“You did not tell me,” she choked out, still not looking at him.
“Of course, I didn’t,” came his mournful reply. “I couldn’t.”
“And so, you were going to keep this secret the rest of your life,” she stated through spread fingers.
“Yes.”
A fresh wave of hot tears burned her eyes and cheeks. On and on they came. Cadence felt as if she would never stop crying. Her wonderful, loving parents, dead. Abigail Johnson, a woman she had never even known, but that she still felt intimately connected to, thanks to Beau… They were all three dead.
She’d known this before, but today, it cut her like a knife. Death was in the land around them, seeping up through the snow and causing Cadence so much pain that she wished she were lucky enough to be among the departed.
But she was not. She was sitting atop a horse, maimed leg and maimed heart. She was one of the people who were forced to go on after everything had been taken from them.
“I do not know what to say,” she sadly said.
“You don’t have to say anything.”
She sharply looked at him and he jerked at the sight of all the tears streaking her face.
“You could have told someone,” she quietly said. “Sent someone back.”
Beau nodded, jaw clenched and eyes soft and wet.
Yet, he did not.
Cadence looked down at her hands. She did not have to put herself in Beau’s shoes that day. She had been in them. They’d practically been sharing the same pair. She knew how grief twisted not only your heart, but your mind. When it came down to survival, a person would do just about anything to make it.
“You don’t have to forgive me. That’s not what I’m looking for.”
She peeked up at him from under still-wet lashes. “Why did you tell me now?”
“I couldn’t take it anymore.” Beau’s voice cracked. “Being here…”
Cadence nodded, pressing her fingertips against her closed eyes to stop more tears. What was there to say?
Nothing. At that moment, there was only sitting and suffering to be done. At some point, the time for words would come, but it was not there quite yet.
“Listen...” Beau might have said more, but he didn’t get the chance, because a shout for help rolled across the land.
Chapter Thirty
30. Beau
Chapter thirty
The cry was muffled, its words indistinguishable. Beau snapped back to the present day, leaving that long ago, painful one behind. With one last glance at Cadence, he turned Stetson around and headed north.
He heard her riding next to him, but couldn’t bring himself to look at her again. If she didn’t already hate him, she did now. But at least she had all the information she would ever need. He’d done his best to keep it all from her, but he’d just snapped. Maybe one day, what he’d told her would lead to some kind of closure.
Trudging through the snow, the horses crested a bluff, revealing a view of the river. The rest of the search party had gathered below, pressed into a circle. As they moved around, Beau caught sight of Nat.
Nat.
All the fear, tension, and strength flowed right out of Beau. He nearly fell from his saddle.
“Thank God,” he breathed, tapping his heels against Stetson’s side once more.
Cadence arrived at the group at the same time Beau did, but he kept his focus on Nat and Mrs. Garrison. Nat’s cheeks were all pink and Mrs. Garrison shook a bit, but other than that, they looked no worse for wear. Nat had a team from Winding Path with them, though the wagon was nowhere in sight.
“Thank the Lord!” Mr. Garrison cried, wrapping the blanket around his wife’s shoulders.
“Where were you?” Beau asked.
“Down in the bank,” Nat explained.
“Nat is so clever. He knew just where to go.” Mrs. Garrison glowed at Nat with pride.
“I just knew there was a cave down there that would fit both us and the horses,” he sheepishly said. “My pa took me fishing near it a few times when I was younger.”
Mr. Garrison shook his hand. “You’re a great man, Nathaniel. Your folks sure will be happy to have you home safe.”
“Where is the wagon?” McGraw asked.
“Over that way.” Nat pointed east. “About a half a mile. When the snow started coming down real hard, we unhitched the team and headed back this way.”
“Let’s go back and get it,” Sheriff Mayes interjected. “There could be another storm on the way.”
Beau glanced up at the sky. Gone was the bright crispness from just an hour ago. Clouds were starting to steadily move in, bringing with them a shiver of anticipation.
The group split up again and Beau headed back for town with the larger party. Cadence rode ahead, her back stiff. Looking at her made Beau’s stomach turn rock hard, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away. She hadn’t spoken to him since they heard the shout. He wasn’t holding his breath, waiting for her to acknowledge his existence.
Telling the story of what happened that day had taken him by surprise. Since Beau realized that he could have prevented Cadence’s parents’ deaths, the truth had sat in the base of his throat, always ready to escape. But he’d known keeping it in check was for the better.
