Beau’s throat became thick as he remembered how pale Abigail had looked that day. If he could tell the story without mentioning her, it was best. No point in making his confession any harder. This wasn’t about her, anyway. He’d done his best to save Abigail. This story was about his second failure that day.
“All right,” Clara softly said, not sounding shocked at all.
“I knew two people died out there that day, down by the river outside of Hudson. But I never went looking for more information. I felt guilty. Didn’t want to know just what had happened. And then, I come to find out Cadence was there. Not only did her parents die in a rock slide that day, she...” Now, Beau’s voice really broke. “That’s where her leg got hurt. Where she got that fear of the dark.”
“Hm.”
Beau’s eyes caught quickly to hers. “Hm?” That was all she had to say?
“So, you let sleeping dogs lie,” Clara gently said. “And you came here. I suppose that’s where the story ends?”
Beau did a quick scan of the last six years. Cattle roping. Horse breaking. Long days where he worked himself down so he wouldn’t have a chance of lying awake, thinking, at night.
“Yep,” he confirmed. “That’s about right.”
Clara blinked and shook her head. “Mercy me,” she muttered. “Hearing these stories just never gets easier.” With a sigh that made her shoulders drop, she looked straight at him. “I’m sorry you went through all that, Beau.”
“Don’t pity me. It’s Cadence who’s gone through Hell and back.”
“Yes, and so, it is good she has you.”
Beau stared. Had Clara lost her marbles?
“She don’t have me, Clara. You know that.”
“Yes, but why?”
He felt himself recoil at the question, his whole body becoming defensive and wanting to jump from the seat and leave the room. But running was something he’d always done and it had never gotten him anywhere.
“You really think that woman still wants me, Clara? After everything I did to her?”
“Have you asked her whether she does or not?”
Beau’s blood heated. “Come now. You’ve been here for all of this.”
“Why did you push her away?”
Clara’s questions were coming out right on top of Beau’s statements. She must have had them stockpiled and ready to go.
His temperature still rose, urging him to tell Clara off and leave, but he made himself answer her instead. “Because I knew she’d hate me if she found out what I did. She’d hate me even more than she would for me ending our engagement. So, I let her go… without telling her why.” Beau licked his lips, feeling a strange desire to explain more. “But it wasn’t about her hating me. It was about the pain her knowing would cause her. She’d already been through so much. I knew ending us would hurt, but her knowing I’d had a hand in what happened… that would hurt twice as much.”
“But then, she found out.”
“I told her,” he choked out.
Lord, why had he done that? At the time, he hadn’t been able to keep the words down. And he’d told himself he was doing the right thing. The truth would help set Cadence free. Now, as more time went by, he wasn’t so sure.
“Sounds to me like you were hoping she would forgive you and take you back.”
“Naw,” Beau quickly said.
Clara’s eyes softened. “Come now, Beau. That’s what everyone wants, to be loved and forgiven.”
Beau looked at his lap. “I can’t be.”
“What you’re saying is you can’t forgive yourself. But Cadence… she’s a smart girl. Strong. Loving. Not that I have to tell you that. You’re not giving her much respect by assuming she doesn’t have forgiveness in her heart.”
Beau thought about that. Once again, the truth revealed itself to be obvious. For some reason, he’d just been too daft to see it. What was that Cadence had said in the barn? Don’t put words in her mouth, nor feelings in her heart?
With a burning face, Beau realized he’d done just that. It wasn’t up to him to decide how his actions affected others. All he could do was wake up every day and keep trying to be better.
“She risked her life for you tonight, Beau,” Clara whispered. “She faced her biggest fear.”
Beau looked up, finding Clara’s eyes wet and her hand pressed against her chest. “Now, that’s the most romantic thing I’ve seen in a good while.”
Beau’s chest swelled. “I would have done the exact same for her.”
“Course you would. You love her. Now, are you going to tell her that?”
Euphoria blew through Beau. It was like he had spent the last six years asleep, walking around the ranch thinking he was lucid, when he really wasn’t. But now, he was finally awake.
By Jove, it felt good.
“Yes, ma’am,” Beau nearly sang, kicking his chair back as he stood.
Clara’s eyes widened. “Not right now, son. She’s sleeping.”
“Oh.” Beau frowned. He couldn’t sit back down, his limbs jumping with excitement as they were. He loved Cadence. Maybe she loved him.
And maybe, just maybe, she forgave him for what he’d done. Even though he couldn’t yet forgive himself, with Cadence’s help, things could get better.
Beau paced the small kitchen, excitement and anxiety winding together in his stomach. “I don’t know what she’s going to say, Clara. What if she doesn’t forgive me?”
