“So, we’ve no ties, nothing to get back for. We’ll go to Brighton, we’ll be there in a hour and a half. Come on Alex! Let’s be spontaneous!” He stands, ready to go it would seem.
“You haven’t got to go in tomorrow?” I roll so that I’m facing him, smiling at that stunning body of his.
“No. Free all weekend. Come on, let’s go! Get dressed, we can eat a fish and chip supper on the beach.”
I think about it for a moment “Why not?”
Chapter 16
By 9.30 we’re on the M23 heading towards Brighton, the motorway isn’t as bad as I thought it would be, the Jag making easy work of eating up the miles. We arrive and find a great fish and chip shop. Both ordering haddock and chips, James also asks for a small tub of mushy peas, personally I have no idea how he can contemplate eating them, I hate the things with a passion!
We take our meal with our little wooden forks to the beach where we sit huddled to each other and enjoy the excellent, albeit alternative cuisine, with a rich orange coloured batter and fat chips, lots of sachets of vinegar and a sprinkling of salt. Bossman scoops out the disgusting mushy peas with his fork – they look totally and utterly gross. We finish off with a couple of cans of Coke.
Once we’ve binned our rubbish we walk along the beach, it’s bracing, the sun having long set in the late summer sky. He holds my hand as we kick our way through the sand listening to the sound of the waves lapping gently at the shore mixed with music and revelry from various pubs and clubs along the front and the pier.
He stops and stands in front of me, halting me in my tracks. Placing his hands on my shoulders, “We need to sort an engagement ring out.”
“I know, I know we do and I do love you, so much. I still can’t believe that you even looked in my direction – chose me! Of all the people you could have had! Me, well I was just a sex starved house wife who frankly, would have been happy to remain totally celibate, until I saw you. But then I thought Roger was you to start off with!”
“You fancy Roger!” He snaps looking complete shocked.
“No, no. But when I sat in the foyer on that very first day and Roger came to get me, I just assumed he was you and I thought…”
“What did you think?” His tone becomes demanding.
“I thought, fit bloke! That’s all!”
“Umm. Well, Roger is happily married.” He frowns at me.
“It doesn’t make any difference James, you were the one I was attracted to, I’m just so surprised that the feeling’s mutual and every day that goes by I feel exactly the same, think the same. I’ve agreed to marry you James and, do you know? I can’t wait. You’ll always be my very, very best friend. You know too much about me to be anything other than a best friend, a lover and I hope an excellent husband.” I look into those dark eyes, willing him to know that I speak from the heart, that I mean every word I say. I love him with all of my heart, completely, so much so that it hurts.
He hugs me tightly “Alexandra Drake you are so special!”
We walk back to the Jaguar and start our drive back to London. “Shall we go and get a ring tomorrow morning?” He suggests.
“Umm, I suppose so. How long will it take us to drive to Heathrow, how long have we got? I don’t want to rush into anything and I don’t want to be late for Anna.” I look at him as he drives, the lights on the motorway flashing past in the darkness.
“It’s about an hour.”
“Okay then, as long as we’re out early. I really don’t want to be late for Anna.” I agree to go tomorrow morning.
“Don’t worry. We’ll be in town for nine.” He places a reassuring hand on my leg. “Did you speak with the accountants, about Henry’s?”
“I did. It’s not good, not good at all. It appears that the club is making a profit, a good one, but the money’s not going back into the club, if that makes sense. I’m getting my income each month, but the staff are being paid late and the suppliers are well behind. Gerald says we’ve only a week or two before they start drastic measures. He suggests I buy Nial out, clear all of the debts and, well I suppose run it ourselves, put a manager in. I don’t know what to do with a club, I wouldn’t know where to start. We’d have have to put a manager in place.”
“How profitable is it?” James asks as he moves the car into lane three overtaking the good vehicles and slower cars, I glance at the speedometer, hell I’m not looking at it again we’re not far from being airborne. I grip the edge of my seat and decide to look straight forward, no wonder the lights are flashing past at an alarming rate.
