by Primula Bond
‘That feels good.’ I closed my eyes, oblivious to the world outside, completely lost in the moment.
‘You should relax more. You are so tense.’
‘You certainly know what you’re doing.’
‘I am good with my hands … I always have been.’
‘I’ve noticed.’
Silence descended between us as I closed my eyes and felt the air against my skin. Goosepimples rose on my arms as his fingertips kneaded my shoulders. His warm breath against my nape loosened me to the point where I would not be able to say no to our desires. However much I wanted him right then, something inside my head wanted so much more than a one-night stand.
Antonio moved in close, fabric the only resistance between our bodies. His hands moved from my shoulders. I sighed as their feathery touch trailed down my arms and rested upon my hands. Our fingers fanned and entwined across the railing, and as his lips nuzzled against my neck, I flinched. Tingles spread through my neck and back. With a glance to the right, I saw him close to my cheek. As much as I needed him at that moment, I panicked. Caught in the room with a complete stranger, whose physical appearance I admittedly adored, I knew absolutely nothing about him and his romantic intentions. It would take more than a meal to make love to me. And that was what I really wanted. The desire to be touched had been a smokescreen clouding my real desire of a lifelong partner who would share all of me. A night of passion would leave me in exactly the same state as before. I wanted so much more than a “one night in heaven” memory.
‘I can’t do this, Antonio.’ Our fingers moved apart and instantly a sensation of loss gripped me. But it was everything or nothing, and nothing would have to be better if there was no future for us. Antonio moved his head away, but stayed close to me. ‘It feels like a betrayal to Tom.’ Tears welled up in my eyes as I looked down where our entwined fingers had been.
Antonio strolled toward the bureau. He upturned his glass and with one guzzle finished his drink. For a brief moment, he stared at the bottle, but when he felt my hand upon his arm, he stopped himself from having another drink. ‘It’s not you, Antonio. I’m not ready. I’m confused.’
I sat on the king-sized bed looking at Antonio, whose head was bowed to hide his face.
‘I thought … there was an attraction. I was wrong. Sorry.’
He disappeared into the en suite toilet. Another glass of wine would be great right now. I poured a half measure and sank it in one gulp.
Antonio appeared again, composed, with his long hair released over his shoulders. I heard him close the balcony doors. The chill left the room and the soft lighting and wine made me tingle with warmth. I knew I couldn’t do this. I reached for my clutch as Antonio stood in front of me.
He had a pleading look on his face as if he wanted to help release me from the past. ‘If you keep pushing people away … you will never move on.’
Looking up at him, a caring smile on his lips, I knew he was right, but I felt powerless to do anything about it. The claustrophobic walls seemed to imprison me further. ‘It’s been a wonderful evening. It was a fantastic meal and you are the perfect host. But I have to go.’ I touched Antonio’s hand and could feel the pulse in his veins. ‘You are a lovely person, but I can’t do this. Not yet. I … I need more than just a romantic meal.’
‘I understand.’
‘Thank you.’ I opened the door and hesitated in the doorway. Across the room, Antonio poured another glass of wine and headed for the balcony. Was he just a cold-hearted man after all, out for what he could get from a vulnerable tourist? Or was he hurt because his male ego had been rejected? I couldn’t tell, and the atmosphere was thick and tense as I hovered between the room and corridor. I closed the door gently and rested against the wall. My neck and shoulders were knotted. I gritted my teeth and slammed my palm against the wall.
I’d been a bloody fool.
Chapter Six
Back at my hotel, I flopped on the bed, my evening dress trailing across the mattress. I let my stilettos dangle and clatter to the floor. The sheet scrunched under my grip as I closed my eyes and remembered what I’d walked out on. This could’ve been the night. And I’d blown it! In my mind, Antonio stared down at the bottle and watched me leave his room and walk away from my desire. Etched into my memory was the helpless look on his face that told me it was my loss. But I’ve always been a guarded person, never too quick to jump into a new relationship. It drove Tom nuts when we dated and he waited two weeks for his first kiss. So right then, in my hotel suite, I couldn’t help thinking that I was to blame. Maybe I’d led Antonio into believing I was inclined to sleep around. Why did I ever think it was going to be OK?
