She knew she should bow out, knew what she was doing to him was wrong… But when he looked at her like that, his eyes peering into hers, her memory of their shared kiss still lingering on her lips, she couldn’t. Just couldn’t. She wanted to know the man much better. And if afterward, she saw that they wouldn’t be a proper match, that it would be a mistake to marry, then she would break it off.
Just let me see what it’s like to be in love, just this once then I’ll let him go… Until then, she’d enjoy their time together. And maybe, if things went exceptionally well, Conrad would see her for more than someone who had once taken advantage of his station. Someone he could care for…
No, Amelia. Why would that ever happen? Considering what you’re doing to him, why would he ever love you?
The truth of it burned in her stomach. Yes, it was a horrible, despicable thing to do. With that, though, Amelia was even more determined to make it up to Conrad. He will fall in love with me. I know it.
She took his arm, and they walked to his waiting carriage, with Annie close behind. Amelia raised her eyebrows. If the driver had gotten any closer to the door, he would have been parked on top of their hedge. Was this normal behavior for him?
She glanced to her right to see Conrad’s reaction. He didn’t seem in the least upset about the location of his carriage. In fact, his steps increased in speed as if he were in a hurry to reach it. How odd.
The groom assisted her and Annie into the carriage and Conrad followed them up. Annie sat next to Amelia, sitting so close that Amelia was crowded into a corner. She eyed the maid. Good heavens, couldn’t the woman give her some room? She leaned in Annie’s direction until the maid frowned and finally moved away.
A quick glance to Conrad showed a slight lifting of one side of his mouth. He thought her dilemma amusing? Her own mouth lifted in response. Perhaps there was hope for the man yet.
Amelia batted her eyelashes at Conrad. “Where might we be going today, Lord Lofton?”
He smoothed down his already perfectly groomed light hair. “I thought perhaps we might stop at a shop somewhere and have some tea.”
Tea? Her smile fell from her lips. “Oh.”
“Is that not acceptable, Miss Talbot?”
She shrugged. “I was hoping for…”
“Yes? What were you hoping?”
“I rather had my heart set on something different.”
“And what might that have been?”
“The Bird Sanctuary. It’s one of my favorite destinations.”
His already pale complexion turned pure white. “Ah…”
“Is something amiss, my lord?”
He tugged at his cravat. “No… no… I, that is, no.”
“Wonderful. The Bird Sanctuary it is.” Why was Conrad so frighteningly pale? She couldn’t imagine anyone not liking the Sanctuary. The trees, the flowers, and of course the birds. The ducks and geese were some of her favorites, but she also had a fondness for the common cuckoo. It was such a funny bird and always made her laugh.
Conrad instructed the driver of their destination and then he sat back against the seat. With a shaky hand, he withdrew a white handkerchief from his coat pocket. Perspiration dotted his forehead, but disappeared once he blotted his face with the piece of cloth.
It wasn’t warm outside. Actually, the day was quite cool. Why would he be perspiring? Unless he was ill. Amelia narrowed her eyes as she scrutinized him. Pale, clammy, skin, clothes that hung on his slight frame. But he had no cough or sneeze at present. He’d had that coughing fit at her home, but she hadn’t thought him ill then, either. Perhaps he just needed more time outdoors. Much more time.
It will be my mission not only to get him to draw closer to me, but to ensure that he has an enjoyable visit with lots of fresh air and sunshine.
The nearer they got to the Sanctuary, the more birds Amelia noticed. Chirping, twittering, flying, and darting about the carriage. Her heart gladdened. She’d spend every day there if she could. A brown and white bird flew by the window, squawking a greeting as it went.
A gasp sounded from across the carriage. Conrad’s mouth hung open. What in the world was the matter?
Amelia edged forward. “Lord Lofton? Are you unwell?”
He swallowed, the action moving his cravat in and out against his neck. “Fine. Yes… perfectly…” He wiped his face with his handkerchief. “Fine.”
