Pabst said that he first noticed that something was wrong with Mr. Russell in the summer of this year, when Benny wrote his first story about Deep Space Nine. He said that Benny was always a little strange, kind of disoriented, but never like this. He would say things that just didn’t make any sense, and he was taking this space station story far too seriously. It was almost as if he thought that it was real.
Several incidents followed, with Mr. Russell growing more and more confrontational. Apparently he subscribes to this theory that Negroes should be given the same rights and privileges as whites. This will make for an interesting case, because while I believe I can cure Benny of any psychosis that might be bothering him, I wonder if even I can rescue him from an idea like integration.
Whatever will happen, though, will have to wait until after the holidays. I am going home to my wife and son, and Benny Russell and all of his problems will have to wait until I get back.
December 24, 1953
Christmas Eve and I have been called back to work. Apparently my new patient is acting up again. He is displaying many warning signs of schizophrenia. One moment he is weeping like a child, and the next he lashes out, hurling profanities and demanding his immediate release. He does not see that these sorts of outbursts are only encouraging me to keep him here longer.
I was called in to see if there was anything I could do. I tried to talk to him, but he says he wants to see someone named Kasidy. I have no idea whom that person might be, or how I might be able to locate her. In any case, I don’t think a visitor would do Mr. Russell any good. Instead I have ordered that he be injected with morphine. That should keep him restrained until I can figure out what to do with him.
December 27, 1953
Back at work. During my holiday I had time to relax with my family, and I also had time to read Mr. Russell’s story. It is even more ridiculous than I thought. In this world that Benny has created, there are hundreds of species of aliens. I don’t know how he keeps up with them all. And apparently they are fighting for control of something called the Alpha Quadrant, which is apparently the region of space where Earth is located. There is a terrific war raging with a group called the Dominion. In the midst of all this conflict, there is the space station, Deep Space Nine. It orbits a planet called Bajor, populated by a deeply religious people.
It is all so preposterous, I can’t believe that this man actually got paid for being a writer. Captain Sisko, the hero, is selfless and strong. He fights not only for himself and his race, but also for all people of all races. He is like a swashbuckling, black Jesus up in space. He is a mystical figure in the religion on Bajor. They worship these beings called the Prophets. They say that Sisko was sent by the Prophets to deliver them. He is their Emissary. How blasphemous!
And the worst part is, I left the story sitting in my den, and my young son happened across it. He read it, apparently, because later that day I came across him and his friends playing in the back yard.
They were playing Deep Space Nine. And my son—my beautiful, white son—he was pretending to be none other than Captain Sisko! I was appalled. Where does this man, Benny Russell, get off thinking he knows anything about space or the future? I heard all those rumors a few years back, about little green men landing in Roswell, New Mexico. Everybody was pretty scared for a while there, thinking we were going to be invaded by Martians. But I never believed it. Whatever is up there in space, we’re never going to see it. I wonder what Mr. Russell is going to suggest next, that the moon is not made out of green cheese?
December 28, 1953
While I was gone, apparently Benny has been writing non-stop. I have looked over a few of his new stories, and they too are about this Deep Space Nine. He has created a whole world of characters, and he seems to live in that world. But I have to turn my back on some of my initial observations. It can’t be good for him to live so far away from reality. I did find out who Kasidy is though. Apparently she is Captain Sisko’s lover.
I asked Mr. Russell if he could tell me why he was so upset. If he knew what was really bothering him. He said that he was upset because all he wanted was for people to read his stories and that no one would give them a chance.
“People don’t even have to like my stories,” he said. “If they read them and they hate them, then even that is enough. Just so long as they read them.”
I can see that Benny is trying to promote his dissident ideas about racial integration. After seeing what Deep Space Nine did to my son, I can see why Pabst and Incredible Tales of Scientific Wonder pulled his story.
December 31, 1953
The last day of another year. Time to be reflective. I have asked Mr. Russell if he has any New Year’s resolutions. He said that he would like to get out of the sanitarium, get his stories published, and marry his girl, Cassie.
I think the chances of any of those things happening are getting smaller and smaller with each passing day. I did put two and two together, though, and I think I have realized something about Benny’s stories. He is using people from real life and making them into characters on Deep Space Nine.
Cassie, his real life girlfriend, is surely the same Kasidy Yates that is in love with Captain Sisko. And Sisko does bear some striking resemblance to Benny Russell. This makes me wonder if my earlier theories were correct, and if Benny is not sure what is fiction and what is reality.
I have collected all of the stories that Benny has written since his admittance here, and I will attempt to analyze them during the next days. I will have to be more careful where I leave them, however. I never want to see my son pretending that he is a colored man again.
January 2, 1954
I have forbidden Benny from writing any more of his stories. During the days off for the New Year’s holiday, my son kept badgering me about Captain Sisko and Deep Space Nine. He wants to know what happens next. Will the Dominion win the war, or can Starfleet save the day? And what will happen to Captain Sisko?