You’re a fool, Stella, I chided myself. My jaws tightened and tension gripped my throat as if I was being strangled. The air was hot and sticky against my skin; and my dress clung like cellophane.
I stomped over to the window and pushed it open. An immediate rush of fresh air blew the curtains apart and cooled my skin. Far across the city, the myriad lights dazzled and flickered. Goosepimples rose on my arms and the clinging dress felt soft against my skin. Self-doubt had always been my downfall. Having spent half a lifetime with Tom, sharing my quirks and emotions, he accepted the person that he had married. I would tell him all about my fears, and with a laugh or a sigh, he would hold me and give me a good talking-to. Here, alone in a strange city, confusion and guilt pressed heavy on my mind and the only way to fight it was to face the situation head on as a mature woman who had acquired a wealth of life experience.
Is he just another Italian gigolo waiting for another conquest, I asked myself, weighing the pros and cons. He chased you around Naples to hand over your phone. That shows trust. But he’d do that if he wanted sex. He’s a great judge of character and seems to know more about what you want than you know about yourself. Jesus, he was good with his hands. You need to be touched again, to feel hands explore your body, to feel complete … Damn it, Stella, it’s your life and nobody can live it for you. You need to sort yourself out and have great sex. Maybe, just maybe, it will be the start of something great. If you want to find yourself, you may have to lose yourself first.
Inside my clutch, the mobile vibrated. I pulled myself off the bed and tramped toward the bureau. Dawn’s name flashed under the envelope icon.
He sounded cute. Any luck?
I dropped the phone on the bed. ‘Damn it! If it means giving myself first … what’s there to lose?’ The wardrobe door squeaked as I pulled it open and retrieved the navy blue dress I’d cast aside earlier. I’d got one chance. That was if he could still be bothered after what I’d done. I let my dress slide to the floor. Naked, except for my briefs, I stood in front of the mirror just staring at the reflection. That was what he wanted. The cold air inside the suite had swelled my breasts and hardened my nipples. I believed right then that I could give him everything he had desired. I would want that. I looked bloody amazing. I pulled myself into the figure-hugging dress. From my clutch, I grabbed my red lipstick. I smacked my lips together and pouted at my reflection. If that doesn’t make him hot for you, I told myself, there’s no hope for him. I couldn’t help laughing right then. The old Stella had seemed to vanish in Naples, and like a vintage Italian wine, I had matured and was ready to be drunk by a connoisseur. Maybe it was the wine that had loosened me up, or maybe I had grown up at last and was able to cast away everything that had imprisoned me inside my own thoughts.
With my caramel hair flowing around my face and highlighting my full, red lips, I knew he wouldn’t be able to resist me. That was the crux. As I stared at my reflection – at the new Stella – I could see the change in the way I looked and felt. I looked hot … and it felt bloody good. I pulled the dress up over my hips, pulled up the zip, and brushed the material flat over my curves.
He needed me just as much as I needed him.
Chapter Seven
It was almost midnight as I stood outside Antonio’s door. My insides churned, caught between a b
urning desire to be held in his arms and a reluctance to show him what a fool I’d been. But there was only one way to find out how he felt toward me and that meant knocking on his door. My pulse rose and my breaths became shallow as my knuckles hovered by the door. Just do it, I told myself, and stop being an idiot! From inside the room, the bed creaked, followed by the faint sound of bare feet on the wooden floor. Were they the slow footsteps of semi-drunkenness or the carefree Italian stroll that I’d noticed earlier as we’d walked in to dinner? I knocked before I had the chance to run again.
‘Who is it?’ he said, and I detected a hint of sadness in his voice.
I placed my steepled fingers to my lips and breathed out slowly. I couldn’t bring myself to reply as I heard the slow turn of the key in the lock. Antonio opened the door, enough to peer at me in the corridor. I smiled at him, hoping that he would grasp what he had desired all evening. In his eyes, I noticed that same star-shaped reflection I’d seen earlier. He opened the door and I strolled in, trying to hide my nervousness. As he locked the door behind me, I placed my clutch on the bureau, my hands trembling.
