by Lisa Suzanne
“Physical wounds will heal. I was talking about Mark.”
“Oh.” My heart bleeds for Mark. “I don’t know. He took off.”
“What happened?”
“Brian stumbled up here and spouted a bunch of shit to Mark about how he’s been using me because he knew Mark had feelings for me after our one night together.”
“Are you serious?”
I don’t respond—I can’t, because the elevator doors open and Vinny comes barreling out of it. “I’ll call you back,” I say in to the phone.
I end the call. “Over here,” I yell, and Vinny runs across the rooftop toward us.
“This was Mark’s doing?” he asks.
“Yes.”
“Good work,” he says as he looks down at Brian for a minute and admires Mark’s handiwork. He raises both brows like he’s impressed. “He’ll be fine. I’ll take it from here.”
“Thank you, Vinny.” I have the urge to rush into his arms and hug him.
He doesn’t respond as he gets down and heaves Brian up over his shoulder. Blood splatters drip from his face as Vinny carries him over toward the elevator like he weighs nothing when I couldn’t even nudge his body to get him up.
Thank God for Vinny.
three
When I open the door leading from the stairwell back into Mark’s condo, I don’t know what to expect. We already declared we were over, but that was before Brian’s big confession. Now that we know Brian was purposely keeping the two of us apart, we’re free to be together.
If only it was that simple.
Mark was the one who pushed me away. He pushed me back into Brian’s arms.
I wander toward the bedroom I share with Brian and start packing my bag without even thinking. I’m numb as I go through the motions. I half expect to turn around and find Mark standing in the doorway silently watching me, but when I turn around, no one’s there.
You don’t want to be with someone like me, and I don’t deserve to be with someone like you.
I still don’t know what he meant when he told me I don’t want to be with someone like him. Why wouldn’t I want to be with someone like him? He may be flawed, but I love him—flaws and all. I love the past that has shaped him. I love the fact that he puts everyone else first. Even when he beat the shit out of his brother, he still put me first when he delivered that final blow. This one’s for you.
I’d give up everything to make it work with him. I’d quit my job and give up the house I share with Jill and take up a nomadic lifestyle to travel the road with Vail.
I’m just not convinced love is enough.
It’s not just Mark and me anymore, anyway. It’s his whole family. Whether or not they accept me or like me, they’ve grown to know me as Brian’s girlfriend. Their mother comes to mind first. I can’t imagine the sort of hatred Diane will spew at me when she finds out one of her boys knocked the other one’s teeth in because of me.
Maybe she never has to know, and maybe it doesn’t matter anyway.
I glance around the bedroom. Brian’s bag is tucked neatly in the corner, a stark reminder of everything that has changed in the last hour. I can’t stay here, certainly not in this particular bedroom.
I dial Lizzie’s number again.
“I know we don’t know each other that well, but I don’t know what else to do. Can I come stay with you?” I ask the question after she barely greets me.
“Of course you can,” she says, her voice gentle. “Get your stuff and meet me downstairs. I’ll be there in ten minutes.”
“Thank you,” I whisper. I can’t say it out loud because of the tears that have already started burning their way down my cheeks.
I toss the remainder of my belongings in my duffel bag, and even as I do it, I can’t help but think how none of this is actually mine. Mark had someone purchase everything for me when we dropped what we were doing in the back of a Yukon in Los Angeles to trek to Chicago. It seems like another lifetime when that happened, not just a few days.
Even though what we were doing was wrong back then, it was so much simpler. I was going to end things with Brian as soon as I saw him so Mark and I could be together, and now I’m not with either of them. Confusion lies at the heart of every move I make, and I think some distance from this place will do me good.
Too bad I picked their sister’s place as my sanctuary.
Lizzie’s in pajama pants and a tank top when her car pulls up in front of Mark’s place. I get into the car and set the duffel on my lap. I didn’t see Mark before I walked out. I don’t know if he’s somewhere in his condo or if his hands are busted up from kicking his brother’s ass or if he’s off kissing some random girl in a back alley behind a bar.