She’d thought he couldn’t become any paler, but he had. Amelia left her seat and crossed the carriage to sit beside him. Annie harrumphed and mumbled something Amelia was certain wasn’t polite.
Conrad shifted his blue eyes to her, but he said not a word. His eyes widened as she leaned toward him.
“Is there anything I can do to help, my lord?”
He moved his head back and forth, so slowly she almost missed the negative response. But his eyes… those beautiful, glorious eyes, stayed on hers. Amelia felt movement beneath her hand. With a glance down, she sighed. When did I reach out to place my hand on his? His gaze traveled down to their joined hands as well. A slight lifting of the corners of his mouth, so slight she’d thought to have imagined it, was the only indication of his thoughts.
Amelia smiled back until she heard a throat clearing from the other seat. Annie frowned and narrowed her eyes.
As Amelia slipped her hand from Conrad’s, she glared back at the maid. No-good interfering spy. Why can’t she mind her own business? Of course, Amelia and Conrad required a chaperone, but surely the woman could afford them a modicum of privacy?
As surely as Amelia sat there, she knew Annie would expect her to resume her seat across from Conrad. A slow smile spread on Amelia’s lips. They were nearly to the Bird Sanctuary gate. I’m staying right here.
The women glared at each other until Conrad tapped his boot.
Oh dear. I’m not making a very good impression on my husband-to-be, am I?
The carriage wheels squeaked to a stop. A groom opened the door and assisted Amelia and Annie safely to the ground. Conrad followed, his eyes darting in every direction as if he feared someone would do him harm once he alighted from the safety of the carriage.
Amelia latched onto Conrad’s arm as soon as he made it available. She cared not what Annie thought, as the maid walked behind them. Time was of the essence for Amelia to help Conrad see her for the woman she really was. Annie could go jump in the duck pond for all she cared.
Now there was an idea. Stop it, Amelia. You must be nice.
They walked along a shady path beneath some large oak trees. Amelia inhaled the fresh air and sighed. She turned to Conrad. “Don’t you just love to breathe the wonderful air here at the Sanctuary?”
Conrad frowned.
She tugged him closer. “Go ahead. Take a breath. For me?”
With a shrug, Conrad nodded. “As you wish, Miss Talbot.”
“You silly thing. Call me Amelia.” She lowered her voice so Annie wouldn’t hear. “We are to be married after all.”
“All right, Amelia.” He took in a deep breath, expanded his chest, and let out a wheeze to rival a donkey’s bray.
“Good heavens.” Amelia patted his back. “Can you breathe?”
“That is my fervent wish.”
“You needn’t inhale the entire Sanctuary at once.”
“I’ll certainly try to keep that in mind the next time I require oxygen.” He wheezed again.
Amelia grinned. So the earl had a wit about him. All the more reason to think she’d picked the right man to…
Blackmail. The ugly word hung in the corners of her mind. It was wrong, wrong, wrong! But I don’t want to be married to that wrinkled old coot.
“Something amiss, Amelia?”
She swung her gaze in his direction. Oh dear. She’d done it again. Her annoying habit of having arguments with herself was going to get her in trouble. “No, everything is wonderful. Thank you for bringing me to one of my favorite spots in London.”
Conrad tugged at his cravat and eyed the tree ne
arest them. “Yes. My p-pleasure.”
Why did he seem to be less than thrilled that they were here? She’d never known anyone to balk at a lovely day spent seeing the trees, listening to the birds and taking a leisurely stroll through the extensive grounds.
A sound, not unlike the purring of a kitten, came from just ahead. “Listen. I hear some turtledoves. Don’t you love them?”
Conrad mumbled something she couldn’t quite make out. Was that adorable or abominable?
She tugged on his arm. “Let’s take a closer look.”
With his heels dug into to the path, he resisted. Why was he being so stubborn? She gave a yank, this time stronger, which dislodged him from his rut. He stumbled into her and she caught him just as he would have fallen.