‘Why did you choose me?’ I said, facing the balcony, unable to look at him. My voice faltered as I tried to compose myself and appear strong. ‘You’re younger than I am, you’re so good-looking … you could pick any woman in this city!’ When there was no response, I faced him. He held his hands in his pockets. His shirt was open to reveal his hairy, muscular chest. The warmth of Naples’ heat radiated from his eyes and his lips parted slightly.
‘I cannot help who I am attracted to. You are a beautiful woman.’ A mischievous glint in his eyes made me hot for desire.
‘Are you playing with me?’
‘No.’
‘I do not do one-night stands.’
‘Then why have you come back? If you don’t want me, you could have stayed in your hotel.’
I was lost for a response. I looked down at the floor as I answered, ‘I don’t know why.’ He took two paces toward me, but my feet were locked to the floor. One step more and he would be in my grasp. I couldn’t help the gnawing fear that I was making myself look ridiculous.
‘You know why, but you will not say it. You want me just as much as I want you. You are an attractive woman, and only a complete fool would say no.’
I couldn’t help myself. My hands cupped his face and our lips met. It was a shock to feel a man’s lips other than Tom’s against mine. He parted my lips with his tongue and I succumbed to the pleasure as we explored each other. His broad hands clasped my back and pulled me in tight toward his body. I shivered from their warm touch that excited me. As we parted, he cupped my hands.
‘You are cold … put my jacket on for a while’
‘I’m fine. I’m just … I’m scared.’ I looked into his eyes to gauge his reaction. A nervous smile faded from my lips.
‘Why? There is nothing to be afraid of.’
I felt like a fool as tears welled up in my eyes, followed by a nervous laugh. ‘I thought you wouldn’t want to see me again after I …’
He pulled me close to his chest and stroked my hair. ‘Sssh … I am glad you came back. I thought I had blown it by diving in far too early and I … I have never felt this way before. But I have to say … it is usually me who throws myself at women.’
‘I’m sorry … I was confused earlier. I just didn’t know what to do or … I’ve never slept with any man except my husband. Getting close to another man after all this time is new to me.’
‘I understand. You will do the right thing … and it may involve me or not. Trust in yourself, Stella. Sometimes you need to just let go …’ He held my hands in his and kissed my lips once more, then he let my hands fall slowly to my side as he walked behind me. There was a creak from the mattress. I couldn’t move. I knew I had to lose control to find all my latent desires.
Sometimes you need to let go and lose yourself … and then you’ll find yourself.
Behind me, I felt Antonio’s cool breaths upon my clammy back. The wine we’d drunk earlier mingled with the sticky warmth of the room and I reeled backwards into his arms. His hands caressed my waist and throat as I leant into him. Sweet kisses on my neck made me tingle. The touch of his hands cupping my breasts while he kissed my neck made me moist for him. When his right hand trailed down between my legs, I parted them to allow him access. Adrenaline surged through my body. I pressed myself deeper onto his chest as his arms wrapped around me. Waves of pleasure coursed through my core from the gentle strokes of his palm.
‘Is that good?’
‘Y-yes. Really good.’
‘Tell me what you like, Stella.’
‘Just carry on what you’re doing.’
My back arched as delicious tingles spread through my thighs. I closed my legs to fight against the pleasurable pain that intensified, while Antonio’s lips nibbled my ear and his breath brushed my neck.
I pulled myself away, ready to surrender to his desires. Standing with my back to Antonio, he lowered the zip and my dress freed itself from my skin. Gentle thumbs hooked into the shoulder straps, which were lowered slowly down my arms, his fingertips tracing every contour. As the dress slid to the floor, I stood still, uncertain of what to do next. But I was so excited I didn’t care. I had desired to be touched again. I wanted to be a woman and feel the sexual thrill of orgasm.
