Then one day.
He just started to fall apart.
His illness hit him like a ton of bricks.
Hit us like a ton of bricks.
He no longer had energy.
His body was filled with pain.
Dwindling away like his body was being eaten away from the inside out.
And we were floundering.
Are floundering.
She places her lips next to his ear and says, “You always know where to find me, baby.”
Then the whore slithers her gross body down, stopping at my husband’s non-existent hard on, turns those snake-like eyes to me and licks, from bottom to top.
Todd continues to writhe under her to get her off him, all the while cursing a blue streak. I stand watching, oddly amused at her desperation and his stupidity.
He probably wants me to step in to help him, but if he’s dumb enough to get into this situation then he’s going to have to deal with the consequences of his idiotic actions.
“I said, get out of here!” he roars, and even I jump. She jerks to her feet after crawling out of where she had wedged herself, picks up discarded clothes, and starts putting them on, taking her sweet time.
“You’re pathetic,” I sneer once she’s righted and standing in front of me.
“Oh, please. I’m pathetic? Right. Look in the mirror, honey. I know your type. Ignoring your husband, especially at his time of need. You’re just jealous that I can be there for him. That I’m willing to be there for him.”
“Oh, and your husband? Your children? What about them? Who’s going to be there for them in their time of need? What about when they recognize you for the absurd, wretched, useless woman you are? Are you going to step aside when some other woman comes around?”
She clenches her jaw then scoffs, flipping her fake hair over her shoulder and stomps out.
As soon as I hear the door slam, I giggle. “She’s got the best comebacks.”
“She’s also got the key to these things.” He lifts his hands, showing me they’re still cuffed.
And that’s when I completely lose it.
Laughing uncontrollably like the lunatic that I feel like I am.
Because I just caught my husband having sex with another woman.
On the day he found out he has cancer.
Maybe I’ll never fully know why he chose that moment to give in to temptation. Maybe I’ll never understand why she continued going after married men and stepped out on her own husband.
But one thing I do know, is that Andy doesn’t deserve what he’s been given. Not that anyone deserves that kind of disrespect, but with Andy? He’s one of the good ones. The guy who would bend over backward to make sure that his loved ones are happy. The guy who would give up his life plans, dreams, in order to allow someone else to follow theirs.
Heather doesn’t deserve Andy.
I just hope Andy realizes it.
4
Andy
“Dad. He didn’t try to. It was an accident,” Reece pleads with me in his brother’s defense… all for me to calm down.
When Aidan came home with yet another cracked screen on his cell, I lost it. And the sad part is? It’s not even the broken screen that’s the problem. The fact that Heather still hasn’t checked in on the boys in the three months she’s been gone, that’s really got me pissed off. But the cracked screen just pushed me over the edge of my already angry attitude.
“I don’t care if it was an accident!” I roar, pacing through our living room like a caged lion. “I’m sick of you boys being so careless with your stuff! It’s not like money just grows on trees!”
“Oh, my gosh, Dad! I can’t believe you just said that,” Reece groans, moving from his position on the couch to stand in front of Aidan, like he’s protecting him from my wrath.
“What?”
He laughs, breaking up the constant tension in our home. “You sound like an old man.”
I chuckle, despite my pissed-off attitude that doesn’t seem to want to go away.
One would think I was a woman about to get her period.
I just can’t get over the fact that she’s just… vanished.
No phone calls.
No Happy Thanksgiving message.
No cards in the mail when they turned fourteen.
Nada.
Zip.
Nothing.
And I’m the one who gets to see the hurt lingering in their eyes every single morning after they try to go to sleep at night, wondering why their mother didn’t love them enough to get over her own shit, suck it up, and stay around.
Just like they go to bed every night wondering, I wake up every morning hoping — but at the same time not hoping — to see a message waiting from her for the boys.
I don’t want her back — I also don’t really even want her back in the boys’ lives if I’m being completely honest, but they deserve an explanation. None of what’s happening is their fault.
They didn’t ask to be born to a woman who didn’t want to be a mother.
“I’m sorry, Dad. I was pulling my stuff out of my locker, and it just fell. You know we’re not supposed to have our phones with us in class.”
“So why wasn’t it in the case?” I ask, trying to keep my temper at bay.
He shrugs and looks down at the ground, mumbling an apology and something about it needing cleaned.
I take a deep breath and blow it out then look to the ceiling, placing my hands on the back of my neck.
It’s December, and my mood is shit.
The weather is gloomy.
Work is slow, which allows my mind way too much time to wander.
I think about life with Heather and how shitty of a wife she was.
I think about how the first place I went after finding Heather with another man was Dreamin’ Beans and how I can’t seem to get Christine out of my thoughts either.
And what she confessed.
That she understood what I was going through.
Probably better than anyone else.
I think about how I just can’t seem to get out of this damn funk I’m in and how Christine told me to choose happiness but for the life of me, I just can’t seem to do it.
The other day the boys left their wet towels on the carpet in their room, and I completely lost it. Couldn’t even control myself.