Nose to nose with him, Amelia’s heart raced. How could Lucy not have thought Conrad attractive? Those eyes would be the death of her. And Amelia was relieved that she’d not noticed anything malodorous from Conrad’s breath. Standing this close to him, and having kissed him earlier…
“Pardon me, my lord. I didn’t intend for you to stumble.”
“Then what was your intent? To tug on me so hard I ended up in that tree?”
Amelia’s mouth dropped open. At first. Then, a tiny tickle of laughter moved up her throat until her whole person was overcome with giggles.
Conrad removed his arm from her grasp. “It’s not that amusing.”
“Oh come now. It was a little amusing.” She held up her hand, holding her forefinger and thumb an inch apart. “Just a little?”
One of his eyebrows rose, followed by the other. “Perhaps…” He moved her thumb closer to her finger until no light could be seen between. “That much.” The corners of his mouth lifted in the genuine curve of a smile.
Delighted, Amelia nodded her head. “Yes, perhaps.” Suddenly anxious to see more of the Sanctuary with Conrad, she grabbed his arm again. With a tug, she started up the path, but again felt his resistance.
She turned. “What now? Is there something wrong?”
“Has anyone ever told you that you are quite bold and forward?”
A sputter came from her lips. Of course, her parents had told her that, but usually others simply ignored her brashness or overlooked it. He had actually said the words. “I… Um…”
“I’m not saying it’s repugnant or abhorrent.”
She bristled. “I should hope not.”
“In fact, I prefer it to someone who’s overly meek and timid.”
She tugged his arm again, pleased that he approved of her personality. Once again, he didn’t go with her.
He held up his other hand, first finger in the air. “But… don’t you think the gentleman should take the lead?”
“Where’s the fun in that?”
“Pardon?”
She’d said that out loud? Oh dear. “Well, I…”
“You don’t think you can have an enjoyable outing if you’re not in control?”
“I’ve never…”
“What’s that?”
She lifted her shoulders in a shrug. “I’ve never… tried.”
“I see.”
Amelia frowned. “Just what do you see, Conrad?”
“You seem to like to have you own way.”
“And what’s wrong with that?”
“It can’t always be your way.”
She stomped her boot, causing a small cloud of dust, which rose up and around them. Conrad coughed to the point that Amelia feared for his health. “Oh my, let’s sit down on this bench just ahead.” She watched him closely for signs of further resistance, since she was taking the lead again, as he’d put it.
A nod was her answer, as he couldn’t seem to speak around the coughs. She led him to the bench and sat down next to him. A quick succession of boot taps came from the left. Annie now stood in front of them with her arms crossed. She eyed the nonexistent space between Amelia and Conrad and glared.
She wants us to move apart? Amelia shook her head.
Annie stepped closer, moving her finger back and forth in the air, as if they should indeed separate. Now.
Amelia lowered her eyebrows, pulling even closer to Conrad as he hacked and coughed. I think she means to sit between us. I don’t think so. “No.”
Conrad, who held his handkerchief over his mouth, jerked his head around. “P-pardon me?”
“Not you, dear.” She stared pointedly at the maid and pressed her lips together.
With something that could have been a low growl, Annie went behind the bench and stood. Amelia didn’t have to turn her head to see if the maid was still glaring at her. She could nearly feel it on the back of her neck.
No matter. Amelia had become an expert at ignoring people who vexed her. Annie was no different.
Conrad finally ceased his hacking. Amelia patted his arm. “Feeling better?”
“Much.” He looked at her. “Thank you.”
“Ready to explore the Sanctuary?”
“You mean, walk about?”
“Of course.” She started to stand, thought better of it in light of his earlier comments, and waited.
“If we must.” Conrad stood and held out his hand to assist her.
“Oh, Conrad, you have quite the wit.”
“I didn’t realize I was being witty.”
Amelia’s laugh startled a pair of chiff-chaffs into sudden flight, their call to each other sounding very much like the sound of their name.
Conrad stiffened.
Why did he act so uncomfortable when they were near the birds?
