While Paula drew up water, Rachel talked to herself. “But when you think of it, that’s not all bad, really.” With the pitchfork, she pushed the pile closer to the wall to make it easier to load the cardboard box that she used as a waste container.
“On the upside, girl, it means you’ll have someone to split your workload with.”
The soft purring of an engine caught her attention. Excited energy swept through her because the familiar sound meant Jarred was here. She rested the wooden handle against the wall, rubbed her palms roughly over the front of her stable apron to remove the straw, and walked quickly out of the barn to offer a huge wave as Jarred came toward her.
Rachel stepped to the side to avoid a chicken. As she took in Jarred, her lips lifted into a big smile. She liked being in control of her feelings, and this inexperienced sensation made her vulnerable. She didn’t know what it was because she’d never felt it before.
She shrugged it off and greeted him with a big smile. “How’s Cinnamon?”
He offered an encouraging nod. “Asking to come home.”
Rachel laughed. “I’m cleaning a spot for him in the barn. And warning Paula that she’ll have to share the attention.”
“I suppose I need to talk to your dad about bringing him back home.”
“Gut.”
“How’s the filly?”
Rachel motioned toward the barn. “Come and see for yourself.”
He followed her into the barn and greeted Paula with a pat on the head. “Hey, there.”
“I’m getting Cinnamon’s stall ready so he’ll feel right at home.”
Jarred chuckled. “This is his home.”
“I know, but you’ve been spoiling him. To be honest, I’m not sure he’ll want to come back.” She teased, but at the same time, her voice hinted of seriousness. She made a faux pout with her lips.
“Thank you, Rachel.”
“For what?”
“For making me feel good.” He paused. “I really like that about you.”
She looked at him to go on.
“Your confidence in me. Since we’ve become friends, I’m a better person.”
She lowered her eyelids to hide some shyness. “You didn’t need improvement.”
Contentment edged his voice. “I appreciate that, too. But I’m making a concerted effort to heed your advice.” He added, “About seeing my glass as half-full.”
She looked up and smiled. “I’ll tell Old Sam. That originated from him, you know.”
Jarred rested his hands on his hips. “Then you can thank him for me.”
She raised her chin a notch and grinned. “I will.” She tried to restrain the emotion that edged her voice. “And as far as you, Jarred Zimmerman, I don’t want you to ever doubt your worth as a human being. Just look at what you’ve done for me. For others. Horses have passed from this awful virus, and Cinnamon survived.”
Several heartbeats later, she regained full composure and squared her shoulders with confidence. “You’re a born healer, Jarred. God gave you a special gift, and there’s no doubt in my mind that you were put here to take your mentor’s place. I hate to tell you this,” she swished her pointer finger back and forth in front of her, “but you’ll always be a busy man.”
To her surprise, her heart nearly stopped as they locked gazes. She found herself unable to divert her eyes from the blue-gray depths that once again reminded her of the calm before a dangerous storm.
Jarred broke the silence. When he turned to proceed to the door, she struggled to figure out why her mind had suddenly gone numb.
No one had ever affected her this way, and she must figure out why this had claimed her emotions. Of course, she liked him. She also admired him for what he did. But her heart fluttered every time he looked at her. At that moment, she knew she was in love.
*
The next day, Rachel blinked in excitement. She pressed her palms together and gave a prayer of thanks. Cinnamon was coming home. Jarred helped Rachel to step up into the passenger side of his truck. His fingers tenderly caught her wrist before she landed in the soft gray bucket seat and crossed her legs. Again, she reacted to his touch, fully aware that this wasn’t the first time.
He paused, closed her door, got in, and turned the key. He glanced at her and lifted an eyebrow in amusement. As if reading her mind, he said, “I’m fully aware of the rules, Rachel. But there’s one problem.”
“What do you mean?”
He chuckled, and she smiled at the baritone sound.