I could have told him, but the last thing I want to do is further damage my son’s concepts of right and wrong. If he starts viewing black people as equals, can you imagine what kind of trouble he could get in? His friends, his teachers, they would all hold it against him. It would be better if he just stopped caring about what was happening on some space station that doesn’t even exist.
I am very disheartened over this patient reaching into my personal life. I pray that the damage done by this story will not be permanent.
January 5, 1954
I sat down with Mr. Russell today and told him exactly what I think about his stories.
“They are filled with propaganda,” I told him, “and they pose a serious threat to anyone that reads them.”
“They are just stories,” he insisted.
But can you imagine what might happen if they got out to a wider audience? White children all over the country might be looking up to a black hero like Captain Sisko. Black children, what would they think? It would get their hopes up that they could someday be in positions of leadership over whites. And what will it do to their egos when they find out that the world is not like that? It will crush them.
I received a package in the mail today. It was from Douglas Pabst. It was a copy of Benny’s very first story about Deep Space Nine, called The Emissary.
January 9, 1954
I think I understand now exactly what is going on. I have just finished reading The Emissary, and it is clear to me that Mr. Russell is trying to work through the problems of his own life with the characters of Deep Space Nine.
The Benjamin Sisko of this story was different somehow than in the later versions that I have read. He seemed distant, frightened … like there was a great weight upon his shoulders. He seemed, and I hate to say it, very much like Benny Russell.
Sisko was struggling because he had lost someone very dear to him—his wife, Jennifer. It is through the events of the story that he begins to realize that he has to move on with his life, that moving forward is what Jenn
ifer would want him to do.
I wonder if there is a Jennifer Sisko in Benny’s life—if he is waiting for an experience with the Prophets so that he can let go of the past.
January 10, 1954
I asked Mr. Russell about Jennifer Sisko, and immediately he tried to change the subject. I knew right away that I was on to something, so I pursued. He had to fight back tears as he told me about a girl who had been the love of his life. He used words like soulmate, and best friend, and it was almost heart-wrenching to watch him speak of her. She had died in a fire, right before his eyes. There was nothing he could do for her.
In the years since she passed out of his life, Benny has been trying desperately to put the pieces back together. He said that he tried not to think of her, but she kept finding ways of creeping back into his memory. Even when he met Cassie, his new girlfriend, his heart still lingered on her. Her name was Jen. He says that he will always love her. I believe him.
When he started writing the stories about Deep Space Nine, Benny says that he started feeling like himself for the first time in years. It was his way of exorcising his demons, of turning his pain and frustration into art. I wonder if I am making the wrong decision by not letting him continue writing. I will have to consider it some more.
January 12, 1954
I am convinced that Mr. Russell’s affections for Jen are at the root of this situation. I asked him to describe her to me, some of their experiences together. He was quiet for a long, long time. I thought that perhaps he had slipped further into his psychosis. I was about to call for some orderlies when he finally spoke.
“We were at the pool,” he said at last. “We were just children, maybe sixteen or seventeen. Had no idea what was about to happen.”
There was a sad look in his eyes—a vacant, haunted look like an animal that knows it is about to die. He seemed, as one of his fictional characters might say, a thousand light-years away.
“I had run out to use the colored water fountain. It was outside the fence, on the other side of the parking lot. I wasn’t thinking because I didn’t put my shoes on. I ran halfway across,” he said, “and when I turned around to come back, my feet were on fire. I was moving as fast as I could.”
I sat there in silence as he spoke, drawing me in like only a great storyteller can do.
“When I got back to the fence,” he said, “I was in so much pain. I just knew my feet were covered in blisters.”
An expression of regret washed over his brown eyes. I felt almost sorrow for him. I knew that it must hurt him to relive this moment, even if it was a joyful one for him.
“I raced back into the pool,” said Benny, “and I stopped at the first towel I could so I could relieve my burning feet. And … and … it was … she was … Jen.”
A spasm of pain contorted his face. He choked back tears and remained silent for long minutes. Finally, he was again able to speak.
“She was sunbathing,” he said, a halfhearted smile on his lips. “And she was … the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. All of a sudden I wasn’t thinking about the pain in my feet. All I could concentrate on … was the pain in my heart.”
Then he said the strangest thing. “It was like a burst from a Klingon disruptor,” he said. “I was in love.”
I have been looking through his agonizing stories about Deep Space Nine, and I believe that a Klingon disruptor is some sort of weapon—like a pistol. I was wondering when it would come back to violence. I believe that no matter how gentle these colored people might seem, they all really are just savages at heart.
January 14, 1954
I’ve compared the story that Benny told me about his first love, Jen, and his story The Emissary, where Sisko recalls how he met his wife Jennifer. They match up almost exactly. Instead of a pool, it was a beach. Other than that, it was nearly identical. And I believe that if I questioned Mr. Russell further, I would discover more parallels between this world and the world of Deep Space Nine.
And therefore, it is my conclusion that Mr. Russell should not be allowed to continue his stories. He is trying to act out his feelings in this fictional universe instead of dealing with them in the real world. He does not understand that everyone has problems and that sooner or later we get over them. People die. Life is hard. But time heals all wounds.
