by Jewel, Bella
“My life?” I say in a small exhausted voice.
“Yeah, your life.”
I nestle further into him, truly feeling this moment with him. “I’m not sure it really matters in the big scheme of things, does it?”
“No,” he murmurs. “I suppose not. Tell me anyway.”
Wanting to extend this moment together, maybe make a bit more of a connection, I decide to talk to him.
“Well, you know about Kane…”
“That his name?” he grunts, and I feel it rumble through my cheek. “Kane?”
“Yeah, that’s his name.”
“You met him how?”
“I met him in foster care. We were foster brother and sister in a home, so to speak. We grew close, and we moved out and away together as soon as I was old enough. Things were great for a long time, until I started seeing his violent side. The beatings started, and they just didn’t stop. I got so tired of them, so emotionally damaged, that I ended up fearing for my life. That night he beat me…I had to protect myself. I was hiding in a cupboard when he found me, and we wrestled for a long time with the gun. He had it pointed to my face so many times I was sure my life would end, but I managed to be the one to get the shot in. I injured him badly, he went to jail, and just before I went on the yacht he got released. I knew I had to start my life again, so I decided to leave the country. The night before I left he contacted me, threatening me, and I knew I had to go.”
“Fucker wouldn’t want to cross paths with me. I’d kill him.”
I snort. “He wouldn’t find me now.”
“Damn right he won’t.”
We’re silent a minute, and he begins drawing small circles on my back.
“What about your parents?”
“I had a good life, and then my dad started running off the rails and disappearing. One night he went, and never came back. My mom died, she was ill with cancer, and after that I just got sent off.”
“So your dad’s still alive?”
“I think he is…he just disappeared. How can one person just disappear? It never made sense. Sometimes I hoped he was dead, because it made it easier to process the pain of why he didn’t come back.”
“You ever tried to find him?” he asks, shifting, and wrapping his arms around me tighter.
It’s nice.
“No, I don’t have the resources.”
“What’s his name? I might be able to help.”
My heart hammers. He might be able to help? As in, he might reconsider selling me? Everything inside me floods with warmth.
“Charles Waters.”
Hendrix jerks as though he’s been hit. “What did you say?”
“I…that’s my fathers name.”
Suddenly I’m being tossed off him, as if I’m no more than a rag doll. He slides from my body quickly, leaving it feeling odd for a moment. He gets to his feet, yanks his jeans up and storms over to his desk, shoving through papers. What the hell is happening?
“Do you know him? Will you help me find him? Will you reconsider selling me?” I babble before I can stop myself. His frantic behavior has me wondering if he knows my father, and hope swells in my chest.
He spins around, his eyes filled with something I can’t understand…fear? Rage? He storms over, gripping my shoulder. “You’re not staying here, so stop fucking thinking all this is going to change that.”
Then he turns and practically runs out the door.
What the hell just happened?
My heart drops into my stomach, and everything hurts.
Back to square one.
Landlubber!
I clean up before heading out of the ship. It’s late afternoon, and the sun has finally come out so I walk a long way down the beach, not wanting to go to the camp, and I find myself a spot on the slowly drying sand to sit down. It sticks to my legs, and my foot, I realize, is aching, but I don’t care. I’m confused. Hendrix and I, we had a moment, and then he just ran out. His words hurt. All along, I thought maybe we were creating something, but all along he was just fucking me. There’s nothing more to it. Maybe the idea that he actually considered helping me hit home, and he realized he was getting too close.
“I’ve been looking for you.”
I hear Jess’s voice, and I look up to see her standing there, smiling down at me. “Hendrix said he couldn’t find you…”
I turn away, and swallow. I won’t cry. I won’t show that kind of weakness. I have held myself together so well, to fail now would break me. Jess sits down beside me, and puts an arm around my shoulders.
“He was…behaving oddly. Barking orders, and talking closely with Drake. He seemed panicked, and then he couldn’t find you, and he exploded. I told him I’d come and see where you were.”
