
“Did you like that?” he asked.
“Hmmm,” was the best answer she could give him. Apparently he understood. He touched that spot again. And again. Then he started gently massaging the sensitive area. Ellen thought she would go crazy. At first she was certain something must be wrong. It wasn’t possible she was supposed to feel this way, so out of control, so on the edge, so ready to scream. She dug her fingers into Matt’s shoulders and every muscle in her body tensed until she was certain she would shatter into a thousand pieces. But there was no lessening of the tension, no blessed release, no end to the delicious torture. As a pool of warmth began to grow and spread through her belly, wave after wave rolled through her from one end to the other. Just when she thought she couldn’t stand any more, when she felt a scream building inside her, the dam broke, and all the tension flowed from her like warm water.
She sagged against the bed, her muscles too weak to move. Her breath came in strained gasps.
“Are you all right?” Matt asked.
She tried to speak but couldn’t get the words past the air that rushed in and out. She nodded her head.
“Are you sure?”
She felt exhausted and drained, but her body felt like it had been invented anew. And she felt relaxed in a way she had never felt before. “Yes, I’m sure,” she managed to say. It was wonderful, but nothing had gone quite as she imagined. Matt was supposed to—
Matt had positioned himself above her. She felt the pressure of something large and insistent between her legs.
“This might hurt a bit,” he said, “but it won’t last long.”
With a single thrust he sank all the way inside her. The shock caused her to gasp. The pain was more like a sharp sting that disappeared immediately. It was the sensual pleasure of being filled with him that made her feel so unlike herself. She felt stretched to the limit. It ought to hurt or be terribly uncomfortable, but it wasn’t.
Not even when he started moving inside her.
The sensation of building waves started again. As it built, the pool of heat in her belly grew and spilled over until it suffused every part of her body with its intoxicating warmth. Instinctively she found herself moving to meet Matt’s thrusts, trying to drive him deeper, hoping he could satiate the growing need that seemed to be just out of reach. She clung to him more tightly, her breath ragged, as she felt the waves crest again.
Through the wall of sensations that engulfed her, she was aware of Matt’s increasingly rapid breath, the strong sense he was being carried by currents very much like those that gripped her body. That was when she knew they had it right. They were sharing the same experience. Then Matt’s movement became jerky, his breath rattled harshly in his throat. She felt the lift of her own wave cresting to nearly unbearable height. Matt groaned, stiffened, and she felt herself fall and open to him.
Her wave broke, flowed, began to ebb as Matt collapsed on her.
The fog in Matt’s brain cleared slowly. He’d ridden hundreds of broncos in his life, some of which had tried to tear him limb from limb, but nothing had ever affected him quite like this. He felt absolutely drained, empty, unable to lift an arm from the mattress. Almost as far back as he could remember, he’d fantasized about this day, run it over and over in his mind until he was certain he knew exactly what to do, how everything would feel.
He’d been wrong. His imagination fell so far short of reality, he might as well have been thinking of something else.
He wanted to turn to Ellen, but he couldn’t summon the energy. He wanted to lie there a little longer, enjoy the incredible feeling that defied description. Some of his brothers had told him there was nothing like making love to the woman you adored. Even so, they’d left him expecting a whole lot less than he got. Buck said it kept getting better. Matt didn’t think he was strong enough to live through that, but he made up his mind to give it a try.
“Matt?”
She sounded as sated as he felt. “Are you all right?”
“I think so. You?”
“I just need to catch my breath.” And discover where all his strength had gone. If Samson felt like this after his hair was cut, no wonder the Philistines captured him. Matt couldn’t have moved if Wilbur Sears had walked in the door that very minute.
Ellen leaned over and kissed him, her hair falling on his face. “I love you,” she whispered.
“I love you, too.”
She fell back on the mattress. “The judge was right. Wilbur did us a favor by forcing us to get married.”
“I was already half in love with you,” Matt said, “but I’d never have spoken.”
She put his arm around her and snuggled up close. �
��Isabelle will be happy.”
“She’ll say she knew it all along.”
“She probably did.”
“She’ll bring more furniture.”
Ellen laughed. “I guess you’ll have to build a bigger house to hold it.”
“I’d rather build a bigger house because I’ve got more kids.”
“How many children do you want?”
“It’s hard adopting boys Hank’s age. I don’t think I can handle many more.”
“I wasn’t talking about adoption. I was talking about our own babies, your babies.”
Matt had discounted that possibility so long ago, it was hard to believe he had this choice that everyone else took for granted.
“You do want children, don’t you?” Ellen sounded worried.
“Yes.”
Ellen laughed softly. “I want several boys who’ll grow up to look just like you.”
“Will looks just like me, and he’s an idiot.”
She thumped him on the chest. “And I want a couple of girls. Tess and I need recruits to help balance out the numbers.”
Matt found he liked the idea of having two or three sons. He liked the idea of watching them saddle their first horses, riding out at dawn flanked by one on each side. But the idea of having daughters unnerved him. You didn’t have to do too much for boys. Keep them fed, clothed, and out of trouble, and you pretty much had it knocked. Girls were a lot of work and worry. They had to have nice clothes, perfect manners, and fancy schools so they could find good husbands. You had to be upstanding and respectable. Any crime you committed would settle harder on a daughter. Sons could head west, put it all behind them. Girls would bear the shame.
He couldn’t have girls. What if people found out? They hadn’t, but there was no saying they wouldn’t some day.
He was such a fool! Why hadn’t he stopped to think? When he realized his having been abused didn’t make any difference in Ellen’s feelings for him, he had started to hope they could have a real marriage. It had still been a dream, but for that very reason he’d allowed his hope full rein. It could never happen, so he was free to entertain the fantasy.
Then it had happened. Ellen had said she loved him; she wanted to make love to him. His brain had shut down entirely. He’d made love to her, something he should never have done without telling her the whole truth.
Matt (The Cowboys) Page 28
