by Janet Dailey
Even though her own heart was breaking into little bits, she could still derive pleasure watching the angry scowl cross his face as his fingers dug into her shoulders. How upsetting for him that she wasn't falling into his arms as she was supposed to!
'Come now, Jase. The cat got your tongue?’ she asked mockingly as he continued staring angrily into her face.
'I could shake you till your teeth rattled!’ His hold relaxed ever so slightly. ‘What kind of game are you playing? Or do you want me to throw you over my knee and spank you? You're acting like a child!'
'But, Jase, you've told me repeatedly that I am a child.’ Coley attempted to turn out of his arms, but was brought up sharply as he twisted her back towards him.
'No more games, Coley. Out with it.’ His eyes blazed with their blue fires while ins mouth was drawn into a grim and forbidding line.
'Don't you want to tell me how much you love and adore me and how you can hardly wait to marry me?’ Coley asked in a mock pout. Her eyes flashed flecks of green as she spoke. ‘I was so looking forward to that part.'
'What are you talking about?’ His voice only thinly veiled the growing anger as his chest rose and fell at a rapid boat. His eyes narrowed. ‘Where were you this morning?'
'Oh, come now, Jase. The night is young and the scent of roses is very heavy tonight. Surely you can think of more romantic questions than that.’ Coley waved her hand airily at the night.
'How much did you hear?'
'Don't tell me I'm going to have to be the teacher tonight,’ she mocked, curling her long arms around his neck and inching in closer to him as she raised her face to his.
Her lips touched his lightly and coolly, while her heart begged for one more minute in his embrace. The hands on her shoulders started to push her away and then dropped convulsively around her waist to draw her violently into his arms. She was crushed against his body, every curve melting and moulding to his, until there seemed to be no longer two bodies but one. His mouth punished, humiliated, consumed and ravaged hers until there was only one ruling emotion in her, that of passionate, yielding love. Then he was releasing her, disentangling her hands from around his neck, setting her away from him as if the fire that had consumed her hadn't even touched him.
For a moment her heart throbbed painfully, aching to feel his touch again, weakly submitting to anything that would bring it back under his spell, but that was before Coley's senses stopped reeling and her mind could once again rule. With difficulty she assumed a calm expression.
'That's how it's done,’ she mocked. ‘Now it's time for the pretty speeches.’ He would never know the pain those words were causing her.
'I don't think there's any need for speeches,’ Jase said, gazing down at her face indifferently. ‘You seem to have overheard at least a portion of a private conversation with Ben. I think it's only a matter of “yes” or “no” on your part. Although I would like an explanation of your bitterness.'
'A simple “yes” or no"!’ Coley lashed out angrily. ‘Oh, what an egotist you are! Am I just a pawn for you and your grandfather to move around the board at your leisure? Considering it's the rest of my life that we're talking about, I believe I have some say in the matter. And I say that I won't be the instrument that gives you title to this ranch. I refuse to be dangled above your head with a marriage licence in my hand and a little note pinned on me that says “Marry this girl and the ranch is yours". Strange as it sounds coming from a poor relative, I will not marry anyone without love.'
'And love would not enter into a marriage between you and me,’ Jase said coldly.
'It most certainly would not,’ Coley said angrily and with what little dignity she could muster. ‘I know Uncle Ben told you that I was in love with you, but that wasn't what I told him. I said I loved you, but then I also love Uncle Ben, Aunt Willy and even Tony, but I certainly wouldn't marry any of them either. Don't misunderstand me, Jase. I want to see you and Ben make peace. I know I've seemed to champion your cause a great deal, but Danny will tell you I'm a great one for rooting for the underdog.'
'You really lay it on the line, don't you?’ His expression had never changed since he had released her from his embrace, and now he nonchalantly removed a cigar from his pocket and placed it between his lips. ‘And those tempestuous love scenes of ours—I take it they're practice sessions, like the riding and swimming lessons?'