She rubs my shoulders and pulls me in close to her side.
“We had a moment, and then there was a second when I thought I had a chance of escape and freedom, but he turned it around. He’s not going to change his mind about selling me. I don’t want to be sold. I don’t want this to be how my life goes.”
“I’m going to help you,” she whispers. “I won’t let him sell you, Indi.”
I lift my head, meeting her gaze. “What?”
“You’re not getting sold…”
“There’s no escape, Jess, you know that. I’ve tried. I can’t get Eric and escape without being noticed. I can’t do both…”
“Yes, you can.”
I shake my head. “I don’t understand.”
She swallows, and turns and stares behind us. When she turns back to me, I see she’s worried. About what I’m not sure, but I bet I’m about to find out.
“What’s going on, Jess?”
“Eric will be here in about an hour. I told Hendrix I’m taking him to see you. He felt for you, so he let me.”
“What? Why?”
“I called the sea police, Indigo.”
My eyes widen. “I don’t…I don’t understand.”
“I can’t let him do this to you, and the longer you’re out on that ocean, the less chance you have of escaping.”
“But…how…”
She leans in close. “I told him this afternoon that we needed some more medical supplies. With the storm season upon us, he didn’t even think twice about it. He trusts me. He knows I have no reason to betray him…so when he handed me the phone and walked out, I made the call. I knew where we were, I made a point of listening to the co-ordinations of this island when they were talking…”
“Jess,” I gasp. “That’s dangerous…”
“It’s the only way. He’s never going to dock with you on the ship - he is too worried you will escape. I overheard him talking, and the swap will be done out at sea. You can’t possibly escape out in that ocean, there’s nowhere to run to.”
“Hendrix will kill them, Jess. You know he will.”
“It’s worth the risk.”
“What if they kill him?” I whisper.
Her face tightens. “I told them to come to the north of the island. I’ll make sure you and Eric are at opposite ends to the pirates. If for some reason he figures it out, you should be too far gone by the time they get to this side.”
I feel my heart begin to thump. “Jess, if he finds out it was you…”
She grips my hand, squeezing it hard. “I can’t let you be sold, honey.”
I tremble, and rub my arms. Is this it? Is this really going to be my freedom? I repeat Hendrix’s words in my head, and I know that my attempts at making him change his mind are just that: attempts. I am the only one with growing feelings; he made it clear that he has none. If I stay, it will only hurt more when the moment comes for me to leave him. It will break me, and I can’t live with that.
I turn to Jess. “Come with me,” I plead, gripping her hands.
“You know I can’t, my life is here. I have nothing but a life of running on the land.”
She looks sad, her green eyes empty. She really has no way out.
“You don�
��t want it to be here, though, do you?”
She looks away. “What I want and what I have are two different things, but it doesn’t mean I’m not grateful.”
“Well you’re a better woman than me.”
“Jess?”
I stiffen when I hear the sound of Hendrix’s voice coming up from behind us. We both turn, and see Hendrix, fully clothed now, standing and staring down at us. Jess turns to me, and mouths “one hour,” and then she stands. She’s risking her life for me, I don’t know why, but I know I’ll be forever grateful to her for it. When she disappears into the trees, Hendrix walks over and then drops down beside me. He’s got a first aid kit in his hands. It’s clear he didn’t hear us, as he’s acting far too casual.
“You need to clean your foot.”
I stare out at the ocean. The water is clearing now, that soft haze is disappearing and showing the aqua water that is just stunning.
“Indi?”
I turn, and meet Hendrix’s gaze. “Why are you here?”
He shakes his head in confusion. “To clean your foot.”
“Why? We both know I’m no more than a sale to you. So stop pretending my life actually matters.”
