by Jami Alden
E THAN CUPPED TONI’S face, holding her still as he pinned her against the wall and devoured her mouth. His hands shook with frustration and lust. And, yeah, a little bit of fear.
Okay, a whole fucking lot of fear.
There was a reason he didn’t do love, didn’t do commitment. He’d seen what love had done to his father, seen how his mother’s abandonment had wrecked a strong man. Ethan never wanted to be that weak.
Yet here he was, handing over his heart to a woman too scared to take it. Didn’t she realize he was terrified, too? Terrified of getting hurt, opening himself up and letting someone inside?
But after he’d blurted out the love he’d only barely acknowledged, he figured it was up to him to be brave. Or stupid, depending on how you looked at it.
“I love you,” he said, the words sounding angry to his own ears.
“Don’t,” Toni gasped against his mouth, almost crying. “Don’t say that.”
He nipped her lip in punishment, then slicked his tongue over the sore spot. “Why not?”
Her fingers dug into the bare skin of his back, kneading the tense muscles. “Because I want to believe you too much, and we both know it’s not true.”
His cock swelled against the zipper of his pants, insistent, needing. “You can believe me, please believe me.” Christ, was he begging? He kissed her throat and sucked at the delicate skin.
“Please don’t do this to me,” she said, her voice high and breathy. “I don’t want to talk right now. It’s too much.”
She didn’t want to talk? Didn’t want to hear him say he loved her? “Fine.”
He could force himself to be patient.
She brought her hands between them and pressed against his chest. “I need some space. I need to process everything.”
“No,” he said as he pinned her wrists above her head. “No talking. No thinking, either.”
She was running scared, and he wasn’t about to let her shut him out.
He yanked her shirt up her chest, releasing her wrists long enough to drag it off. Her feeble protest was cut short when he bent his head to her bare breast, taking her stiff nipple into his mouth and rolling it along the edge of his teeth. He sucked her hard, reveling in the sounds of pleasure burbling from her throat at the little taste of pain.
He ground his erection against her and slid his hand down the front of her pants. “You’re mine, Toni,” he said, sliding his fingers along the wet folds of her pussy. “You don’t want to admit it yet, but you know it’s true.”
“No,” she gasped, and arched her hips up against his hand. She was molten-hot, slick with a combination of his come and her own sweet juice.
His cock stretched another inch at the remembered feel of coming inside her, the feel of her tight, slick pussy closing around him with no barrier to his pleasure. “Yes,” he said, shoving her pants down her legs, keeping her arms pinned firmly above her head.
One-handed, he shoved his own pants down his legs. Gripping his cock, he positioned the engorged head against her slit, sliding himself up and down and around her clit until they were both shaking and panting with need. “You feel how much I want you?” he breathed into her mouth, licked inside hers, groaning when she sucked on his tongue the way he wanted her to suck on his cock.
“So I make your dick hard,” she said, nipping at his bottom lip before licking away the sting. “I’m not the first woman to do it and I doubt I’ll be the last.”
Anger mingled with lust at her comment. Even with all the blood rushing to his dick, his brain suffused with a red fog, he knew what she was doing. Bringing up other women to remind herself not to trust him. Grasping at anything to keep herself from falling, too. He hooked his elbow under one knee and hitched her leg over his hip. Thumbing his cock into position, he bent his knees and entered her in one firm thrust.
She arched her back and gasped as her body stretched around him. He held himself inside her, pinning her against the wall as he gripped her chin, forcing her to meet his gaze. He rocked his hips forward, wanting to crawl up inside her, wanting to go so deep she’d never lose the feel of him.
“Believe that if you want to,” he said, gritting his teeth, sweat rolling down his chest as her pussy gripped him. “But I could fuck you for a year straight and not get enough. I’ve never met a woman I couldn’t walk away from until you.” He pulled out an inch before thrusting back inside.
