by Lola StVil
HOLD ME LIKE THIS (A second chance small town romance)
By- Lola StVil
He’s back for the only woman who ever really mattered (A stand alone romance)
Grey Thomas
His name is Holden Riley and we’ve been soul mates since we were kids. When things got bad for him at home, he’d come to me. And when life was cruel, I’d seek solace in his arms. The night before prom, he held me and said we’d be together forever. Then he left town—he left me. It’s been the talk of our small town for years.
And now, he’s back. He wants to make things right but he’s too late. I won’t give in to his mountain of muscles, his disarming charm or piercing eyes. I never stopped loving him but I also never forgot how much he hurt me. There is no way I will give into my desires; I’m strong. Strong enough to withstand his fiery gaze, hopefully…
Holden Riley
After my Mom died, my home life with my Dad was a war zone. I escaped to the army because it was the only way I could take control of my life. But now I’m back and I’m here for the one thing I can no longer live without—Grey Thomas. This won’t be easy; she’ll make me go through hell. But I can withstand the flames if it means I get to walk away with my Angel. I’m going to win her back and nothing will stand in my way.
This steamy romance is a roller coaster ride that will make you laugh, make you hot, and even make you shed a few tears. It's a full-length standalone novel. You do not have to read the book that came before this one. NO cheating, NO cliffhangers, and a guaranteed Happily-ever-after! This book has adult content for ages 18 and over.
This book is dedicated to:
You.
Copyright © 2019 by Lola StVil
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
CHAPTER ONE
HOLDEN
I held a man’s insides in the palm of my hand, trying to push them back in while he screamed, begging me not to let him die as bullets rained down around us. I’ve had a gun pointed in my face while a man shouted at me in a language I didn’t understand. I basically live my life one high-pressure situation at a time. I know that makes me sound like a badass. And yet the thought of coming home ...
The air brakes pull me out of my thoughts as the bus pulls up in Wonder. I haven’t been home in so long ... Home. I’m not even sure that’s what I can call this anymore, but here I am. I don’t know if coming back is a good idea or not. Even in the darkness of the evening I can tell the town hasn’t changed one bit. Starting with the bus station and attendant at the window. Murphy greets me with his same old smile. His hair has grayed a bit over the years, but what can I expect? It’s not like I was gone a day or two, or even a year. It’s actually been seven. Seven long years without so much as a thought for my hometown or my father, and now here I am.
But that still doesn’t mean I can ever forgive him for sending me away. When I left Wonder, I left behind my heart: a girl named Grey Thomas. She won’t be a girl now. She’ll be a woman. So much time has passed, and I’m afraid that when I go to see her and beg her for a second chance, she’ll say no.
It seems funny that I’m not afraid to go into an actual war zone, but the thought that the only woman I have ever loved doesn’t want me back? Well, that fucking terrifies me.
My insides twist, and my mouth goes dry as I think about just how much her rejection would hurt. The truth is, she has every right to tell me to go to hell because I left her without as much as a goodbye. She wasn’t a casual fling, and she wasn’t someone I contacted when I wanted to get laid. Grey is my soul mate.
We went from coloring books and playing outside until the streetlights came on, to school dances and midnight curfews. And we were meant to go on to marriage, kids, and spending forever with each other. That’s what I promised her, and that’s what my father snatched away.
She was the person who would see the good in me when no one else did. She encouraged me, and she was my constant cheerleader. And when I was out of line and acting like a dick, she’d call me out. She stood up to me, held her own, and loved me unconditionally. When I started running with the wrong crowd, she was the one who stood by me as my old friends gradually dropped away. She was the one who told me it would end in tears. Fuck me, I wish I’d listened to her, but even as she was saying it, I never thought those tears would be her tears.
Flashes of the night I left invade my mind, but I push them back. I hate thinking about my last night here. Not only because it was the worst fight I ever had, one that could have ruined my whole life, but because it was the night I did what I said I would never do. I hurt Grey.
My father and I don’t have a relationship anymore, and I learned to be okay with that. He made his decision, and I made mine. And now we both have to live with the consequences. I’m kind of excited to see my mom again though. It’s been far too long since we’ve actually seen each other face-to-face. No one knows I’m coming. We’ve kept in touch through letters and over the phone, and I know at least she’ll be happy to see me.
Grey, on the other hand? Maybe not so much. My mind floods with unanswered questions.
What if I walk in and she turns me away without hearing me out?
What if she’s already happily married to some other guy?
It’s been so long, what are the chances she stayed single?
What if I lost her for good?
I can’t answer any of these questions without actually seeing her. The thought fills me with dread, and I feel like my chest is being crushed by a boa constrictor. Then suddenly, a wave of anger sweeps through me. The one I’m pissed at is my father. Why didn’t he sit me down and talk it out like a normal father? Tell me I was being a jerk? Why couldn’t he take the time to get through to me? I would have stayed in town, and Grey and I would be happily married right now. Why couldn’t he just be the dad I needed?