'As you put it so aptly before, they were experiments, lessons in human nature. If a person is going to learn, he might as well go to someone who has some experience, and you do have that,’ Coley replied coolly. Her tingling body could attest to that. She glanced up at his rough hewn face. ‘But desire doesn't last. Despite what you think, I'm old enough to know that.'
'You don't believe that this “desire” could grow into love?’ Jase asked. His eyes studied her intently as he brought the match flame closer to the tip of his cheroot.
Coley held her breath for a second as her heart cried out the whispering hope that maybe he could grow to love her. Instead she replied coldly, ‘I'm not about to sacrifice the rest of my life on the chance that maybe we would grow to love one another. Besides, if Uncle Ben has gone so far as to concede that he'll give you title to the ranch if you marry me, then you're only a step away from getting it without any strings. You might as well take that step, because I'll never consent to marrying you.'
'Suppose I told you that I already have title to the ranch? That it was made over to me this morning?’ Jase said, glancing at her sideways.
'On the condition that I accept your proposal tonight,’ Coley finished with a superior tilt of her head.
He studied her quietly for a minute. ‘Would you consider a temporary mock engagement? Until I can persuade Ben around to your way of thinking.'
'No,’ she spoke quickly before the tempting idea could take hold. ‘No, that wouldn't work at all.'
'So be it,’ said Jase, dropping his cigar to the ground and crushing it out in the grass. ‘You know he had his heart set on doing this for you.'
Coley glanced up quickly at his face hidden in the shadows of the night.
'I'll explain to him,’ she said. ‘He'll understand, I'm sure he will.'
'I wish I was half as sure as you are. He hasn't fully recovered from that last attack, despite the improvements he's made.’ His voice drifted quietly to her, but the words seared deeply into her mind.
'How badly he wants the ranch,’ she thought bitterly. So badly he was not above using this emotional blackmail to persuade her to fall in with his wishes.
'I don't care, Jase,’ she spoke sharply, fighting the whirlpool he was sweeping her into. ‘I will not be your fiancée under any circumstances.'
'I once accused you of being too sensitive.’ His lips curled sardonically as he spoke. ‘That drowned kitten I rescued from the rain has turned into a regular wildcat...'
'Please don't remind me of that awkward, gauche girl I once was,’ she cried, hugging her long arms about her to ward off the shiver as she wished for the security of his arms.
He jerked her around to face him, his fierce grip cutting off the circulation in her arms.
'What happened to that girl who was more frightened of me than the storm? Where's the girl who was afraid of water, who was scared of the view from the top of a horse? Where did she go?’ he demanded, shaking her as he spoke.
'She was too shy and too frightened to ever oppose you. But she grew up,’ Coley shouted. ‘Did you expect her to remain immune to the hate and bitterness and greed that lives on this ranch? Well, I hate now. I hate the way I'm being used by the two of you and I'm bitter that the trust I placed in both of you has been so abused. But most important, Jase, I've become greedy. I want to be wanted for myself, not for some dowry I might bring into a marriage.’ She was trembling from the violence behind her words as she glared up at him, ‘You didn't really believe I could stay the same as I was that first night?'
'No,’ he replied, the word coming through tightly pr
essed lips. ‘I did think you would avoid the conclusion-jumping crowd that abounds here.’ Slowly his fingers uncurled around her arm until she was standing freely in front of him. ‘You have everything neatly pigeonholed and labelled, don't you? But labels and pigeonholes aren't for people, Coley. You can't shrug them off that easily. Think hard on what's been said tonight. Later you'll be apologizing to me.’ His expression was mockingly smug as he gazed down at her.
'If you think for one minute that I'm going to come crawling to you to apologize...’ Coley began, enraged by his calm statement.
'Don't say any more that you might regret,’ he interrupted. The light of anger shone through the window of his eyes before the shutters were drawn again. ‘I'll be going back to the house now—to do some celebrating with Ben. I don't think you're in a very festive mood, so I won't ask you to join us. Good night, Coley, and pleasant dreams,’ he added with a mocking lilt to his voice before nodding arrogantly towards her and striding off into the darkness.