Chapter Eight
Conrad shuddered. Those stupid chiff-chaffs. They weren’t even bright enough to say anything besides their own name. What if I went around yelling, Conrad-Conrad, as I flapped my arms? Considering my lack of friends, though, would it really make a difference?
He dabbed at his face one final time with his handkerchief and folded it neatly in a square to return to his pocket. Of all the places in London, why did the awful Bird Sanctuary have to be one of Amelia’s favorites?
A thought niggled at his mind. While it was true that he was marrying her because of blackmail, there was something about her that he couldn’t shake loose. Why did he feel as if he must do things to please her? Participate in an activity at a place at which he had no desire to ever set foot again?
Her red tresses and green eyes mesmerized him to his core. He’d never felt anything remotely like it when he’d courted Lucy. Nor had he had those stirrings for any other woman. Ever.
What did that say about him that the one woman who set his heart on fire was only marrying him for a reason other than love? He didn’t know the exact reason, yet, but surely she wouldn’t have resorted to something of such nefarious character as blackmail if there weren’t an underlying cause.
The irony didn’t escape him that he was making excuses for what she was putting him through. He certainly had never made excuses for anyone else before. About anything. Perhaps he’d lost his mind and was becoming someone no one would recognize.
I can hope. Becoming a better man is my goal. Could Amelia be a part of that change?
Still, being at the Bird Sanctuary was bringing back memories. Terrible ones. He hadn’t a way to hide his reactions to it, no matter how much he might want to impress Amelia.
Memories of wanting to venture outside as a child and see and hear the birds around the Lofton estate played out in his mind. Every time, his mother forbade it. Once in a while, he’d sneak out when she wasn’t looking but was always dragged back in and given a scolding for disobeying and bringing the dusty outdoors inside with him on his clothes and person.
A thorough scrubbing by one of the maids would follow. He especially hated when he got Hilda for the job. She was rough when she washed him, nearly to the point of rubbing him raw. The woman must have had talons for fingers.
Talons… He threw the thought aside. Hard to imagine that once, long ago, he’d actually longed to go outside. His mother had squelched an
y desire of that to the point that now when he was outside for any length of time and came in contact with wildlife, he was sometimes even afraid.
“Conrad?”
He startled out of his reverie at Amelia’s voice. “Yes?”
“You looked to be off in another time, somehow.”
I was. “Nonsense.”
“Ready to proceed?”
No. “Certainly.” Conrad allowed Amelia to lead him down the path even though he’d just questioned her about doing that very thing. His legs protested delving further into the shade of the groves of trees, the dirt along the path, the grasses swaying in the cool breeze.
The only way for him to do Amelia’s bidding and remain in the Sanctuary was if she propelled him there by her own power. Amelia’s maid harrumphed and followed along behind them. Those two didn’t seem to get along very well. Reminds me of my relationship with my servants. Perhaps he and Amelia had similar personalities in that regard. More’s the pity.
They veered from the path and walked through some shin-deep grass. Who knew what vermin lurked in there? Conrad averted his eyes from the ground and instead looked up. Very big mistake. Overhead, a flock of geese in a V formation descended to land near a pond a few yards away.
“Look.” Amelia pointed. “We’ll have a chance to see the geese up close.”
Oh the horror. “Splendid.”
The honking of the geese set Conrad’s teeth on edge. Thankfully his jaw no longer throbbed when he clenched them together. The huge grey birds flapped enormous wings and splashed about in the water.
Mother would have been appalled.
When Conrad would have stopped a relatively safe distance away, Amelia dragged him on. Closer… closer… The sound of the birds was deafening. And the smell…
Out came his handkerchief again. It was earning its keep today. He pressed it against his nose and mouth, hoping to avoid the worst of the stench.
“Conrad, watch your—” Amelia grabbed his arm tightly. “Oh no, too late.”
With trepidation, he glanced down. Greenish slime, which he could only attribute to something one of those ghastly geese left behind, covered the entire toe of his boot.
Perfect.
Love Birds: The Complete Collection Page 20