“Worrying about that right now won’t do you any good.”
He nodded, licking his lips. I love you, Cadence Hurley, and I’m sorry.
Even in his head, the words lacked. There was something missing there. Just telling Cadence how he felt wasn’t good enough.
He needed to show that woman what she meant to him.
Beau cut a sharp glance at the dark window. Two snowstorms in two days. They’d both been short ones, though. There was a chance… if he left early enough in the morning…
“’Night, Clara.” Kissing her on the cheek, Beau snatched his hat from the table.
“Where are you going?” she demanded, smiling open-mouthed.
Beau winked. “I have an early morning tomorrow.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
33. Cadence
Chapter thirty-three
All through cooking breakfast, Cadence’s head pounded. She’d gotten next to no sleep the night before, plagued as she was by what happened with Beau.
She should have spoken her mind in the stable. Not so much for him, but for her.
Truth. Her soul needed it like her body needed air. She’d never really thought about it that much, but as she scrambled the three dozen eggs it took to feed a hungry ranch, she realized honesty had come to be the thing that mattered the most.
The prospect of losing Beau had shaken Cadence to the core. It made her realized that holding onto anger did her no good. He had done his best that day near the river. They all had—and they all still were.
Even though their relationship had changed and they would now never be man and wife, Cadence still owed it to both of them to speak her piece. She forgave him. The anger was gone and it felt so good, she wanted the whole world to know.
Going into the dining room with the skillet of eggs, she stopped, nearly getting hit in the face by the swinging door. Beau wasn’t at breakfast.
Frowning, she deposited the eggs in the middle of the table. When did that man eat?
Breakfast was a fast event, as usual, during which Cadence kept an eye trained on the door. Beau never did show, though.
“I want you to stay here with us. Please,” Gemma begged as she watched Cadence saddle up Pip in the stable.
Cadence gave her a mournful smile. “I would like the same, but I do not think it is for the best.”
Gemma sighed. “Yes. I suppose you are right. Have a wonderful day, Cadence.”
“You as well. Tell Mitch I will return Pip later, will you? As soon as I can get someone from town to carry me back.”
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She returned Gemma’s smile, feeling all the while that something was still not right. The Creerys’ home was a nice and welcoming one, full of laughter and joy, but it was not the same as Winding Path Ranch.
As dismal as a thought as that was, the ride to town was a considerably wonderful one.
The world was different—not because of the fresh snow, but because Cadence was different. She had braved her fears and come out a winner.
Thinking back to the night before, she almost could not believe that was so. Where on earth had she found the strength to go into the night?
In thoughts of Beau. That’s where. Visions of his face became the lantern that illuminated the way, that kept her safe and powerful, no matter how her knees shook and her teeth rattled.
Beau was her strength.
The thought should have caused her pain, but it didn’t. Just as she’d already confirmed, the truth was nothing to shy away from.
Cadence loved Beau, whether or not they could be together. In an unexpected way, what was in his heart no longer mattered. Cadence knew she cared for him and that was almost good enough for her.
Not ideal, no. But the knowledge did release her. Free to feel what she did, to love and hate as she pleased, Cadence rode into town with her head held high.
The sight of the schoolhouse made her smile big. Finally. Back to what was important.
Though it pained her to return to school without the promised books in tow, being there uplifted her spirits regardless. She already missed the children, Teddy in particular, who was sure to have a slew of questions regarding the snowstorms.
As she half-expected, Teddy waited for her on the front steps.
“Teacher!” He sprang to his feet. “There you are!”
“Yes,” she laughed. “Here I am. And it is so good to see you, Teddy. Would you like to help me put the horse in the stable, and then we can start the fire together?”
This morning, instead of the cold numbing Cadence’s fingers, it invigorated them. With Pip unsaddled and in the sheriff’s stable, she and Teddy pushed open the dark schoolhouse.
“Brr.” Rubbing her palms together, she went right to the woodpile. “This school just holds all the cold right in it.”
“Teacher. What are these?”
“What’s that, Teddy?” she asked, keeping her focus on lighting the stove.
“All these books.”
“Hm.” Cadence straightened up from the stove and saw what he pointed at. On both sides of the aisle, stacked on desks, were piles of schoolbooks that she had walked by without noticing.
Cadence’s heart did a cartwheel. “I...”
“Just look at them all.” Teddy opened a book and began reading. “The Magna… Magna Carta was assigned on June fifteen, twelve fifteen.”
“Signed,” Cadence whispered. “It was signed.”
She moved slowly down the aisle, touching the books covers, inhaling their barely noticeable scent. They were the Hudson schoolbooks.
