by Jami Alden
Toni had wanted to believe that was true, wished the instinct that told her Jerry Kramer was lying had been wrong. It blew her mind that he’d tried to have her killed. He didn’t seem like the kind of guy who would know and be able to contact a hit man on short notice. Maybe it wasn’t Jerry but whoever he was working with. He was getting those millions from somewhere.
Any way you looked at it, Jerry was neck-deep in shit. Now, if only she could put all the pieces together to figure out what the hell was going on. Right now she wasn’t getting anywhere.
She rubbed her eyes and stretched, wincing as her body protested. Not only were seldom-used muscles tight and strained, now that the adrenaline and endorphins had worn off, Toni realized she was sore from where she’d slammed herself into the pavement to avoid that speeding car.
Maybe a hot shower would soothe her aches and calm her down enough to get back to sleep.
Ethan’s bathroom was as gorgeous as the rest of the place, with a huge, glass-enclosed shower with sandstone tiles that went all the way up to the ceiling. Nozzles were mounted at several different angles, in case the showerer was too lazy to actually wash himself or herself by hand. As she adjusted the temperature, she saw that it also had a steam bath feature. Maybe it was worth almost getting killed if it meant she could stay at Ethan’s and indulge in his luxurious bathroom amenities for a few days.
Not to mention the other perks of staying with him She slipped off his T-shirt and stepped into the shower. The hot spray hit her body everywhere, blasting tension from her muscles even as it served as a sharp reminder of exactly how she’d spent the last few hours. Her skin was sensitive, stinging in places where he’d rubbed his whiskered chin a little too aggressively or kissed her a little too fiercely.
She squeezed some shampoo into her palm, the scent filling the shower, bringing back memories of the same fragrance emanating from his sweat-dampened hair as he kissed her breasts and stomach. The tender flesh between her legs began to pulse. God, she was in trouble. Even a whiff of Ethan’s shampoo was enough to turn her on. Shaking her head, she dipped it under the spray to rinse and reached for the soap.
Though it was her same old body, her skin felt different under her own hands. As her palms ran over her arms, legs, and belly, she found herself lingering, wondering how she’d felt to Ethan. Had he noticed the smooth skin on her inner thigh? Did he notice the patch of stubble on her knee where she’d missed a spot shaving?
Her cheeks heated as she thought of all the places his hands and mouth had been, all the things she’d let him do. She’d never been with a lover like Ethan, so skilled, so passionate. And he brought out a side of her that she barely recognized. Brazen. Uninhibited.
And, as she remembered her moans echoing up to the ceiling, loud.
The sound of a door opening and closing jerked her from her reverie. She couldn’t see him through the steam-fogged glass, but from the way her blood sang and every nerve went on high alert, Toni knew Ethan was there.
The shower door opened and steam billowed around him. He wore nothing but a smile as his gaze raked her naked, wet form. Judging from the gleam in his eyes and the truly impressive erection he sported, he very much liked what he saw.
Her mouth went dry as he stepped into the shower, the water running in rivulets down his muscled abs and thighs.
Without a word, he took the soap from her grasp and worked it into a thick, creamy lather. Her mouth practically watered in anticipation as he bent his head to kiss her and ran his soap-slicked hands down her back. Callused palms slid over her hips, paused to cup her buttocks as his tongue tasted hers.
“I woke up and missed you,” he said, breaking the kiss. “Everything okay?” His hands slid to her front, closing over her breasts. His thumbs teased her nipples until her knees went watery.
This was wrong, fooling around in the shower when things were so messed up. But he overwhelmed her with his touch, his kiss. His very presence seemed to suck all of the oxygen from the steamy, enclosed space. “I couldn’t sleep,” she murmured and placed a hot, open-mouthed kiss against the smoothness of his shoulder. “Too much on my mind.”
He squeezed her breasts appreciatively. “Guess I have to work harder to tire you out.”