Until they got to that wicked spot. Suddenly, the past had been too much to handle. And not just for Beau. Out there, he saw just how much it weighed Cadence down and he questioned whether keeping his story quiet was the right thing to do or not. Cadence had a right to know the truth, he realized. And so, he’d let it out.
He felt better, in a way. But he knew Cadence didn’t and that tore him up something awful.
In town, he rushed to her horse—not to help her down, because he knew she wouldn’t want that, but to find some other way to show that he cared. “I’ll put your horse away.”
Cadence twisted her lips and looked down. “All right.”
Beau started to lead the horses away, but she spoke again. “Beau.”
With a glance over her shoulder to make sure they were alone, she closed the distance between them. “Thank you for telling me.”
Beau searched her eyes, looking for what she wouldn’t say. “I’m afraid that I hurt you more by doing it.”
Her weary sigh shook his bones. “The truth is the truth. Let us not be ashamed of it.”
He didn’t know what to say to that. All Beau understood was that his heart ached and his hands burned to touch the woman standing there. He would have taken all her pain and made it his own if he could. Since that wasn’t possible, there was no point in even saying it.
“I think...” She licked her lips. “Maybe I understand why you did what you did.”
Beau snorted. “I don’t, Cadence, and I’m the one who did it.”
Her mournful eyes lifted to his. “I do understand why you pushed me away, why you feel you cannot marry me now.”
Unexpectedly, Beau hated to hear that. He couldn’t rightly know why, though.
“Letting you go was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, Cadence.”
Something flickered in her eyes, but she cast them down, hiding whatever emotion had surfaced there. “This still is not easy. It never will be.”
What was she referring to? The story he’d just told her? Or their own separation?
He couldn’t imagine his feelings around either one of those situations ever getting better.
Cadence shifted her weight, looking back at the hotel, and Beau quickly searched for the right way to end the conversation.
“I’m sorry you didn’t get your schoolbooks.”
Her eyes went wide. “I forgot all about them. Goodness. The children...” She frowned, looking as if she might cry again.
“Don’t worry. We’ll get them.”
“Yes, but we need them now,” she sadly said. “Spring will be too late. Half of the children will not be in school once the weather warms up.”
Beau reached out to touch her arm, but retracted his
hand at the last moment—not before Cadence clocked what he’d done, though. He heard the hitch in her breathing as her hands twisted together. Seeing the impact he’d had on her only made him want her more.
Almighty, he was hopeless.
“What will become of us?” her hollowed voice asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Staying in town might be a bad idea after all, now that...” Her eyes lifted to his and she didn’t need to say the next part. His being her ex-fiancé was one thing. Being the man who had brought about her parents’ deaths was another.
Beau worked his jaw around, warming it up, but it didn’t help. There were no words.
Over Cadence’s shoulder, Gemma emerged from the hotel and waved before coming over. Beau lowered his face so his hat brim covered his eyes.
“I heard the good news,” Gemma said. “Thank goodness.”
“Yes,” Cadence breathed. “It was a true miracle.”
Beau kept his face down, but the tension was unmistakable.
Gemma delicately cleared her throat. “Come back to the ranch.”
It was a command more than a question. Cadence said nothing.
Beau peeked up from under his hat brim, aware that he was holding his breath. Cadence was biting down on her lip, thinking about it.
“Yes,” she slowly said. “I think I will do that.”
“Good.” Gemma squeezed Cadence’s hand. “I will go and fetch my things, and then we can ride home.”
Gemma hurried back to the hotel, but Cadence hung behind.
“We don’t… have to talk while you’re there,” Beau awkwardly said. “Not if you don’t want to.”
Her eyes squinted in confusion. “This is not about you, Beau. I need friends now more than I ever have… And you are not one of them.”
They were the kind of words that could tear a man’s heart out. Beau wouldn’t let himself bleed over them, though. He knew he’d had the treatment coming.
Cadence followed Gemma’s path to the hotel, her journey made more difficult by the weather. With each right step, she struggled to clear the packed snow. As if being injured hadn’t been hard enough before, now, she would always know Beau was the reason her leg didn’t work right.
Beau’s chest spasmed. If he’d let himself stop to think about what had just happened, he’d wonder if he did the wrong thing by telling Cadence the truth. But he wasn’t letting himself mull over that. What was done was done. Cadence was never going to be his again anyway. The best he could now do was walk away and let her suffer in peace.
Beau stayed outside for as long as he could, first putting the horses away, then checking on the older folks in town to make sure they had enough firewood for the next storm. Not only was it surely coming, but it was guaranteed to be just as bad as the first one.