“I have no idea. Gerald says it’s a money factory. Personally, all I can tell you is that a very nice sum lands in my account each month.”
“Keep it then, buy him out, if he agrees to be bought out that is?” James is very matter of fact, and he’s right it think it is the best option, but only if Nial agrees.
We arrive home in the small hours, I’m whacked. After a large glass of water I head off to bed. James snuggles in beside me.
“I love this,” he murmurs as he runs his fingers around the edges of my strawberry, “it’s beautiful the way he’s worked the J.A is stunning. Thank you!” He kisses the nape of my neck. I think we’re both totally done in and fall asleep wrapped in each other.
Chapter 17
James has set the alarm to wake us early, for a Saturday anyway and by ten we’re strolling along Bond Street visiting various beautiful jewellers who all offer the most exquisite collection of diamonds in various colours and shapes.
“What’s it going to be Blossom?” James asks as we sit staring at an array of the most beautiful jewels in one of the jewellers we have ventured into.
“I have no idea,” I say so quietly, “I love the diamonds and I like the square cut.”
“The princess cut?” the assistant asks.
“Yes, like that one,” I point to a simple single princess cut diamond set in white gold, it’s simple, understated.
“You definitely want white gold or platinum?” James looks at me, a questioning look.
“Yes. I like the white gold, or platinum very much, and it matches my pendant.” I place my hand on the Tiffany diamonds that James gave me a few weeks ago.
“Would you like to try this one on?” The gentleman assisting us asks, removing the diamond from the cushion.
“I think we would.” James answers for me. He picks the ring up and slips it on the third finger of my left hand. I hold my hand out to admire the diamond, I shaking feeling so very excited, loved and cherished, so emotional. “It’s stunning,” I smile at my incredibly handsome lover. He bends towards me and kisses me gently, I swear the assistant blushes slightly, but then I expect he’s seen this many, many times before.
“Shall we have this one?” He whispers, our noses touch, such an intimate moment yet so public. I look up at the unruly curls, the dark eyes and the beautiful face.
“Yes,” I whisper, “Yes.” I throw my arms around his neck and pull him to me so tightly, “It’s perfect, absolutely perfect!”
“We’ll take this one then,” James laughs, looking at the assistant, “and I think my fiancée will be keeping it on!”
“Are you sure the sizing’s okay?” The jeweller asks, he’s also smiling broadly.
I wiggle the ring around on my finger. “Its fine, it’s just like it was waiting for me, it’s perfect.”
James reaches for his wallet and pulls out a bank card.
“James,” I whisper “Can I have a quick word?”
He steps away from the counter and takes a step towards me, bending forward he places an hand on my shoulder. “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t expect you to pay for this, not yet anyway. Let me buy it…please.” I keep my voice hushed.
His face turns hard, angry and I know instantly that I’ve offended him. Panic courses through me, “Sorry, I’m sorry!” I whisper quickly. I hold my head down looking at the ground. Thoughts of Lewis crowd my mind. The look on James’ face remind
s me of how Lewis would look before he launched into a rage. I find myself backing away, putting distance between us, I’m expecting a blow, to be slapped, if we weren’t in a shop I’d be cowering in the corner. I quickly take the ring off and lay it on the velvet pad, the assistant looking confused.
“We’ll take it.” James says firmly and proceeds to hand over his card. His payment is processed and we leave the shop with the ring in its box and in a thick paper carrier with ribbon handles.
I wait for him as he turns away from the counter, he takes my arm so gently and we walk out of the jewellers and towards the car. I think he knows what’s wrong, in fact I’m sure.
“I’m sorry,” he says, there’s panic in his voice. “The look on your face, the sheer panic in your eyes, I am so sorry, I didn’t mean it to come out like that. Alex, I’m sorry!” He pauses, looking down, “Alex, I would never deliberately hurt you, you have to know that.” He thrusts his fingers into his hair. “ Shit, Alex!”