He looked down to where they were joined, and the sight made his balls ache. Her plump clit was red and ripe, her flushed pussy lips stretched around him. The muscles of her stomach were tense and quivering, and he could feel every shudder like an electric current up his dick.
He bent his head, his mouth closing over the moist skin of her neck as he slid in and out with slow, deliberate strokes. Making her feel every inch of him. Savoring every inch of her. Pausing with every stroke to swirl and stir and stoke her higher.
Her breath caught, her lips parted on a groan, and he knew she was about to come. God, he loved watching her, the way every trace of her hard shell fell away in an instant.
He didn’t change his pace, didn’t ease his grip on her wrists or her hip as she started to shake and shudder. Moaning, she buried her face against his throat. He hissed at the feel of her teeth closing over his skin in a punishing love bite. He focused on her pleasure, drawing out every last ripple of her climax until she collapsed weakly against him.
He released her hands, drew her arms around his shoulders, and gently withdrew, sucking in his breath at the silky drag of her body against his painfully sensitive skin. He wanted to come so bad he could taste it, but he wasn’t done with her, not by a long shot. If this was the only way he could get to her, he was going to have her in every way he could think of until she admitted she was his.
He carried her to his bedroom and laid her across his bed, coming down over her and cradling her face in his hands. His kiss was urgent, hungry, as his hands skimmed over the long lines of her body. He parted her legs and slid back inside, never breaking his kiss. His thumb brushed over the velvet-soft skin of her nipple, coaxing it back to hardness as she shifted under him.
“Please,” she whispered against his lips. “Give me a break. I can’t—”
“Sure you can,” he said, flexing his cock inside her, making her gasp.
“It’s too much,” she said, shifting underneath him, which only served to drive him deeper inside.
“No such thing,” he said, reaching between them to dip his fingers between her swollen folds. He circled his thumb around her clit, careful to avoid the sensitive tip.
She clenched around his cock, kissing him frantically as a high, keening sound started in her throat.
He lost count of how many times he made her come before he finally let go, his body shaking and trembling as everything, all the fear, frustration, the love she didn’t want to acknowledge ripped through him, pouring out of him in thick hot spurts as he spent himself inside her.
When he could finally breathe again, he rolled to the side and pulled her against him. “I do love you,” he whispered and kissed her cheek before falling asleep, still buried inside her.
He made love to her throughout the night, waking up to pull her into the shower to wash them both clean. Spent the next hour or so licking and fingering her to climax after climax. He shouted his pleasure to the ceiling when she took him in her mouth and returned the favor.
Dawn was licking at the sky and he was drifting off to sleep, Toni tucked against his side, when her heard her voice, barely audible, muffled against his shoulder.
“I love you, too,” she whispered.
He thought his heart might explode as she nuzzled into his chest. Within seconds they were both sound asleep.
Toni padded out of the bedroom the next afternoon, barefoot, wearing one of Ethan’s T-shirts. Delicious smells wafted down the hall, and she followed them to the kitchen, where she was presented with the mouthwatering sight of Ethan cooking in nothing but his boxers.
She was shell-shocked, her body achy, her mind blown by last night. She’d lost count of how many times she’d come. He’d been relentless, not giving her an inch of space, not losing contact with her for a second. He’d held himself inside her, touching her, stroking her, wearing her out and wearing her down until finally “I love you” had forced its way past her lips.
Now, in the brutal light of the summer day, she was forced to acknowledge that her feelings were real. But she still wasn’t sure it was enough.
He turned around, his mouth stretching into that sexy, cocky grin that made his eyes crinkle at the corners. He set down the spatula and came over to her, grabbing a handful of the shirt to pull her to him. She closed her eyes, breathed in the musky-clean scent of his skin, and tipped her face up for a kiss.
His lips parted against hers, and even after last night’s acrobatics, she could feel a hot stir low in her belly.
“My eggs are going to burn,” he murmured against her lips, “but hold that thought.” He turned his attention back to the stove.