His hands.
I hope he didn’t hurt them when he was smashing his brother’s face. I wonder when his next show is, whether his hands will be strong enough to play guitar or if they’ll need time to heal.
“Thanks for picking me up,” I say softly.
She doesn’t respond, but she does set her hand on my arm. It’s a friendly gesture, and it makes me feel like everything’s going to be okay.
We pull up in front of another skyscraper after a few minutes, and she leaves her car in the valet lane before we walk together into the building. We head up in the elevator, and when she opens the front door to her place, I immediately see how different her place is from her brother’s.
Family photos are all over the place. Everywhere I look, I see an eight-by-ten smile of Mark’s or a five-by-seven cocky grin of Brian’s. Family vacations, family dinners, family pictures in front of a fireplace at casa de Fox on Christmas morning. There are other pictures, too—pictures of Dave’s family, I assume. Lizzie’s in some of them and not in others.
It’s overwhelming, but it shows me how much she loves her stupid brothers.
I chuckle at one photo of a younger Mark and Brian standing next to huge costumed characters of Beavis and Butt-head. Lizzie stands in the middle with a wide grin.
Dave is sitting in a recliner in the family room with ESPN blaring in front of him. He turns off the television when we walk in.
“Is everything okay?” he asks.
Lizzie looks at me, and I lift a shoulder. “I don’t know.”
“You want to talk about what happened?” she asks. She sits on the couch and gestures for me to sit beside her. I set my bag on the floor and take a seat on the couch.
“You have too much you’re dealing with, Lizzie. You don’t need me to pile on top of it.”
“It’s a distraction,” she says sadly. “Besides, you’re already here, and I need to make sure my idiot brothers are okay. Start from the beginning.”
I’m not even sure what to consider the beginning, so I start from tonight. “I was up on Mark’s roof. We talked. He kept pushing me toward Brian, so finally I told him I couldn’t do this back and forth thing with him anymore. I told him what he wanted to hear—that I’d forget about him and focus on my relationship with Brian.”
“Wait a second,” Dave interrupts, lowering his recliner so he’s sitting up. “What?”
“Oh, yeah,” Lizzie says dismissively. “Mark’s in love with her. Didn’t I tell you that?”
His eyes widen. “Uh, no, you didn’t.”
“Yeah, they had this thing before she met Brian. Anyway,” she looks over at me, ignoring the look of shock on her future husband’s face. “Continue.”
I blow out a breath. “Brian came up to the roof.”
“And Mark punched him?” Dave asks.
I shake my head. “Not yet. He didn’t see me. Brian said he’d been using me to get back at Mark.” I look at Lizzie. “Turns out you were right.”
“Kendra?” Lizzie guesses.
I nod. “Brian said some nasty things, private things. Mark must’ve caught him off guard, and when I turned around, Mark was beating the shit out of him.”
Lizzie lets out a breath. “Not the first time that’s happened.”
“T
hey do this?”
Her eyes dart over to Dave, and they both nod. “Yeah, they do this. Brian gets stupid drunk and mouths off. Mark explodes because he holds it all in for too long. Usually Brian is lucid enough to fight back.”
“Not tonight,” I say.
She shakes her head. “Brian doesn’t deal well with emotions. He’s hurting because of Pops.”
“He told Mark that was why he decided to come clean. He got his revenge.”
“So now what?” Lizzie asks.
“Now I go home. I need to get out of here, away from both of them.”
She shakes her head. “You need to stay right here.”
I raise both brows as my eyes dart to hers.
“Mark’s hurting, too. He may have taken his anger out on Brian, but it doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t fix anything. He needs you.”
“I’m just supposed to show up to the funeral and hold Mark’s hand instead of Brian’s?” The funeral isn’t for three more days. Lizzie wants me to stay here for three more days, and all I want to do is go home right the fuck now.