“In this particular case, the Amish rules conflict with my personal set of standards as a gentleman.” He looked into the rearview mirror before returning his attention to her.
She waited for him to continue.
“It’s not my nature to allow a woman to step up into my truck without giving her a hand.” He darted her an expression of sympathy. “I wouldn’t want you to fall.”
She softened her voice. “I appreciate your efforts, Jarred. Of course. It’s common courtesy.” She lifted her palms and dropped them onto her thighs. “I’ve heard more than once that we Amish are a bit stricter than other churches.”
“I won’t hold it against you.” He winked at her. “But there’s something you need to do before we get Cinnamon.”
She looked around.
His voice was edged with gentleness. “Your seat belt?”
“Oh!” She quickly fastened the buckle. The click confirmed the job was complete. “Thanks. I don’t do a lot of truck rides. I should’ve remembered from last time.”
She watched in the side mirror as he backed out of the drive. She smelled something sweet. When she looked at the floor, she glimpsed red candy wrappers and grinned. So Jarred had a sweet tooth, just like Cinnamon.
As he put the truck in DRIVE, he said, “Rachel, I respect that the Amish hold themselves to high standards. That’s something to be proud of.”
“Jah?”
He nodded. “In fact, one of the reasons I like you so much is because of your values.” He changed his voice to a shy tone. “I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but you’re truly special.”
She laughed. She wasn’t sure why; she finally concluded that her reaction was a combination of embarrassment and uncertainty of what to say.
Jarred was the only man she’d ever ridden alone with. For some reason, it seemed different than being alone with him around the horses. She always enjoyed her personal conversations with him, but she wasn’t exactly sure how to act at times. However, there was one thing she was sure of: Her heart fluttered with joy at his approval of her.
Satisfied she’d decided that, she looked at the rows upon rows of corn on both sides. The crop was over knee-high. She relaxed and enjoyed the engine’s soft purr as they cruised along the blacktop.
Rachel was certain that this drive wasn’t something to be taken lightly. She was sure that Daddy had allowed it because of Rachel’s strong bond with her horse. Her father had been frank. He really didn’t want Cinnamon back because of cost and work, but he allowed it especially for Rachel, and also because he believed God was responsible for the horse’s miraculous recovery.
Rachel had never given her parents any reason to not trust her. On the contrary, she’d always done what they asked. It was important to her to please the people she respected most in the world, and they had enough faith in her to allow her to make this trip alone with Jarred, fully aware of their plan to date.
She was at ease with the kind man next to her. Since she’d heard Jarred’s devastating story, she’d become more curious about him. But she didn’t pry. Mamma had taught her not to ask too much. It was rude.
Twenty minutes later, when Jarred slowed, Rachel took in his house and barn. Last time, she’d neglected noticing details. Today, she looked more closely at the modest dwelling. It needed work, but at the same time, there was something homey and comfortable about its appearance. Maybe it was the soft blue shutters in front. Perhaps it was the large, partially fenced outdoor patio.
&nb
sp; When he stopped his truck, she unfastened her seat belt. By that time, Jarred had opened her door. His wide smile curved his lips up in amusement.
In silence, she followed him inside of the barn and rushed to the cinnamon-colored horse. She regarded the gelding with intent interest before glancing at Jarred.
“I still can’t believe his miraculous recovery.”
“The day I came to your house and glimpsed this fella, I knew his chance of recovery was small. But in my heart, I believed he would make it. And he did. I confess …” He swallowed. “I’m really gonna miss this guy.”
She was quick to note the moisture glistening in his eyes. Her heart warmed and ached at the same time.
He motioned to the nearby shelf while raising an amused brow. “Be my guest.”
His soft encouragement pulled her from her reverie. When Jarred glanced at the box next to the stall, Rachel immediately understood. She retrieved some sugar cubes, held them out for Cinnamon, and smiled while her horse’s tongue tickled her hand.