One day they didn’t get the dishwasher unloaded before I got home from work and by my reaction, you would have thought they had been caught smuggling drugs at school.
It’s not just the things that the boys — typical teenagers — are doing or not doing, though. It’s when the guys at work look at me with pity in their eyes or someone on my team asks me a question about something they should have known easily; I don’t handle anything well. My entire demeanor is shit.
I feel like I’m a live wire. My entire world has just imploded, and I can’t think where to go next.
I never expected to be a single parent, raising the boys on my own.
And even worse, the resentment that’s building over knowing that I was stupid enough to stay with her long after I suspected something was happening is becoming dangerous.
“Dad.” Reece’s voice interrupts what was brewing up to be another anger-filled rant. “It’s a phone, Dad.” His small reminder of what’s truly important in life jars me back to reality.
And considering that we’ve had a hell of a go at life over the past few months, he makes an incredibly valid point.
“I’m sorry.”
“What?” the boys ask in unison. They don’t even try to hide the shock on their faces or confusion on their voices.
“I’ve been a shitty father. I know. You boys? You’re everything to me. I’m sorry for letting my anger and frustration lately show and filter to you guys. You don’t deserve that, and I know it. I promise. Right now? It ends. I’m going to do what I have to do to get through it, okay?”
“You haven’t been a sh… bad father, Dad. Just…” Aidan
looks to Reece who nods his head like he’s encouraging him to say what they’ve both been thinking for a long time now. “…your temper is getting bad. It’s hard to live with.”
I close my eyes briefly and drop my head before I look at their faces, both so broken and upset by walking on eggshells lately. “I know. It’s not right. I’m not pissed at you guys. I promise. You boys? You’re incredible, and I couldn’t ask for better kids.”
“Why are you so mad all the time, then?”
If that isn’t a kick to the nuts. I knew I hadn’t been hiding my irritation well, but to actually hear it come out of my son’s mouth? Well, that’s a big awakening. I take a deep breath and give them my real. Because they deserve it more than anyone.
“Because I hate this. I hate that you question why you’re stuck with just a dad. I hate that your mom hasn’t called you. I hate that you turned fourteen and she missed it. I hate that you wonder anything about how amazing and awesome you both are and how blessed I am to have you.”
They both blink at me, and I realize they need to hear it all. “Boys, I hate that I saw your mom was unhappy and I didn’t step in sooner and help her sort it out. I really hate that your mom couldn’t get over her own crap and realize that you’re worth it all. You two are so amazing. The best thing that ever happened to me. I wouldn’t trade a single moment of your lives for anything because you two are the only good I have.”
And that’s the moment where I see the boys break. Whatever they’ve been holding onto, crumbles before my eyes as both boys break down into tears. Crying, wondering why they’re not good enough. Voicing the worries and concerns I was afraid were plaguing them the entire time.
And the only thing I can do?
Is sit on the floor right along with them and hold them.
Letting their tears fall and their own anger win out.
5
Christine
Ever since Andy walked into Dreamin’ Beans the day he found Heather with another man in their bed, I’ve not been able to get him out of my head. The anger I could almost feel coming off him in waves. The dejection and sadness was so palpable, I knew I had to give him a glimpse of my story. Help him know that he’s not alone.
We haven’t spent any time alone, but we have seen each other quite a bit.
At the high school football games.
Chatting briefly when he’s come in to get coffee.
Soon after he left Heather, he stayed with Barrett and Tess for a week before finding a place more permanent.
I know he went over to their house for Thanksgiving.
And his boys had a birthday recently.
Andy had posted some stuff about their big day on his social media pages, which I’ve been stalking like a creeper.
Because I suddenly can’t get the man out of my head no matter what I do.
Christmas is just around the corner, the weather is cold, and the coffee shop is busier than ever. It’s about thirty minutes from closing time, and it’s finally died down for the night, giving me a few moments to clean up behind the counter.
The door opens, allowing a cool gust of wind in along with Andy. His black beanie pulled down low makes his already dark-rimmed eyes look even darker. Even covered by the beanie, I can tell that his hair has grown out some since the last time I saw him, the almost-black strands softly curling out from under it.
He stomps off the snow stuck to his brown boot-covered feet, strides over to the counter, eyes on me the entire time. His jeans hug his thighs as he walks toward me.
I realize it’s not the right time to be having these thoughts, but holy crap he looks good.
“Hey, Christine.”
I swallow at the intensity of the look on his face. “Hey Andy, how’s it going?”
He stares at me for a few beats, not answering.
“Andy?”
His hands spread across the counter, and he leans in close. “Wanna get out of here?”
His question stuns me, but only for a moment.
“Sure.”
He raps his knuckles on the counter twice then nods his head toward the door.
“Emma, I’m out of here for the night!” I holler to the back room without taking my eyes off Andy. “Can you finish up here?”
“Sure thing! See you tomorrow!”
