by Lisa Suzanne
“Don’t do it again and we won’t have a problem. But I want my social media control back.” His voice is so firm that his next words strike me as a silly contradiction considering he just went on and on about how he’s capable of handling his own social media. “What’s my Twitter password?”
I giggle.
“It’s the same as your Facebook one. You realize you’re paying me to do this and it’ll take a big load off my plate, don’t you? You want to handle all the social for Vail or just the Mark Ashton accounts?”
“You can keep Vail. I just want mine.”
“I need better images for the Vail platforms,” Penny says. “I’ve had to dig deep into the archives or pay local photographers. A personal, inside look will sell you better. Vick sends me some pictures here and there, but she’s too busy working her ass off for you to take pictures. People want venue views, backstage tours, sneak peeks into soundchecks, that kind of thing.”
Mark glances at me with his brows raised.
“What?” I ask.
“Would you want to do it?” he asks.
My brows draw down in confusion. “Handle your social media?”
“Handle Vail’s social media. And mine. I’ll pay you.”
“Oh my God, Mark, that’s perfect,” Penny says. “She’s right there with you. She can provide backstage access. She’s got a degree in English so she can handle writing captions. She can be like my on the road Vail assistant.”
I think about it for all of two seconds. Taking pictures of Mark Ashton and telling the world how awesome he is sounds perfect to me. I’d do that for free. “Absolutely.”
Mark grins at me and leans over to kiss me.
Penny’s voice interrupts us. “Hey, you two. At least turn off video chat if you’re gonna pull that shit.”
Mark pulls back and raises his brows. “Hmm. Video. An interesting idea, Pen.”
I roll my eyes and giggle. “Better not do it on my phone. Wouldn’t want to accidentally post the wrong thing to your Instagram.”
Penny looks at us in horror. “Maybe this is a bad idea.”
“I’ll be careful,” I say. I know what a big responsibility this is—it’s probably nearly a fulltime job in itself, and I can’t imagine the astronomical number of fans Vail has across all the social media platforms, not including Mark’s personal accounts.
“You two get some sleep or whatever it is you do and I’ll be in touch with passwords and instructions tomorrow,” Penny says.
We hang up, and I can’t help my excitement at the prospect of an actual job for me on the road with Mark Ashton.
twenty-two
Tonight, Vail will be performing their last show before the tour break for Lizzie’s wedding. In the last few weeks, I’ve been thrust headfirst into a world I know nothing about. Including Atlanta, I’ve been on tour for sixteen shows over twenty-six days. Typically, the boys perform two or three nights in a row then get a night or two off. On the nights off, we get to sleep in a hotel—a luxury I appreciate more than I ever thought possible.
I love touring the country with Vail. It hasn’t been all sunshine and red wine; we’ve had some growing pains and fights. It took me a good two weeks to even be able to fall asleep on a bed in the back of a moving vehicle. I felt awkward the first time we had sex back there when I knew Ethan was just on the other side of the door with a woman of his own. And last night, we got into an epic fight when I went to the hotel ahead of him while he took care of a few things with the guys. He called me to check in and hung up on me when some woman whose voice I didn’t recognize called his name.
I refused to answer when he called back, but later I found out that one of the crew guys had fallen off some scaffolding and broke a few ribs. It was my fault we got into a fight over it. Mark yelled at me not to shut him out ever again, and I yelled at him never to hang up on me again, and then we made up in the sweetest, most aggressive way.
Despite the minimal struggles, it’s been one adventure after another. We’re seeing parts of the country I’ve never seen before. We cuddle in bed on the bus as we look out the window at the landscape passing us by. He’s more than I ever expected him to be. He puts me first, worries about my needs and comfort over his own. But that’s something Lizzie told me—that he puts everyone else first.
So I put him first. He won’t do it, but someone should.
I’ve even gotten used to the women who embarrass themselves in the presence of a man who has a girlfriend. They grab his ass, pull his arm toward them, fling their arms around him—and worse. Much, much worse.
He’s always gracious, but I can tell it wears on him—not because he doesn’t revel in the attention, but because he hates what it does to me.
The darkest cloud is Ethan. I keep waiting for a breakthrough, but he hasn’t warmed up to me at all. His sister only attended that one show in Atlanta, though I admit I was worried she’d go on the road with us for a few stops, and I wasn’t sure how I was going to handle that.
Ethan tends to bring a different woman back to the bus every night. When the bus is rocking, we hang on the other one. Mark and I don’t talk about it, but I often wonder if that’s how he acted, too, before I came along.
“After the show tonight, I promised Ethan I’d do an appearance with him. Is that okay with you?” Mark asks me a few minutes before he needs to leave the bus and head backstage for pre-game—a ritual I still know nothing about. I’m sitting on the bed on the bus with my new work laptop on my lap as I read through the comments on the video clip I posted earlier from today’s soundcheck.
“Of course,” I say. “You don’t need to ask me. It’s part of your job. But before you go, I need some pictures. Maybe of both of you.”
He leans down to kiss me, and the butterflies that flutter around my belly tell me that even though some time has passed, his kiss will always be special. “You didn’t let me finish.” His breath is hot and minty against my lips.