She stamped her foot as she glowered at the retreating figure. She had wanted to spite him, to hurt him as she had been hurt. The bitterness had demanded it, and now even that was denied her. He had walked away, so arrogantly sure that she would be running after him to apologize. Never, never as long as she lived, no matter how much she loved him would she beg her forgiveness from him for the things she had said tonight.
'Coley, what are you doing out here?’ Danny's voice called out to her. ‘Jase just told me you wouldn't be coming in to join the party.'
'That's right,’ Coley replied in a tight little voice that threatened to betray her emotional state.
'But you of all people should be there.’ His forehead was creased by a frown as he studied her with puzzled eyes.
'That is exactly why I'm not there.’ Her voice trembled with the vehemence behind her statement.
'Coley, I just don't understand you any more.’ Danny shook his head as his gaze tried to fathom his bewildering sister. ‘Since the first day we arrived, you've been fighting for Jase's fights, defending him. And tonight, when Uncle Ben has finally given in, you're out here pouting like a child that's had its favourite toy taken away from him.'
'You don't know the whole story, Danny,’ Coley began, the hurt choking her throat from the censure in her brother's words.
'And you have no intention of enlightening me either,’ Danny interrupted impatiently. ‘You've been acting peculiar all evening. What ridiculous notion have you got into your head this time?'
'You can stop the big brother act. I don't need one any more.’ Her lower lip trembled while her breath came with a quickened pace as she fought to hold back the silent sobs.
His eyes mirrored the hurt and anger that surfaced at her words.
'I think you need a swift kick in an appropriate place!'
'Danny!’ Coley called out sharply as he turned away towards the house. ‘Danny, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you.'
He hesitated a moment before turning back to face her.
'No, I don't imagine you did.’ His eyes narrowed as he studied her. ‘But you're right. You're a big girl now. It's time you started working out your own problems without leaning on someone else. Whatever you've got yourself into, you're going to have to get yourself out on your own. Good night.'
She gulped down her tears while she watched him walk back towards the house. She knew what she was doing. Of course she did!
The steady drumming of rain on her windowpane greeted Coley as she woke from a restless night's sleep. The dark, sunless morning mirrored the depression that had hung over her head since yesterday morning. With stiff, listless movements she dragged herself from beneath the covers, grimacing at the growling thunder that vibrated the glass in the windows. She grabbed a pair of Levis from the drawer and with an unhurried motion pulled them over her legs up to her waist before reaching in another drawer for an ochre-coloured sweat-shirt. A very unglamorous combination, she thought, as she drew a careless brush through her hair, but then she didn't feel altogether too glamorous anyway. She glanced briefly at the jars and tubes of make-up lying on her bureau before shrugging at her reflection. Who cares? she thought, and ambled out of her room. Halfway down the hall, she passed the opened door leading into Tony's room. She stopped, surprised to see Tony inside with an open suitcase busily engaged in throwing clothes into it.
'Tony, what are you doing?’ Coley asked in a dazed voice.
'You got eyes, Princess. Use them.’ His voice was sharp as he continued piling clothes into the case without looking towards the door.
'You're leaving, aren't you? Where are you going? Why are you going?'
'Someone else now has control of the kingdom and the castle.’ Tony walked over to the doorway, his thin face twisted with bitterness. ‘I won't be sticking around to play knave any more.’ His lips curled over his words as his slender fingers imprisoned her chin turning her frowning face up to his. ‘You know, Coley, you not only have big eyes, you have a big mouth as well. Between you and Jase, you've finished me here at the ranch. I've got as much luck as my father had.'
'I don't know what you're talking about,’ she murmured as Tony released her chin in distaste and walked back over to his bed to resume his packing.
'Go ahead, play your little games, but don't expect me to believe that you don't know about Uncle Ben's latest move.’ At Coley's puzzled expression, Tony slammed the lid shut on the suitcase angrily. ‘Oh, go on. Just get out of here. You've been a pain ever since you got here!'