I don’t say a word. I know that if I speak I’ll sob. I feel choked, my mind’s a mess, my heart’s beating rapidly. This was supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life and I feel like shit, whatever I do Lewis is haunting me, lurking in the back of my mind, the only way I’m going to be free of Lewis is if I was dead. Instantly, like someone has turn a switch on I’m thrown back to my previous life, a life full or heartache, hurt and pain. I try to calm myself, keep myself in check.
We both climb into the car and sit in silence. James has the ring in its bag. “Fuck, I’m sorry – I don’t know what else to say.” He reaches for my hand as I break down. I sob my head hung forward. He leans over to me and puts his arms around me as best he can whilst we’re sat with a gear lever, hand brake and various bits of dash board between us, “Alex, oh hell, what can I say? Fuck, I haven’t ruined it have I?” He sounds distraught, absolutely wrecked.
I don’t answer, because I can’t.
“We need to go and get Anna.” He pulls away from the kerb and heads out of London towards Heathrow.
I look out of my window as he drives to the airport, I know I must look a mess with my red puffy face, I take a deep breath, “It wasn’t what you said James,” I say quietly as I begin to sob again, “It… it... was the look!”
I see him glance over at me, he moves his hand to my thigh, “I am so sorry Blossom.” He squeezes my thigh lightly as I struggle to pull myself together. We drive the remainder of the journey in silence. I think we’re both so desperately upset and sorry with and for each other.
We arrive at Heathrow and straight into a space near the arrivals hall for Terminal five. Pulling the vanity mirror down in the sun visor I try put my face right, I look a state! He reaches over towards my thigh again, “I really am so sorry, I never meant to upset you. It’s just, well I wanted to buy that ring for you, you know I don’t want to be kept!”
Looking up at him I can see that he looks genuinely horrified, shocked and concerned, he leans forward and kisses me gently on the cheek, “I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to make it right!”
He reaches for the jeweller’s bag and pulls out the tiny ring box, “Will you wear it…please?” His voice is deep and has an almost sad tone.
I look at the box, and then away from him. Inside I still feel shattered, totally. Yes, I love him with all of my heart, but have I seen a side of him today that I hadn’t seen before? I don’t know what to do! He just looks at me “Alex, please!”
“I don’t know if I can do this anymore!” I’m exasperated, “I’ve got too much baggage, too much going on, and you’re, well you’re so nice, such a lovely man who wants to do no more than care for someone, you should be with someone your own age James, not an old woman with a fucked up head!” I don’t know how else to put it, he looks down at the steering wheel, shaking his head, his fingers in that hair again.
I open the car door and walk towards the arrivals hall to meet my daughter. Her flight is scheduled to land in the next ten minutes I know I’ve not long to wait. I’m aware of James following me quickly, I can hear his footsteps picking up pace, “Alex, Alex….wait!” He calls, catching me up he grasps my arm and spins me around looking down at me.
“It’ll break my heart Alex, if you go, if you leave me, you’ll ruin me!” He voice is so soft, I think he means it. His curls fall forward around his temples, his eyes bore into me, so intense. “What have I got to do to make it up to you, all I wanted to do was pay for the damn thing!”
“It was the way you looked James, not what you said. I know how you feel about the money, but it was the way you looked at me, nothing else. I saw Lewis, the anger in your face, it was Lewis before he flew into a rage. I don’t know if I can go back there James? I don’t know. I love you too, more than I ever loved him, much more. But you talk about me ruining you if we stop, this, this fling now, if I marry you and you turn into Lewis you’ll do more, much more than ruin me, you’d kill me because I can never, ever go back there, I can never live like that again.” I pause, looking down, taking a deep breath and composing myself before looking back up to him. “I’d kill myself first James. I’ve waited over twenty years to get away from that bastard, and I refuse, totally refuse to go back to any sort of relationship like that, ever again!” The words tumble out as James just stands, his hands on the tops of my arms, listening to each and every word that spews from my mouth.
“Fuck!…How do I put it right? What can I do?” He’s desperate. He shoves his fingers back into his hair. “What do I have to do Alex? What?” He raises his voice at me.
