Rachel was still processing the potent words. She straightened and raised a hand defensively. “Oh, no. I would never do that. Annie, what you did … it was so bold.”
Annie smiled mischievously. “I’m sure that doesn’t surprise you. You must remember that I was constantly chastised for speaking my mind. I must have driven Mamma crazy. But she never gave up on me.”
“Would you really have done that for Levi?”
A slow nod followed. “I’m not saying it would have been easy, and it would have brought huge disappointment to my family, but I had given me and Levi a lot of thought. To be honest, since his dad’s shunning, I had blamed our church.”
Rachel glanced at her to explain.
“Losing Levi at such a young age was terribly hard on me. In fact, I never really got over it. And then, like I said, I had the story backward. It wasn’t the fault of our church. On the contrary, John Miller was to blame. I wasn’t aware that the bishop had warned him to follow the Ordnung.”
Rachel laughed. “Sounds like Levi’s dad really enjoyed driving his own truck.” The statement drew a frown, because the man she loved would be required to sacrifice the very same thing. She wondered if Jarred had considered how not driving would change his life and if that sacrifice would be difficult to adjust to.
Rachel suddenly remembered her purpose. She regarded Annie.
“Rachel, I’m fortunate that the truth about Daniel and the bishop surfaced. If it hadn’t, my life would have been much different. It wasn’t until Levi straight out asked his dad to tell him what had happened that he got the story in its entirety.”
Rachel chimed in. “At that point, he realized that the Amish church wasn’t to blame.”
Annie nodded. “To be honest, Levi really longed to get back to his roots.” She drew her arms over her heart and smiled. “He truly loves his little cousin, Jake. Do you know they hadn’t even met until Levi came back for his cousin’s wedding?”
“Really?”
“It’s true. And of course, there was extra bonding time after Levi rescued little Jake from the barn fire.” Annie continued, “Looking back, when Levi saved Jake’s life, that must have been God’s way of bringing Levi back to us.”
Rachel digested this and lifted her brows in surprise. “You’ve been through a lot, Annie. I had no idea that your relationship with Levi faced so many obstacles.”
“Rachel, I prayed more than ever. Old Sam has always instilled in me how important faith is.”
Rachel grinned. “Look at the glass as half-full.”
Annie returned the big smile. “Exactly. I’m sure we’ve heard that a thousand times. But I tell you, Rachel, he’s right. I truly believe that God answered my prayer to be with Levi because I prayed and had faith.”
She lifted her hands in gratefulness. “Just look what happened, Rachel. I’ve got everything I’ve ever wanted. But it didn’t come without a struggle.” Her expression turned serious. “Does anything worthwhile?”
Rachel shook her head. “I guess not.”
“Mamma always told me that God rewards the faithful.”
“You’re such an inspiration, Annie. I don’t even know why I’m here now. I feel a bit ashamed. I haven’t come close to what you went through.” Rachel shrugged. “At the same time, I wish I knew exactly what to do.”
Annie arched an eyebrow. “I don’t believe it’s really as difficult as you’re making it out to be, Rachel. But in time, you will know. And when you do, you’ll be happier than you’ve ever been in your life. It’s funny, being in love is complicated, but at the same time, it’s simple.”
“I’m not sure I understand. How exactly did you know when you were in love with Levi?”
Annie looked away. A few moments later, when she locked gazes with Rachel, she smiled bashfully. “I think I always knew it, really. But it hit me on the head when we spent the day together at Six Flags.”
“Yeah?”
“Uh-huh. We’d talked about going when we were kids. And Levi wanted to take me before he returned home.” She drew in a happy sigh.
“What happened?”
“It became clear to me that the only person I could see as the daddy of my future children was Levi.”
Rachel let out a surprised breath. “Oh!”
Annie leaned forward. “Rachel, think about when you have babies. When you get down to it, you try your whole life as a mother to raise them to believe in God and to follow His word. Sometimes, I can’t even fathom what a huge responsibility it is to raise children to know God and to follow Him, because there’s nothing more important than eternal life in heaven. And eternity’s an awful long time!”