Was it so wrong to allow herself a few more moments of pleasure, of distraction, when she knew reality would slam her in the face soon enough?
Not when you were in a hot shower with a hot man sliding wet and naked against you, she decided.
Feeling daring, she skated her hand down his abs and wrapped her fingers around his rock-hard cock. He was so thick, her fingers barely met, and her sex throbbed at the remembered feel of him sinking hard and deep. He throbbed under her fingers, silky-wet skin stretched tight over his hardness.
She slid her hand up and down and rubbed the plump head against the soap-slicked skin of her belly. He groaned and moved eagerly, pulsing against her palm. Another spurt of wetness trickled between her thighs, the knowledge that she was giving him pleasure was a powerful aphrodisiac.
He kissed her hungrily, plundering her mouth with his tongue as she squeezed and stroked his cock. She switched their positions until his back was against the tiles. She could feel the spray of the shower on her back as she slid to her knees, kissing and sucking at his chest and abs as she went.
By the time she was at eye level with his cock, he was strung tight as a bow, holding his breath. A thick, pearly drop of pre-come glistened at the tip. He let out a harsh groan when she used her thumb to spread it around, and she felt his fist knot in her wet hair. But he didn’t push her head forward, didn’t try to push his way into her mouth.
She glanced up, saw him watching her, his bright turquoise eyes gleaming as he waited for her to make a move. His restraint was visible in the way he held himself, every muscle tight, veins in his forearms and biceps bulging. He was on the verge of losing control. She could feel it in the trembling of his hands, hear it in the rough, tight sound of his breath, feel it in the angry throbbing of his cock against her fingers.
Keeping her eyes locked on his, she flicked out her tongue, holding his gaze as she swirled it around the head, dipped it into the sensitive slit, ran it up and down his considerable length. His lips parted, his eyelids dropped nearly closed, but she knew he was still watching her, enthralled.
She closed her lips over him and sucked him into her mouth as his groans echoed off the tiles. The taste of him flooded her mouth, hot, salty, and male. She drew him deeper, her jaw stretching to accommodate him as he pressed against the back of her throat.
His legs shook, his hands clenched her hair. “God, that’s so fucking good,” he whispered. “I love the way you touch me.”
Ethan urged her on with his whispered praise and throaty groans. His pleasure sparked her own, until it became a sharp ache between her thighs.
As though sensing her need, Ethan cupped her face in his hands. Gently he pushed her head back and slid his cock from her mouth. Hooking his hands under her arms, he pulled her almost roughly to her feet and turned her so her back was once again against the wall.
Pinning her there with his hips, he held her face still for his rough kiss. He broke away abruptly, pressing his forehead against hers as he took several slow, deep, breaths. “You’re driving me fucking insane, you know that?”
She wasn’t sure if she was supposed to answer that. She hoped not, because at that moment he slid his hand between her legs, his fingers circling and exploring.
“I love that you get so wet.” Another flood of moisture surged against his hand as he slid his fingers along her slit. “You liked going down on me, didn’t you? It turned you on?”
Embarrassed heat flooded her cheeks. She’d never been with a lover who spoke so frankly about what they were doing.
“Say it, Toni,” he murmured. “Tell me you liked sucking my cock.”
Her breath hissed out as his thumb skillfully swirled around her sex, and the words tumbled out. “I loved sucking your cock.
”
He groaned and thrust his hips against hers. “You like it even better when I fuck you, though, don’t you, baby? You can’t get enough.”
“Yes,” she whispered, moving her hips eagerly against his palm. She didn’t like the way she was letting down her guard. She enjoyed sex, but she’d always kept a certain distance, even during the most intimate acts. But Ethan broke down every last one of her defenses. If she hadn’t been so turned on, the realization would have scared the hell out of her.
As it was, she could barely think, her entire being focused on Ethan’s hands, Ethan’s body, the carnal things he whispered that made her blush even as they pushed her higher and higher.
Her sex quivered in anticipation when she felt his hand reach into the soap dish, heard the ripping of foil.
