by L. Wilder
“No. I’m good.”
“Okay. I’ll come by and check on you tomorrow.”
“Thanks for all this.”
“No problem.”
She turned and started for the door. Before she stepped outside, I asked, “Can you do me one more favor?”
“Sure.”
“Can you keep this between us? Don’t tell Big I’m here.”
Doubt washed over her face as she asked, “Why?”
“Well, the whole point of being here is so I can clear my head. I can’t really do that if everyone knows I’m here.”
“I don’t know, Tristen.”
“Please. Just for a couple of days.”
“Okay, but I don’t like it.”
When she finally left, I went to her old bedroom and curled up on the bed. I couldn’t believe how quickly things had spun out of control. Just a few days ago, I’d thought things were going well, that Nathan and I were figuring things out, but slowly, the thread that had been holding us together had started to unravel. I was angry with him. I might’ve felt differently if he’d just been honest with me, but he chose to treat me like a possession instead of an actual human being. I’d known better, but I’d ignored my instincts. It was time for me to stop feeling sorry for myself. I had to remember that the past was just that-- the past. Even after all I’d been through, I was still standing, still fighting, and I wasn’t going to let Nathan James get the best of me.
I had to accept the fact that things with Nathan were not going to be the way I’d thought they’d be. He was handsome, strong, and powerful, but Nathan was no knight in shining armor. He was damaged and broken beyond repair. He had control issues, and he was an all-around pain in the ass. Yes, he had his issues, but despite my better judgement, I was falling for him. I knew it was a bad idea. I knew there was something different about Nathan. Even before Max had told me, I’d known something awful had happened to him. I could see it in his eyes, but there was more to him than the man created from pain and heartbreak. There were times, like the night we stayed up talking in my room or our lunch at the Shack, where I’d gotten a glimpse of the man he didn’t share with the rest of the world. His walls were down, and he wasn’t pushing me away. I wanted more of that man, the man who had captured my heart, but then again, I’d always tended to gravitate to those things that were just beyond my reach. I had to remind myself that there was another side to him. I had to find a way to handle both sides, without losing myself in the process.
For starters, I needed to get back to work. Maybe Nathan had been the reason I’d gotten my job, but I was good at it. I made good money there, and I liked the people I worked with, even Brooklyn. I wasn’t going to walk away from it just because Nathan had gotten me the job. I was going to stick with it, save my money, and get enrolled in classes. And at some point in the near future, I needed to find a place of my own.
Feeling more determined than ever, I got up out of bed, grabbed my phone, and called a cab. Thinking it was best to meet the cab at the front of the building, I quickly gathered my things. With my mind focused on getting to work, I opened the door, but I was stopped dead in my tracks as I found Nathan standing at the top of the stairs. When he turned to look at me, I groaned.
“Seriously? You really need to get a hobby.”
He had no response. He just stood there silently staring at me. His expression was blank, but his eyes…. His eyes were filled with angst. It was clear that he had something to say, but he held on to his words and left me to wonder what he was thinking. When I’d had enough of his silent treatment, I started to walk past him. “I’ve got to get to work.”
As I walked by him, he reached for my arm, gently stopping me before I started down the steps. His voice was dripping with warning as he growled, “Tristen.”
“What?”
He stood over me, just inches away, and my heart began to thump a little harder. Damn. Why did he have to be so freaking hot? I was furious with him, and yet, I still felt an undeniable pull towards him. I wanted to touch him, to feel his arms around me and his mouth on my skin, and I had no doubt that he knew how I felt. It was written all over my face every time I laid eyes on him. Trying to ignore my traitorous hormones, I crossed my arms and looked him directly in the eye.
“You might think this is some kind of game we’re playing here, that I’m just some pawn you can play with, but you’re wrong, Nathan. This is no game, because I refuse to play.”
“You’re not just some pawn, Tristen. You’re the fucking queen, the most powerful piece in the game.” He took a step towards me, placing his hands on my waist as he closed the gap between us. “Maybe you didn’t know, but it’s your job to protect the king.”