Toni poured herself a cup of coffee and sat down at the breakfast bar, taking the opportunity to gather her wits. It was hard to keep her common sense when he was looking at her, completely impossible when he was touching her.
She watched him slide an omelet onto a plate, her heart tripping at the way the muscles in his back rippled. He got to her the way no man ever had before. John had hurt her feelings, hurt her pride, when he’d dumped her. And she hadn’t felt anything approaching the intensity she felt for Ethan.
The thought sobered her, and her stomach twisted as she looked up and caught Ethan staring at her with a look of guarded expectation.
He put a plate in front of her and she took a bite of the fluffy omelet. “It’s delicious.” She had no idea what was in it—some kind of exotic cheese and maybe sundried tomatoes? But it tasted amazing.
“Yeah, enjoy it, because it’s the sum total of my cooking ability.”
She smiled and took another bite, trying not to notice as the silence grew thicker with every passing second. She shoveled in the last bite and looked pointedly at her watch. “I should probably get going.” She slid off the bar stool and he grabbed her arm to stay her.
“Where do you have to go?”
“I told Kara I’d stop by today, and I need to go by my apartment.”
He took a bite of eggs and washed it down with a sip of coffee. “Speaking of which, I think you should just pack your stuff and move it over here.” His tone was casual, but his look was hard, probing.
Her gaze slid away from his. “Ethan, I need time to think about all of this.”
“Fine,” he said, his muscles tense as he wiped his mouth and stood up. “Let me shower and I’ll give you a ride to Kara’s.”
She shook her head. “I’ll get a rental car.”
“Why spend the money when I can—”
She held up her hand. “I need some space, okay? Give me some time alone to figure everything out.”
He moved closer, backing her into the breakfast bar. “Did you mean it?” he asked softly. “When you said you loved me?”
She closed her eyes, shoulders slumping. She couldn’t deal with this, not right now.
“Did you?”
“Yes,” she said, barely audible.
He slid his hand up to cup her neck, brushed his thumb across her lips. “Then I don’t understand what it is you have to figure out.”
He kissed her cheek and she started to melt. God, he was doing it again. In about five seconds she wasn’t going to be capable of saying no to anything.
“Stop,” she said, proud of how firm she managed to sound. She ducked under his arm and managed to get a few feet of space between them. “Yes, I said it, and yeah, I meant it, but how do we know this is even real? How do we know it’s not just sex?”
“You think this is about fucking? Fine. Stay here and I’ll not fuck you for as long as you want to prove how I feel about you. I love you, Toni. Don’t ruin it just because you’re scared.”
“People don’t fall in love in four days.” But the churning in her gut was telling her otherwise.
He slammed his fist into the counter. “I’m so goddamned sick of hearing you say that. How long does it take? A week? A month? A year? How long do you need, Toni?”
She shook her head. She didn’t know. She’d known John a lot longer and trusted him, and look where that had gotten her.
“Just know this,” he said, his voice somber. “I meant it when I said I love you. And in case you’re wondering, I’ve never said it before, because I’ve never meant it before. So you may want to take that into consideration before you go running back to Seattle with your tail between your legs.”
Her head snapped up. “I’m not running anywhere.”
“Not yet.” His thick shoulders were bunched with tension.
“I haven’t made any decisions yet,” she said.
He didn’t say anything, just stared at her, disappointment carving deep grooves in his face.
“I should go,” she muttered, fleeing for the relative solitude of the shower.
She grudgingly allowed Ethan to drive her to pick up a rental car. She needed to get away from him, from the devastating effect he had on her mind and body, so she could make a good choice.
A smart choice.
A safe choice.
He grabbed her when she started to get out of the car, capturing her mouth in a hungry, needing kiss. “You’re staying with me tonight.”
“I’ll call you later,” she said noncommittally.
His kiss bruised her lips and made her toes curl before he released her.
Toni’s head was pounding by the time she got to her apartment later that evening. She’d stopped by Marcy’s to see Kara and was relieved to see that Kara was doing fine, considering her ordeal.