“And I can’t get enough of you,” he said, bending his knees until the tip of his cock pressed against her folds. He hitched her leg over his hip. She could feel the large head pushing, stretching her wide. “I wanted you from the moment I laid eyes on you.” He pushed in another inch. Her body, sore and swollen from before, struggled to accept his invasion. “And now that I know how you taste”—he kissed her—“how it feels to be inside you”—he pushed in another inch—“I don’t think I’ll ever get enough.”
He hooked her knee over his elbow and pushed in to the hilt. Toni muffled a cry of mingled pleasure and pain against his shoulder.
He immediately froze. “Am I hurting you?”
“Yes, no,” she said mindlessly. She was sore, yes, but so hungry for him it would take only a few deep thrusts to bring her to orgasm.
“I’ll be gentle,” he said against her cheek as he pulled out with mind-bending slowness, “but I don’t think I can stop.”
“I think if you stop I’ll have to kill you,” she said, and rose up on the tiptoes of her standing leg, adjusting his angle until his cock slid against her clit as he pumped slowly in and out. “I’ve never been so glad to be tall,” she said inanely as pleasure tightened low in her belly. “We fit.”
He stopped, staring hard into her eyes and said,” Yeah, we’re just about perfect together.”
She felt her whole world flipping as she realized he wasn’t speaking in mere physical terms.
But she would worry about that later, because right now all that mattered was the feel of him, thick and hard inside her, as he braced his arms against the wall of the shower and his hips picked up speed.
Soon he was thrusting hard enough to lift her off her standing leg with every thrust. Her earlier tenderness forgotten, she wrapped her other leg around him, urging him on with her hands and lips. His head bent, and he took her nipple between his lips, sucking hard as he buried himself to the hilt. Her orgasm burst through her, pulsing in waves through every fiber and sinew.
Vaguely she heard him shout, felt him stiffen against her, as his arms wrapped around her so tightly she could barely breathe. His cock jerked hard as he came, sending aftershocks through her as she clung to his wet, shaking body. Her leg dropped from around his waist, and for a moment she wondered if her trembling legs could support her weight.
He leaned in to her, chest heaving, his face buried against her neck as he held them both up against the wall. She could feel his cock inside her, still thick, still semihard. Her body involuntarily clenched around him as he slid out, as though protesting the loss.
When he could finally stand up straight, Ethan turned off the shower, dried them both off, and led Toni back to bed. He drew the sheet up over him and pulled her so she was lying half on top of him, her head tucked under his chin. He couldn’t seem to stop touching her, running his hands up and down her back, bending his head to press a kiss to her dark head.
She lay silently against him, absently combing her fingers through his chest hair. But within minutes he could hear the gears in her head start to grind, feel the muscles of her back tighten under his stroking fingers.
“What’s wrong?” he asked around a yawn.
She shook her head and stayed silent.
He jostled her softly. “I can’t sleep with you lying there humming like a mainframe, so you might as well just out with it already.”
Her sigh blew hot and soft over his chest. “It feels wrong, that’s all.”
Ethan’s fingers tightened in her hair, echoing the tension knotting in his stomach. In the past, right about now was when a woman tried to get all mushy and tell him how amazing he was, talk about when they could see each other again, all the things that made him want to bolt. And here he was, wishing Toni would say those exact things, and all she could talk about was how “wrong” it felt. Figured.
“Doesn’t it feel weird to you?” Toni prodded.
He slid his hand down and squeezed her ass cheek. “Feels pretty damn good to me. I don’t see what the problem is.”
She rolled over and switched on the bedside lamp, then settled back against him, propped on her elbows so she could peer into his face. She looked cute without her glasses, her eyes a little squinty as she focused in on him. “That’s not what I’m talking about. I mean it feels wrong to be fooling around like this when we still don’t know where Kara is, what could be happening to her.”