A few heartbeats later, she went on in a softer voice. “Try to imagine going to church with Jarred and your little ones, Rachel. Imagine loving a man so much that you would rather be alone the rest of your life with no husband and no children than to settle for raising a family with someone else. And if you decide that being alone is the only other option, you’ll know Jarred’s the one.”
“Whew. Those are strong images. You’ve given me a lot to think about, Annie.”
When Rachel stood, she was still absorbing their interesting conversation and realized that Annie had offered her some heavy stuff to think about.
At the door, Rachel thanked her. They said good-bye, and slow, thoughtful steps took her home. While she walked, she dared to imagine herself with a bunch of little ones at her feet.
She imagined Jarred as the father. And she had her answer.
Chapter Fifteen
Side by side, Jarred and Cinnamon rounded the pasture behind their barn. As they walked, a sigh that was a combination of relief and anxiety escaped Jarred’s throat while he loosened his hold on Cinnamon’s lead. Relief because the emotionally rough week was finally over. Anxiety because if he moved into his parents’ home, he’d be there without Rachel. He frowned.
His folks’ generous offer should have brought him joy. Happiness. Instead, it had challenged his relationship with the woman he loved, throwing their plans into chaos and creating an unknown ending for them as a couple.
He loved Rachel. That he was sure of. She added a bright spark of happiness to his life that he’d never known. At the same time, he loved his brother and his parents, and being inside his childhood home seemed to gift Jarred with a comfort and renewed sense of belonging he hadn’t known in two decades. He recalled vividly the unconditional love he’d experienced as a child. He’d had no worries because the warmth and tenderness of his family had given him such a sense of security.
Jarred patted Cinnamon on the head. “What Rachel said is right on, boy. A person’s roots make his or her life complete.” He scratched his chin and muttered, “I bet she got that from Old Sam.”
When the horse started picking up speed, Jarred tightened the lead. “Whoa! This is just a leisurely walk, boy.” He dug his right hand into his jeans pocket. “Cinnamon, I’ve got a big dilemma. About Rachel.”
The leaves on the tall oaks moved gracefully with the gentle breeze that soothed the back of Jarred’s neck while he contemplated his past and his future. As Jarred breathed in the light, refreshing scent of clover, he said a special prayer of thanks for being healthy and for the knowledge and the opportunity to serve God through healing. Then he said to the horse, “Even with my struggles, God has blessed me with the ability to help others. There’s plenty of food on my table. I live where it’s safe. D’ya know there are people in the world who don’t get enough to eat? Some go to bed at night just hoping to wake up safe the following morning.”
Jarred swallowed with emotion as he realized how fortunate he was. Still, his situation wasn’t easy because Rachel’s words about memories were true—and because of that and his love for her, he was unsure which path to take. Whichever road he chose would determine the rest of his life. With all of his uncertainties, he was convinced that his childhood home helped to fulfill him as a person.
A family and memories make a person
whole. Rachel’s open-minded; even so, she couldn’t truly understand my situation and how strongly I need the love and security I experience when I’m in the house where Matt and I grew up.
He rolled his shoulders to rid the uncomfortable knot in the back of his neck. Of course, I can’t expect her to. How could she fully grasp my dilemma? She’s been blessed with love and security her entire life.
I don’t hold that against her. In fact, that’s a large part of what makes her who she is. How she feels within boosts my sense of well-being. She’s taught me to view the optimistic parts of every situation. I know all too well what it’s like to be without family and how it feels to finally have it back, and I prefer the latter.
Now that I have that much-needed reassurance again, I don’t want to let it go. He rubbed a spasm in his shoulder before taking a deep breath. At the same time, Rachel provides me with love and security. And she’s good for my mental well-being.
Cinnamon whinnied, startling Jarred from his thoughts. A laugh escaped him as he ran a gentle hand down the side of the horse’s nose.