As he licked the sugar from her fingers, she laughed, but the moment she glimpsed the regretful expression in Jarred’s eyes, a dull ache replaced her happiness.
She lowered her voice to reflect a special understanding. “You love him, too.”
After offering a nod, he smiled a little. “Always have.” He smacked his lips together. “From the moment I first laid eyes on him. It was love at first sight.”
“I’m sure Cinnamon would thank you, if he could.” She grinned.
He chuckled before seriousness edged his voice. “In all honesty, Rachel, I’m grateful he’s got you.”
He cleared his throat and pulled in an emotional breath. “You offer him as much, or more, than I ever could. And I don’t suppose anyone would argue that too much love is not better than not enough.”
Rachel offered a nod of agreement. “Jarred, any animal would be fortunate to get your care.”
“Letting him go won’t be easy.” Several heartbeats later, he gave a helpless lift of his shoulders. When his mysterious dark eyes penetrated hers, she couldn’t look away.
When he finally looked down at the ground, he shook his head before leveling his gaze with hers again. “Having Cinnamon here has opened my eyes to something very important.”
She looked at him.
He shrugged. “I’m reminded what it’s like to experience a strong bond with another being.”
The unexpected confession took her by surprise. She stood very still, watching the honest expression on his face while she digested his comment and its significance.
While Jarred paced to the other side of the barn and back, she couldn’t imagine so few bonds because she had so many: her mother, father, Old Sam, her sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles. And countless others.
At that moment, Rachel recognized how very different she and Jarred were. She considered her good fortune. Having love and relying on others for emotional support was something she’d often taken for granted.
She’d never realized that there were those who didn’t have what she’d always thought normal. After all, love didn’t cost anything. Rachel had more support than any girl could dream of. Her mom and dad guided her, protected her. The man opposite her didn’t even have parents. At least, they hadn’t raised him. He was all alone in the world, except for helpless animals who counted on him.
She was sure his patients adored him, but it wasn’t the kind of nurturing a person needed to survive. As this deep recognition hit her, she struggled for the right words. But as hard as she tried, none came.
When she looked at him, his profound depths pulled her into a place she’d never been. She wasn’t sure, really, how to describe it, but to her pleasant surprise, it was a haven of unusual comfort.
Finally, her last conversation with Old Sam came to her. So did his advice. She forced herself to look away for fear of drowning in the mysterious pools of bluish gray.
She lowered the pitch of her voice for emphasis. “Jarred, have you thought about reconnecting with your parents?”
The moment she posed the question, Jarred turned his back to her. Rachel fully recognized how inexperienced she was with such situations. She just had an eighth-grade education. Yet she’d offered the only question she could think of.
She had to make things right. But how? While she contemplated what to say, slow steps took him out of the large barn doors where he faced west with his hands in his jeans pockets.
Rachel returned her attention to Cinnamon, saying a silent prayer for God to ease Jarred’s pain.
An uncomfortable lump stuck in her throat, and she tried to swallow it, but it lingered, just like the ache Jarred must feel every single day of his life. Eventually, the obstruction in her throat would go away. She wasn’t sure Jarred’s pain would.
While she contemplated the uneasy tingle that swept down her arms, she whispered to her horse for something to do. “You see how special you are, boy? Everyone who meets you falls in love with you. Aren’t you lucky?” She sighed. “You’re a heartbreaker.”
While Cinnamon nuzzled his nose deeper into Rachel’s neck, she glanced back at Jarred. He hadn’t budged. When she returned her attention to her four-legged friend, she laughed at the tickly sensation of the hair brushing her nose. She stepped back to rub her face.
When the tickle stopped, she embraced Cinnamon as tightly as she could, planting affectionate kisses on both sides of him, acknowledging the miracle of his recovery and how close she’d come to losing him.
So many emotions fought within her, the chaos made her tense. Eyes closed, she thought of Cinnamon and how happy she was to get him back. She considered Jarred and how her beloved gelding had brought love to the doctor’s lonely heart. At the same time, she admitted that her gain was Jarred’s great loss. She lowered her gaze and pondered the sad reality.