Confused, she turned away from the door, hurt by the bitter contempt in Tony's voice as he ordered her from his room. The stairwell yawned before her and she made her way slowly down the steps. She hesitated briefly at the bottom. Breakfast waited in the dining room, but she wasn't hungry.
Coley slipped on to the porch, jamming her hands in the pockets of her jeans as she wandered along the wooden railing. A distant jagged bolt of lightning sent her retreating back to the safety of the house walls. She walked aimlessly along the L-shaped veranda, her desultory thoughts keeping her company, until she was halted by the echoing rap of a hand against a window. She glanced through the shadow-darkened glass to see Ben motioning insistently for her to come inside. Her mind raced to think of an excuse ... to no avail. So with a sigh, and a bowed head, she accepted the inevitable and re-entered the house, turning down the hallway to Ben's study.
'You're certainly a ray of sunshine this morning,’ he scoffed at the sullen expression on Coley's face as she entered the room.
'It's not exactly sunshine weather outside,’ she retorted quickly, sending him a withering glance.
'Seems to me I recall you were frightened of our thunderstorms. You were showing a lot of courage just now wandering out there on the porch.'
Coley glanced out the window at the dark, rolling clouds. Their angry forms seemed to mirror her own tossing and tumultuous emotions, her anger and bitterness mingled with tears of frustration and hurt.
'Maybe I was hoping the rain would wash some of this Savage dirt off of me,’ she said sarcastically.
'Have you had breakfast yet?’ Ben asked. At the negative shake of her head, he added, ‘I thought not. An empty stomach usually sharpens the tongue as well as the appetite.'
'Surely you didn't call me in here to discuss my eating habits,’ Coley said huffily, turning from the window to face him.
'Hardly,’ he answered with an indignant snort. His bushy brows lowered over his eyes as he studied her intently. ‘I was wandering why you didn't join the celebration last night.'
'It must have really been some celebration,’ she replied with a bitter laugh. ‘I just saw Tony upstairs, packing.'
'Don't change the subject on me, girl. I asked you a question.'
'Did it ever occur to you that I didn't think it deserved an answer?’ Coley answered smartly. Then she noticed the knuckles on his hand, white from gripping the armrests on his wheelchair. The memory of their last argument came bursting through her bi
tterness and she sighed her defeat. ‘I just didn't feel like celebrating the grand occasion.'
'But it's what you've been wanting all along.’ A flicker of hurt and confusion gleamed briefly in his blue-grey eyes.
'When have I ever said I wanted you to buy me a husband?’ Coley asked dejectedly, her chin trembling as she fought to hold back the tears that threatened.
'I don't know what you're talking about,’ Uncle Ben replied, a frown creasing his forehead. But Coley noticed the brief start of guilt that had preceded his answer.
'I went all through this last night with Jase, Uncle Ben, so it doesn't do any good to play innocent.’ Her sad eyes gazed at him with pity. His misguided attempt to give her the man she loved had backfired. ‘I'm not going to marry him.'
'You're not going to marry ... Did he propose to you last night?’ The hawk-like look was back in his eyes.
'Not really,’ Coley answered. Her chin straightened defiantly as she met his eyes. ‘I didn't give him the opportunity.'
The funny half-smile on his face disturbed her, as if he was laughing to himself. ‘You—uh—didn't give him a chance to explain things, huh?'
'There wasn't anything to explain,’ Coley strove for an air of nonchalance that didn't match her nervous movements. ‘He hinted that I should consider an engagement to ... to humour you. But I refused.'
'Naturally,’ Ben replied smugly.
'You don't seem very upset,’ she said, a confused frown creasing her forehead.
'Should I be?'
'Yes, I mean, I would have thought ... wasn't that the purpose of...’ She suddenly felt she was putting her foot in her mouth.
'I have the feeling that you were in my study yesterday morning. Am I right?’ Coley nodded her head affirmatively at his question. ‘I take it you heard part of a conversation between Jase and myself.’ Again she nodded. His eyes crinkled at the corners as a short mirthful laugh escaped his lips. ‘Oh, Coley, nothing good comes from listening to keyholes.'
