So he was leaving for Dallas as soon as he’d finished talking to Piper. That is, if she still wanted to talk to him. Joe walked up to the doors of Lights Out Coffee. He could see her standing at the counter, talking, smiling. He missed her. He entered. It wasn’t crowded this morning. He saw Estelle blending drinks and Piper next to her, her smile in place, back to teasing her customers. He walked to stand in front of her.
“Hey,” he said. He felt a relaxation not just of his body, but of his inner self, when he saw her. He could tell he’d caught her by surprise.
“Hi,” she said, her smile falling away.
“Can I talk to you for a second, privately?” he asked.
“Why should I?” she asked, and heard Estelle grunt. She sighed, rolled her eyes, and changed her response. “Sure,” she said, looking over at Estelle, who smiled. “You okay alone for a while?”
“Please,” Estelle replied, one hand on her hip.
“In my office?” she turned back to Joe, eyes not so friendly anymore.
He followed her down the hall, taking in the sway of her hips. I missed her, he thought again.
She entered her office, walked over to the small couch in front of her desk, and took a seat. He sat down next to her.
“So,” she said.
“I’m sorry,” he said, getting to the heart of it, “for not calling, for not talking. It’s been difficult. I wanted, needed, to sort some of it out alone.”
She nodded.
“How have you been?” he asked.
“Fine.”
It was quiet for a second between them as they looked over each other. Not much had changed with Joe. He still could warm her blood, and she still loved him.
“So,” she said.
“So I’ve taken a couple of weeks off. Going to visit my mother.”
“That’s good. You never talk about her, but you don’t talk about yourself much,” she said. He was quiet at that.
“When are you leaving?”
“Now,” he said.
“Where does she live?”
“Dallas. That’s my home. I’d like to see her, then visit my foster father.”
She nodded, not knowing what to say to that, either. She hadn’t known about the foster family, not until that dinner.
“Shane’s okay?”
“Yep. He’s going to spend some time with his mother and Aaron.”
“That’s good, too. Glad it’s working out for Shane and for you,” she said.
It was quiet for a minute more.
“So,” she said, looking down at her hands.
“So,” he said, reaching for her hand. “I don’t know what to do about us,” he said, his eyes fixed on hers. “I’ve missed you. That I know. You mean a lot to me. I think I love you, and that’s more than I’ve allowed myself to feel for anyone in a long while. I don’t know what that means for me, though, if it’s enough to commit to the long haul with you. And you want that, don’t you? Marriage?”
She nodded.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he said.
“It’s okay,” she said, stroking his hand, deciding to be honest, too. She knew she was taking a big chance. But she took those chances, and had with him from the beginning.
“I’m pretty tough. I’ve been making the best of things for a long time, so I’ll be okay no matter whether you decide, to come back or not. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here if you want to come back. But if you don’t, then I can work with that, too.”
He was quiet. He hadn’t expected her to say that. He was now at a loss for words.
“I love you, Joe. You know that, right?” she said. He nodded. “Even if you don’t decide to come back, that won’t change, and I hope I’ll find someone who will want to be here with me, to have a family with me. But I can’t not love you. It wasn’t a choice for me. It just is.”
“Why?”
“Hell if I know,” she said, laughing a little. “You’re a tough nut to crack, that’s for sure, and as guarded as they come…but you’re also the best father a kid could have, the best man a woman could want. You can love, Joe, even though you’re unaware of it, better than you think,” she said, as he stared into her eyes, quiet. He looked down into his lap.
“Well, you better get going,” she said, standing up, waiting until he caught her eyes and stood, too.
“Good luck in Dallas,” she said.
He leaned forward and kissed her softly on her mouth.
“Thanks,” he said, pulling back and leaving her office.
* * *
Joe didn’t know what he’d expected, but it hadn’t been this vibrant older woman, blonde hair tied back in a ribbon-wrapped ponytail, digging in the dirt in her back yard.
He’d gone to the front door, read the sign that said “Out in back” and walked around to find this woman, bent over, digging in the dirt.
“Mom,” he said, surprised that that word had come from his mouth. It was one he hadn’t used in too many years to count, a word he’d stopped using because he didn’t believe she deserved it. In his youthful anger he had taken to calling her by her first name, Carol.
Where had that come from today? What was with this emotional stuff? He’d been in turmoil since Meghan reappeared, revisiting places he hadn’t been in years. And now he stood here calling a woman he’d hadn’t seen in a decade “Mom.”
She looked up, stunned. She stood, not moving toward him, unsure. He could read that in her eyes, too.
“Joseph,” she said. “Oh, my, I’d given up hope of ever seeing you again.” She moved closer to him, removing her work gloves. “Look at you. You’re such a handsome man. Oh, Joseph, thank you for coming. You’ve talked to your sister, another blessing.” She looked around, took a breath, and clasped her hands tightly together, her attempt to calm herself.
“Do you have time to visit?” she asked.
“Yes,” he said, and watched as she headed for the table on the patio.