He growls, and takes my foot, tugging it towards him. I lost the shirt he wrapped around it last night, and I can see the deep gash in my foot now. It’s kind of dirty, and I’m ashamed that I didn’t clean it up sooner. No, instead I let Hendrix seduce me…again. I was never in control. Never. Hendrix opens the kit, and begins cleaning it up. A sharp sting shoots up my leg, and I grit my teeth to stop from crying out.
“I’m not going to let you sit in pain.”
I shake my head. “What?”
“You think you’re no more than a sale, but I’m not going to let you suffer.”
“Did that truly mean nothing to you before?” I whisper. “Is it really that easy to just fuck someone and walk away?”
He stiffens, and he lifts his gaze to mine. “I told you what it meant.”
“And I’m asking if it was a lie?” I scream suddenly, feeling my hands shake.
He puts a bandage on my foot, and drops it. I need to know. If I’m about to run, and never see him again, I need to know. I have to hear his answer, because a big part of me is hoping he will say it meant something and he doesn’t want to sell me, because a tiny part of me wants to stay here with him, and I don’t understand it. I need a reason to go…I just can’t do it on my own.
“It’s beside the point.”
“Just answer me one thing then,” I snarl, getting to my feet. “Are you even reconsidering selling me after that? Was there even a goddamned moment where you thought about changing your mind?”
He stiffens, and his eyes search my face. “Don’t go there, Indigo.”
“Just answer me goddammit, fucking answer me you gutless pig! The least you can fucking do is give it to me straight.”
“No,” he bellows. “I am not reconsidering selling you, because you’re nothing more to me than a moment of fun.”
My entire face drains of blood, and my knees wobble. Everything in my world spins. He…he feels nothing. Nothing at all. I’ve been living in a fantasy. I’ve been fooling myself, thinking that he would ever see me as anything more than a debt payment. My entire body is shaking, to the point where my teeth are clattering together. I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. Nothing but a rasping hiss. I turn slowly, feeling like I’m going to collapse at any second.
He doesn’t stop me.
I’m sure that hurts more.
Why is it that we, as humans, always hope that something will change, even when we know the answer? We’re walking away, broken, ripped to pieces and yet we’re still hoping that something will happen to make it all go away. Fact is, nothing can take away the harsh pain of cruel words. Nothing. I hobble down the beach, and I let the tears flow. I was a fool, and that’s on me.
I get to the north end of the island where Jess told me Eric would be, and I collapse against a tree. My head spins, and my body aches. It throbs in the worst way, and in the best. I can smell Hendrix on me—I can feel the ache between my legs that equally matches the ache in my heart. It’s a pain I’m almost sure I’ll never forget. A mix of betrayal, and desperation, and something else I can’t name, or maybe I’m just too scared to face it.
I hear the sound of rustling leaves, and I turn to see Eric and Jess appear. Right now, I’m as grateful as anyone can be for Jess. She’s saving my life, even if she doesn’t know it. Eric sees me, and his face softens and he walks over, pulling me into his arms.
I let him, because I need him.
Jess grips my hand, and I press my cheek to Eric’s chest. He’s gotten skinnier; I can feel the bones in his chest pressing into my face. He pulls back, and stares down at me, stroking a piece of hair from my face.
“We’re going home, it’s all going to be over soon.”
“I am only guessing the time, but they should be here in a bit,” Jess says, scanning the horizon.
“I can’t thank you enough for this, Jess,” I rasp.
She takes me from Eric’s arms, and holds me tight. “I see something in you, and I can’t let you be given to a rogue pirate because of a debt Hendrix created for himself.”
“He told me I mean nothing,” I whisper, trembling.
“I don’t believe him, but I’m also not willing to put my money on it. You need your freedom back. I never got a choice, and I’ll regret that forever, but you have a choice, Indi. I couldn’t just sit back and let that be taken from you, knowing that you had a chance at escape…”
Tears burn under my eyelids as I squeeze her close. “I’ll be forever grateful.”
We all sit in silence for about twenty minutes. What is there to say? We’re all thinking different things, and we’re all terrified.