“Oh, please,” I scoffed. “Who am I protecting you from?”
His eyes pierced straight through me, pulling at my heart as he stared at me. “Myself.”
His answer hung in the air, looming over me as I tried to comprehend what he’d just said. I lowered my eyes to the ground as I replied, “I don’t know, Nathan. The odds are stacked against me. I’m not sure I can win.”
“It’s not always about winning, Angel. Sometimes you have to take a step back and look at things from a different angle before you make your next move.”
“Why am I the queen? What makes me so different?”
He looked over his shoulder as he took in a deep breath. “There was a time when I felt everything… the good and the bad, but then it got to be too much, so I stopped feeling altogether. I became numb, and I learned to just get through the day… to just exist.”
“I’m not sure I understand.”
“I don’t understand it myself, but you triggered something in me the night we came for you. I didn’t ask for it… I didn’t want it, but there it was.” He brought his hands up to my face, and his thumb lightly caressed my cheek as he spoke. “You were a force I couldn’t ignore. I couldn’t walk away from you, even if it meant risking everything.”
“I know something happened to you. I don’t know what it was or who it involved.” I placed my hands on his chest as I leaned towards him. “Will you tell me?”
“Someday.”
It wasn’t the answer I was hoping for, but he didn’t said no. “Okay.”
There comes a time in a girl’s life when she has to decide if she’s going to fight for what she wants or just walk away. That was my moment, and it wasn’t an easy decision. I knew moving forward with Nathan wasn’t going to be easy. He was broken, damaged by a past that I knew nothing about, and his issues weren’t easily ignored. The little voice in my head whispered, Give him a chance, and that was exactly what I was going to do.
I reached for his hand and pulled him inside Josie’s apartment, locking the door behind us. Without speaking, I led him past the kitchen, through the living room, and into the bedroom. I remained silent as I wound my arms around his neck, pulling him closer as I pressed my lips against his. I wasn’t sure if the timing was right, or if I was ready to take the next step with him, but I did know I wanted it to be on my terms, not something dictated by him. Just that once, I wanted to be the one in control.
I took a step towards him, but he didn’t move. He knew what was coming, what I wanted from him. He’d told me I was his, that he wanted me in his bed, and I was about to take him at his word. “For just a little while, forget about the past, and just be here with me… Feel this with me.”
I never took my eyes off his as I slowly started to unbutton his black collared shirt. I’d envisioned that moment so many times, yet when the time came, I was overcome with nerves and desire all at once. I eased the shirt over his shoulders and let it drop to the floor. My fingers trailed down his chest, roaming ever so slowly over the defined muscles of his abdomen. His heart beat rapidly against his chest, and I knew he was working hard to restrain himself. He knew what I needed, and he was giving it to me. My hands dropped to my waist as I reached for the hem of my t-shirt. I pulled it over my head, and his eyes shimmere
d with need as he stood there gazing at me.
Just looking at him made it hard to breathe, hard to think, and the way his eyes filled with lust when he looked at me only increased my need for him. I lowered my mouth to his neck, lightly kissing him as I whispered, “Nathan.”
His hand slipped into my hair, gently pulling as his mouth hovered over mine. Just before our lips touched, he paused. His gorgeous blue eyes fell on me, searching for some kind of confirmation, but I was too impatient to wait. I pushed up onto my tiptoes, crashing my mouth against his. My body melted into him as he wrapped his arms around my waist and pressed me close to his chest. I couldn’t remember ever wanting anything so much.
The tips of his fingers trailed along my spine, and I arched towards him, seeking the heat of his touch. As we continued to kiss, my body became heated, smoldering as warmth spread through me. It had started with just a spark, but it had continued to build, intensifying with every touch. He slid his hands behind me and effortlessly released the clasp of my bra before bringing the tips of his fingers to the straps and gently brushing them off my shoulders. I shivered with anticipation as I felt the palm of his hand linger over my bare flesh. The lace fabric slipped ever so slowly down my body, eventually puddling uselessly around my feet. He looked down at me, sending chills through my body as his eyes roamed over every inch of my exposed skin.