January 15, 1954
Benny didn’t take the news very well that he would not be allowed to continue his stories. He begged me to let him go on. I had to refuse. He asked if he could see his girlfriend Cassie, but I had to decline on that as well. I don’t think contact with someone he has fictionalized would be good for him at this juncture.
When I told him that he would have to remain here for at least another month, Mr. Russell grew incredibly hostile. He tried to attack me, and if I had not had some orderlies right there with me, he might have jammed his pencil right in my neck. And Benny wonders why people have such a hard time taking a colored captain like Ben Sisko seriously.
January 18, 1954
I don’t know what else to say about Benny Russell. He continues in his defiant behavior. Today I was called to his room because he was having another episode. This time he was writing all over the walls. I thought I had all of his pencils taken away, but apparently he must have kept one hidden.
When I asked him what he was doing, he said that he was just trying to finish his story. He spoke about Captain Sisko and his search for the Orb of the Emissary. Benny feels that he is fine, that there is nothing really wrong with him. But I must disagree. He has become obsessed with these stories. I believe that Deep Space Nine has destroyed his mind, and that he has lost all touch with reality.
I offered Mr. Russell another chance, an opportunity that very few of us ever get. All he would have to do was paint over his story and wipe the slate clean. He refused. I do not see any hope for his recovery in the near future. I am at a loss as to what to do next.
January 31, 1954
Things have not been well with Benny Russell. I have always considered myself to be an excellent psychiatrist, but this case might be beyond even my ability. There is only one thing I can think of, but it might be a dangerous treatment. I believe that if I let Benny finish his story, then perhaps he can begin to get well.
I have discussed this possibility with the patient, and he seems to be willing to give it a try. Of course, this is probably just because I will be allowing him to write again. We have agreed on ten more stories. After that, he has to walk away from Sisko and the others and back into the real world. We shall see how it goes.
February 4, 1954
I can’t believe I’m about to write this, but I’ve just completed one of the best stories I’ve ever read. Amazingly, it was one of Benny’s stories about Deep Space Nine. This time it wasn’t about wars or politics or race. It was about something more fundamental than that. It was about baseball.
There is a group of aliens calling themselves Vulcans who arrive on the station. They are the strangest characters I think Mr. Russell has written about yet. I think they might be Communists or something. Anyway, they challenge Captain Sisko and his crew to a game of baseball.
In a series of slapstick scenes, Sisko assembles and trains his team. They are the underdogs, but that doesn’t matter. For a moment, as I was reading, I forgot that Sisko was a black man. For just a brief second in time, he was only a man. I could relate to him—to his desire to win. There is something special about baseball, it transcends race.
I was so sucked in to this story that I could not put it down. I was savoring every word like I’ve only done a couple of times in my life. I did not want it to end. And when the end finally came, and Sisko’s team was destroyed, it didn’t really matter. Sisko and his crew had found something more important than victory, and that was friendship.
I wonder if there is a hope for the future. Is it possible that a time will come someday when we can all exchange our weapons and our race for a glove and a bat? I suppose that only time will tell.
/> February 10, 1954
Having read a plethora of stories about spacefaring aliens and starships and time travel, I believe that I might be one of the foremost experts about this fictional universe that Mr. Russell has created, second only to Benny of course. But there is one race of aliens in particular that I keep coming back to. Gray-skinned and reptilian, Benny calls these people Cardassians.
The Cardassians are warlike, cruel and devious. They are like Nazis, with secret police and a deep network of spies and deceit. But what scares me is the similarities between the Cardassians of Benny’s fiction and the way that so many of us behave in reality.
In the world of Deep Space Nine, the Cardassians have aligned themselves with the Dominion. They gave in to fear when it seemed that the Alpha Quadrant was in danger. They sided with the probable victor, even though that victor was aggressive and obviously tyrannical. The Cardassians turned their backs on their neighbors and what seemed to be the obvious course of justice.
I don’t know why I keep thinking about these aliens, except that I see so much of this behavior in the world right now. With all the paranoia running rampant about the Russians, I wonder how many Cardassians there are out there right now, playing both ends against the middle, waiting to see who is going to come out on top.
I wonder, if I was the leader of some small country somewhere, whose side I would be on.
February 17, 1954
As Benny nears the end of his stories about DS9, he is trying to tie up a lot of loose ends and bring the war with the Dominion to a close. I think Benny realizes that there is a whole big world waiting for him out there. He has a girl that he plans to marry someday. He has dreams much bigger than a space station on the edge of the universe. I can sense that he really wants to put all of this behind him.
But I must say that his writing is getting better and better. Every time I finish one of his stories, I am awaiting the next. He is very good. Perhaps, once he gets back on his feet, he might be able to get his old job back at Incredible Tales of Scientific Wonder. I might be willing to put in a good word for him with his old boss. Who knows, it seems as if anything can happen these days.
Strange New Worlds IV Page 19
