by M. S. Parker
If I'd had this conversation with him even a week after we first met, I might've thought he was being an ass, but I knew him better now, and I could hear the teasing note, see the hint of a smile.
“What do you want me to do?”
“Attach the clips to your nipples.” He rubbed his hand over his crotch, like he couldn't help touching himself. “They'll pinch at first, but you need to get used to wearing them.”
“Really?” A little thrill went through me. It wasn't a commitment, but at least he was thinking of us being together again.
“I fully intend to use them when we're up close and personal. Except when I put them on you, I'm going to hold on to that chain, give it a little tug now and then.”
That shouldn't have turned me on as much as it did. I picked up the clamps, shivering as the chain slid across my stomach, cool against my skin. It was easy to fasten the butterflies into place, the pressure just the wrong side of comfortable, but not quite painful. Not yet anyway.
“Damn.” He pushed his hand under his waistband. “I knew those would look great on you, but it's even better than I imagined. How do they feel?”
“Strange,” I admitted. “But not bad.”
“The vibrator already has batteries in it,” he said. “Pick it up.”
I didn't know what material it was made out of, but it was cool against my fingertips. I spread my legs without having to be told, the air cool against my damp skin. I'd never used one of these before, but it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out.
“Are you wet?”
I nodded.
“Good girl.” He pulled his cock out, already more than half hard. “Put it inside.”
I bit my bottom lip as the shaft entered me. The fit was snug, but not as tight as Erik had been. I might have been a virgin until recently, but I knew Erik was bigger than average. Which meant the vibrator didn't quite measure up. Little would. Still, it was promising. A second part that rested right against my clit, and I didn't doubt what it was supposed to do.
“Turn it on.” His fist moved up and down in slow, deliberate motions.
I moved my thumb to the switch, gasping as the vibration moved against that sensitive bundle of nerves. My back arched, eyes closed.
Damn, that was intense.
“Open your eyes, sweetheart. I want you looking at me while you pleasure yourself.”
Lines like that should have made me roll my eyes, not obey without question. Instead, my eyes met his, and I waited for him to tell me what to do next. He didn't say a word as he nodded, giving me permission to continue. I let instinct guide me, rocking the vibrator back and forth so that it moved inside me without removing the vibrating part from my clit. My nipples were beginning to throb with that sort of deep pulsing that wasn't yet pain, but promised that it was on its way.
“How does it feel?”
I struggled to find the words, appreciating on a deeper level what it had to be like for him to try to describe the sensations a woman felt.
“Have you ever touched one of those electric fences? Not the ones that can kill a person, but the sort that farmers use to keep animals from roaming around?” I took a shuddering breath, fighting to keep my thoughts coherent. “I grabbed one once when I was on vacation with my dad. It felt like every atom in my body came alive in a new way.”
“That doesn't sound very pleasant,” he said, amusement tingeing his words.
I shook my head. Fuck. The pressure inside me was building fast, the sort of inexorable force that came with instinctual biology.
“It wasn't, but...intense...” I moaned as my hips moved, shifting the vibrator to a new angle.
“Are you close?”
“Mm-hm.” I couldn't manage the word. All the concentration I could muster was focused on keeping my eyes on him.
“Do you have any idea how incredibly sexy you are right now?” His hand moved faster over his cock, wrist twisting on every other stroke so that his thumb swiped across the tip. “I want so bad to be able to bury myself in that tight pussy of yours, make you scream my name. Come for me, sweetheart. Only me.”
His words were enough to tip me over the edge, and I pushed the implications aside as I gave myself over to my climax. I couldn't think about what only me meant. Or how easily I'd given in to what he wanted me to do. A little voice in the back of my head wondered what I would've thought of all this if Erik hadn't been my first. Would I have been so turned on by his domination if I'd had sex a couple times before I met him? Would I have enjoyed the edge of pain? The unconventional things he wanted me to do? How much of my tastes were being set by these initial experiences?
The bigger question was, did I care?
Twenty-Three
Erik
Three weeks. That's all it had been since I first met Tanya, and I felt like everything had changed. Heat of the Sun was on its way to being published, and I was far enough into my second book to know that it was even better than the first. The monotony I'd felt in my life before was gone. Business dealings for my company went through more smoothly as I delegated more, and nitpicked less. I hadn't suddenly become irresponsible, but I no longer felt the need to analyze every angle with the same intensity I had in the past. Work was important, but not as important as the rest of my life had become. I cared about writing more than I did about business.
And then there was Tanya.
She'd completely taken me by surprise, not just because of who she was, but because of how she made me feel. My time with her didn't feel like a means to an end like sex did with other women. I enjoyed talking to her, spending time with her even without sex. Not that I wanted to give up that part of our time together. Her innocence and inexperience made me see things in ways I never had before. It wasn't just about getting to climax, feeling the release that came with domination. I cared about her pleasure, her enjoyment, in a way that was entirely new to me.
It should have freaked me out, the depth of what I felt for her. Instead of looking for a way out, I kept thinking of more ways to spend time with her, new things I wanted to do. With every other woman I'd been with, I'd essentially forgotten about them as soon as we were done. Not in a mean way, but more like I only existed in the moment when it came to sex. Once the moment was gone, I didn't think about it again.