How had they gotten there?
And overnight, at that?
“I want to read this one first,” Teddy announced, showing Cadence the cover of the history book. “And my Ma can help me with all the big words.”
Cadence covered her mouth to keep back a sob of joy.
Still, the tears of happiness pooled in her eyes. This was a veritable miracle. Two minutes before, she had believed the school might still need to wait till spring to receive their books. Without them to study at night, half of the students’ educations would be stunted by months.
She started to tell Teddy he would be able to take that book home with him at night, but the words tumbled back down her throat as the door opened. Beau hovered on the threshold, not coming in and not closing the door.
“Look!” Teddy sang, showing Beau the book.
“That’s nice,” he smiled. “How long till school starts?”
“Mm.” His round face scrunched up. “About twenty minutes, I think. Right, Miss Hurley?”
Cadence struggled to find her voice. “Yes. That is correct.”
“Want to go to the hotel and get a hot chocolate till then?” Beau directed at Teddy. “I need to talk to your teacher about boring, adult things.”
Teddy took both the history book and the penny Beau gave him and ran out the door.
Cadence stayed where she was, gripping one of the desks for support. “The books,” she muttered, waving her hand around at them. “They… they’re here.”
“I know.”
Cadence stared at him… and then… just as she so often had to do with Beau, found what he really had to say in the silence.
“No,” she gasped.
“Mm-hmm,” he nodded, closing the door behind him and finally coming inside. He stayed back though, close to the wall.
“But how? When?”
“I rode out this morning about three. Got the books and just came back here not an hour ago.”
“That—that’s the middle of the night,” she sputtered. “And what about snowstorms? Beau, there could have been a blizzard.”
“There wasn’t, though, was there?” he asked, not the slightest hint of humor on his face.
“That was so dangerous,” she weakly said.
“What? Just like when you rode out looking for me last night?” Beau hooked his thumbs in his belt loops and tilted his head, studying her. With his gaze on her like that, each inch of Cadence’s skin heated up.
“That was different. I had to do that.” It was a weak protest, with no force behind the statement.
“No, you didn’t,” Beau huskily answered.
Cadence swallowed. The temperature was still climbing in the room, with no help from the still-cold stove.
“Thank you,” she softly said. “Thank you so much.”
One terse, quick nod.
That was Beau. Oh, how that hard exterior both drove her crazy and wild.
Reaching deep into her heart, Cadence pulled up all the courage she could muster. It was time she told Beau just what she felt.
“I went looking for you last night because, I… I still love you, Beau.” Cadence lifted her chin, but as she did so, she realized there was no need to posture.
All the strength she thought she needed, she already possessed. Just like the night before, when she threw herself headfirst into the dark, the power she had always craved turned out to be with her all along.
There was nothing to fear. Not even when terror itself took over her bones and heart. The power of the light was larger than anything. Cadence had been through agony, but she knew how to persevere.
“I love you,” she repeated, simply because she could. “And I do not expect anything from you in return. I know that we ended our engagement and that you… Well, now, I’m not quite sure what you feel, Beau. I imagine you’re just as conflicted as I was all yesterday. But I need to also tell you that I forgive you. What happened that day, those deaths… my parents, Abigail… they were tragedies, but none of it was your fault. Please believe me when I say that.”
An unbelievable amount of time passed. In the dark room, she could not clearly see Beau’s face. He just stood there, hands against his belt, silent, yet as imposing as a statue.
“Beau?” she quietly asked.
In a heartbeat, his legs devoured the distance between the two of them. Beau landed right in front of her, his chest heaving up and down. He was so close, Cadence had to tilt her head back to look into his face. With the window behind her, she could see his darting eyes. They danced over her face, studying her.
“I love you, too.”
Cadence audibly gasped at his words. “You do not have to say that simply because I did.”
“No, Cadence. I mean it.” Beau took her face in his hands and his rough thumb ran gently across her lips. “I love you. I’ve been a fool.”
A shuddering breath left her lips and brushed across his hands. “Do not say that.”
“It’s true.” Beau’s gaze pierced he
rs. “I blamed myself for what happened. I still do, somewhat. But that point is that I figured you needed to blame me as well. I thought you should hate me.”
“No, no.” Cadence pressed her hands against his chest and shifted her weight forward, trying to get even closer to him. “We have to stop this, Beau. It was no one’s fault.” So many tears filled her eyes that she could no longer see. Beau wiped away the ones that fell down her cheeks and she blinked the rest back.
Her Wild Journey (Seeing Ranch series) (A Western Historical Romance Book) Page 21