She shrugs. “Something like that.” We’re all quiet for a beat, then she takes my hand in hers. “I need you here, too. We barely know each other, but you somehow feel like a sister to me.”
My eyes lift to hers. That wasn’t something I ever expected to hear. I chuckle. “God, your mom already hates me. Imagine what she’ll think now.”
“She doesn’t hate you. She’s always like that with Brian’s girlfriends. No one will ever be good enough for him.”
“But she’s not like that with Mark’s girlfriends?”
“Mark doesn’t do the girlfriend thing.”
“He’s never had one?”
She lifts a shoulder. “Maybe he has, but not anybody he ever cared to introduce to the rest of us.”
“So he’s always been this way.” I say it flatly even though it’s a question.
Lizzie lifts a shoulder but doesn’t answer. Her phone starts ringing, and she looks at the screen. “It’s Vinny.” She picks up the call. “Hi Vinny.” She’s quiet as she listens, and then she blows out a breath. “A hotel would be better.” She looks over at Dave, and he nods. They have that whole silent communication thing down, and I’m over here wondering what the hell they’re saying to each other. “That’s fine. I’ll meet you downstairs.”
She hangs up and stares into space for a beat.
“Is he okay?” I finally ask.
“Yeah. They’re releasing him. Vinny’s dropping him here then going back to check on Mark.”
“Here?” I practically screech. I just can’t get away from Brian no matter how hard I try, but he belongs here more than I do. “I’ll get a hotel. I shouldn’t be here.”
Lizzie grabs my wrists. “Don’t be silly. It’s going to be fine, Reese. He has a concussion and a broken nose. Someone needs to watch him overnight and it’s historically been me anyway. He’ll stay with Mom and Dad until the funeral. This is for just one night.”
Just one night. That’s all it was supposed to be with Mark and me, too, and now look where we are.
The thought of just one night with either of the Fox brothers terrifies me.
Lizzie shows me to the bedroom where I’ll be staying. It’s a few doors away from the bedroom where Brian will be staying. I hope and pray he’ll be long gone by the time I emerge from my bedroom in the morning.
But the way I hope things will work out is rarely the way it actually goes.
four
I tiptoe to the bathroom in the morning, hoping not to wake anyone up. I couldn’t sleep knowing Mark is out there somewhere hurting. Is he alone? Did he find the woman from Sevens? Did he find someone new? I heard Brian come in, heard some muttering and bumbling around. He was on the other side of the wall, sleeping just a few feet away.
Is he okay? Is he in pain? Does he remember what he said to Mark? Does he know I heard everything?
Questions plagued me throughout the night as I stared up at the ceiling in Lizzie’s guest room.
I checked my phone every few minutes as I willed it to notify me of a new text from Mark that never came. Is he as shattered as I am—even more because he lost his grandfather on top of everything else?
I look at the last text I sent him. It’s not even about us. It’s about Brian, and the signal that sends breaks my heart.
I draft a hundred different text messages to send him, but I don’t even know what to say at this point.
I want to be what he needs me to be, but I’m so terrified our ship has sailed and I completely missed the boat. I keep thinking how we got so close, so goddamn fucking close, only to blow our chance completely.
I take a shower and pull on the clothes Mark’s assistant arranged to have purchased for me. I don’t even have my own things here. Sure, these are mine...but they’re not. They’re tainted with everything that’s happened, and they feel heavy as they cover my skin.
When I emerge from the bathroom, Brian is passing in front of it. A shudder of anxiety darts through my whole being.
I was hoping to avoid him—hoping he wouldn’t even know I was here. I don’t want to see him or face the words he spoke last night. I’m sure he still has no idea that I overheard everything he said. He was too out of it after Mark beat the shit out of him to have any concept that I was the one who helped get him off the roof and to the hospital.
He looks terrible as his eyes meet mine. I gasp as I take in the extent of his injuries. Both of his eyes are shadowed with dark, black bruises. His nose is a little crooked, and he has cuts above both eyes and on both cheeks. His bottom lip is fat as it sticks out as a pillow for his top lip to rest upon.