“Ladies…is that…a ship?” Eric says suddenly.
We both lift our heads to see a small ship in the distance nearing closer to the island. My heart thumps, and I get to my feet. This is it. I shove any thoughts of Hendrix from my head. I have to. I can’t…I just can’t…I have to protect myself, and my friend. Hendrix will fade; he’ll fade. I tell myself this, over and over as we walk toward the ocean. Jess lifts her hands, and she does some sort of signal. The small ship nears us.
“They won’t be able to stop, you’re going to have to swim out,” she says.
“B…b…but…”
“It’s the only way,” she says frantically.
“We’re going to be okay,” Eric says, grabbing my hand and tugging me toward the water.
I turn, tears tumbling down my cheeks. I hold out my arms and Jess comes to me, wrapping me in a hug. “I’ll never forget this, Jess, never.”
“Be safe, and find the life you deserve.”
I hug her harder, and then let her go, taking Eric’s hand. He squeezes it tight, and we take our first step into the water, our first step to freedom. The cool water washes up my leg, and I tremble. My entire body is prickling, my heart is pounding, and my head is spinning. Adrenalin fills my veins. One moment, it’s all we need, and yet anything could change it so easily.
When we’re waist deep, and the ship is in clear view, my heart begins to speed up, until I can hardly breathe through the pounding. I can see the men in white suits standing, waving us closer. Freedom. It’s so close. This is what I’ve been fighting for since I got captured, so why the hell does it feel so damned wrong? Why is my heart aching? Why am I struggling to breathe?
We begin swimming, no longer able to walk, and that’s when everything changes. The man closest to us, who is standing, leaning over and encouraging us forward, suddenly jerks, and blood splatters from his head as he slides forward and drops into the water. A strangled scream escapes my throat, and my legs turn to jelly. I struggle to keep swimming as I turn my eyes to the shore. I see Hendrix, holding up a gun. He has Drake beside him, who is also holding a gun.
Another shot rings out.
Another man drops.
Blood fills the ocean swirling and surrounding us, and the bodies slowly begin sinking, lives wasted. Oh, God. Eric grips me, forcing me forward, kicking with all his might.
“Keep swimming, Indi!”
“Th-th-they’re dead,” I wail.
“Get back here, Indigo, or I keep killing them. You’re mine, goddammit, don’t make me force you back!” Hendrix roars, and it sounds like a far off hum.
“Don’t listen to him, Indi, keep swimming.”
Another shot fires, from the ship this time. I turn my head frantically, but see everyone on the shore is still standing.
“Fuck it, Indi, get back here, you’re mine,” Hendrix bellows.
You’re mine.
He doesn’t mean that.
He doesn’t.
“Don’t you listen,” Eric cries, tugging me closer.
We’re swimming hard, and the ship is getting closer and closer. Men are lining the outside, guns pointed. Another shot rings out, and another one drops into the water. I wail loudly, and saltwater fills my mouth and I begin to choke. He’s putting this on me, and I know that if I don’t stop swimming, he will keep killing. I cough and splutter, and my legs are aching so badly that each movement is painful. I begin to struggle in the water, my mind making me doubt my actions.
“Don’t let him do this. He’s the one with the gun, he’s the one killing them,” Eric yells, not letting me go.
“I…I…I have to go back, I can’t let him kill anymore.”
“You keep swimming goddammit,” he screams, pulling me.
“Eric, please!”
“No, we’re not going back.”
“Keep swimming,” one of the men yells. “You’re nearly here.”
My vision blurs, and I’m hiccupping and crying so loudly I sound like a wounded animal. Eric is pulling, guns are shooting, Hendrix is screaming and I’m hyperventilating. The next few minutes pass as a blur. We wade past at least six sinking bodies, and the water is filled with a reddish color that is fading to almost brown. By the time we reach the ship, I’m completely out of it. Eric is holding my weight, because I have nothing left.
I hear the sound of more gunshots.