Cinnamon picked up speed again, holding his head high. Jarred tightened the lead. “Whoa, boy. Not now. You’re not pulling the buggy. You miss that, don’t you?” Not expecting an answer, of course, Jarred went on. “And you miss Rachel, too?”
He chuckled at the horse’s energy that was nothing less than a miracle since a short time ago, he’d been close to death. For long, blissful moments, Jarred allowed his mind to drift to chasing his brother around their yard. To family cookouts and holidays. Going to Sunday school, where his brother always walked him to his class and stayed until Jarred was comfortable.
Jarred wondered if Matt would have been a veterinarian, too. They could have partnered. Moisture clouded Jarred’s vision, and he ran the back of his hand over his eyes. He quickly ordered himself to stop the emotion. Look at the glass as half-full. It’s the only way to be happy.
He and Cinnamon made a full circle of the pasture before finally approaching the area behind the barn. As the house came into view, his thoughts drifted back to Rachel and her theory on family and how a person’s roots completed his life.
As he took in his home, he acknowledged that his place provided him with quiet and privacy. There was plenty of room in the barn to grow his animal family, and the pasture was pure beauty. He wanted everything to be calm and serene for Cinnamon and for himself.
It was as if God had designed the most tranquil landscape to compensate for what Jarred had gone through. But there were other properties, and the home he’d soon move to offered him something this one couldn’t. Blessed memories.
He drummed his fingers nervously against his thigh and turned to lead the horse into the barn. Would they be enough? They came with a heavy price. Rachel.
*
It was a perfect Labor Day weekend for the annual Cheese Festival in Arthur. Many of the streets around the Welcome Center were blocked off for the popular celebration. As laughter floated through the air, Rachel lifted a small child to pet Cinnamon’s head. Every year, Cinnamon seemed to enjoy the kids who visited the petting zoo. Jarred had brought him to her home this morning so they could ride to and from the festival together in the buggy.
There were horses, llamas, a cow, and rabbits. All tame. As a boy petted a llama, a mélange of voices filled the air. English wasn’t all that was spoken here. She detected other languages, too, but didn’t know their origins.
The enticing aroma of corn dogs and crepes filled the air. Rachel smiled while enjoying the sweet-smelling food. Corn dogs, hot pretzels, lemonade.
As Jarred talked to children about farm animals and pets, Rachel considered what he was saying. In her opinion, four-legged creatures were the most important part of the festivities.
To her, each species was put here by God to fulfill a specific role. She couldn’t change the world, but she yearned for everyone to love and respect animals like she did. How would the Amish get around without horses? Even the tame rabbits were beautiful, special miracles. If God had taken time to design them, they must be important to Him.
And if they’re worthwhile to the Creator of the universe, shouldn’t they be to people? Rachel gave a slight nod.
One by one, Jarred held small children up to the face level of the horses to pet them. Rachel looked on as he placed sugar cubes in each child’s palm to feed the gentle, hardworking Standardbreds.
For a moment, she disregarded the chatter and smells and dared to imagine Jarred as a father. Immediately, her heart warmed. She couldn’t think of anyone who would make a better dad.
Jarred appeared to have all of the attributes of her own daddy, who she loved dearly. Even if he didn’t always see the glass as half-full. Love for God, kindness, patience, and faith were must haves for whoever she married.
Without a doubt, Jarred possessed all of these qualities. Plus, he loved and respected horses, an extra-special bonus. As she watched him with animals and kids, her heart fluttered. She forced herself to stop daydreaming and to focus on what was going on.
In her peripheral vision, she glimpsed Old Sam and Ginger in the queue for buggy rides. It amused her that something she’d always taken for granted would be the most sought after attraction of the festival.
“Good day, Rachel!”
Rachel turned. “Martha!”
“It’s a good turnout!”
“Jah.”
As Martha continued down the street, Rachel curved her lips in amusement, wondering if the kind, good-intentioned widow would ever add sugar to her pies.