Except I was always thinking about Tanya.
I couldn't stop myself from grinning as my driver turned the corner. I'd gotten an email from Tanya a half hour ago, asking me to meet her for lunch at a hotel. While I loved when she was submissive, I liked that she'd taken the initiative for us to meet. I didn't want to think that this was all coming from me. I didn't doubt that she was enjoying what we were doing, but it meant something to me that she wanted us to be together enough to make us lunch reservations at a hotel.
I hoped that meant she'd reserved a room for us too. It was Sunday, so neither one of us had to be at work today. We could take our time, order room service. Do more than just fuck and go our separate ways. If she hadn't made a reservation, I could probably get a room anyway. It wasn't like there were really any bad rooms at a place like this. I didn't like the idea of her spending money when I could afford it, but I'd respect whatever she wanted to do.
That was new for me too. I respected women, but when it came to the details of sexual encounters, I was the one who set the guidelines, made the rules. I never forced a woman to do something she didn't want to do, but I'd also never had a problem declining to spend time with a woman who wanted something else. If we both weren't looking for the same thing, there was no point in wasting our time. But with Tanya, it wasn't a waste of time at all because any time I spent with her was what I wanted.
“Would you like me to wait for you, Mr. Sanders?” the driver asked as he pulled up in front of the hotel's entrance.
I shook my head. “No, thank you. I'm not sure how long I'll be.”
“Have a good day,” he said as I headed inside.
I glanced around as I approached the rest
aurant but didn't see Tanya. I hoped that meant she'd gotten us a private table in the back. I didn't mind if we were seen together, but I didn't want to waste what little time we had fielding questions from curious people.
“Good afternoon.” I gave the hostess a polite smile. “I'm meeting with–”
“Of course, Mr. Sanders.” She didn't give me a chance to finish. “Right this way.”
My pulse picked up as I followed the woman around tables. Any other time, I'd have been checking out her ass as we walked or thinking about how to get her in bed. Now, I just wanted to get to Tanya.
Then the hostess side-stepped out of my way, and I realized that I'd been lied to.
“Erik.” Jai Foxe smiled as she stood. “Thank you for joining me.”
“I wasn't aware that I was,” I said as I took a seat across from her. “Is something wrong with Tanya?”
I was fairly certain I knew what happened, but I hadn't gotten this far in life by making assumptions.
Jai made a dismissive gesture with one hand as she sat down. “I don't think we need to worry about Miss Lacey, now do we? After all, she's just an assistant. You deserve someone with experience.”
The coy smile on her face made me think she wasn't just talking about her work at Branch Publishing, but I didn't think it'd be polite of me to call her out on it, and the last thing I wanted to do was make things more difficult for Tanya. If I turned Jai down flat and she thought it was because of Tanya, Tanya could lose her job. Plus, Jai struck me as a woman who'd get vindictive over something like this. She could make it so Tanya would never work in publishing again. It wouldn't matter how much money and influence I had. Everyone would assume that Tanya had basically slept her way into a position.
I wouldn't do that to her.
“I ordered us some wine,” Jai said. “I hope you don't mind. I thought it would take the edge off.”
“I'm not sure I understand,” I said carefully. “With Tanya in charge of my manuscript, I assumed I'd be working solely with her. Is there something specific you needed to talk to me about?”
Jai reached across the table and placed her hand over mine. “I just thought it was time for us to get to know each other better.” She leaned closer, her fingers stroking my wrist.
“Oh.”
The word made me look away from Jai to see Tanya standing two feet away, her gaze fixed on where Jai and I were touching.
Shit.
Twenty-Four
Tanya
I planned on spending most of the day running errands since I'd stayed in yesterday looking over a manuscript I needed to get to Miss Foxe first thing Monday morning. Without knowing how Heat of the Sun would do, I needed to make sure I did every task assigned to me, no matter how clearly trivial, and did it well. I couldn't give her any excuse to take the book from me, or fire me. If Erik's book sold as well as I thought it would, I'd feel a bit more stable about my position at Branch, but until then, I'd work my ass off.
I was at a thrift store, trying to find a nice dress that wasn't too out of style or worn, when my email alert went off. I paused in my perusal of a simple midnight blue maxi dress and pulled up the email.
I'd love to meet you for lunch. The Ritz-Carlton is a great choice. I have the rest of the day free, in fact, if there's anything you'd like to do after. - Erik
I frowned. Lunch? I checked the time on the email and saw that he'd sent it just a couple of minutes ago. I hadn't asked him to go to lunch today. It had to have been a mistake.
Except he'd sent it straight to my work account. And the tone of the email definitely sounded more personal than business. Had I scheduled something and forgotten about it? I went to my sent folder, but there was nothing there.
I put the dress back.
Whatever was going on, my gut told me it wasn't good.
Traffic was awful, so it took the cab nearly forty-five minutes to get me to the hotel. I kept glancing at my phone the whole way, but I didn't get anything from Erik. I replied to his email but hadn't heard back from him. I wanted to text him, but if he had a reason for how he contacted me, I'd follow his lead.