“Reese,” he says, a hint of surprise in his tone. His eyes soften beneath the dark bruises as he reaches for me, confirmation that he’s keeping up the act. He has no idea that I know, and it cracks my heart a little more.
I stiffen. “Don’t.” My voice comes out hard and firm, and his brows furrow.
“I feel like shit this morning. A hug from my girl will do me a world of good.”
I lift a finger and point at him. “Don’t you dare call me your girl.”
He takes a step back. “Excuse me?”
“I know everything,” I hiss. “As far as I’m concerned, you got what you deserved.” I move to pass him, but he grabs me by the elbow.
“What are you talking about, sweetheart?” he asks.
I shake my head as I wrestle my arm from his grasp. “You’re gonna play like you’re the innocent one? Bullshit.”
“What?”
“God, you don’t even remember. I was there last night. I heard you tell Mark you’ve been using me. So if you think you can stand there and sweetheart your way out of this one, you’re delusional.”
“I’m sure I said some things I didn’t mean, but I love you, Reese.”
My jaw drops open. “You don’t have any idea what love is. If you did, you’d have let Mark and me have a shot instead of stepping in and messing everything up from the start.”
I walk away from him toward the bedroom Lizzie called mine. I start looking for hotels on my phone, and, thankfully, he doesn’t chase after me.
Trying to book a hotel for the same day is both stupid and expensive. I can’t afford a hotel in downtown Chicago, just as much as I can’t afford a flight back home. I open my bank app next. My big summer paycheck has dwindled. I wish I would’ve taken the pumpkins Brian offered me after his night of gambling, the same night we shared our first kiss. Two thousand bucks would come in handy right about now, but I’d been so adamant that the money was his. Looking back, now I think it was the least he could’ve done considering his plan to use me in his ploy to break his brother.
I’m stuck. I don’t even know how to get home. I could ask Lizzie for help, but she’s the one who insisted I stay here. Besides, I’ve already asked enough of her. She’s been so gracious considering I’m in the middle of the shit between her brothers. I don’t deserve t
o have her treat me so well—to treat me like an actual friend.
I give up on the hotel search. Anything nearby is over three hundred dollars, and I don’t know the city well enough to book one of the more affordable ones. Instead, I start typing his name into my search bar. I can’t seem to help myself.
Mark Ashton.
I click News next.
I don’t find anything from the last twenty-four hours, just the same images Jill sent me yesterday morning. Images that still break my heart. Images he acknowledged were real—and while he may have told me most of what’s posted online about him isn’t true, he admitted that those pictures are. How am I supposed to know the difference?
I hate the images that are burned into my brain of him kissing someone else when he promised it was only me.
I hate him.
But I also love him with a deep and consuming fire that burns from the inside out. My broken heart is in his hands despite everything. I need to talk to him, I just don’t know how. He’s as unattainable to me now as he was before I even met him.
A knock at my door sends me into a panic. What if it’s Brian? I can’t imagine he’d even bother knocking, to be honest. “Come in,” I say as I set my phone on the nightstand.
Lizzie pops her head in. “You sleep okay?”
“Yeah,” I lie. “Great, thanks.”
“You hungry? Need anything?” She steps fully into the room and shuts the door behind her. She looks tired, which makes sense since she had to get up every two hours to check on Brian.
“I ran into Brian a few minutes ago,” I say softly.
She winces. “How’d it go?”
I lift a shoulder but don’t respond. What’s there to say?
“I’m sorry. He’ll be out tonight. Next on the agenda is figuring out where the hell Mark is so the two of you can talk.”
I press my lips together. “He’s done with me, Liz.” My words come out softly as I stare down at the comforter and fight the tears pressing hotly behind my lids.
“Stop it,” she says. “You weren’t there that night when he was fighting his feelings for you. I promise you, Reese. He’s not done.”