Without another word, I follow Andy out the front door. It’s December in Michigan, but I don’t even take the time to grab my coat. For reasons I don’t understand, I know that he’ll not leave me out in the cold, so right now it’s the least of my concerns.
He holds the passenger door open for me, and I climb in, but before closing it he stares at me again. I let him for a moment before wrapping my fingers around his hand that’s resting on the door.
He looks at my hand on his and swallows hard. His Adam’s apple rising and falling.
“Hey. Let’s go for a drive,” I tell him quietly.
He slowly nods his head a few times before closing the door and rounding the hood.
Once he’s in the seat and we’re both buckled up, he backs out of his parking spot and heads out of town.
He reaches over and pushes the button that looks like a seat warmer on the dash to switch on my heated seat and turns the channel on the radio. It’s set to a country station but the music is turned down so low I can barely make anything out.
The near silence should bother me. Make me nervous.
It doesn’t.
“The boys gone tonight?”
“Spending the night with a bud.”
I relax into my seat, resting my head on the headrest, and look out the window. We pass through the town slowly, admiring the Christmas lights that twinkle both inside and outside of homes. A few snowmen are proudly on display in front yards from the early snowstorms we’ve received.
We drive past my best friend Carly’s house. It’s lit up beautifully. Classy. Tastefully. Just like her.
“She did a nice job,” he comments.
I hum in agreement. “She had help.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I see him nod his head thoughtfully.
“James?”
“Yeah. They’re getting close. I like him for her. He’s breaking down some pretty thick walls she’s built up.”
“From what Barrett has said, he’s fallen pretty hard for her.” His voice sounding much lighter than his actions are showing.
A few months ago, Tess had her brother James stay at their house while they spent a week in a cabin. While they were gone, their seven-year-old daughter Harper fell from the horse she was riding during lessons. James brought Harper to school the next day to make sure her teacher was aware of what happened, and that’s when he met Carly. To say he became immediately smitten of Harper’s first grade teacher is a little of an understatement.
Andy’s hand is wrapped so tightly around the steering wheel, it’s causing his knuckles to turn white, and the rigid way he’s sitting in his seat can’t be remotely comfortable. I want so badly to reach over and release his hold and help him relax, but I don’t feel it’s within my rights. We’re just friends.
“She has too,” I admit on her behalf. “But she’s scared. Not even sure she’s fully admitted it to herself yet. I don’t know why, but I think he’ll wear her down, figure out why she’s so guarded.”
“If he’s anything like his sister, he won’t stand aside for long. He’ll bully his way in,” he chuckles.
I giggle. “In the nicest way possible, so she doesn’t even realize it. They’re good people.”
“They are.”
He turns into an empty parking lot and puts the pickup in park, the lake a wide-open blanket of darkness in front of us, just the moon glistening off the water.
“Barrett told me this is a good place to sit and think.”
“It’s beautiful.” I look around us. Trees line one side of the parking lot, the lake two sides, and the drive entry we came in the other.
The docks are pulled onto the parking lot, not that many peo
ple have a desire to put their boat in the frigid water this time of year.
He doesn’t turn off the pickup, but he unlatches his seatbelt, and I do the same.
We sit in comfortable silence for about ten minutes, listening to the low crooning sounds of the music in the background.
Andy clears his throat and looks at me, adjusting in his seat nervously.
“Speaking of Barrett… I’m a terrible friend, Christine. How are you doing with everything?”
He doesn’t need to explain what he’s talking about.
Shortly after all his crap went down with Heather, I had my own family drama occur. Bri was at a field party with Grady, not too different than any other weekend.
Except this weekend?
Everything was different.
Another kid in their class, Dawson, decided he’d had enough rejections from Bri and thought he’d push his luck.
That luck though? Not so great.
Considering Grady’s friends saw how Dawson got physical with Bri. Unfortunately, Grady ended up going to jail for beating the ever loving shit out of Dawson, rightfully so.
Bri’s decision to not press charges against Dawson was something both Grady and I fought her on. She made a deal with the devil, so to speak, and told Dawson that if he didn’t press charges, neither would she.
Something good did come out of it, though.
Grady finally stepped up, and they’ve been dating ever since.
“I’m… okay. And you’re far from a bad friend, Andy. We both had our own junk going on when that happened.”
“Still, I should have called, or something.”
“Please. No guilt, okay? Not worth it. I didn’t think a thing of it. We’re good. Bri’s moved on, and she and Grady are finally dating and happy. Dawson hasn’t even so much as looked in her direction, either. I think Grady made his point.” I laugh lowly.
“I bet he did,” Andy murmurs.
Once again, we settle into the silence. The warmth of his pickup cab wrapping around me. I snuggle into the seat and sigh. Not out of annoyance but out of contentment.
“Does it still bother you?”
His voice is so low, so quiet, I almost don’t hear him. If I hadn’t been so attuned to his presence next to me, I probably would have missed it. He doesn’t specify what he’s talking about, but it doesn’t matter. I understand.
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