As Rachel refilled the water bowls, she contemplated when she’d say a final good-bye to Jarred. As much as she looked at her glass as half-full, she was sure his move to Ohio was inevitable. That meant they wouldn’t join the church together. Or get married. A wave of sadness filled her heart and soul. She wished there was a way to keep him here.
But he belonged with his memories every bit as much as she belonged with hers. She was fairly sure that without her large, strong support team, she wouldn’t be the Rachel Kauffman Jarred knew.
In the distance, she glimpsed William and Rebecca Conrad in one of the cheese-tasting tents. She offered a big wave, but the tent was across the street, and the two appeared to be engaged in conversation with a local.
She recalled their struggle when William had considered becoming English. Wasn’t that a stronger conflict than her situation with Jarred? She wasn’t sure.
The day passed quickly. Before she knew it, she and Jarred were loading the pets into their carriers for the ride home. When that task was finally finished, Rachel hitched Cinnamon to the buggy.
As she did so, she planted a big kiss on Cinnamon’s nose and ran an affectionate hand down his side. “Boy, I miss you.” She closed her eyes. When she opened them, she whispered, “The good news is that you’re well. Do you have any idea how many times I prayed for you?” She frowned and added in a softer tone, “The bad news is that I’ll miss you terribly.”
Old Sam’s question replayed over and over in her mind until she closed her eyes and breathed in. Do you love him enough to live away from your family?
She whispered, “He saved your life, you know. In fact, he cares for you like I do. When God handed out love and attention, he gave you extra portions. Do you realize how fortunate you are?”
As the festival area began to clear out, Rachel wondered if Cinnamon would go to Ohio with Jarred. She ducked her head while she struggled to ascertain how she could live without both of them.
Jarred’s voice interrupted her reverie. With a smile, he lent her a hand to step up into the family buggy while Cinnamon impatiently clomped his hooves and snorted. Workers cleaned up. Swept the streets. Picked up litter. The rest of her family had already left.
When she and Jarred finally began the ride to her home, Rachel said, “It was a wonderful day!”
Jarred nodded and continued guiding Cinnamon down the road that led to the Kauffmans’.
As the
y made their way out of town, Rachel took in the countryside and let an appreciative sigh escape. The tall corn made it difficult to see at the crossroad. The crops were only weeks away from harvest.
Rachel pointed to the kaleidoscope of colors in the western sky. “Have you ever seen such a beautiful sunset?”
After a slight hesitation, Jarred answered, “It’s a miracle. If only people paid more attention to sunrises and sunsets.”
“Nothing can trump either of them.”
Jarred nodded agreement. “Humans can’t create them, yet there are people all over the world who don’t believe in God. It’s hard to figure.”
“I know. His presence is undeniable, but I think that some things happen so subtly, they go unnoticed.”
“Think of it, Rachel. I mean, a sunset is something most take for granted. When you really think about what’s happening, it’s more powerful than almost anything in our day-to-day lives, yet it happens without drama.”
She smiled at his reasoning.
“I’m aware that your family doesn’t own a television. Every night awful things are reported on the news. Yet something so huge as a sunset isn’t even mentioned.” He chuckled in amazement. “Go figure.”
She considered the depth of his observation. To her astonishment, it was something she’d never really contemplated.
She turned to him. “I like the way you see things.”
He darted her an appreciative wink. “I’m glad.”
“By the way, this was the most fun I’ve ever had at the Cheese Festival.” Her voice took on a bashful tone. “It’s because you were there, Jarred. I couldn’t believe the huge interest in the petting zoo.”
“It was a nice turnout. Farm animals might seem like a small thing—like sunsets, I suppose—but it’s important that people understand and respect animals because that will lead to better care for them.”
Her heart warmed. For several moments, an emotional knot blocked her throat. Finally, she swallowed and said, “I love your caring nature for animals. I want you to know that.”
His brow curved in amusement. “It pleases me that my Amish friend commends my special bond with four-legged creatures.”
Rachel's Dream Page 18