When Beau was certain Gemma and Cadence had left for Winding Path, he went back to the hotel to warm up before saddling Stetson and going there himself. His plan was to hunker down in his cabin for the next snowstorm. No going into the main house for him. Not until Cadence was no longer there.
On the hotel’s front steps, he didn’t see Nat until he almost ran into him. The two men halted, uncomfortably diverting their gazes.
“You get the wagon all right?” Beau asked.
“Yeah, yeah.” Nat shuffled his feet. It was too quiet on the porch, but Beau couldn’t bring himself to leave. Not before he spoke his piece.
“I’m… sorry, Nat.”
Nat’s eyes went wide. “What are you sorry for?”
“For being the hard case that I am.”
“Huh. All right.” Nat nodded. “I was the one who punched you, though.”
“Yeah, you did.” Beau rubbed his sore jaw. “And I’m still feeling it.”
“While we’re saying sorry, I’m sorry for that. I suppose I could have just, you know, talked about things… or what-not.”
“That doesn’t sound like the ranch hand way.”
“No, but it’s the way my mama raised me.”
Beau smirked and Nat laughed a little bit. The silence that before had been so painful turned into a comfortable one.
“What happened with you and her?” Nat abruptly whispered. “It can’t be that bad, Beau. Shucks, I’ve never seen you happier than when you’re with Cadence. Nothing can be worth throwing that away over.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Maybe it is.”
Beau gave him a hard look. “It’s what’s best for Cadence, all right?”
Nat didn’t look satiated, but he shrugged. “Fine.”
“The second storm is on its way. You best be getting back to the ranch.”
“What about you?”
“I’ll be there soon. I need to check in on the Duffs and make sure they have enough wood. Take the horses back to the ranch and get them settled.”
“Yes, sir,” Nat quipped with mock obedience.
Normally, Beau would have given him a dagger-filled stare for that, but right then, he didn’t care. He and Nat had made up. For the foreseeable future, things would be all right between them.
Heading back across the street, Beau understood what Cadence meant by saying she needed to be around friends just then. He hated that he would never be included in her list of loved ones, but he also knew it was right. Life had brought them together too many times already, but always in the wrong ways.
As Beau had long ago learned, there was nothing like moving on. So, he got to work chopping wood for the Duffs, trying his best to ignore the image of Cadence’s pained face.
Chapter Thirty-One
31. Cadence
Chapter thirty-one
Gemma dabbed at her eyes with her apron. “Oh, Cadence,” she moaned.
With a sigh that was more from relief than anything else, Cadence leaned back in the kitchen chair. Hard as the seat was, it brought a deep familiarity with it. It was good to be back at Winding Path, if only for a little while.
Finally sharing the full story of her life with Gemma had brought Cadence a sense of lightness that she had not expected. Some of the burden had been lifted off of her. She only hoped she had not significantly weighed her friend’s heart down in the process.
“Do not cry, Gemma.”
“I cannot help it,” she sniffled.
Cadence patted her hand. “It is all in the past.”
“Yes, but… you and Beau,” she pitifully said. “What will become of the two of you?”
“Nothing,” Cadence sharply answered.
“You do not forgive him?”
She didn’t know how to answer that. “I do not know.”
Saying the words made her ashamed. Forgiveness was the necessary act. She could not carry anger around for the rest of her life. But even though she understood why Beau had kept his story from her, Cadence still had fury in her veins.
One day, she would forgive him. That very day was just too soon.
“What I want does not matter anyway,” she went on. “Beau made up his mind already. He does not think we belong together.”
“He is foolish.”
Cadence shrugged. “Again, how does that help me?”
The side door opened and Clara rushed in with a burst of wind. “Goodness! The cold is coming in quick.”
Through the window, dark gray clouds separated the heavens from earth. Just seeing them sent a shiver through Cadence. Hopefully, everyone in the area was home safe and sound. If this second storm was anything like the first, it was dangerous, indeed.
“We’ll get supper on early,” Clara said, already tying on her apron. “That way, all the men can get some food in them before the snow hits and they have to hide in their cabins.”
The women fell to work. Cadence found the simple actions of washing, cutting, and frying calmed her soul. The scents of pork fat and gravy filled the kitchen, making the house even more of a home.
One day, Cadence would have her own house to claim as hers. Husband or not, she promised her
self she would make that happen.
When she pushed the swinging door open to bring the plates into the dining room, all the men greeted her cheerily.
Her Wild Journey (Seeing Ranch series) (A Western Historical Romance Book) Page 19