I thanked the driver as he pulled to a stop and headed inside before I could list another dozen ways that this was a bad idea. The hostess gave me a disapproving look, but when I gave her Erik's name, she motioned for me to follow her. She was tall enough that I couldn't see over her, so it wasn't until she stepped aside that I saw them.
Leaning toward each other, they looked quite cozy there, Jai's fingers caressing Erik's wrist, a pleased smile on her face.
“Oh.”
I hadn't meant to say anything, but the word just slipped out. Erik's head jerked around, but I couldn’t bear to look at him. And I certainly couldn't let him see the emotions churning inside me.
“Excuse me,” I murmured as I hurried away. I heard noises behind me but didn't stop. I needed to get out of the hotel, away from the eyes I could feel on me.
I turned right as I stepped outside, more because there was a crowd of people to my left than having any actual thought of where I was going. I made it a few feet before I heard him calling my name.
Dammit.
I could let him make a scene by forcing him to chase after me – or worse, find out that he didn't care enough to keep chasing – or I could have this conversation and get it over with.
I fixed my expression into something that I hoped at least passed for neutral and turned to face him.
“Jai sent me an email pretending to be you,” he said quickly as he closed the last of the distance between us. “I thought I was meeting you.”
That didn't explain why they'd looked so cozy, but I did feel better knowing that he hadn't arranged to meet her.
“I still want you to represent my book,” he said, smiling down at me. “And you're still the only one I want to act out scenes with.”
Right. The book. And sex. Acting.
“Come on, sweetheart. I don't want to lose this thing we've got just because your boss is trying to steal my business.” He reached for my hand. “I haven't had this much fun in a long time.”
My stomach twisted. I didn't know why I thought he might say something different. I knew better than to hope. He'd been perfectly clear about where things stood with us. Sex. Fun. He'd never talked about wanting anything more. Neither had I, so I couldn't blame him for assuming we were on the same page.
No, this was all my fault. As soon as I'd started thinking about more than just sex with him, I should have ended things. If I learned anything in my life, it was how to protect myself, and it'd taken Erik just three weeks to make me forget it.
I couldn't do this anymore. It was a mistake to have gotten involved this much.
I pulled my hand away from his and took a step back. “Maybe she had the right idea.”
His smile faltered, confusion crossing his eyes. “Tanya?”
“Miss Foxe is right,” I said, sliding my gaze away from him. “She should be the one representing your book. She has the experience.”
He scowled. “I don't want her.”
I shook my head. “You need someone who can maintain distance, and I clearly haven't done that.” I took another step. “If there's anything you need from me, please speak to Miss Foxe about requesting it. I don't think it would be a good idea for us to spend any additional time together.”
I was impressed that I'd managed to get all that out without my voice shaking, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to last much longer. I didn't want to cry over him, but if I couldn't stop the tears, I'd at least let them loose in the privacy of my own home.
“Goodbye.”
As I walked away, I kept waiting for him to yell at me to come back, for him to grab my arm and stop me.
But he didn't do any of that, so I just kept going and tried not to admit that my heart was breaking.
Twenty-Five
Erik
The. Week. From. Hell.
Or maybe I was in hell.
That could e
xplain a lot.
I'd hoped that Tanya's reaction to seeing me with Jai had just been an over-reaction, that she'd realize I didn't want her boss. Not as an editor, and not as a sexual partner. Tanya was the only person I wanted as both, and I waited for her to calm down and come to her senses.
But she hadn't.
Or maybe she had. Maybe she'd calmed down but still didn't want to see me.
I didn't get it. She said she believed in my book, that she wanted to represent it. She'd enjoyed having sex with me, if the number of orgasms she'd had were any indication. She was far too honest to have faked those. So why had her boss hitting on me made her decide that we shouldn't spend time together?
I could have asked Jai, since every time I'd gone into Branch Publishing, I'd spent at least an hour in her office, listening to her talk about all the ways she was going to make my book the next big thing. They were grand schemes, all the flashy sorts of things that attracted new authors to a publisher, and attracted people to books. I should've been thrilled, but something about it just didn't sit right with me.
I supposed it could have been because it was Jai and not Tanya who was pitching the ideas to me, but I hoped I wasn't that petty. Then again, was it really petty for me to want to be with the person I'd chosen? From the moment I met Tanya, I'd wanted her to represent my book, not Jai Foxe.
And that wasn't the only thing I wanted from Tanya.
In fact, as the week continued on and she continued to avoid me, I considered telling Jai that she could stay on my book if she'd just tell me how I could get in touch with Tanya. Well, how to do it without looking like I was chasing her.
Because I wasn't.
By the end of the week, though, I'd started telling myself that I was better off. I always made sure that there was a clear understanding with my partners that it wouldn't go beyond sex, but some women thought they could change me and didn't take it well when I didn't pursue them. Tanya ending things between us meant I didn't have to worry about that. Sure, it stung that she'd been the one to walk away, but I would've done it soon anyway. The most time I'd ever spent with one woman was a couple weeks, and we'd been getting close to a month. It was time to move on.