Antonio ran his hands along my waist and hips; a gentle persuasion urged me to face him. I crossed my hands over my Caesarean scar, my arms pressing inward to plump my heaving breasts. He gazed upward and followed each contour of my shoulders, down over my erect nipples and breasts. He moved my hands away from my scar and placed them by my thighs. Bared before him, I closed my eyes as fingers traced the puckered skin. Then the soft kisses upon it brought a tear to my eyes as the fluttering in my stomach increased. Along my back, he stroked and caressed my skin until he rested by the small enclave above my buttocks. I looked down at his silky, tousled hair, which swayed as he moved from side to side to plant kisses and lick my skin.
Antonio stopped, stood and faced me. His eyes burrowed into mine, watching, waiting for me to make the next move, giving me empowerment to strip him. Tentatively, I pulled his shirt away from his arms and he let it slide onto the floor. With a nudge of his foot, he moved it out of range. My fingers traced around his nipples and through the curly black hair running down to his groin. He looked down at his trousers, waiting for me to fulfil all my desires. With trembling hands, I undid the waist button and slid his trousers down his tanned, muscular legs. His penis twitched at the removal of his trousers. I wasn’t surprised to see that he was completely naked beneath them.
Antonio moved behind me and I felt his throbbing cock against my buttocks. Unable to move, I stayed transfixed through a mixture of hesitancy and deliverance. The feel of his soft hands caressing my sides and moving slowly toward my underwear made me shudder. I stiffened as fingers hooked on to the briefs and slowly pulled away from my buttocks. Soft kisses on my back made me tremble as the fabric moved slowly down my thighs. It was all I needed and I couldn’t contain the raging passion within me. As Antonio let the briefs slide over my ankles, I stepped out of them and faced him. In my nakedness, I felt liberated. In his eyes, I could see that he was excited. Between his legs, his engorged cock waited and longed to be touched by my hands, and to fill me.
The point of no return excited me and the dizziness inside my head threatened to explode. I entwined my fingers in Antonio’s flowing hair as he covered my core in passionate kisses. Flutters increased through my stomach as he worked his magic upon my body, up to my breasts, his tongue gently licking around my nipples. I threw my head back, soft moans issuing from my throat. Uncontrollable waves of passion rippled through my body as my fingers ruffled his hair, gently persuading him to continue kissing my nipples.
Antonio lay down on the bed, his opened legs exposing his rigid cock. As he leant on one elbow, he reminded me of a Greek statue: a smooth, pristine marble sculpture drenc
hed in sensuality.
As he waited for me to lie down next to him, he held out a hand. I took hold of it, willing my legs to move toward him. A look in his eyes filled me with courage.
I threw my fears aside, lay beside Antonio, and caressed his face. The soft touch of his hand on mine as he planted kisses on my palm made me smile. I relaxed and laid on my back. As he stroked my hair from my cheeks, all those feelings of loneliness spent in my house on dark nights and the inability to pleasure myself evaporated. In the soft light of the hotel room, I succumbed to Antonio’s gentle lovemaking. Silent gasps rose in my throat as I felt his hand reach between my legs. I was wet and needed him. Tingles danced through my thighs, down to my toes, and my back arched upward as my feet clenched the mattress. I trapped his hand, caught between stopping and needing the powerful surges of sweet pain. I lost control. From under his dark lashes, his sultry eyes glistened as he looked at me while licking and sucking my erect nipples. He pulled his lips away, my nipple popping from his pout, and edged toward me. His mouth hovered over mine, his warm breath rushing over my cheeks while his hand gathered momentum with faster strokes on my clitoris. I raised my face to meet his.
‘Thank you for coming back, Stella.’
‘You knew I would, didn’t you?’
‘Yes.’
Our lips met in a frenzied kiss, tongues exploring each other, violently adding to the tremors coursing through my body as it bucked and heaved. I was almost ready to explode, and he sensed it. He gripped me tight and held my lips to his. I was imprisoned in his embrace and my orgasm erupted, guttural screams held at bay by his powerful lips pressing onto mine.
‘Make love to me, Antonio. I need you.’
‘Of course, but first I must make sure that we are safe.’ I didn’t realise what he meant at first, but fetching and fitting the condom took only a moment. With Tom, it had never been an issue, but of course, this wasn’t Tom.