I don’t let myself remember all the times he tried that. I don’t let myself remember how my behavior got worse the more he tried to pull me back from the brink.
“Sir? Sir?” the bus driver shouts.
I’m the only one left on the bus. He has to mean me. I catch his eye in the rearview mirror.
“What?” I ask.
“This is the last stop. Wonder. That’s where you were headed, right?” he asks.
“Umm, yeah. Yeah, thanks,” I reply.
I grab my stuff and head for the exit.
“Are you visiting or here to stay?” the driver asks as he opens the doors.
“Good question,” I reply.
***
I watch the bus pull away, suddenly sure this is all a big mistake.
No, it’s not. Leaving her was the mistake; coming back for her is the only option.
I pull my cell phone out and call a cab. I want to go straight to Grey, but I have no idea where to find her. Fuck, I don’t even know for sure she’s still in town. My mom and I always carefully avoided bringing her up in our conversations and letters. It was too painful for me to talk about her, and my mom had some kind of mothers’ intuition that told her better.
The cab arrives, and I get in and give the driver my parents’ address. We pull up, and like everything else the house hasn’t changed a bit. Being back here makes me feel like I’m a kid again. I swallow hard and go and ring the doorbell. It’s surreal really. I’ve a
lways heard that even as adults when you come home you should never feel like a guest in your parents’ home, but it’s been so long since I’ve been here. I don’t know what home is anymore. I’m not nervous about being here now; I know my father is at work.
The door opens, and I can’t help but smile when I see my mom standing there. She looks exactly like I remember. She frowns when she sees me, but I can see the twinkle in her eye. She’s not going to make this too easy for me.
“Can I help you?” she asks.
“I thought maybe you had a spare room I could use for a few weeks,” I say.
“Hmm, maybe I have. There’s my son’s room, and it’s not like he’s ever going to come back and see his old mom, so maybe you could use that one.”
I grin at her.
“I’m kind of hungry too,” I say.
“You’re kind of skinny; don’t you have a mother to feed you?” she teases.
I smile at her and take a step forward. She drops the act and throws her arms around me, laughing.
“It’s so good to see you, Holden.” She holds me out at arm’s length. “My beautiful boy.”
She hugs me again and stands back from the door.
“Come on. Get in here. Go wash up, and I’ll make you something to eat,” she says.
“Thanks, Mom,” I reply.
She heads off to the kitchen, her excitement showing in the spring in her step. I look around. Nothing has changed here. The same cream wallpaper hangs on the walls. The same chocolate brown carpet covers the floor. The house even smells the same.
I go slowly up the stairs and turn to my room. It’s like I’m stepping back in time. Band posters line the walls, bringing back a bittersweet memory of Grey. Of my seventeenth birthday when she gave me tickets to see Nickelback. Of the amazing night we had at the concert and in the hotel room after.
I drop my bag and head to the bathroom and take a shower, running the water as hot as I can stand it, trying to slice away the memories and the doubts. It doesn’t work, but the smell of roasting meat invades the room, and I push aside my worries and hurry down the stairs to see what my mom has cooked up.
My mouth waters when I see the size of the lamb chop she is putting on my plate as I enter the kitchen. She’s far from done—next, homemade French fries, and finally, a massive portion of steamed broccoli. My mom has always been a mother hen. Honestly, I don’t know how I wasn’t three hundred pounds when I left town.
Mom sits across from me as I dig into the first home-cooked meal I’ve had since I left. She has a small plate of fries, which she nibbles on as she smiles at me.
“My son, the surgeon,” she says. “I’m so proud of you, Holden. Or should I say Doctor Riley?”
I shrug like it’s no big deal, but her words give me a warm feeling.
“I think we can stick to Holden.” I laugh. “You know, in private. In public, you can call me sir.”
“You wish.” She laughs.
I grin at her as I eat. I’m surprised I can eat considering how my stomach is a ball of knots, but her food is amazing, and hunger is winning over nerves for the time being.
“So, how long are you back for?” she asks.
She asks the question quietly, like she’s afraid of the answer. I decide to level with her. She deserves the truth.
“I got a job as part of a surgical team in the city,” I say. “I start in six weeks. I can move out there, or I can commute from here, just staying over some nights in the city when I’m on call and stuff. Whether or not I stay depends on her.”
I don’t have to say her name. We might not have talked about her over the years, but my mom knows Grey is the love of my life. Her face lights up when I say it.
“You’re here to get her back?”
“I hope so,” I say. “I’ve been away for seven years. And not one single day has gone by when I didn’t think about her. I can’t live without her, Mom, and I owe it to myself and to her to make this right between us.”
My mom nods.
“I get it. And Grey isn’t your only unfinished business in town, is she?” she prompts me.
The delicious food is suddenly tasteless in my mouth, and I push my plate away. I know she’s talking about my father.
“Just don’t, Mom, okay? I’m a long way from ready to fix things with ... HIM. If that’s an issue for you, I can find somewhere else to stay.”