I throw him a look, “Well not shout at me, that’s for sure! You think I’ve left one bloody psychotic bastard to get landed with another?” I move away slightly and start to move towards the terminal building, after only a couple of steps I turn back towards him. “James, you showed a side of you just now that I’d never seen before. All I did was suggest that I pay for the damn ring and I’m sorry if that hurt your pride but I was prepared to share what’s mine with you. I thought we were a team, you know what’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine, but the way you acted in that jewellers it was just how Lewis behaved when he was about to lose control. I could see the anger, the rage in your face and I refuse to go there again? I can’t live with that again.” I turn away from him, “I need to meet Anna.”
I don’t look back but carry on walking towards the arrivals lounge. He doesn’t follow me. As I walk through the main doors into the terminal building I glance back and see James slumped against a wall, his hands still firmly wedged in his hair, his head down, he’s clearly distressed. Have I been too tough on him?
Checking the arrivals boards I see that Anna’s flight has landed. Glancing around I notice Rachel, Katie’s mum and her husband Greg. I’m sure I must look a wreck and don’t really want to talk to them but it would be incredibly rude not to, and the girls will doubtless come through the exit together leaving me no option but to say hello at some point, so I go over to where they’re standing.
“Rachel, Greg.” I approach them. They’re standing there looking like an older Barbie and Ken, all prim and proper and look so very happy together, him dressed to kill, he’s far too overdressed for an airport run and Rachel looks like she’s stepped out of some shop window, God she’s even got new over inflated breasts!
“Alex, how are you?” Rachel gushes as she leans forward and kisses the air at either side of my cheeks, “we haven’t seen you for ages!” Greg just stands there and smiles.
“I’m well thank you, very well. I think the girls have had a good time, from what I can tell anyway?” I make polite conversation.
“It’s a pity we couldn’t have sent her off as a well done trip,” Greg butts in, “If it had been up to me she’d have been grounded for the holidays not sent off to Cali-bloody-fornia. Failing her ‘A’ Levels in big style! You let her get away with too much Rachel.” He glares at his wife.
“Oh come on Greg, it’s not that bad. She can re-sit. It’s only t
welve months she’ll be behind.”
“Exactly my dear, twelve months behind…be-hind!” He snaps at her and then continues to focus on the arrival of his daughter, oh maybe I had misread the signs that they were happy, clearly the Barbie and Ken routine is just that, a routine for the outside world to look upon!
Rachel shrugs her shoulders and looks at me. She takes my elbow and guides me away from her husband, we’re just out of earshot of him.
“He’s doesn’t understand Alex, not at all. The pressure the girls have been under, he has such high hopes for her and, well I don’t think she really wants to study medicine, I wouldn’t put it past her to have failed deliberately!” Rachel’s voice is hushed.
“Really!” I am so surprised. Katie seemed full of medicine and university when she stayed with us.
“Yes, really. She doesn’t want to do medicine. I don’t believe she’s ever wanted to. It’s only what he’s forced on her, bullied her to do in a way. Anyway, if I know Katie she’ll flunk again, deliberately you understand and, well maybe then he’ll get the message!” She explains, “Soooo, tell me about you! Katie says you’ve a real dish in tow!”
“Yes, well. He’s waiting outside.” I look towards the car park.
“Call him in Alex, please let me see.” She’s positively drooling. “You’re the talk of the village you know, Alex Drake, the woman that proved that life really does begin at forty!” Shit exactly what I didn’t want, what am I going to say “sorry, I can’t we’ve just fallen out with each other, maybe I could say I’ve just discovered he’s also a bastard!”
“You’ll see him when we go to the car.” I try and move the conversation on, talk of the village, as if!
“So, Katie’s told me all about your new house, how big it is. You’re so lucky Alex, you really are.”
“I don’t know about lucky.” I frown. I may have a shed load of cash and it is nice not to have to worry about anything, financially anyway, but it also has its problems.
Loving Alex (The Alexandra Drake Series) Page 16