He knew guilt was eating at her, not just about Kara but about her sister. “You’ve been working nonstop since Saturday. We’re doing everything we can, following every lead.”
“What if it’s not enough?” She pushed away and swung her legs over the side of the bed. “I should go check on Jerry again.”
He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her back down to the bed. She struggled to get out of his hold, but he easily flipped her over onto her back, pinning her there with his hips between hers. “It’s the middle of the night, Toni, nothing is happening.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Forget about the sex for a minute. You think it’s unreasonable to take time to sleep, get something to eat? It’s okay to live your life, Toni.” As the words came out of his mouth, he knew he wasn’t talking about Kara or even Michelle anymore.
Toni stiffened and rocked her hips, trying to get out from under him. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. You don’t understand what it’s like.”
Irritation built in his chest, tightened his jaw as he grabbed Toni’s flailing hands and pinned them to the pillow, harder than he needed to. “What? I have no idea what it’s like to lose someone? I have no idea what it’s like to have my family break apart because of it? Is that what you were going to say?”
Her mouth flattened into a thin line. “If you did, you’d understand.”
His fingers tightened around her wrists and pushed them deeper into the pillows. “Now, that’s where you’re wrong.”
She froze, her struggles stopped as her eyes locked on his face. “What do you mean?”
“You know how I told you my parents split?”
She nodded.
“My mom didn’t just leave. She disappeared.”
Toni’s mouth fell open in shock. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “You haven’t seen her in—”
“Eighteen years this October,” he bit out. Old, dark anger bubbled like bile from the deep place he kept it hidden. Anger at his mom for taking off, anger at Toni for pulling all of this old shit out of him. Shit he had no interest in discussing with anyone, especially not a woman. “She packed a bag and took off. No foul play and no clue where she’d gone. We never found any trace of her. “
Instead of saying something trite like how hard it must have been, Toni squinted up at him with her big hazel eyes. “You’re sure she left on her own?”
He nodded. His fingers relaxed a little on her wrists, but he didn’t let her go yet. “I’m surprised you don’t know all this. There was a lot of press at the beginning. Someone like you could find it without digging too hard.”
Toni’s lips pulled into a sad sort of half smile. “I wouldn’t let myself do a background check.”
“Why’s that?”
<
br /> Her gaze flicked away from his. “Because then I would have had to admit to myself that I wanted to know about you.”
Ethan released her wrists and lay down next to her, pulling her in to him again. The story of his mother’s disappearance poured out, from God knew where. He told her things he’d never told anyone. Sure, anyone who’d lived in the San Francisco Bay Area at the time remembered the story of the wealthy investment banker’s wife gone missing, but Ethan never talked about it, and as far as he knew, his brothers didn’t either. “It destroyed my father. He’s spent almost twenty years and hundreds of thousands of dollars chasing every half-baked lead in the world. I mean that literally. That car wreck my dad and older brother got into in Indonesia?”
Toni nodded.
“They were there because someone called my dad and said he thought he saw a woman matching my mother’s description in central Bali.” He combed his fingers through Toni’s hair, focusing on the silky smoothness as he tried to send the ancient resentment back down to the hole where it lived.
“I take it that was a dead end?”
“Happens every year or so, someone comes up with information that, to Dad at least, seems halfway credible. So he pays a hefty reward and goes hell-bent for leather chasing after her. By now you’d think he’d have learned his lesson. If a woman is that determined to get away from you, maybe you should stop chasing her.”
After several moments of silence, Toni finally asked, “What do you think really happened?”
“I don’t know. Danny thinks she took off with her boyfriend—we’re pretty sure she was having an affair with someone when she left but were never sure who. Derek thinks she drank herself to death somewhere.”
“And you?”
“I don’t want to believe either of them. I mean, what’s worse? She left us and was so determined never to come back that she’d rather hide than let us know she’s okay? Or that she’s been dead all this time and we don’t even know it? But sometimes I wish we could just find a body and get on with it. I know how awful that sounds.”