“You have no fucking idea what you do to me,” he whispered as he ran his rough, calloused fingers across my back.
A rush of heat rolled against my skin as he stood there staring at me, appraising me. There was no doubt that he wanted me. I saw it in his eyes, felt it in his touch, and I felt the same about him. He was my every desire, all my secret fantasies wrapped into one, and he was about to be mine. I laid my hand on his chest, feeling his heart beat fast and hard. I was relieved that I wasn’t the only one who felt the overwhelming need. Like me, he’d felt every spark, every flicker of heat that surged through our bodies.
“Tell me,” I pleaded.
“You make me want to be better.”
I kissed him again, but not gently like before. Instead, it was hot, passionate, and demanding. Desire surged through me as I unfastened his belt buckle. With only one thought on my mind, I lowered his pants over his hips and down his legs to remove them and tossed them onto the bed. I felt brazen and powerful as I placed my hands on his chest and gave him a light shove, forcing him down on the mattress. My body practically hummed as I looked down at him. Damn. He was something to behold. I couldn’t have dreamed up a sexier image as he lay there looking at me like I was a meal he was about to devour. Knowing I was enjoying the scenery, his lips curled into a smirk. That smile took the last of my restraint, and my impatience took over. His eyes widened with anticipation as I gradually lowered my zipper, taking my time to ease my jeans and panties down my hips. I tossed them to the side as I started towards the bed, but stopped when he demanded, “Wait.”
I’d spent years building a tower of thick, protective walls around me, guarding myself from pain and heartbreak, but the foundation was starting to crumble, bit by bit. No matter how hard I tried to fight it, to secure them in place, I could feel them crashing down around me. I looked up at her, staring at me with love in her eyes, and I found myself feeling things I’d forbidden myself to feel. I knew the risk, knew I was standing close to the edge, and I had to fight the urge to walk out that door. I didn’t ask for her to love me, to heal me, but there she was putting the pieces back together. She made it seem easy, like she was meant to be mine, and I was beginning to believe there was more to our connection than I’d ever realized. There was no doubt that I wanted her, but having her came at a cost. The walls would have to come down, but then again, maybe I’d been waiting for her to break them down all along. She was getting to me in a way that I hadn’t expected. When I looked at her and saw those beautiful blue eyes staring back at me, I knew living without her wasn’t a life I wanted to live, and it scared the hell out of me.
With a metaphorical chisel in her hand, she stood at the edge of the bed with lust-filled eyes. I’d thought she was done working on my walls, but she was just getting started. “Nathan.”
My eyes slowly roamed over her perfect round breasts, the seductive curve of her hips, and her long, lean legs. Fuck. She had every nerve in my body itching to feel her. I wanted her, all of her, but I needed to know that she was ready. “Are you sure about this?”
Her eyes locked on mine as she took a step forward and lowered herself down on the mattress, straddling me. “Absolutely. Are you?”
My hands suddenly became rough and impatient as they ran up her back, pulling her towards me. The feel of her mouth against mine made the blood rush to my cock, immediately fueling my need to have her-- all of her. Her fingers tangled in my hair, pulling me towards her as I lowered my mouth to her breast. Heavy breaths and low moans filled the room as I flicked my tongue against her nipple. Her head fell back, and there was no doubt that she liked having my mouth on her. I wanted to go farther, to explore every inch of her body, to taste her and watch her come apart, but it wasn’t my time. She wanted to be in control, and I was trying my best to let her have it. But giving up complete control had never come easily for me.