“Please sit down. Let me get us something to drink. Are you hungry?” she asked, looking around. She dotted her eye with a tissue from a box sitting on an iron hutch, mixed in with plants, books, and gardening tools. It matched the wrought iron table that sat in the middle of the patio.
“Have a seat, I’ll be right back,” she said.
He sat down in one of the chairs surrounding the table.
About five minutes later she returned with a tray, a pitcher of lemonade, and two glasses. She poured for them both, hands shaking a little as she handed a glass over to him.
“Your sister tells me that you have done a wonderful job with Shane. She is so grateful for you. We all are,” she said, her eyes moving away from his and out toward her yard, which was filled with flowers. A chime rang as a breeze blew.
“I’m sorry,” she said, turning back to face him. “Sorry for my part in making you responsible for us—your dad and me—responsible for our decisions,” she said. He was quiet.
“It wasn’t all bad. I do remember a few good times,” he said, remembering what Aaron had said and deciding to let all that go, let the past stay in the past.
“Thank you,” she said, tears running down her face. Joe reached for tissues and handed them to her. She laughed a little and wiped her eyes. “So Meghan tells me you have a girlfriend?” she asked and he smiled.
“If she will put up with me, I hope so,” he said. Another decision made.
“She’ll be lucky to have you.”
“We’ll see. I’ll bring her by the next time I’m in town,” he said.
“Oh, Joe, that would be wonderful.”
“So you work out here much?” he asked. “It’s beautiful.”
“Yes, it’s a new hobby of mine,” she said, and they spent the next few hours talking, getting to know each other again, a small step in his resolution to move forward unencumbered by his past.
* * *
Joe walked away from the home where he’d spent the last few years of high school. He’d spent some tim
e with his foster dad, helping both of his parents around their homes, talking giving way to laughter for both. He would come more often, and he hoped to bring Piper.
He thanked his foster father for providing him with a place that had given him a ray of hope that life could be different from its beginning. It had saved him in some ways. He walked over to his car, put it in gear, and drove away, heading back to Austin.
Maybe Piper was right from the beginning. You get what you get in life. You can make the most of it or not she’d told him, on more than one occasion. She had chosen to make the best of her life and so had he, in his own way. He now knew that he was capable of finding love and happiness.
Shane, Piper, Reye, Meghan, and maybe even his mother were now a part of his life. Should he waste this opportunity? Meghan had tried to reach out to him and he’d refused in his unwillingness to forgive. They were trying just like him, each in their own way. So, yes, he would forgive. He would let go of all that anger, accept the part of his earlier life that had shaped him; for good, as it turned out. He wanted to be happy. It was past time. He punched in Meghan’s number.
“Hey, it’s Joe. Just checking in on you and Shane,” he said.
“He’s fine. We are all fine,” she said, and he listened as she shared the events of their days, of what they’d done together, and he could hear the thankfulness and love in her voice. He knew unequivocally that this was the right path for them.
“Mom told me you stopped by, stayed the week. Thank you, Joe,” she said. “It means a lot to her; more than she or I could say.”
“It means something to me, too,” he said.
“So how long before you’re home?” she asked.
“I’m on my way now, but I was going to stop by Piper’s first,” he said.
“It’s about time,” Meghan said, laughing
“I know. Finally. I know,” he said, chuckling. And it was true. “I’ll stop by tomorrow.”
“We’ll be here.”
“Tell Shane hello for me, will you?”
“Of course I will. See you soon,” she said.
* * *
He pulled into Piper’s drive that night. It was late, almost eleven. He used his key to unlock the front door. The night light was on in the entry near the steps. He turned to disengage the alarm system and then reset it, pleased that she hadn’t changed the code, taking it as a good sign. He paused and listened for signs that he’d awakened her.
He looked around at the clean clutter that was Piper Renee Knight and kicked off his shoes and started up the stairs, following the hall that led to her room. Another night light lit his way. The door was closed and he softly grabbed the door knob, turning it slowly, opening to find her on her side—t-shirt on, covers at her feet, arms stretched over her head, hair full and wild around her head.
He stood there for a second just taking her in, surprised at the stutter of his heart at seeing her again. He’d missed her more than he could say. His hands moved to his waist, and he grabbed the bottom of his t-shirt and pulled it over his head. Then he unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans and slid them from his body. His boxers were next. He crept softly to the bed and slipped into it, sliding over until his front aligned with her back, his arm going to her waist. He moved her hair away from her neck and kissed her there.
“Missed me, huh?” she whispered without turning around. She would know the feel of his body against hers anywhere.
“Sorry it’s taken me so long to get here,” he said.
“What took so long?”
“Wanted to make sure that this was where I wanted to be, that I could be here.”
“And are you sure?”
“Yes,” he said and sighed into her ear. “I went to see my mother, and then to the foster family that meant so much to me.”
“Did that help?”
“Yes. I told you that we were raised by two parents who were alcoholics.”
He was quiet as Renee lay on the pillow of his arm.