I raise a brow. “Go on.”
“The last time we did an appearance, I landed in the hospital for a couple days.”
“You vowed you wouldn’t self-destruct,” I remind him. “So as long as you keep your word, we’re good.”
“I’m a man of my word. You know that.”
I nod. “I trust you.”
The adoration in his eyes as he smiles down at me still sends a shock of giddiness through my system. “Good. And speaking of words...” He trails off and opens one of the dresser drawers. He flips through a stack of papers, finds the one he’s looking for, and closes the drawer. “I wrote a new song.” He folds the paper nervously in half and sets it on top of the dresser.
“When?”
“I started it the morning you left me in Chicago, and I finished it yesterday. I want you to be the first to see the words.”
“Before Ethan?” I ask. Ethan may be a dick, but he’s also an amazing lyricist and Mark’s right-hand man when it comes to songwriting.
He nods. “It’s a song for you, and I’m planning to use it on my solo album.”
“Album?”
He grins. “Pen booked me studio time in February. It’s after the US tour and before Europe. I’ve already got a drummer and a bassist lined up.”
“Are you sure you want a solo album?”
He lifts a shoulder. “I never thought about it before, but between Steve doing something for himself and you stepping into my life, I’m inspired to do something for me.”
I set my laptop beside me and stand to pull him into a hug. “I’m so excited for you.”
He presses a kiss to my neck. “I need you there every step of the way. I want to run lyrics by you, I want you to listen to the riffs. I want your opinion.
“Me?” I ask. “But I’m a fan. I’ll love anything you do.”
He runs a fingertip along my jaw. “That may be true, but I also believe you want to see me succeed as much as I do. That’s what a real partner is, and that’s what you’ve become for me.”
&
nbsp; I lift my chin and press my lips to his, amazed that I’m somehow the one he chose to become his partner.
“Open it when I go,” he says softly, nodding with his head toward the piece of paper on the dresser. He kisses me once more then disappears through the bedroom door to head backstage.
I wander over to the dresser and pick up the folded piece of paper. I raise it to my nose and breathe it in, catching the faintest hint of sandalwood as I do.
And then I open it. Before I read any of it, I glance down the page. Some words are crossed out and others are scratched out. The page is a mess, but I can easily read what he wants me to read. I focus on the title at the top of the page, and my breath catches in my throat.
Clean Break.
I close my eyes for a beat as I feel those two words wash over me—words I said to him when I left him in Chicago, when I told him that was what I needed from him.
And then I read the lyrics.
I would’ve given it all up for you
When we parted ways up on that roof
They say I’m stupid to pine for you
I’ll write another song to show the proof
We said our goodbyes
But they were full of lies
You wanted a clean break
But it was only heartbreak
I haven’t touched another woman
Since the morning when you left my bed
I don’t want any other woman
Can’t get you the fuck out of my head
We said our goodbyes
But they were full of lies
You wanted a clean break
But it was only heartbreak
Too terrified to lose you
Started my own self-destruction
I lost myself on the road
Without you there is no sun
We finally said hello again
Back in my arms where you belong
We got our clean break at last
When I left behind my sordid past
When I’m done reading the words, tears are streaming down my cheeks. He’s given up so much to be with me, just like I have for him. And that’s what a partnership is.
He’s right. We needed a clean break, but I didn’t realize that it wasn’t a break from each other. It was Mark who needed to leave some things in the past so we could find a future together.
I want to get him alone before the show so I can tell him how much his words meant to me. We have a new beginning together, and I want to celebrate that. But it’ll have to wait until later.
His eyes find mine when I walk into the room after their pre-game. His are heated and full of all the same emotions I just read on a piece of paper. We do our Jägermeister toast and then Vick leads us all to the stage.
“Wish me luck,” Mark says, pulling me into his arms. His mouth is inches from mine.
“You? Nah, you don’t need it.” I’m breathless at his proximity.
He’s smiling when he kisses me. “Nah, you’re probably right.”
He runs to the stage after one last kiss, and I take my spot beside Angelique on the side of the stage. Morgan is on her other side, and the three of us hold hands. I squeeze Angelique’s hand in mine. Tonight is the last time she’ll be with us for a while. She won’t be coming back after the tour break, and the boys will be auditioning someone who can temporarily take Steve’s place while we’re in Chicago. Mark seems to know everyone in the music industry and has worked with tons of prominent musicians. His approved list of who could potentially temporarily replace someone as irreplaceable as Steve is short.
I’m glad it’s dark on the side of the stage, because the emotions I felt after reading the “Clean Break” lyrics are still lurking as a lump settles in my throat.
I’ve watched this same performance sixteen times in the last twenty-six days, and it never gets old. I take some pictures and a little video footage for social media posting, but mostly I just watch.
I watch as Mark owns the stage. I watch as he runs past me then stops and backs up to plant a sweaty kiss on my mouth before he grabs a clean shirt from Vick for the second half of their set. I gaze at the perfect abdomen that’ll be all mine later as he rips off the sweaty shirt and pulls on the new one. I watch as he works the crowd with that rock star magic he has and as they take their final bow after their encore.