Goosebumps prickled across her skin as my hand slid between her legs. I trailed my fingers across the vulnerable line between her thigh and center while my other hand cupped her breast, my thumb stroking her nipple as I added more fuel to the fire burning between us. She rocked her hips forward as she dragged her center across my throbbing cock, and I thought I’d lose my mind if I had to wait another minute to be inside her. An overwhelming need to extinguish the burn had me struggling to contain my craving for her. I’d never wanted anyone as much as I wanted her in that moment. My lips left her mouth and slowly traveled down her long, slender neck. Releasing her for only a second, I reached beside me for my slacks. I pulled a condom from my wallet, and as soon as I slid it on, she was back on me, centering herself on top of me. She hovered over me, and the heat of our breaths mingled between us until the anticipation became too much.
“I’ve imagined having you like this, Tristen. Night after night.” My hand snaked up her spine. “You’ve thought about it, too. Haven’t you? You’ve thought about what it’d feel like to have me deep inside you, making you come… fucking you senseless.”
With a sharp intake of breath, she answered, “I think about it all the time.”
My hand dove into her hair, grasping at the nape of her neck as I delved deeper into her mouth, our tongues twisting and tasting each other with all the passion and desire we’d kept bottled up for weeks. Her mouth was warm and soft, and each twirl of her tongue made my cock grow even harder. My breath became strained as I tried to fight the temptation to take control. Sensing my struggle, she released my mouth and rocked her hips forward. She arched her back as I placed my hands on her hips to guide her over my cock. Her hand lowered between us as she took me in her hand, slowly stroking me. A fevered hiss slipped through her lips as she slowly inched down over me, taking me deep.
Bliss. Pure bliss. I’d had no idea it would feel so good, and I wanted to savor every second. I wanted to let myself feel every erotic sensation, but the building need became too much. A deep growl vibrated through my chest as her pace quickened, but I needed more. Unable to control myself, I brought my hands up to her hips, guiding her back and forth. Her nails dug into my chest as her hips bucked against mine, meeting every thrust with more force, more intensity. I could feel the pressure building as her walls constricted around me. Sensing that I needed more, the shift of her hips became more demanding with every move. I’d wanted to take things slow, but my cock had other plans. Teetering close to the edge, I dug my fingertips into her hips and held on, bracing myself for the next wave that crashed through my body. With one last deep thrust, her body became tense, and her breath stilled as her head fell back. Her orgasm took hold as she clamped down around me, making it impossible to hold back as she c
ontinued to buck against me. The fire that had raged inside me consumed me as I came deep inside her. “Fuck.”
I held on to her hips, holding her in place as I caught my breath. Her body trembled above me, still shuddering from the explosion of pleasure. Seconds later, her body collapsed on top of mine, her head on my chest and her heart next to mine. The rapid beating of her heart began to slow and eventually returned to normal, but she didn’t move. I ran my fingers through her hair as I whispered, “Better than I could’ve imagined.”
She raised her head and smiled as she said, “I didn’t know it would be like this.”
“Is that a good thing?”
“Oh, yeah. It’s definitely a good thing.” Her lips pressed against mine, and I immediately felt the heat of desire returning in my abdomen. The woman was going to be the death of me. Before I had a chance to protest, she slowly lifted herself off me and rushed into the bathroom. While she was gone, I disposed of the condom and grabbed us both a glass of water. When I walked back into the room, she was hurrying around, gathering her clothes in her arms.
“Whoa. What are you doing?”
“I told you… I have to get to work,” she answered without looking at me. She slipped on her panties and then moved on to her bra.
“What’s the rush? I think Tony can manage without you for a few more hours.” Smiling, I walked over to her and placed my hands on her hips. “Besides, I’m not done with you.”
“Sorry, but no can do.” She blew me off as she quickly pressed her lips against mine, then pulled her shirt over her head and smiled. “I don’t want the owner to have any regrets about hiring me.”
“Is that right?”
“Yep. The word on the street is he can be a real hard ass about taking off without good reason, and being late is like a death sentence.”
“Nothing wrong with having high expectations.”
“True, but apparently this guy takes it to a whole new level.” Her teeth toyed with her bottom lip as she tried to keep herself from smiling. “From what the girls have said, he’s super good looking, but we’re all starting to think he’s gay.”