“Mom says I have to go see a therapist,” Kara said, rolling her eyes. She was trying to act as if being kidnapped and having her father try to cover it up were no big deal, but Toni could see the lingering shadows in her eyes.
“I’d say that’s a very smart idea,” Toni replied. “You may think you’re fine now, but stuff like this can sneak up on you and mess you up in ways you never realize.”
Kara shrugged and settled deeper into the couch cushions. “Yeah, well, I made her a deal. If she’d quit drinking, I’d go to therapy. So she’s checking into rehab next week.”
“That’s great. Is it an inpatient program?”
Kara nodded and took a sip of her soda, her gaze darting from Toni’s. “My mom wants us to go stay with my aunt, but she lives in the middle of nowhere up in Oregon. My brother likes it out there because there’s, like, horses and cattle and stuff. But I hate it up there. I mean, there’s seriously nothing to do.”
“It’s only for a month, right?”
Kara nodded and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Yeah, well, I was thinking, maybe instead of going to see my aunt, maybe I could stay with you.”
That brought her up short. “Kara, my apartment is a shithole. Trust me, you don’t want to stay there.”
Kara’s eyes were wide, beseeching. “We could stay here. I bet my mom won’t care. She’s, like, ready to give you anything for finding me. Or we could stay at my dad’s—there’s seven bedrooms.”
Toni shook her head. “I don’t even know if I’ll be here through next week. I’m probably moving back to Seattle-”
“You’re moving? But what about me? You’re the only one who knows, you know, what I did. You’re the only one I can talk to.”
Toni rested a hand on Kara’s shoulder. “You can talk to your mom. She’ll understand. And if you can’t talk to your mom, you can talk to the therapist. They have to keep that stuff confidential. You have a lot of people who love you and want to support you.”
“Yeah, whatever,” Kara said, shrugging off Toni’s hand as she stood. “Um, before you leave town, is there anything you can do to, like, make those
pictures disappear?”
Toni sighed. “I’ll do what I can.” She could blow up Toby Frankel’s server and get the pictures removed from Kara’s FacePlace page, but she couldn’t completely obliterate everything. “Just be careful about what you post from now on.”
“I will,” Kara said. “I shut down the V-Club. Even though that pervert Barnes is in the hospital, there are probably a bunch of other weirdos just like him,” she shuddered.
Toni liked to think that millionaires willing to pay hundreds of thousands of dollars to rape virgins were a rare breed, but you never knew. And if the threat kept Kara cautious, all the better.
“I’d better get going,” Toni said.
“Yeah, you probably need to start packing for your big move.”
“I’m still not sure I’m going yet. And even if I do, we’ll keep in touch.”
Kara snorted. “Yeah, right, I’m sure you’ll be down here every weekend.”
Toni rubbed her suddenly aching temples. Up until a week ago, she’d felt almost completely alone. Now she had two people urging her—practically browbeating her—to stay, even as everything was lining up perfectly for her to move back home. “Look, I’ll be at Ethan’s later if you need anything. He’s only five minutes away.”
“Whatever.” Kara turned her attention back the the latest issue of Us Weekly.
Marcy caught her as she got to the door and handed her an envelope.
“Thanks,” Toni said, surprised. She usually had to send Marcy at least two invoices before she got paid. “But I haven’t even billed my hours yet.”
Marcy shook her head, her eyes watery but clearer than they’d been in a long time. “Send me your bill whenever. This is extra.”
Toni opened the envelope. There was a check inside for fifty thousand dollars. “Marcy, you don’t have to—”
Marcy held up her hands. “You saved my daughter’s life, you and Ethan. It’s the least I can do.”
Toni walked out to her rental car and drove to her apartment in a daze. Fifty thousand dollars was enough to wipe out the remainder of her debt and give her a solid cushion as she looked for a job. She could afford to move back to Seattle, no problem. It didn’t even matter if Michelle’s apartment was available or not.