“It’s not an issue for me, but it’s an issue for you, Holden. Your dad thought he was doing the right thing, saving you from yourself I suppose. And you only get one dad.”
I sigh.
“I had to walk away from the love of my life because of him. And now I have to somehow convince her to forgive me for that. That’s assuming she’s even still here. Is she?”
My mom nods.
“Her parents semi-retired, and she runs the diner now,” she says.
Grey’s family has owned the Quick and Easy Diner, known just as the diner to locals, for years. It seems fitting that Grey took over.
“Just her?” I ask, not daring to say more.
My mom frowns, and I know I’ll have to say it. While I’m glad the conversation has moved away from my father, this is the question I’m really dreading getting the wrong answer to. Anything else, I can fix. I can make Grey see that I’m sorry and that I love her more than anything. But if she’s with someone else, then it’s over before it’s begun.
“Just her or her and her husband?”
“She never married. I don’t think she’s even had any serious relationships since you left,” my mom says.
It should make me happy. It does in one sense, but in another sense, it’s like a knife to my heart. I fucked her up that badly; she hasn’t even tried to move on.
“Maybe there’s still a chance for you two,” my mom adds.
“There has to be,” I say, meaning it.
Mom looks at the clock on the kitchen wall.
“She’s probably working now,” she says with a conspiratorial grin.
“Thanks, Mom. You’re the best,” I say.
It’s good to know she’s on my side. I think I’m probably going to need all the help I can get. Part of me knew she’d be supportive, she always has been, but part of me thought she might tell me I was being selfish dropping back into Grey’s life after all this time.
I get up from the table.
“Thanks for dinner, Mom. I’m going to head over to the diner now before I can change my mind.”
“Good luck.” She grins, grabbing my face and kissing my cheek.
Yeah, I think I’m going to need it.
I head out. I decide to walk to the diner. It’s not too far, and I’m hoping the fresh air will help me figure out the swirling thoughts that crowd my head. If anything, it has the opposite effect.
Walking through town is like walking down memory lane. Which only sends my emotions into overdrive. There’s the playground where Grey and I played every day after school. There are the monkey bars that Grey fell from and broke her arm. I remember being filled with dread as her screams filled the playground. I thought she would die. Of course, she didn’t. Her parents took her to the emergency room, where they put her arm in a cast, and the next day she was waiting for me after school, demanding to know why I wasn’t heading for the playground. Nothing kept her down.
I can’t help but smile at the memory, but it’s a smile filled with sadness. A smile that hides the pain of the years we should have had together but didn’t. All because of my father. I keep walking, trying to shake my anger.
Not far from the playground is the ice cream shop where Grey and I ended our first date. I knew I had to do something different. Grey wasn’t like the other girls. She wasn’t the sort of girl to be impressed by slushy romance, so instead of the movie and ice-skating I originally planned, I took a risk and took her on a murder mystery ghost train and then up to the sand dunes. She must have been impressed because she let me kiss her that day.
I was so nervous. I just w
anted to be perfect for her. And just down the street from the ice cream place is the park. Our park. It’s not the park that will get inside my head and remind me of the good times, although there were plenty of good times there too. Skating on the frozen lake at Christmas, sipping on hot chocolate with whipped cream and marshmallows. Picnicking on the grassy field in the summer, either just the two of us, or with a group of close friends. Grey in her denim cutoffs and a bikini top, griping that she never tanned like the other girls. Me telling her she was perfect exactly as she was.
I know what’s coming up next, and I don’t think I can face it ... The Shed. A small wooden shed that stands at the very edge of the park. It was originally built for the gardener, but the local kids took it over as a playhouse before we knew it wasn’t for us, and no one objected. Most of the kids got bored of being in there pretty fast, but not Grey and me. No, Grey and I spent hours and hours in there with the door wedged shut, closing out the world and learning more about each other.
I try to shake the memories; I don’t want to focus on the past. I want to focus on the future, a future Grey and I can share. But it’s hard. That’s the thing about small towns; every experience you had—good or bad—lingers like a ghost with unfinished business. It can be a wonderful monument to your love or a graveyard that holds all the broken dreams of something that never was.
I know what’s coming as I round the last corner: the diner. This is it. The moment of truth. Our truth. It all comes down to this.
As I reach the diner, I peer through the partially steamed-up window on the door. The diner is packed like I expected it to be. I wonder how many people I will recognize, and how many people will recognize me. I wonder if the town will welcome me back, or if like Grey, they will feel abandoned by one of their own and shun me, treating me like an outsider trying to weasel his way into their territory. I don’t care about the rest of them. I only care about Grey.
I can hear the buzz of chatter coming through the door as I stand there trying to get up the nerve to go in. I take a deep breath and push the door open. The chatter gets louder, a cacophony of noise. Laughter drifts through the chatter, and a blast of warm air wraps itself around me, inviting me in.