“They didn’t start out that way. They were social drinkers, or that’s what I thought. That’s when I’d see them drinking. What did I know? My mother was good before then, took care of us until then, stayed at home with us, until my dad lost his job, and his area of expertise wasn’t needed anymore. He had no transferable skills, and there were no more jobs, just lots of drinking. I had to learn to be the parent for both of them, for Meagan, and for me. At age ten, a kid shouldn’t have to be an adult.”
Renee took his hand and stroked it softly.
“I remember this one time, when I was eleven. Meagan had some program at school. My mom tried to drive us there. She drank more than I thought before we left and we got lost. We drove for hours before she stopped in some park. She went to sleep behind the wheel and remained that way, wouldn’t wake up. Meagan went to sleep, but I couldn’t. I stayed up most of the night, watching and scared. After she slept it off, she woke up, knew immediately where we were, and drove us home. I’ve never felt more helpless than I did that night.”
Piper listened as he talked, all of his anger and resentment pouring out. Sometimes he was emotional but he’d continued to talk, telling her his life story. She’d allowed herself hope when she heard him enter, and now was so grateful to have him back, her love, sharing his hurts, a tough one for any man, but he trusted her with it, and she would not let him down.
“It’s okay. Shane’s going to be in the city. You can be in his life, and watch to make sure he’s safe. Plus Aaron seems like a stable and good guy,” she said.
“I know, but I’ve taken care of him it seems like forever. He’s become my kid, too. Mine to protect against the world, like I wished someone had done for me,” he said, his breath caught and he stopped talking for a minute.
“But she’s changed, Meghan has. I can see that now, just as I have. I’m learning, not quite there yet, but learning to let go, to trust in others. Being with you and your crew and Shane were some of the happiest times for me—made the idea of home and family seem possible. I want that again, and I want it with you—a family, a partner,” he said, moving her hair from her face as she turned to face him.
“I love you,” he said, staring at her, the steel grey of his eyes intense, pleading a little, moisture present on his eyelashes.
“As well you should,” she said, pushing him over onto his back, coming to sit on top of him. She watched him for a second, smiling, and bent down to kiss him, softly. “I love you, too, but you know that. I’m glad you came back because I’ve got something for you,” she said, mischief in her eyes, before bending over the side of the bed and pulling out a large pink book.
“What’s that?” he asked, lifting his head from the pillow to get a better look.
“You’ll see.” She bent over the bed once again, pulling out some pink rope this time. She’d picked them up at this place across town, along with some other goodies she planned on saving for later.
She set the book down on his chest. The correct page was already marked, and it fell open to the place she wanted.
“Put your hands in front, together,” she said, demonstrating, hers arms bent at the elbow and touching from elbow to wrist. He followed her instructions and she began wrapping the rope according to the picture she saw before her, her head moving back and forth between the pages and his arms, her bottom lip caught between her teeth as she attempted to tie him according to the instructions. He held his arms in front of his chest, elbows together, wrists together just as she asked, watched her concentrating on her task.
He smiled. Coming back to her was so the right decision. His life, married to her, stretched out before him.
“I love you,” he said again.
“I know,” she said.
She reached for his hands, now tied to perfection, lifted them over his head, pulled them up to the top rung of her bed, and looped the cord around the top rod.
“Should we tie your feet, too, you think?” she asked him, serious in her question. He laughed again, it m
oving his chest up and down in turn moving her up and down. But he was laughing now, grey eyes filled with humor, staring back at her though lashes sprinkled with a few lingering tears. She laughed, too, happy that he was back with her.
She looked over at him, hands tied to the bed, wondering why she hadn’t done this sooner. She took off her t-shirt and underwear and stood nude before him.
“Want the boots?” she asked. He gave her a wolfish grin, and she went into her closet. She came back out with pink, trimmed in rhinestone, leather boots on.
He barked out a laugh as she walked over to the bed. She joined in with his laughter until tears were present in both their eyes.
When their laughter had died down, she bent over and pulled out two additional ties, and proceeded to tie first one foot and then the other to the base of the bed, her hair covering her face as she intently bound his feet. When she was done, she looked up to find him still smiling, eyes dry and clear. He was wearing his I’m-game-for-this face.
She walked over to the bed and straddled him. She leaned over to kiss him softly, taking her time, moving up to kiss his nose and his eyes. “I love you,” she said, serious now.
“I know,” he said, staring back at her, serious as she’d ever seen him. “Thank you for hanging in there with me, for giving me space. I love you, Piper Renee Knight.”
“Let’s see if you still do after I’ve finished with you.” She moved her mouth back to his for a kiss that was so potent, it elicited a groan from him. He started laughing again. She laughed as he pretended to try to break free. She knew he was faking, knew he wanted this. She moved her hips, rubbing over him before sliding downward taking him in to her body. She started to move, putting everything she owned into showing him that she loved him.
His eyes rolled back in his head a time or two, but he held on. Thirty minutes later, sated, used, he sighed as she collapsed on top of his body, her hair all over the place, both of them sucking in air.
“I’m going to pay you back for that,” he said between breaths. “Just give me a couple of minutes.” They laid still for a while, till their breathing slowed.
Lights Out (Indigo) Page 25