She wanted to repay him for Cinnamon’s life. “Dear Lord, please tell me what to do. Amen.”
The sound of boots meeting cement made her turn.
Slow steps brought Jarred to Cinnamon, where he stood on the opposite side. “Rachel, reconnecting with them, as you put it, might seem easy, but it’s not.”
She didn’t argue. Instead, she pressed her lips together for fear of uttering the wrong words.
Jarred looked straight ahead and continued stroking Cinnamon. “My parents want nothing to do with me. That won’t change.”
Don’t open your mouth.
“When I was little, they loved me.”
She stood a little straighter. Her heart pumped harder.
“But the day of my party, everything changed.”
A long silence ensued. Finally, he began to prepare the horse for another trailer ride.
“Like I said, it was the best day of my life. And the worst.”
The unusual softness of Rachel’s voice stunned her when she finally spoke. “I wish I could change the ending.”
He patted Cinnamon with affection, stepped past Rachel, and took a seat on a bale of straw. She looked on with curiosity while he rested his palms on his thighs.
After giving an uncertain shake of his head, he met Rachel’s gaze. The light coming in through the open doors and the window above illuminated Jarred’s face. She took in the tan halo that danced mysteriously around his pupils.
“Why not write them a letter?” Before he could respond, she cut in. “You wouldn’t have to see them face-to-face. And you could take your time and put your thoughts on paper. Then?”
She shrugged. “They might very well respond. And if they don’t, then you know there’s nothing you can do. But isn’t it worth a try? If you don’t, you’ll never see them again.”
“I don’t know.”
She stepped closer and waited for him to continue.
He paused before pressing his palms over his face. When he removed his hands, his eyes glistened with moisture. “Rachel, how can I look at the glass as half-full?”
Before she could respond, he snapped his fingers. “I
can answer that.”
She curved her lips inquisitively.
“I met you, Rachel. I don’t have family, but I have you.” He glanced with fondness at the stall. “And Cinnamon.”
He looked down at his boots before lifting his chin. “Even though he won’t be with me, I’ll have him right here.” He motioned to his heart. “But enough about me.”
She parted her lips in surprise.
He paused. “I’m looking forward to dating you.”
She blushed. “Me, too, Jarred.”
“You know my deepest thoughts. But I want to learn more about you. And since it might be a while before we see each other again, tell me one thing. What do you really want out of life? What’s your dream?”
*
The loud crackle of thunder made them startle. As they sat on the straw, an unexpected downpour of rain began to pound against the roof. Cinnamon let out a loud whinny.
Rachel rushed to him and stroked his neck. “It’s okay, boy.” She glanced at Jarred. “He never has liked thunder.”
When the wind started up, quick steps took Jarred to the large barn doors. With one swift motion, he pulled them closed and locked them with the large metal latch to stop the rain from blowing in.
He reclaimed his seat and rubbed his hands together to dry them. “Looks like we’re stuck here till it lets up.”
“I’m glad we didn’t load Cinnamon. It would have been a mighty wet ride back to my place.”
Jarred took in the happy, satisfied glow in Rachel’s cheeks. Suddenly, for some strange reason, as the lightning crackled and the rain beat against his old barn, he yearned for closure with his family. He wanted it more than anything. But was it possible?
She faced him. “Write a letter, Jarred. To your parents. If you want, I’ll help.”
“I’ll pray about it.”
“Me, too.”
“It’s getting late. We might have to postpone taking Cinnamon home.” He went on, “But I’m serious about knowing your dream. I want to make you happy, Rachel.”
He watched as she fidgeted with her hands. Finally, she breathed in, straightened her shoulders, and faced him. Her eyes brightened.
“I’ve never told anyone my dream,” she started. “This will be the first time.”
Rachel's Dream Page 12