I wish I could say that then he’s mine, but he has an appearance to do. He takes a quick shower and I head back to the bus.
He pops in with a quick goodbye kiss while I lay across the couch, and then he’s off to hang with his best friend while I get the bus to myself.
Except I don’t.
A knock at the bus door forces me up from my comfortable position. Morgan and Angelique stand just outside the door, and Morgan holds two glasses of wine. “Girls’ night?” she asks, holding one of the glasses up to me.
“Hell yes,” I say, and they climb the stairs.
Angelique pulls up a romantic comedy on Netflix and we all settle into various comfortable seats on the bus. This really is like a home on the road, like my best friends have come over to spend some quality time together.
As Morgan plays idly with my hair and we sip wine, I realize how true that is. While I do miss Jill and she’ll always be my best friend, we text every day and talk a few times a week. She’s about the only thing I miss from my old life in Las Vegas, and I think it’s because I’ve found a niche for myself in this new life.
twenty-three
Lizzie and Dave’s rehearsal and wedding are both located at the Adler Planetarium deep in the heart of Chicago. The views are spectacular, but I can’t take my eyes off my date. It’s rare to see Mark Ashton wearing anything other than jeans and a t-shirt, but tonight he’s wearing gray pants and a long-sleeve black shirt. He looks dressy even though he still maintains his casual appearance, and I can’t wait to see him in his tuxedo tomorrow. I think I might die from lust.
“Reese!” Lizzie throws her arms around my neck with exuberance after she hugs her brother hello. “I’m so happy you’re here.” She’s glowing, an excited bride ready to get married tomorrow. Tonight’s rehearsal dinner also marks the first night I’ll be in the same room as Mark and Brian since that night on the roof.
I’m expecting the boys to act like adults for their sister, though a tiny part of me is also expecting fireworks of epic proportions.
I don’t know whether Brian will have a date for the wedding. I typically see wedding dates as pretty serious, especially when it’s your sister getting married, but if I were in his shoes, I wouldn’t want to show up alone.
Lizzie breaks into my thoughts as she leans in close and whispers, “Thank you. You fixed him. He’s never looked better.”
A little heat forms behind my eyes as I pull out of our hug. “Are you ready?” I ask her.
She grins and grabs Dave’s hand in hers. “A little late if I’m not!”
Mark slides his arm around my waist. “Can we do anything?” he asks her.
She shakes her head as she points her finger at Mark. “You’ve done enough.”
He grins. “You got it?”
She presses her lips together like she’s trying not to cry, and then she nods. “We got it.”
“Got what?” I ask stupidly.
Mark waves his hand in the air like it’s nothing. “Just a final little deposit to help cover some of the last-minute expenses.”
“Little?” Lizzie asks, shaking her head. She looks at me. “It was enough to cover the entire wedding, honeymoon, and down payment on a new house.”
“How big is that fucking house if it’s only enough to cover the down payment?” Mark asks. He elbows Lizzie in the ribs good-naturedly, and she jumps while I giggle.
Diane and Paul are talking to Gram and another couple around their age when Mark walks up and taps his mom on the shoulder. She turns around and throws herself into his arms.
“Oh, Mark! You look great!”
“You’re beautiful, Mom,
” he says. He hugs his dad next. “I’d like to introduce you both to my girlfriend, Reese,” he says.
Diane narrows her eyes. “We’ve met.”
“Clean slate,” he says in a tone that makes it sound as if he’s reminding her of a conversation they’ve had before.
Diane blows out a breath. “Nice to meet you,” she says, sticking out her hand to me.
I smile awkwardly. “You, too.”
Gram hugs me next, and as she does, I say quietly to her, “Thank you for your note. Your words stuck with me in all the dark days.”
She pats my back lovingly. “Thank you for all you are for him.”
That damn heat presses behind my eyes again while Paul hugs me then introduces me to his brother and sister-in-law.
We’re looking across the water at the distinctive Chicago skyline as the last embers of light fade to the blackness of night. Mark’s arms are secured around my waist when I feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand at attention.
Mark looks over my shoulder and stiffens. He lets out a low curse. The air shifts, and I know immediately that Brian is here.
I turn to look, too, and I see that he did bring a date.
Kelsey, his modelesque bitch of a secretary, has her arm hooked through his as they make their way toward Lizzie and Dave. They make an attractive couple—her with her long legs looking like she just stepped off the runway and him in that damn suit and tie that gets me every time—but they also make me want to barf.
Anger bubbles inside me. I knew from the beginning that he and his secretary had a thing. I don’t really care anymore that he was screwing her while he came between Mark and me. I don’t care that he forced us apart while he made me believe we had a future together. It would be hypocritical of me to even think about that anymore after Mark and I got together behind his back.
I don’t even care that she’s the one who got stuck with him. They can have each other.
But I do care that he’s flaunting her here tonight. After everything the three of us went through, after his phony apologies, he has the nerve to bring this bitch to his sister’s wedding. He knew I’d be here tonight, and he knew his brother’s arm would be around me. To parade around with Kelsey is just straight up disrespectful after he banged her on the side while he tore Mark and me apart.
